Situation. Would love females point of you.

Andy1996Andy1996
in General

So I have a friend who is very affectionate. She loves cuddling. So much so that every time she sees me she always gives me a huge hug. And she is honestly one of my favorite people to cuddle up with.
The thing I don’t like. Is the fact that a couple of friends see this about her and they complain that she is too touchy-feely. While I understand that I personally do not say anything to them because not very many people know that I am like snuggling up and cuddling, and that is simply due to the fact that some people might think I am either creepy or weird.
As for my friend. She told me that she really loves cuddling on the couch. And she loves head scratching as well as hand rubbing and scratching. She also loves it when you lay her head on my chest. She also has a very soothing voice. What do you think I should say if I want to cuddle with her and if my friend make comments like wouldn’t your girlfriend say anything? I personally would not consider it cheating on a woman if you have a friend that likes to snuggle up. And I imagine things are very tough for her because she has not seen anyone in her apartment for over a year. So I am hoping to go visit her and snuggle up with her at some point rather soon.
We are both going to be fully vaccinated in about a week. So I’m hoping to go see her sometime this month and bring her some food so we can eat and hang out and do some cuddling. I am sure she would really enjoy that. I would specifically love to hear from women to get their point of you on the situation.

Comments

  • [Deleted User]Chris55555 (deleted user)

    It’s work to speak to your partner about cuddling and how it’s platonic. I’ve done that work and it’s worth it. I suggest you talk to your girlfriend about it first and then your friend.

  • Andy1996Andy1996

    My friend actually told me that she would not mind doing it. And my girlfriend is actually fine with it. The thing I have trouble with are my friends who seem to think it would automatically be cheating on a woman if I do platonic cuddling. And let me tell you, it is a chore explaining that to them. And I especially don’t like telling my sister because I know that she’s gonna go tell my girlfriend things. To this day I regret giving my sister her number.

  • stormofgracestormofgrace

    Boundaries.

    It's no one else's business. As long as you, your partner, and friend are communicating openly and respectfully, no one else needs to know.

    My 2 cents

  • Andy1996Andy1996

    @stormofgrace, are usually do not tell many people about the fact that I enjoy cuddling. That is why I joined this website to begin with. Because of the fact that it is a bit of a safe space for me.
    I know my friend naturally loves cuddling. Because as I mentioned every time she sees me she always gives me a huge hug and scratches my head.

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    Why do you need to tell your other friends or your sister your personal business?

    It doesn't affect them, so they don't need to know. Just keep the cuddling private between you and this friend. The only other person that needs to know about it is your girlfriend

  • I_Am_Not_A_CatI_Am_Not_A_Cat

    If your girlfriend knows and genuinely is ok with it then you're good.

    We're adults. I've found telling people, in a nicer way, to fuck off if they start complaining, to help. They usually shut up if they value the friendship.

  • littermatelittermate

    Yeah, I'm wondering why you have to tell anyone too. "Cheating" is something that is defined relationship by relationship. Each relationship to me has a set of agreements that work for those two people. None of anyone else's business but the people who you might want to engage with in extra-loving ways. I had a boyfriend in high school who thought me sitting on another boy's lap, we were fooling around, was "cheating" and he wouldn't get off it. If I knew then what I know now I would have said, "Yeah, that brought up feelings for you didn't it?"

    Rock your awesome self! You have a chance to stand your ground and say, people, the landscape of intimacy is changing. People can cuddle platonically. Get with the new century! :)

  • [Deleted User]mrsrobinson (deleted user)

    Don't tell your friends

  • bekah_cuddlesbekah_cuddles

    @Andy1996 The definition of cheating is literally "to be sexually unfaithful." First of all, cuddling is platonic, which literally means "intimate and affectionate, but not sexual." Second of all, even if it was sexual (which it isn't), it's only considered cheating if your partner is either unaware of it or doesn't consent to it.

    From what you've said, both your partner and your friend are aware and okay with you cuddling, so you're not doing anything wrong. Your other ignorant "friends" can mind their own business and stop being so judgmental.

  • Andy1996Andy1996

    @bekah_cuddles, The thing that bothers me though, is the fact that society nowadays seems to think that anything that involves physical affection is considered cheating.
    Plus I really do want to go visit her because of the fact that she hasn’t really had any company over in over a year because of the lockdowns.

