I didn't lie, I was completely honest... & now I'm being ghosted!

wigglehugswigglehugs
in General

I am really upset right now. IDK why I am letting it affect me so much, but...

I was talking to this one fellow from about 2 hours away, & he and I talked everyday for about a week or so straight. Well, then the other night he send me a longer message stating that he would like me to come there. Only problem with that is I am not currently driving outside of my small town bc of extreme anxiety behind the wheel. I am perfectly fine going local places, but I haven't even trecked out of my area in a few years! So, I told him this. I explained it in detail, that I had a big psych med change 2 years ago, & that I'm just not comfortable driving to the city yet. Now, he hasn't responded in 2 days! I am severely paranoid. Is he not responding bc I can't drive there & he's not comfortable or able to come here? Is he put off by the fact that I am on psych meds? I hate this crap, I am so confused & lost! We were really hitting it off, or so I thought. (Also, I'd like to point out that on my profile, I didn't specify if I had a car or not. I also only said that I could be a host. So... IDK what his deal is??0 I didn't lie! I've been nothing but completely honest & transparent with him & I wish this wasn't bugging me as much as it is.

Another recent conversation with another fellow, we spoke briefly for maybe 2 hours, back and forth. We were talking about my town, bc it's famous. Then he tells me he's off Sunday & that the drive isn't that far. Which implies that he could come here to visit/cuddle. Now, I am a lady, & trying to be responsible. I replied back that I'd rather wait a little longer to get to know him better, to be on the safe side. You know, to make sure he's not a murderer. He hasn't replied in 2 days, which makes me think he's now not interested. I'm guessing bc I said I wanted to wait a bit, to be safe. WTF?! I am a single, 37 year old woman, living alone, inviting a complete stranger into my home & he doesn't have the decency to politely decline instead of ghost me completely?? AUGH! I hate people sometimes.

Comments

  • MaullySterlingMaullySterling

    That's a lot of personal info, you may want private, once you calm down.

    You're doing everything right, just trust yourself a little

  • SitaRoseeSitaRosee

    Hello so I can totally understand what you are saying in regards to having a mental Illness, it’s not something you should feel like it’s gonna prevent you, if some people do not want to meet with you, it’s fine. I wouldn’t take offense to it, everyone has their reasons to be the way they are, I have been through situations where I was ghosted after arriving, I felt awkward yes, because I’m very straight forward as well. But not everyone is good with communication, and it’s easier for them to block or cut people off because they don’t know how to put it in words what it is that they want or whatever it is. You’re doing the best that you can with what you have, you need to feel comfortable too. Take your time and anything that’s meant to be, will be. I would be more appreciative of your honesty :) hopefully you find people who are understanding. They are out there. I suffer from severe depression, anxiety, ptsd, and insomnia. But I dont allow those things to take control over my entire life, cause they do. I get awkward so easily but I remember to breathe through it and try and remain calm. It does suck battling our own minds. It’s not something I would turn someone else down for, I hope you have better experiences than what you’ve described, best of luck to you !

  • [Deleted User]Mmart (deleted user)

    @boxcarbinny
    I understand your frustration and agree with MaullySterling. Take a few deep breaths and if you are up for it message them back and just ask if there is still interest. You will either get a response or be ghosted. Be prepared for either. You have a nice profile so just keep moving forward.
    Just be kind.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited May 2021

    @boxcarbinny To he honest and this is not meant to be disrespectful or hurtful . Many people on the interwebs speak, then dont , make plans, then dont . There are literally dozens of threads on here that talk about this. Not everyone is going to want to match your momentum , and you seem like you are internalizing a lot of this and coming across as someone who might end up scaring the other person away because they may not be able to match or meet your needs . Please remember not everyone is looking for the same thing all the time . They are fickle and flakey. That is life in internet land for ya . As others have said , you are coming in hot and this is a public forum . I advise that you take caution with what you choose to post.

  • [Deleted User]Starlost (deleted user)

    I live with/care for my elderly mother that has mental illness.
    A lot of people don't understand that patience and understanding are the most valuable qualities that you need when dealing with issues such as anxiety.

