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May 2017

Im wondering if its common for folks to not reply when you send them a message here. Ive noticed this on dating sites, ( I know this isnt a dating site) and I have noticed it here. I have sent a few folks messages here looking for cuddlers and I never get a reply. Not even a no thank you. Is this a thing? The lack of replys make me feel like maybe my profile isnt up to par and it also makes me feel that this is a waste of time. Its also disapointing to write someone a note and see that they have seen the note but they never reply. Kinda makes one feel that one is not worthy of the time it takes to say no thanks. Peace and have a great day.

pmvines · May 2017

You seem like a nice and down to earth guy, no real reason why someone shouldn't reply. It may be a generational thing, where a lot of the people on here are going to be a bit younger (even though I'm only in early 40s I find that to be the case). I notice a lot of younger folks may not have the same understanding of the difference a simple reply, or taking the time to say hello or getting to know someone can make. Everything is so immediately disposable in this age of technology, and it is easy to forget that there is a real person with real feelings on the other side of the screen. I don't think anyone is purposely trying to be hurtful or rude, but the anonymity of the internet can reduce a person to a few strokes of the key.

Morpheus · May 2017

@xdriver60 are you referring to pros, non pros or everyone?

alexb2 · May 2017

@xdriver60
In my own experience on this site, most women never look at my profile, and never log on to the site more than once. The majority seem curios about the site, and never really take part. This is a very important point, and will account for a lot of non replies. Its worth checking the visitors section on your profile to see if they even looked at your profile, as that would confirm its not your profile thats the problem.

It is often the case that men outnumber women in multiples, on most websites, hence they may feel they are receiving a lot more emails than they can reply to. You should not be discouraged by this. You should also not take the lack of reply as a rejection, they are simply busy, the odds are against men online.

I have had replies, but maybe 75% non replies. Most of the non replies only logged on to the site once. They never viewed my profile.

May 2017

Have you ever sent a "No, thank you." and gotten a polite response or a reasonable one?

Because every time I politely tell someone no, I get cussed out or pestered further or guilt tripped. I even end the message with "Best of luck" and still get treated like I kicked a kitten.

Take silence as a polite rejection.

May 2017

MrSoloDolo. Im not referring to pros. There are no pros listed in my area and I couldnt and wouldnt pay the kind of money they want anyway.
pmvines thank you and alexb2. Both of you make perfect sense. Almost all the cuddlers in my area or with in the 80 miles option have only logged on once. If the profile is old and they havent logged on in the last 6 months I dont even bother sending a message. I keep it at 80 miles as Im not willing to drive huge distances to cuddle. Im disabiled and rather shy on cash with a fixed income so driving more than even 50 miles would be difficult with a first meeting in a public place then maybe a session would be arranged, maybe. The area I live in doesnt seem to be very big on this cuddle buddy idea and there very few people even listed with in 80 miles. I dont even know how to get the word out about this website. I also feel that my age could be a huge problem. Im 60 with disabilitys. I can't even find someone to date. Finding a date is not why Im here though. I look elsewhere for that. Im here to find a friend thats like minded and likes to cuddle and watch TV or movies or just talk or whatever. Thanks for the replys. Any ideas or advice is certinally welcome

May 2017

Teapot Im sorry to hear thats what you are getting from replys. No, I have never sent a no thank you to anyone. No one has ever wrote me a note asking to meet or to cuddle so I wouldn't know about that. Personnaly I would much rather get a no thank you than to be "politly rejected" with silance. To me thats being ignored. To me no reply means that I am not worth the time it takes to write a 15 second no thank you. Thank you for your input.

mellow · May 2017

Same here, I just sent two messages and I got stone cold silence with a side of profile visit to make it even more poignant that what you wrote doesn't even deserve a polite no thank you.
I've also contacted pros in the past with the same result. Some have answered but a session has never materialized because they sometimes take a week to get back to you and by then you've moved on to something else. I have yet to have a pro session and some have sent messages saying hi after I've visited their profile but they're far away.
so I take it all in stride and just move on, no reason to dwell on the negative.

willmott2k10 · May 2017

Women not replying is a pretty common thing around my area, well I say my area I mean like those within an 80 mile radius of me, whatever, not the point. I personally only message non-pros who have suitable pictures (I.e. It's actually of them, not an inanimate object or anything else) and a little bit about themselves (nothing personal if you're outside of that group of people of course, just personal preference) and I wouldn't be surprised if at one point I'd messaged like 10 women in a row without a single reply. Probably exaggerating but it felt like that many anyway. Not that I take it personally, no one has any obligation to reply, if you don't reply then whatever move on.

May 2017

Thanks Mellow. Kinda good to know Im not alone in this matter and Im sure Im not the only one. I guess its just a thing. I dont understand why pros wouldnt reply. I thought they were here to provide a service. Not replying doesnt look good on the resume. Due to the recent divorce of a 27 year marrige Im really new to all this on line cuddle sites or dating sites which I have learned that of the 5 dating sites I tried every one was some kind of money making scam or just plain fake with fake profiles or multible sites with the same profiles in them and of course the no reply thing or some one 5000 miles away wants to meet. No more dating sites for this guy. Thanks again and have a great day....

