What happened to just cuddling?

mattybear73mattybear73
in General

Does anyone else on here find it sad that everyone that joins this site wants to get paid for cuddling? I mean I don’t mind giving you money for gas to travel or buying you a meal so we can meet in person in public or even footing the bill for a room! But seriously, all anyone wants to do on here is make money! This is a cuddle sight! Everyone that calls themself a pro gains just as much as the person paying you on here. You act like you’re giving us something you aren’t receiving in return! But then you want us to pay you $80-$100 dollars an hour or more??? I think it’s sad and you people have lost what the true meaning of cuddling is. The people on here that aren’t pros either don’t respond to messages or they too are secretly looking to get paid, they just don’t have the pro title. I may catch a lot of slack for this post, but after years of not cuddling because I have bills and can’t pay to cuddle, I felt the need to speak my peace!! I won’t apologize for my comments! I’m a great cuddler, a big teddy bear you could say… but nobody on here will ever know, because I’m not paying to cuddle! I wish you all the best and happy cuddling to all. If there is anyone out there who needs to cuddle, my services are free and we will both gain from the cuddle! Take care!

«1

Comments

  • _marC_marC

    There are a lot of pros but there are non pros too... Just have to be patient. You could also change your preferences

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    Well in some sense yes it’s actually a little tragic that there’s this big affection gap between men and women, that many men find it so difficult to get the physical affection they need that there’s actually a market for it. I won’t deny that it can feel a little exploitative, like women are taking advantage of men’s loneliness for profit.

    But at the end of the day… so what? Most men have always felt like women are scarcer than they would like; this isn’t something specific to this site or even specific to the 21st century. If there were no such thing as a pro cuddler it’s not like there’d be tons more non-pro women here; it would still be really hard to find cuddles, you just wouldn’t even have the option of paying for them if you wanted to.

  • [Deleted User]Mmart (deleted user)

    I can understand frustration when your touch needs are not being met but we live in a free will capitalist society where services provided usually come with a cost. I agree with craM regarding being patient and perhaps putting more effort into research, profile update , participation in forums and other ways to demonstrate who you are. Signing up and completing a profile alone isn't going to do it. Best wishes.

    JUST BE KIND

  • bekah_cuddlesbekah_cuddles

    Cuddling can be a form of therapy, and last time I checked, therapists get paid too. Yes, pros can benefit from the cuddles; hopefully a pro decides to do this because they actually enjoy it! However, they're still taking precious time out of their day to meet your needs. That's the benefit of booking a pro. We're focused on you.

    I absolutely love being a cuddle pro, but it is also work. When I'm cuddling someone, I'm focused on their needs. Are they comfortable? Do they need someone to listen? Do they want to be stroked or simply held?

    Keep in mind that we are putting our safety at risk every time we meet up with a new client. While cuddle enthusiasts can be a bit more picky with whom they choose to cuddle, pros don't usually discriminate. I'll cuddle anyone as long as they are kind and respect boundaries. Unfortunately, I've had clients try to push those boundaries over and over again. It's scary and it gets tiresome, which is why many pros quit.

    If you are not interested in paying for a professional, that's fine. There are many enthusiasts on here and I wish you luck in finding one that's compatible. But don't take pros for granted. There is a demand and we are offering a service.

  • [Deleted User]PapaBearCuddles (deleted user)

    I get what you mean. I mean the pro cuddling thing can have its benefits depending on someones needs and with the right pro for them but it is certainly no long term solution for anything.

    I asked a few female pros why they got started in pro cuddling and the main answer i would get back was 'money' Rather disappointing and why i am trying to move away from that. It seems to more damage than good for me

  • MCcuddles2MCcuddles2
    edited June 2021

    It's easier for women to find someone to cuddle with then it is for men. That's just a fact of life. Is it fair? No. But life isn't fair either.

    At the same time the world gives certain unfair advantages to men over women, as in the pay gap, or the struggle for basic rights.

    At the end of the day, it's supply and demand. Women can have their cuddling needs met without this site. Many men can't, so they have to pay to compete against the low supply and high demand.

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    That's the benefit of booking a pro. We're focused on you.

    That’s not the benefit. I mean maybe there are some men somewhere who see that as the benefit, but not me and as far as I can tell from men I’ve talked to and who post on the forum, not most other men.