    They are also the best qualities in a real snuggle friend.

    They actually saved you a lot of time by showing they are lacking these qualities before you met them.

    It is also possible that they have self-security / confidence issues if their own. They may appear as being impatient or misunderstanding when in fact they could simply be expecting the worst and getting cold feet.

    Just remember:
    The internet is just all-talk. It's not something real until you say "just hugging, stop kissing" and they listen.

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    I agree with @Starlost.

    Everyone has mental health and it's nothing to be ashamed of if yours is less than perfect.

    If people are going to be judgemental and ghost you over it then they have saved you time and hassle in the long run.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    Ghosting is almost always about the ghoster and not the ghostee. @BuggleBear is spot on.

    And two days is not that long. It feels long, after a burst of messages, but actually it isn't.

    Finally, remember that everybody on here has their own struggles, including the folks who have not replied. (Or at least did in the past.) Nobody ever said, 'I have perfect life full of love and cuddles I think I need to join a cuddle website.'

  • johny18johny18

    @boxcarbinny Sorry about your ordeal. I can tell you from my personal experience, that I’ve been ghosted by a couple of pro’s on this site. I’ve just let them be and haven’t even left them a review. Don’t take it to heart. If and when it happens, allow it to happen.

  • pmvinespmvines

    Might have nothing to do with mental health jazz though. People change their minds all the time on here. It's an interesting dynamic, meeting strangers online for something intimate like cuddling . Very loose associations for something so personal. Add that in with the internet culture , plus inherent human flakiness . In the end ,any personal mental health issues you have might not even be part of why you haven't heard back. I will say this as gently and respectfully as possible. This is not going to be the last time this happens on here. Happens to everyone all the time. In my opinion, you may want to run through these scenarios in your head and consider whether you are going to be emotionally crushed, and if so,what will be your coping strategies. Cuddling is great, but if the risk of rejection causes more emotional harm than the reward I would consider thinking whether or not it is worth it. That's my opinion.

  • [Deleted User]honeycuddle (deleted user)

    Can I be completely honest, its too much info for a stranger. I would just have said I'm too anxious to drive that far ,it's been a while. Do you mind coming this way .There's no relational context for this person to process this info. Don't know of you've spoken and he didn't yet meet you.. Cerain info should be released progressively it keeps us safe .Its aboit emotional boundaries. Who tell what to when .Complete honestly isn't always the best it's contextual. I feel for you though. All the best. Hope my honesry wasn't too confronting.

  • UKGuyUKGuy

    I make it a rule to never discuss private medical issues with anyone. No-one else has a need to know unless you are in a committed relationship. The bottom line is there are a lot of weird people out there (men and women), so just chalk those people off and keep searching.

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @boxcarbinny I have gotten much better with rejection, ghosted, being blocked and not interested behavior from others. I was raised to be direct/polite but not everyone holds the value. Many people in reality will not tell you with words about changes in communications but actions speak louder. Your heart ❤️ is in the right place about honesty but we live in a judgemental world 🌎. Many people are attracted to others that are confident and appear to have it all together. In reality we all have challenges whether visible or not. I personally would not discuss deeply personal information with others, unless they have shown long term interest in a close relationship and you believe they have your best interest/trustworthy. It’s none of those guys business what your status is. They have not even given you a chance to meet in real life. You have an awesome 😎 Profile and seem very sweet. I hope that you find Chat and cuddle buddies that are positive to invest your precious time into. The ones that no longer show effort or interest are not worth your time or energy. I wish you well.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @boxcarbinny You did nothing wrong and it sounds like you gave him more information than 98% of the people on this site would give. I agree with others that perhaps you offered too much. BUT, if you offered that much information to me I would understand and I know I am not alone on that. So what I am saying is this—don’t be confused as there should be empathetic give and take when attempting any cuddle session. Sounds like he just wasn’t the empathetic cuddle partner you need. But you will find him eventually and in the meantime, do not shift the blame to yourself as you cannot control the prejudices, likes and dislikes of others. Be yourself and you will succeed.

