What?

LovelightLovelight
in General

Does that really sound like I was “fighting” and unrelaxed?

Previous message, him:

“Hello,
I don't smoke, don't have dogs or cats!
I can host you if you're willing to visit (another city, deducted for his privacy)
We can go for a walk beside the falls if you would like to

I have a car, so can pick you up from Toronto”

Me: “Hello. No thank you, we are not a match.”

Comments

  • CatloafCatloaf

    I didn't notice anything "fighting" about that. Some people are really sensitive to even a polite rejection though.

  • UKGuyUKGuy
    edited October 2019

    I quite often notice women who have just joined and already have friends some of whom are outside their stated age range. I've even noticed women who accept friend requests from men even though their profile states they cuddle only women. Make of that what you will. Personallly, I never message anyone whose age range (or anything else) excludes me. I'm even hesitant to message someone who has no age range listed.

  • DrJamesDrJames

    I take that response vs no response at all !! Even though I don't message members out of area range or if we don't fall into each other's preferences .

    @Lovelight I don't see anything wrong with your answer or " fighting " other than the sensitivity and rudeness at the end ... he even blocked you 😂 your highness

  • [Deleted User]TheErlking (deleted user)

    Oh my god, you monster! How dare you be so mean and nasty and argumentative!!!

    sigh

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    Well misunderstandings often happen over written messages because it can be easy to assume the tone is harsh when its not or vice versa.
    The line about how you stated this in your profile could set the tone to be negative. Why say that if you're already saying what the reasons are immediately after ?
    Im not saying he's right and you're wrong just saying that I can see how someone might assume you were saying that in a sarcastic manner.

  • [Deleted User]iamkimmyp (deleted user)
    edited October 2019

    @Lovelight. You were only stating your preference to stsy in your city and your desired age range which is on the profile. You were very polite and did nothing wrong.😄

  • pmvinespmvines

    @Lovelight I see nothing at all wrong with what you said. He couldn't handle rejection and tried to turn it on you as though you were wronging him with your response. You didn't really owe him anything but took the time to decline and explained why you declined. His reaction is his choosing and is not your fault.

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    There is nothing wrong with what you said. The reality is not everyone is a match on this site. Happy for your honesty and there are more fish 🐠 In the sea.

  • [Deleted User]SoulcuddlerZ (deleted user)

    Apparently, some members block others so that they don't appear in search results. That being said, I don't see anything fighting about your response.

  • [Deleted User]evevanity (deleted user)
    edited October 2019

    @Lovelight from the text message you exchange and the person mentioning they are from Niagara and willing to pick you up from Toronto (where I also live), it sounds very familiar like a potential client I have just spoken to a few minutes ago.

    So far our exchange has been respectful as I don’t have age restriction.

    And no your response wasn’t rude or unrelated. You simply stated your preference in age and staying within your city.

  • Dante_SDante_S

    Honestly, I think this is one of those "This says more about them, than it does about you"

    Especially when dealing online, since you can't see ANY body language or tone... their brain interprets based on their personal experiences, friends / family, etc.
    "As stated on my profile, I'm not looking for your age range right now" (Seems to make sense to me... not fighting at all)

    Now read it in your head with a sarcastic accent...
    "As STATED on MY profile" (Can't you freakin'?! read?!)
    laughs.

    Maybe they just got out of a fight with someone, so they're in really high defensive mode.

    I think it's awesome that you're looking for feedback (In a polite way), and not being "hey, this person is a douche canoe" and sharing their info. (checking to see if it's about you, and not making it about them.)

    But yeah, it's them not you ;)
    (also, I'd be VERY hesitant having a rando pick me up and take me outside my city as well...)

  • LovelightLovelight

    Thanks for the feedback everyone I found it insightful! Any one or combination of these factors were possibly the case.

    @UKGuy yes, that just adds to the complexity of interactions when some people aren't being true to their word. While on the other hand some are in hopes of getting lucky/boundary pushing, etc., so they still contact who they don't match with. As well as those who genuinely just miss to read something.

    @melancholy "... Why say that if you're already saying what the reasons are immediately after ?..."

    I said that because he asked what he can do to improve.

    Which looking back I don't think was the best of questions to ask because it seems to assume that the rejection is personal, and excludes the possibility that it could be for whole other reason(s). Plus it can make the person rejecting feel uncomfortable when it might've been uncomfortable to reject to begin with.

    I figured it'd help him to pay more attention to profiles. Thus, hopefully limiting his chances of messaging people he's not compatible with on a factor or two. Though, who doesn't feel a need to reply him. Or goes through feeling uneasy because they end up to both having to reject, and repeat themselves. Plus, it can help both people save themselves from a bit of trouble.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited May 2021

    Update... the man who blocked me in 2019, (on his own) decided to unblock* me now and just sent me a message saying "Hello love light, I like your username" I thought the best thing to do at this point was to block him after making a note of it through messaging him this:

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    @Lovelight Wise decision, IMO. If I politely set a boundary with someone, and they read that as being hostile, I consider it a huge red flag. Blockity block block!

  • [Deleted User]Chris55555 (deleted user)

    I support your decision. I am not going with anyone I don’t know in their vehicle to their city. Danger ⚠️

  • MaullySterlingMaullySterling

    Oh wow.
    Is this another of those weird ones, who think if they delete a conversation, from THEIR inbox, it alters YOUR saved msgs???

  • Mike403Mike403

    Guy, this right here is why most women prefer not to reply at all to somebody they aren't Interested in.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @squeakytoy thanks, yep. @Chris55555 right...

    @MaullySterling quite possibly, I've also noticed that he had a profile photo of a man in 2019, when that screenshot was taken. Hence why I cropped it out. Then now he didn't.

    @Mike403 unfortunately I can understand why some women may feel that way. Though even when that's done, as I've felt the need to at times it doesn't always stop the weirdness for a lack of a better word.

  • pmvinespmvines

    He must think you have a bad memory 🙄

  • LovelightLovelight

    @pmvines likely. That was a bad move. ^^

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    Other person was acting gross, you were right to block.

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    The guy was an entitled jerk, who didn't respect your boundary and made out like you were the one with the problem. That's gaslighting behaviour and a major red flag.

    Narrow miss, OP, you were right to block him.

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