    The main benefit is that it’s easy to cuddle a pro, it doesn’t take dozens or hundreds of ignored messages and many hours of frustration. I’m not here looking for therapy. And I’m also not looking for sessions that are 100% focused on me.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited June 2021

    In a way I hear you. On the other hand, I can also understand where pros are coming from, for example part of what they get helps to run the site (I did suggest donation based system, though meh this too could work). Some may want to genuinely help though aren't in a position to really do it for free, or really need the money with not as much access to other work for whatever reason.

    I also hear what you're saying about acting like they aren't getting something in return... from the cuddling. However, unlike an enthusiast, a good pro should really not be aiming to get much in return from the cuddle itself, because the focus should be on the client and his or her preference like @bekah_cuddles said. So is a pro asking you to massage his or her head? Unless that's something you are into and she's cool with? Is she asking to cuddle a certain way to fit her preference or to compromise on what movie you watch (as long as it is a family friendly movie) or having you take control of that and just there to keep you company? In that sense, I'd say she doesn't get as much in return as you might think.

    Additionally, while you can be frustrated, I'd remind anyone to also take responsibility for their own limitating preferences. For instances does one prefer to only cuddle with women? Only cuddle a certain age range or body type which may or may not be that broad? Etc. Then there, that will limit one. You can have the heck out of your preferences, I sure do mine! Though try not to get too argh about it when someone else has one that you either don't agree with or that makes you incompatible with them. It also comes down to supply and demand.

    Others have given pretty good feedback too. :)

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    There are plenty of people who wish they could get massages but unfortunately they have to pay for it. Everyone wishes things could be free, but there’s always going to be a market for everything, including cuddling. So where else can pro cuddlers offer this service of cuddling if not a cuddling site?

    Someone made a good point saying even if us pros didn’t exist here, this place would still be a ghost town in terms of women. Pros aren’t the issue as to why you aren’t getting cuddles 🤷🏼‍♀️

    I’d love to walk into a restaurant and have more than just free bread, but if I want a meal, I have to pay for it. I’d love to roll into a gas station and get free gas, but i have to pay for it. Almost everything in this world costs something. This is just another thing that costs money. I’m sorry you are having issues finding someone but it is what it is.

    The issue isn’t pros. It’s that there aren’t a lot of women strolling in here. If being a pro wasn’t an option, they wouldn’t be here to begin with. For the women that do sign up, they either leave immediately when they receive multiple messages from gross men saying inappropriate things (we get enough of that at bars, why stay here for that?) or after patiently weeding through incompatible choices, they find that one gem and they become cuddle buddies.

    I know paying for things suck, but that’s not our fault. I love what I do so I’m sad that there are “pros” that sign up and tell people it’s ONLY for money. Get out of here with that. If you are going to be a pro, I honestly think you should enjoy what you do. If you’re laying there sighing and hoping for the time to pass, guaranteed your cuddler can feel that. So I’m sorry for anybody that comes across a pro that’s only here for money. I of course wouldn’t be doing this for free but I along with tons of other pros enjoy what we do, and do it well, which in turn makes it worth that money; just like going for a massage and fully enjoying it even though there’s an exchange of money. You find a good pro that cares and you will see the value in it. Alas, you don’t want to pay, so good luck in your endeavours.

  • mattybear73mattybear73

    This site was developed for cuddling and comfort! I don’t think it was designed for women or men for that matter to find work.

    I work 50-60 hours a week, so my time is valuable as well! My job pays me $20 an hour and the pros on here want to charge $80 an hour or more? Can you justify that price? I wouldn’t have a problem paying $20-$30 an hour, but I can’t afford to give someone a days pay to cuddle for an hour or two. I just don’t see how you can justify your pricing!

    I appreciate all the feedback and will continue reading and reply when I can.

  • [Deleted User]Mmart (deleted user)

    @PapaBearCuddles I repeat that I get your frustration but there is no reason to be disappointed that pros charge for their services no more that being disappointed that you pay for an oil change. I would suggest taking a more positive outlook and make whatever changes you can to improve your lot.

    JUST BE KIND

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited June 2021

    And this is not directed to you OP. Although I don't know you, you sound like a good person. Though this type of discussion happens a bit frequently by men. Not sure about women, probably none given the current dynamic and all.