    In addition, there are people who are cuddle virgins and, in the parlance of the times, have cuddle hesitancy. Do not eliminate them, just tell them to look you up when they are ready.

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @FunCartel @boxcarbinny From experience I had people tell me about their mental health diagnoses after meeting. I am nicer and more accepting than many people encountered throughout life but many people are not. Plus, I work in the mental health field, so encounter that type of information on a daily basis. It personally would not have scared me away but I also have learned that hard way many years ago that many people are not as understanding, so I better keep better boundaries/limits about self disclosure. Both sound like great people. @boxcarbinny If I was closer or traveled to your area in the future would chat, hangout and or even cuddles it you wanted. There are good people out there, it just takes time to find more.✅😁🤗

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs

    I am drawn to every aspect of you. Keep at it and you will will find someone with which you share the same frequency. Ghosting is good. It eliminates the no's. You would make the perfect cuddle buddy. I already feel cuddled by you with your natural tendency toward closeness.

  • wigglehugswigglehugs

    You guys are all awesome! Thank you so much for all of the responses! :) Even if some of them were hard to swallow. I hope everyone is having a lovely Sunday!

  • snag57snag57

    Don’t worry about it. Some people have no patience and time for consideration as they don’t have the same anxieties and so it’s very difficult for them to understand. They haven’t experienced it n it’s difficult for them to u d’état and. So let it go. Don’t worry about them that ghosted you. This world is full of nice people around you and it’s just a matter of time. So stay safe n stay positive. Let these incidents not upset or cause you anxiety.

  • snag57snag57

    I usually come there for Frank Frazettas gallery once a year n next time I am around I will make a point to see you. Take care. I am from across the border and restricted from crossing for now. Take care.

  • TorinTorin

    @boxcarbinny

    Don't usually post. But this caught my attention.

    Don't get upset at what occurred. He's just ruled out as anyone to spend time with, unless he is comfortable with what you have asked.

    I mean, do you think he might have turned you into a lampshade?

    Then you were totally right in asking for more comfort.

    While I like to think this site is safer for most things, there are plenty of randos here that might just want a hookup and quick fling, not a cuddle. If they don't see it going that way in conversations, then they would ghost you.

    Personally, I made it a 10000% priority when cuddling that the person feels comfortable, since they have to visit me. I'll do anything that won't jeopardize my safety to make sure the person is totally safe.

    If someone isn't willing to meet basic demands for that, then don't see them. And don't be sad when they vanish.

  • NelleNelle

    boxcarbinny - GOOD FOR YOU for seeing several red flags. It sucks, but less than finding out later. Caution about ghosting - if the party later gets in touch with you again and offers some excuse or explanation - know that most of the time this is a strategy designed to guilt you into feeling bad - and to encourage you to re-engage.

  • cuddlerforu24cuddlerforu24
    edited May 2021

    There have been comments about revealing too much . I agree with those . We all want to
    Be honest yet giving away the store in your profile or in messages , ... there are possible ramifications

  • LovelightLovelight

    I think you are speaking from a place of scarcity. Remember that your life and emotions don't and shouldn't revolve around him (a stranger at that). Don't waste your energy and peace of mind trying to figure it out. If he cares to he will reach out in a respectable manner and either try to work something out with you or reject. Whether or not he reaches out, do something nice for yourself and look forward to future opportunities with others. I've learned from my own personal experiences to:

    1. Not invest much (the talking for weeks) unless we are meeting face to face or already have established a good on-going connection. Because there are people who want to just pass time with cheap chitchats instead of making plans to meet and following through. By not allowing someone cheap access I decrease my time being wasted and getting any sort of (one sided) attachment.

    2. I avoid taking what people say to heart unless they actually follow through. People are gonna people there's just so much we can say or do about that. So it is ultimately up to us to get better at looking after ourselves.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited May 2021

    @Nelle Well said! I had someone do that to me with a sob story after sob story only to find out that he didn't feel comfortable meeting (in public?) with someone with a disability as he finally came clean about it. Good riddance. I actually would have had respect for him if he was upfront about it like another guy was about a similar matter.

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