May 2017

For the most part women do not reply to me either. There is a small pool of non pros to go for as a man. Females in assuming get a larger pool. Can't really blame them if they want to go for specific men.

Morpheus · May 2017

Same here, I've had amazing luck with pros but ZERO luck with non pros. The non pros on the site are either looking for a relationship, a hook up or they are just here out of curiosity. Most non-pros use this like they would use a dating site.

vibert · May 2017

Yeah, it's rude

May 2017

@MrSoloDolo I've only had 2 cuddles one with a non pro and another that is a pro but we cuddle as friend so i didn't pay. So I guess I technically have zero experience with pros but im probably not really giving that a shot either. I like having a mutual thing going where I'm also making the other person happy. Not saying pros dont get joy from cuddling their clients but you know what I mean.

May 2017

Personally, if I don't reply it's usually because I'm anxious about the possible backlash a simple "no, thank you" can get, or the person pushing even further. It's not always something negative about you but on these types of sites it can be very emotionally draining to have something blow up from one interaction so often. I understand it can be disheartening, but that's just the reality of what it is. It sucks that it is this way, but it's going to take a lot of weeding out the bad eggs to allow for better communication. At this moment, it just isn't worth the risk to some people.

Morpheus · May 2017

Funny thing is I've cuddled plenty of girls that aren't pro cuddlers that I have met in other ways but have never had any luck cuddling non pros on an actual cuddling site lol

May 2017

@manticorp THANK YOU for your honesty. In another thread I mentioned people (girls, especially) might not respond because of the backlash. I haven't responded to a few girls and a few girls haven't responded to me. We all somehow survived and moved on.

You're right, it does suck but you're also right that "that's just the reality of what it is".

Accept it for what it is, move on and find your cuddle match!

May 2017

@manticorp I agree I actually would prefer them not say anything. I get the point. At the end of the day the result is the same.

I_am_Polylover · May 2017

@teapot I guess I am just old school. To the few women who do send me a 'no thank you', I always respond with a polite 'I appreciate your response'. I have even sent very polite replies to some women who have sent me very nasty responses due to my age, or me being polyamorous. I think it is very worth my time and energy to promote communication, peace, and goodwill whenever, and wherever I have the opportunity. Even if someone tries to make you feel like you kicked a kitten, I think it is worth sending them a polite response.
♥Jim

pmvines · May 2017

@manticorp I didn't think about it in those terms, but you do point out how a rejection could bring about something negative from the person. I have messages people before who don't reply and I never take it personally, This by the way is just messaging for casual conversation, not to try to meet up or anything like that. Only once have I had someone message me back to decline speaking to me and she wasn't rude at all nor was I offended, she just said I seem pretty cool but that she is wanting to speak with people her age and close to her area.

May 2017

@pmvines That's honestly how every interaction like that should go ideally and it's good that you've had such positive experiences regarding it! It can feel really crappy when someone just plain doesn't answer when you're just trying to talk casually, but yeah I think the best thing to do is to not take it personally and move on, just as you said. There are so many infinite things that go on with other people that it probably has very little do with me at all, and if it is then it isn't something I need to be concerned about. Sometimes things just don't work out

quietman775 · May 2017

I'm with @I_am_Polylover on this one. Someone is basically paying you a compliment when they first reach out to you. They are saying, "I find your profile interesting; I'd like to speak with you and maybe cuddle with you." In my book, that compliment rates at least a simple acknowledgment. "Thank you for your note." Basic manners. It's not hard.

Now, if a woman says, "Thanks, but no thanks" and the guy responds with defensiveness or backlash, it's easy enough for her to block him. In that scenario, he has been rude, not her. But for people to adopt a blanket policy of ignoring inquires from everyone who doesn't interest them... because being preemptively rude to everyone is somehow preferable to taking the risk that some percentage of those people will respond poorly to a polite refusal... I think that's unfortunate.

The Internet is killing civility. (Just read the comment section of any article.) It won't be long until online norms bleed into real life interactions . A guy will be looking at avocados at some open air market when an attractive woman walks up to the same display. "Beautiful day, isn't it?", he'll say. She will look him up and down (the RL equivalent of viewing his profile pic), decide she isn't interested, and walk away without a word. And when the guy tells his friends how impolite he finds that, they'll shrug and say, "That's just the reality of what is." I have no doubt that day is coming. If it's not already here.

May 2017

I think you're exaggerating, @quietman775 ..... And no, compliment or not, they still don't owe an answer when the NORM is to expect backlash for something as simple as saying no. This isn't something new being dealt with. There's always been a fear of rejecting someone even in the gentlest way for many people, and if the way people prevent that on a site they sought out for a niche purpose is by ignoring some messages that don't interest them, oh well. Yes, that is just the reality of what it is. In reality, what could also happen in the situation you mentioned could be that the woman smiles politely and agrees but tries to continue on with her groceries, only for the other to follow her around complaining that she didn't engage him further in conversation.

