I'm excited to hear them all
I'll tell mine later, it's late and I should cuddle my pillow now.. 😴
Not long ago, @DarrenWalker and I were cuddling—as we do on a daily basis.
However, this time, I'd make a startling discovery that would shake the very foundation of how I perceived Darren.
We changed positions with some frequency, going from a mess of tangled limbs, to resting our heads on each other's chests. Typical stuff. Eventually we began to spoon, with me as the large spoon. The two of us chatted, joked, and so on.
Something was said that resulted in me gently patting Darren's butt, in a comforting manner. To my shock and horror, the very same backside emitted a burst of foul vapors. Darren mumbled in surprise and dismay, then, we laughed. I patted his butt again, and even more gas escaped. We laughed even harder this time. This continued for a while, to the extent that we had to open the canopy of the bed to air things out.
I was choking back tears from the sheer hilarity of the situation. And also because of the bog-like stench. It was adorable.
My name is Darren Walker, and I confirm this story.
...I contest the "adorable."
@DarkLordChungus @DarrenWalker Dear lord The "bog-like stench" got me.
I grew up in a place with a lot of big-ass wolf spiders. I went home for a visit, and when I came back, my boyfriend at the time picked me up at the airport. We went back to my place and started settling in for a nice cuddle, when a wolf-spider suddenly came out of my shirt and jump-scared him. He'd never seen a wolf spider before, and this one was particularly big. I still can't believe it waited the whole flight and came out that moment.
I intended to smack it off me so I could capture it, but I accidentally smashed it with my Fist of Stress Response and felt bad about it afterwards.
We laughed about it once the adrenaline wore off.
Not long ago, I was cuddling a new cuddle buddy. She trusted me enough to come to my flat for a first meeting, which both flattered and impressed me. We had a nice chat for a while, started cuddling on the couch and when I suggested that we might be more comfortable on the bed she was halfway to the bedroom before I'd finished the sentence.
Anyway, we got settled in and all was well. Of course we were both still a little nervous, since we didn't know each other well. After a while, I noticed the beginnings of a dreadful odour.... which quickly got bad, really bad.
Now I was pretty confident it wasn't me - the scent was just too unfamiliar. I hadn't heard or felt anything, and so therefore it was the ultimate 'butler's revenge'.
It reached full intensity, and she coughed. I said, perhaps we should go back to the living room for a moment, and we started to move. She said, half joking and half serious, this is the part where you apologise or make some wisecrack, and I replied that I was sure it wasn't me. She was equally sure it wasn't her and because we didn't know each other a little bit of an impasse was reached. For a moment it was in danger of damaging this very new and very delicate relationship. Anyway, turned out it was @DarrenWalker.
Ahahaha.
I would just like to reiterate that, no matter what comments like @CuddleDuncan's may seem to suggest, I am unquestionably human and not, say, a shadow-dwelling monster who lurks in closets, beneath beds, etc.
Any inexplicable farts are definitely not me. Don't look under the bed.
@DarrenWalker 🤗
I had my spare bedroom all set, ac on low, the room was dark, I have this light bulb in a lamp that has a shade over it and it flickers like a candle and it was on, the lady I was cuddling with had been here before but never seen this lamp on as I had just bought that bulb so as I opened the door, she run over to the lamp and turned it off and said your lamp is on fire, we both laughed for 10 min's
During cuddle sesh w a Pro cuddler. We weren't talking It was a really chill cuddle, chill music, Relaxing. Just out the blue she farted.