    Though I'd also like to add that for some, not all their limitating preferences are overtly stated. Heck some will even tell you x doesn't matter to them, only to lead on and you find out later that it, actually, really matters to them. For instance*, I had someone lead me on. Telling me he doesn't care about me having a disability, expressing interest to meet, chat, cuddle. Only to eventually tell me he'd be ashamed to be seen with me, because of my disability. Hence to only cuddle at his place (I can't host, so wasn't an option for him to suggest). Or some who'd be happily chatting away, then the moment they see me on a video call and all that we pretty much said is hello: they fall off the face of the earth. Whatever, their choice. However we may also have people like that being pretty angry about not getting free cuddles while taking little to no responsibility for their own limiting preference be they stated overtly or not. So in general, I'd take the issue of men not getting free cuddles with a grain of salt.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @mattybear73 I hear you. I understand your pain at needing a cuddle so desperately, and not being able to find one.

    However, being angry with professional cuddlers is not the way forward. They are, in fact, the only people that are trying to help you.

    It's not true, by the way, that a professional gains as much as the client. Well, it can be true with certain people, but when you have hired serious top-level professional cuddler it is a very different thing.

    In other words your post makes several points which, in the emotion of the moment, are all mixed up together. However, they are distinct and separating them will help you find your way to a cuddle.

    Good luck!

  • CuddlesByGracieCuddlesByGracie

    I'm sorry to hear that you haven't found the cuddles you're looking for @mattybear73 although your follow up comment suggests it's not the 'true meaning of cuddling' that's the issue but the price? Which has been discussed to death but if you'd like a breakdown I'd be happy to chat privately and explain my pricing choices as an example. No catch or antagonism, just honest information about my incomings and outgoing for a session.

    As a pro cuddler the parts of your post which stung slightly were:

    I have bills

    So do professional cuddlers. This is one of the ways we pay them. Professional cuddlers didn't create capitalism and even if we fight it we still currently live within it.

    I think it’s sad and you people have lost what the true meaning of cuddling is

    I don't charge my husband for cuddles. Nor my mum, my sister, my nephew, my friends, my colleagues. I used to cuddle for free with strangers maybe once a month because that's the time I had to do it. But because I won't cuddle for free every man who gets in touch I don't know what the true meaning of cuddling is?

    I understand it's not easy to be needing/wanting something you're not finding, but at times you're talking about professional cuddlers as if they're not people just like you trying to get through life.

    Genuinely happy to chat. Hoping you find your cuddles x

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho
    edited June 2021

    @Sheena123

    I’d love to walk into a restaurant and have more than just free bread, but if I want a meal, I have to pay for it. I’d love to roll into a gas station and get free gas, but i have to pay for it.

    Look I understand where you're coming from but there's an obvious reason people resent paying for cuddles more than paying for meals or gas or other goods or services, even a massage. With those other items it's very clear that it's a one-way service. If I buy gas, it's unambiguous that I'm receiving something of value, and unless I pay, the other party is not.

    But cuddling is, theoretically, something done freely between people who care about each other and something that benefits both of them. Pro cuddlers have very plainly taken something that, throughout human history, was always done as a free expression of mutual affection, and started charging money for it. I'm very confident that the majority of pros I've cuddled enjoyed cuddling me, in many cases as much as I did... and yet I was the one paying for it.

    Whenever this topic comes up (resentment of having to pay pros), I always feel like both sides of the conversation miss the mark. I obviously don't think pro cuddlers are evil; many of them are really great. But they are literally making money off of providing a kind of affection that in some theoretical sense is supposed to be mutual and free. I don’t think it should be surprising that this provokes resentment from some people.

  • CuddlesByGracieCuddlesByGracie

    I completely agree @CuddleWho although I would add that cuddling is also not 'theoretically' done by reaching out to strangers on the internet but I'm still glad people do when they need it 🤗

  • MariettaSnuggleMariettaSnuggle

    Maybe I'm annoyed because I've had some really unpleasant conversations with people on the site recently but...

    I think it's fair to say almost all of the pros are in it for the money. They can claim whatever they want but they got into it because it's one of two ways to lay in a bed and get paid.