  • MxSmithMxSmith

    Hello @Andy1996, I just wanted to say that although your community sounds like its very conservative and traditional about relationships and touch, that doesn't mean everyone thinks that way. I find it frustrating too when people are super narrow minded and intrusive. It might be beneficial to learn about communicating about alternative relationship structures which allow people to connect in all kinds of ways. Learning about boundary setting with friends is also hard work, but good work.

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)
    edited May 2021

    @Andy1996 don't worry about what 'society' thinks. Eventually there will come a point where all lifestyles are supported and embraced but it isn't yet, so just do what makes you happy, and if that is platonic cuddling with this friend, and your girlfriend knows and doesn't mind, then it's fine. There is literally no issue here.

    You don't have to tell the whole world everything. It's nobody else's business. (Though I will say that if your friends don't listen to you enough to understand that this is a platonic situation and that everyone is happy with it, I'd question if they are your friends at all. Friends support each others choices and lifestyles without judgement if nobody is hurt by said choices or lifestyle)

  • [Deleted User]Mmart (deleted user)

    @Andy1996
    Don't be concerned about what society may or may not think. Your intentions are honorable as is your friend's and your partner is aware. Sounds like a total green light to me.

  • St0mrShad0St0mrShad0

    The people that matter do not care. And those that care, do not matter.

  • LovelightLovelight

    It is not just a matter of what you consider cheating, in a (healthy) relationship it is not really a me matter anymore. It is a we matter, so I'd advise that you talk with your partner about this matter before proceeding with that.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited May 2021

    @Andy1996 Secondly you probably need different friends if explaining to them doesn't help them understand.

    To me it's simple "her and I just cuddle and my partner is okay with it". If they can't get that, then you can choose to disconnect from them (until they come around). I take it there may be times they see you and the friend being more touchy than usual. If they don't know you two's arrangement then I can understand why they might feel there's cheating. So it could help to let them know especially if the the time comes that they are questioning.

  • [Deleted User]Spock (deleted user)
    edited May 2021

    @andy1996 Let’s try some ‘tough love’!

    The only ‘female point of view’ you need is your girlfriend’s. Nobody else matters.

    From your first post, it is not clear that your girlfriend has provided ‘informed consent’ for this arrangement. If she did, you are good to go. If not, ask her before you ask for advice from strangers.

    Perhaps, some part of you feels guilty about cuddling with another woman, and you’re here looking for other people to tell you that it’s OK.

    And, why do you care what your friends think? How would they even know, unless you’re cuddling in front of them? If you don’t make it an issue, your friends would neither know nor care.

  • MandoManiaMandoMania

    I would ask the girlfriend to cuddle with. Friends don’t need to know and if they find out, your a stud!

  • Sunrise_SnuggleSunrise_Snuggle

    What @stormofgrace said. Set boundaries, right now.

    What @I_Am_Not_A_Cat said. I would honestly tell them to fuck off.

  • [Deleted User]Spock (deleted user)
    edited May 2021

    @Andy1996 The thing I don’t like. Is the fact that a couple of friends see this about her and they complain that she is too touchy-feely. While I understand that I personally do not say anything to them because not very many people know that I am like snuggling up and cuddling,<

    As good friend, you could just explain to her that these particular friends don’t want her to be so touchy-feely with them. Or, you could encourage them to tell her directly. I don’t see what your desire to cuddle has to do with it.

  • [Deleted User]Spock (deleted user)
    edited May 2021

    @BuggleBear Why do you need to tell your other friends or your sister your personal business?
    @Lovelight It is not just a matter of what you consider cheating, in a (healthy) relationship it is not really a me matter anymore. It is a we matter, so I'd advise that you talk with your partner about this matter before proceeding with that.

    BINGO!

  • [Deleted User]Spock (deleted user)
    edited May 2021

    @Andy1996 I would think twice before following suggestions to ‘cut of your friends’ if they don’t ‘understand’.

    Announcing your cuddling preferences to your entire social circle, having some of them them respond negatively, and then cutting them off is the wrong approach. You will just be creating an issue where none exists, about which few people know, and even fewer care.

    Instead, keep it on a need-to-know basis, and maintain your friendships.

  • alwaysdancingalwaysdancing

    Oh that is one HUNDRED percent cheating!! You said you wanted an opinion, so there it is lol. That doesn’t mean that your girlfriend won’t be open to it though, one way to find out. Easiest way to define cheating is simply doing something with someone of the opposite gender and intentionally hiding it from your partner.

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