Navigating Cuddle Wealth [Primarily for Women]

littermatelittermate
edited April 2021 in General

***Guys, I know it sucks that cuddle wealth seems to be mostly happening for women on here and I'm sorry. If I could clone myself 10,000 times and cuddle every one of you (who was respectful and safe) I so would. So please don't turn this thread into a guy bitch session - nothing wrong with a good bitch session, but start your own thread on it please. This is for the "cuddle wealthy" (probably mostly women) to share about this and how they've navigated it. ***

I'm interested in people's experience (mainly women enthusiasts as that's a kind of different world, but feel free to chime in pros if this strikes something in you, or if you are a guy or nonbinary human with cuddle wealth) with what I recently called "cuddle wealth" and how you've handled it personally - what you've discovered works for YOU and how you've navigated it.

We all know that women enthusiasts are rare on here and can get inundated. Being 59, I haven't been as inundated as some youngers, but with my positive karma, I get my fair share of interest. And I love people. And I have a rather busy life--very dedicated to my work, making new friends in a new place, the scene is always changing. I have been in conversation with a number of people on this site about cuddling, getting to know each other, having tea with a few. Sometimes I have said, oh my, I'm kind of full up with cuddlers right now, you can always check back in, or even not responded, because often when I start exchanging with someone, we just bond and like each other and then, since it's a cuddle site, gradually it heads toward a potential cuddle and suddenly I'm like, oh my, where do I fit all these people into my life? And then I have to say to some, gosh, I know we're bonding and heading toward cuddling, but I'm not sure I can fit you into this developing scene that's getting ever-so a lot-ish.

And there are cuddlers who I feel are nourishing for me, and then there are cuddlers who I simply feel a pull to nourish but there's not as much in it for me, and recently I've noticed, there are cuddlers who are clearly going to become part of my life (I met someone on here and we've become friends and will likely soon cuddle, and then I just yesterday converted a new friend not on here to a cuddler simply by suggesting it), and others who are really in need of cuddling, I'm not so in need of cuddling, and they are farther away, or we don't have as much in common as friends, and then there are folks (like one lovely man) who are up for dropping in for a weekend. I seem to have a lean toward a) people who are going to be part of my life in a bigger way, like we have a lot in common and will be deep friends, etc. or b) people who I have a lot in common with who are coming from a long distance for a brief time (in other words, not a big demand on my schedule.

I see why women do this for a living! If I didn't love my work so much, I might consider it, because there's so much cuddling to be had and done that I want to do it all and I'd need to stop with my other work to have time enough and so it would have to support me, hence being paid.

So I guess what I'm wondering is have you experienced this "Whoa! There's lots of you and like, how does this fit together?" and what have you discovered for yourself about what works for you? And how did you navigate all that? I'm sure each of us puts together our own unique patchwork quilt of cuddling, but I'm just interest in hearing women's experience of navigating this.

And again - love you guys, wishing cuddle wealth upon you and sorry if it's not there. :( Start a new thread for yourselves and HUGS.

Comments

  • SideonSideon

    Good stuff. Fair warning, @littermate - the moderators have been discussing gender-specific threads and Mark will be setting some forum guidelines moving forward. More to come soon.

  • AmortentiaAmortentia

    I'd like to think I have cuddle wealth for the time that I have available for cuddling. Currently have 3 regular in person cuddlers who I see enough for my busy schedule and 2 fairly regular online cuddlers. I think I'm about to gain another one or two regular in person cuddlers soon. But hoping that'll not rise too much since I work full time 6 days a week and cuddle when I can. But so far my cuddling has been great and just right to fit into my schedule still. I'd probably have more clients if I wasn't public it seems since not everyone likes public that I noticed but naaah I'm good. Also, started to notice more people showing up in my city in the last week so that was interesting to see. So just hang in there if you don't see many people in your area currently since at first I didn't think there were many (or many who come online anymore) but now there's starting to be growth in the numbers as new people join. Happy cuddling everyone! :)

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    Me, reading a thread about cuddle wealth from my apartment during Toronto's current stay-at-home order after a year of quarantine/lockdown:

    Those feelings aside, I think this is a lovely idea for a thread (for as long as it stays up), and as I read the responses to it, I will try to live vicariously through those of you with a lot of cuddle wealth in these times :joy:

  • pmvinespmvines

    I have cuddle wealth up the wazoo

  • AmortentiaAmortentia

    for as long as it stays up

    I do hope it does stay up. I think the threads have variety on this forum but it's not up to me of course. And this thread is just primarily for women but if men have cuddle wealth, or if they discovered something that helps them get more cuddles, and so on then they definitely should share since it's still on track with this thread. Any wealth suggestions actually that seem to work would fit this thread I think no matter who says it. Generally, I think those with many active cuddlers in their area have more luck.

  • littermatelittermate

    Thanks people!

    @pmvines do say more!

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    It never occurred to me that this would happen, but I am starting to struggle with cuddle wealth. All of my cuddle partners, whether professional or enthusiast, are people I want to know - it's not just a physical cuddle thing.

