Oh look, ANOTHER women only thread detailed by men's entitled egos. If you guys had minded your own business and not snooped around a thread not even intended for you, you wouldn't be able to complain, would you?
@Comfy_Arms thanks for assuming that you know how I feel about the situation.
Also, let's not get started on the general misogyny that runs rampant on here shall we? That would a battle you would lose very quickly. ( @DarrenWalker very well put my friend)
@BuggleBear Well you put the happy smiley face on the end of your post, so I didn't have to assume. I made no comment about misogyny so I'm not "starting" anything about that. The fact that you brought this up suggests to me that you think the misandry is justified because of the misogyny. Two wrongs don't make a right.
@BuggleBear: I'm reminded of a recent event at my place of employment, in which management tried to force employees to work eight-hour shifts without access to toilet facilities.
The true evil, they insisted, was the language employees used when faced with this disregard for their basic human needs.
Two wrongs, they said, don't make a right. Well, perhaps not....
But it did get us working toilets.
@Comfy_Arms The anger, disgust and intolerance that women feel toward men because of the repeated, persistence entitled inappropriate behaviour toward women that they get away with is not "misandry". We LOVE men, but it is very difficult to trust them because of our experiences. This thread is filled with story after story of how boundaries were violated, and women were made to feel like it was their fault. If you aren't angry at men for doing these things, and also want something to desperately change, then you are part of the problem. It hurts men too, because misogyny creates wounded women who are reluctant to be close with you.
Stop blaming women for their natural responses to being violated.
If you are calling the request for a thread for women to chat and Express their experiences and thoughts among each other so that the thread doesn't derail into a gender debate where men hijack the thread to spin it towards their own needs and perceptions and versions of things misandry , then you dont understand what misandry is . That's all from me just had to say it
@DarrenWalker Have I ever told you I like you, or how much I enjoy your posts and comments? Well, very much, I do.
@pmvines Thanks. Not because we need defending, but because anyone with that perspective is usually someone who disregards all logic / ideas / requests if they come from a woman's mouth
Thank you men for your thoughts and that you know it isn't misandry (or to those that know). We also never worried about your men only thread there either. But we'd still like to keep this thread meant for females to discuss things please. Just one thread of its kind for a certain purpose of course as you have your thread
@xelda you know I feel like some might say that it's hatred against men if a womam might share a negative experience. Well, negative experiences happen and us sharing it or discussing it isn't hatred towards men. Women may also have a negative experience with a fellow female whether it's cuddling or not and bringing it to light isn't hatred for women. People are supposed to discuss the good and the bad. To get things off their shoulders, to seek advice, etc. So yeah we can share our stories here as you mentioned since we have a right to share what has been happening in the world of cuddling. Otherwise, a newcomer might ask, "So how are things like for you personally since you started cuddling" and we shouldn't have to say, "Oh, cuddling is just cuddling. That's all I'm allowed to say."....just no. Lol
@xelda Agreed. Thank you.
@Amortentia I'm glad you started this thread.
Thank you @pmvines, and well said @xelda.
I have literally no patience for this kind of nonsense. Am I sad that a man has left the site because he sees some kind of injustice where there is none?
No, now you mention it, I'm not. Huh. Guess the habitual smiling emoji that I put on 90% of my posts was indicative of mirth this time. Well done. Have a sticker.
@BuggleBear
"I have literally no patience for this kind of nonsense. Am I sad that a man has left the site because he sees some kind of injustice where there is none?
No, now you mention it, I'm not."
Well said. I didn't even bother replying to him but felt like using him as an example. He already failed to read the thread or my starting post to know what the thread is about so I just didn't feel the need to explain again. You can only do say things so many times and if you're not being heard then whatever. There's better things to do. Makes me wonder though....Does he have a place he calls a man cave? And if so then whoa he hates women. Kidding. But that's the vibe I get from what he said there. Because this thread can be like the women cave thing here and that men thread can be like the man cave here. Something like that. It really has nothing to do with hating. If sharing our female experiences is hate then... I don't even know.
It's not. It doesn't even come close to it. But some groups of men are threatened by sisterly solidarity because it threatens a patriarchal system that benefits then as men.
I'm so done with this bullshit- I took a break from the site when the last thread kicked off, and now apparently the same thing is happening because some men apparently can't accept that society is coming to a point where the world doesn't revolve around them and their needs any more.
Women standing up for themselves and each other doesn't mean we 'hate men', but any man that tries to claim that that is what it means has missed the point of this thread completely. This is an open request for any man that believes there is any misandry in this thread to never contact me or comment on my posts, because I have literally NOTHING to say to you.
I gotta say though. I never saw that one coming. It's like someone doing a thread on people's experiences flying on a plane that were good or bad. And then someone comes in an is like oh my gosh people here have a hate for planes because there's a thread on planes. Like.....what?
But yes some can't help it but there's others who are staying out. We are not touching their thread so we just want the same decency back. Not one post from us. Zero. Zip. It's really not much to ask the same in return. I hope it can be done by all and not just some eventually. Either way things got back on track I think. And definitely let it out here. I totally think you're starting to see that some men are just trying to do it on purpose now. Unless I'm wrong. But yeah just let them know here that it frustrates you with them not minding their business on a female matter that doesn't pertain to them. I really don't know how else to put it.
A lot of guys are just selfish entitled creatures. If you're not jumping into their arms at their request, then you must hate men. Also, I thought this thread was about men not respecting a woman's boundaries. So I'm confused what that has to do with misandry.