May 2017

My biggest problem isn't no reply but the inactive profiles.

pmvines · May 2017

Whereas I agree it is the always more polite to respond then not to, on the flipside nobody is under any obligation to do so. I can come up with a dozen reasons why it is better to reply then not to, but I offer no rationalization for saying someone SHOULD. It is totally their prerogative. I can be bothered by it, or I can simply move on to something more important.

May 2017

In my particular area, there are very few people who are looking for cuddle buddies. Most profiles are inactive, and the influx of people creating profiles are around ten years younger than I am, so they would rather stick with people who are around their age. Which, if I was in their shoes, I would too.

Following along with the flow of the conversation, not replying to someone is the standard thing that people do on social networking sites. In general, the more attractive someone is, the more attention they receive. If someone is getting many, many messages, not replying to people you are not interested in can save hundreds of minutes compared to only replying to people you are. Even if you are simply copying and pasting messages.

So, don't take it personally. That is just how social sites are.

In the case of people taking rejection negatively, it certainly happens and whether someone replies negatively or not to rejection tends to be ego driven from my experience. Again, I'd rather avoid that kind of confrontation than have a conversation back and forward about why I am not interested.

C8H7N3O2 · May 2017

Personally I haven't had much communication in general, but when I do get a message I tend to reply. Now of course my reply depends directly on what was sent, but even if it is a "sorry not interested" type, I at least try that. The only way I will flat out ignore someone is if they come at me twisted. If they read my profile and choose to ignore it. If they don't read it at all and then proceed to come incorrect. Also plain rudeness. I've already had to block someone, and that's sad. Like said above there are a lot of factors to take into consideration when deciding to message someone. I like to check when they were last here and how their profile is filled out for starters.

quietman775 · May 2017

@C8H7N3O2 I like your approach. BTW, you say you haven't had much communication in general; probably a lot of factors in that, not the least of which is the intellectual challenge presented by your profile. Most people won't "get" your screen name. Or the word "heterochromia" in your profile description. It's all probably intimidating to some, LOL. In any case, I think your approach to answering/not answering is reasonable. You've got 14 years on manticorp; I wonder if that is another factor contributing to the difference in approach?

@manticorp, So backlash is really the norm? That's too bad. I note that you are 18; maybe it's a generational thing. Google was founded roughly a year before you were born. You grew up on Internet culture. People my age did not grow up on social media; most interactions were in-person or on the phone. Certain baseline courtesies were the norm. I don't think it's an exaggeration to think that the Internet is changing that. Your assertion that backlash is the norm is prima facie evidence of my point. I wonder if backlash and rude reactions to a polite rejection are the norm online in my age cohort. I hope not. [And I would never follow that hypothetical woman around the farmer's market. LOL]

In any case, I do not maintain that you or anyone else "owe" someone the courtesy of a reply. But I will always respond to someone who communicates with me, because I believe that such social niceties make the world a bit more pleasant, and they beat strategic discourtesy all day every day.

@sudoCuddle, your point about the volume of messages received by attractive people is well taken. For the same reasons that businesses who are effectively monopolies don't have to care much about customer service (think public utilities or government agencies), women who get a million inquiries don't have much to lose by burning bridges.

So yes, I acknowledge that this is the way it is. I just don't think it's the way it should be. And I feel for O.P. Maybe all that proves is that I'm not cut out for the online world. I need to get my nose out of this screen and spend my time in the real world. :-/

May 2017

No, it's generally just a thing women have dealt with for a while to my knowledge. I know everyone likes to believe that older generations were more polite, but that doesn't take away from the fact that there has often been an expectancy of women not rejecting someone, especially if that person persists and shows that they "deserve a chance". I didn't really become active on any type of social media until I was in my later teens, anyhow, since I was rather sheltered growing up (not that my parents were wrong for keeping my use of the internet limited. Lord knows someone has to watch out for those vulnerable minds online). Ah, I did not intend to put you into the position of that hypothetical man in the market, apologies if it seemed I was making judgements on your character. I believe the internet as a mode of communications has created a different set of social mannerisms and etiquette in general since it's rather different from other types of communication, which may not always transfer across to each individual. Personally, I'm not particularly bothered when people just don't respond. Their time is their time, and they can choose to use it however they want regardless of how I've chosen to spend mine. I can see where you're coming from, though, so I suppose it's just best to agree to disagree

Best wishes

May 2017

@pmvines EXACTLY.

Nobody is ever under any obligation to do what somebody else wants or expects of them.

It is also not anybody else's responsibility for someone else's feelings.

@manticorp, yes I agree!

June 2017

Maybe this site could do with a button next to someone's message. So when you've opened and read someone's message, you can hit either the "reply" button or the "thanks but no thanks" button which takes you back to your inbox and at the same time sends a polite decline message to the person who sent you the message. That way, those super busy people can still acknowledge someone's message while not taking any extra time out of their day. The polite decline message would be pre-written by the website's owner and be fixed so you can't alter it to make it less polite.

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