    I started with professionals, because you do, and I have established several strong professional cuddling relationships with people I greatly admire and respect. It is slightly heartbreaking that I cannot know them in private life. At times it is difficult to be so close to them (in their house, cuddling them, talking about personal things) while at the same time being held at a distance. I am very reluctant to give up these connections because they are valuable to me.

    I find cuddling professionals and enthusiasts to be very different. In my particular case I feel - rightly or wrongly - that overall I offer more support to my partners than I receive. This is partly due to my own difficulty in being cared for. It's not a problem in itself, and my cuddle partners are all caring people, but it creates a slight imbalance which is bothering me slightly.

    And now, over the last few weeks as lockdown here is coming to an end, I find myself with an embarassment of riches as regards cuddling. I can't fit everybody in that I would like to see. Some of these connections are going to crack and even break eventually. Yes, it is a wonderful difficulty to have - I am very fortunate. But it's still an unfamiliar water to be navigated, with a sadness at the far side.

  • cookiecrumbcookiecrumb

    It is more blessed to give, than to receive.

  • littermatelittermate

    @CuddleDuncan Thank you. You've spoken directly to what I've been pondering. It's complicated isn't it? Thanks. <3

  • DonLonGDonLonG
    image
    Cuddle Wealth?
  • sillysassysillysassy

    @DonLonG as ALWAYS.... AMAAAAAAAAZING!! On point!!! 😂

    @littermate someone as fantastic as you are is certain to have a bit of trouble navigating the vast amount of possibilities out there. We have certainly talked about this privately on a personal level. What has been so enjoyable to me.... the communication before hand that leads to a greater understanding for the expectations of BOTH parties involved. I’ve never talked with ANYONE about hopes of our connection as much as I do with this cuddling thing. To have the opportunity to share a little bit with a lot of different peeps is immensely enjoyable unless someone is confused about the priority. As Moms and busy women we give a lot in many areas and it IS tricky!!! I do enjoy knowing most people I meet on a deeper level and like you said—— some of them will probably be lifelong friends.
    I think you said this when we were having tea “if you don’t grasp things so tightly, you get to enjoy the ebb and flow like a river” 🥰there’s a song that talks about the journey and being uncertain where it will go but for now can we just walk along it for awhile. I LOVE that. It is perfect for now. Each connection might change pace or intensity in the future but it is PERFECT for now.

    I love this tapestry we call life. I am glad you are on of the beautiful threads. ♥️

  • stormofgracestormofgrace

    There are literally 6 prospective cuddlers within 150 miles of me. 😭

    I'm affection deprivation.

    I searched professional cuddlers and found this website.

    I've had one phenomenal cuddle buddy but they have a very demanding career so ... still affection deprived. 😕

    I have not experienced cuddle wealth.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @stormofgrace it is a very widespread situation, unfortunately. Cuddling is new and small, and everybody's cuddling prospects are to a considerable extent determined by where they live.

    Your best bet may be to starting running cuddle workshops (post pandemic), but there is a lot to learn before you do that and it's a major effort and commitment.

  • stormofgracestormofgrace

    @CuddleDuncan - I'm an enthusiast. I want and need to be cuddled. Although a caregiver by nature, I have no interest in becoming a pro. I have a fulfilling career and I am a single parent (kids are with me 100% of the time).

    I will keep putting out to the universe what I need and hopefully it will come my way when I need it to.

    I do have some interest long distance. I feel odd having someone drive 3+ hours to my location for a couple hours of cuddles.

    ... maybe I need to reframe and let the cuddlers come to me if they choose.

    The pandemic took away a lot of my platonic opportunities for touch and I realize I need to do something about it.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)
    edited May 2021

    @stormofgrace: You have kids, they're with you all the time, but you're not getting cuddles? How the heck do you have kids without cuddling with them?

    ...Don't tell me—they're teenagers.

  • Cuddlestogo64Cuddlestogo64

    I would love to have some cuddle wealth. I am hopeful this will happen soon.

  • littermatelittermate

    @DonLong Hahaha.
    @sillysassy Beautiful, thank you. And you remembered something I said and quoted it! That's flattering. <3
    @whitehurst58 Hard to believe and I hope wealth for you too. You look eminently cuddle-able.

    I wish cuddle wealth upon us all!

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @stormofgrace I'm so sorry, I wasn't clear. Didn't mean you should turn professional. Just meant that sometimes the only way to get to do something is to stir up interest locally. (Or inspire somebody else to do it.) Not everybody can do that of course, but it might be worth thinking about. Women's cuddle group in the village hall, second and fourth Tuesday of the month 8pm all welcome: others by invitatation only.

    As for people coming a long way, it's not as strange as it sounds. There are lots of people in your situation, and for some of them it would be worth driving six hours for one hug. I suggest a videochat first, with an explicit agreement beforehand that it's one step at a time and nobody is obliged to agree to anything.

  • stormofgracestormofgrace

    @DarrenWalker - I have all boys. Yes. Teens.

    They will give hugs but cuddles with the kids are rare these days. 😕

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    @stormofgrace: Dangit, I called it. How unfortunate.

    I was lucky enough to grow up in a family where cuddling was the norm and all ten kids piled on the couch together with parents every time we watched a movie no matter how old (or gender-performative) anybody was—but since moving out I've definitely caught on that that's not the case in most families.

    My condolences.

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