OMG! Yes! I'm a Transgender woman and it's in my profile towards the top. I always make sure they read my profile and agree to what I've stated. I've had men assume that I have had surgery cause I'm pretty. I had one guy Monday who asked to cuddle, said he read my profile, sent me enough money for uber, then like 3 minutes after I left he called me and canceled cause he "just read that I'm transgender" I was like, well you should have read my profile like you told me you had... I only ended up paying 15 for the uber and got to keep the other 25, so atleast I got something out of it. I'm still new and have asked for money up front, but not gotten it... they give me the "I only pay at the end" bull... im just gonna start telling them that it's up front or not at all. I'm going to also include a message... like, add a word to each section and tell them to tell me what the sentence is... like have a word at the end of each section add into a whole sentence... dont know if this would work, but I feel it's worth it to test it out.
I honestly don't get why it even matters what's in my pants... they will not even get close enough to even find out... no touch zone n all! This is atleast helping me with boundaries really well! Can't wait till I don't have to even mention it... I just still have a slightly masculine voice... or well, more androgynous... It registers in the androgynous/ low female tone.
I'm heading back to Colorado where they are more accepting, so I think I'll be able to get more clients... Florida is so closed minded I find
Thanks so much for handling this, @Sideon!
Most of what I'd normally add to this conversation has already been said: I'm so proud of the women here for standing their ground, and defending their right to share their lived experiences with each other And even though this thread was created for women, it warms my heart to know that we have male allies who are vocal in their support for us.
It's very important to me that women feel like they can participate genuinely in these forums, and that the women who only lurk here won't get the impression that the community is unwelcoming, or worse, unsafe for them.
Since we're in this particular thread: Please keep flagging problematic posts and comments, but also know that you can reach out to me directly if you ever have any concerns you'd feel more comfortable talking to another woman about. That option is open! I'm always happy to help, and the current stay-at-home order in Toronto means I have plenty of time for it, LOL
Glad to see our moderators are offering their help and support in this thread @Sideon and @squeakytoy
And @squeakytoy
"It's very important to me that women feel like they can participate genuinely in these forums, and that the women who only lurk here won't get the impression that the community is unwelcoming, or worse, unsafe for them."
Yes!! The whole point is to show that we want to be a community that is safe and welcoming. And I don't want people feeling that they can't share their experiences or opinions or that they will be judged for it. That includes you men too, of course
"Yes!! The whole point is to show that we want to be a community that is safe and welcoming. And I don't want people feeling that they can't share their experiences or opinions or that they will be judged for it. That includes you men too, of course"
Sadly, it's a fail then. I don't feel welcome in this community. When I share my experience or opinion I am immediately attacked for it, both in replies to my posts and through people engaging moderators to clobber my posts and/or have me banned. So now I feel like I can't participate freely on these boards because some whingy person will complain that my opinion hurts or upsets them, and some moderator will jump in to ban me for this heinous crime of sharing an opinion that others disagree with.
And for what it's worth, I don't think that women (or men) should be groped or have their boundaries disrespected, and it does piss me off that there are people who do this, just like it pisses me off that there are people who treat the world like their personal garbage dump. It also pisses me off that I can't say that some of the comments I see on these boards come across as misandric, without being attacked for it and mischaracterised unfairly. But maybe that kind of board behavior should be discussed in a separate thread.
Women are allowed to discuss their shared experiences here - that is not misandry. You've already been warned here, and for previous comments you've made in the forum. Please do not post again in this thread, or you will be timed out. -squeakytoy
Of course, it's important that men share their experiences too, but I don't feel that it's a lot to ask that we have one thread that is free from male input.
This thread was designed for women to share their experiences regarding times they have felt unsafe or not heard before or during a cuddling session, and the fact that the thread was derailed by a couple of individuals making themselves as men the victims here shows that a) there was no understanding of what was being said, because they weren't 'listening', or b) that they felt that their point being made was more important than women feeling seen, safe and supported.
There is a similar thread on the topic regarding times men have felt uncomfortable/unheard before or during cuddling, and this thread is a safe space for men to discuss this topic. As far as I'm aware, no women have felt the need to chime in.
It's a shame we couldn't be extended the same courtesy.
@xelda, this is an excellent comment: Stop blaming women for their natural responses to being violated.
@Comfy_Arms, please read that.
It is not misandry for women to be cautious with men, and to have firm boundaries. Our lives depend on it.
If you have a negative reaction to a woman's firm boundaries and safety standards, I would like to gently suggest that you take a look at what's going on inside you. How do you feel about yourself?
@Comfy_Arms TL;DR
I think it's worth noting this as well:
Calling it misandry for women to be angry about the harassment and abuse they've received from men doesn't paint men in a particularly positive light, either. Implying that calling out these behaviors is discriminatory toward men is also suggesting these behaviors are innate to the nature of men. I absolutely don't agree with this sentiment.
(edited for clarity)
@squeakytoy - It does come off as "This is what men do. Get over it." If only they are able to put themselves in your shoes. Men don't have to worry as much about being harassed, so they don't believe that it's a problem.
Anyway, hoping to resume the meeting thread to women only again.
So back to our experiences and stuff.
So I've noticed based on how our female threads go on how men generally do with boundaries and our privacy. There's always that small group that struggle. And this thread is basically here about that small group. So hoping to ask as politely as possible to just listen and accept without talking back in our bubble space here. Some of us are feeling hurt, confused, mad, etc. Some females storm off and leave which is why some men then wonder why there is no second cuddle session. It's probably because we feel our boundaries won't stop being pushed with some so there's that giving up process. I'm generally just hurt. In this thread because we can't seem to get our privacy and in a session when boundaries are crossed and then it's a thought that, "Only what you want matters here despite others getting hurt or whatever in the process?" Not only do I see that as disrespectful but plain rude. All types of bonds even cuddle bonds are based on a mutual connection and with all parties considering the other. Now that isn't to say you don't have your own stuggles and I've READ the whole men's thread and waiting to hear more. So we're waiting to know more....there. Not here.