    I know that sounds cynical but this website has struggled with the whole concept of pros since day one and continues to deal with pros that are trying to supplement income in unacceptable ways. In fact, I recently had some experiences that make me highly suspicious of the motivations of the pros and what they are willing to do to earn their money. As I look back through the messages I sent over the last 3 years probably 40% of the people are now banned for some activities they got involved with on the site or off.

    I highly respect the website staying true to itself and taking care of these issues.

    My other complaint since I'm whining is pros putting themselves down in three or four different cities and then acting like it's the guy's fault when he messages you and you're somewhere else.

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    @mattybear73

    This site was developed for cuddling and comfort! I don’t think it was designed for women or men for that matter to find work.

    That's true. But before this site allowed pro cuddlers, the large majority of men here weren't able to find cuddles at all.

    I work 50-60 hours a week, so my time is valuable as well! My job pays me $20 an hour and the pros on here want to charge $80 an hour or more? Can you justify that price? I wouldn’t have a problem paying $20-$30 an hour, but I can’t afford to give someone a days pay to cuddle for an hour or two. I just don’t see how you can justify your pricing!

    The justification is that people are willing to pay it. Of course I understand why on a gut level it seems outrageous that someone can charge $100 or more an hour for this. But why would anyone accept dramatically less pay than they are able to receive? If you were able to find a job paying you 3x as much for the same work you do now, would you say "Actually, hold on, I don't think I can justify being paid that much, my work is only worth this amount..."? I'm betting you would not.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited June 2021

    @mattybear73

    My job pays me $20 an hour and the pros on here want to charge $80 an hour or more? Can you justify that price

    You are comparing apples and oranges which, as we all remember from primary school, isn't allowed! =) The $20 is an hourly rate for a salaried job, while the professionals' sticker price is the gross revenue for a business.

    You must also remember that a one hour cuddle is typically two to four hours work, even before you start trying to account for all the enquiries that don't result in bookings. One of the reasons that cuddling is still niche and not mainstream is that nobody can figure out how to make enough money from it to start doing any serious marketing. So why does cuddling cost $80+ an hour? Because the real cost is a lot more than that, but professional cuddlers are willing to subsidise you the difference.

    Or, to put it another way, if you're earning $20/h salary you're doing better than a lot of professional cuddlers.

  • MCcuddles2MCcuddles2
    edited June 2021

    The more I think about it, his real gripe is the inability to find a female human being, who he would like to cuddle and who would also be willing to participate in a mutual platonic cuddling experience with him.

    Unfortunately, doing that organically requires a lot of trust building and getting to know the other person. the other person has to also be drawn to your energy, physically, mentally and emotionally. This takes time, and you have to work on your self so that potential cuddling partner are organically drawn to you. Paying money is a shortcut.

  • [Deleted User]MaryMags (deleted user)

    Women should be charging a whole lot more than $100/hr for having to hide pepper spray under their mattress sir.

  • RezzRezz

    Everyone that calls themself a pro gains just as much as the person paying you on here

    Oh really? I didn't realize I gain so much when I'm being dry humped, groped, forcibly kissed or have a hand shoved down my shorts by a strange man twice my age and three times my size. But go off I guess.

    When I see this complaint I do sympathize with those who cannot find a mutual platonic partner, I truly do, but we have risks on our side some males here have never taken into consideration because they don't generally have to.

    If I didn't charge for cuddling I would be working another job. My availability would be cut into a miniscule fraction of what it is now, if any. I'm not alone.
    Most of the pros here do this to help pay their bills while doing something they truly enjoy. Cuddling. However, there's a hazard to meeting people with limited means to assess their intent beforehand. We take time away from family, friends, and hobbies to make ourselves available to those who hire us. That comes at a price.

    Don't like it, don't hire us. You feel our services aren't worth the money? Fine.
    I don't feel the risk to my safety and time away from responsibilities and recreation are worth nothing.

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    The more I think about it, his real gripe is the inability to find a female human being, who he would like to cuddle and who would also be willing to participate in a mutual platonic cuddling experience with him.

    This is 100% it. The negative feelings about pros are kind of a second order effect. And it's why IMO the justifications from pros are missing the mark. I don't think anyone is actually thinking, "Oh I wish that pro who is currently cuddling 8 people each week for compensation would instead cuddle those same 8 people each week for free." What they're really thinking is, "I wish women as a group were as willing to express affection to men as men are to women."

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho
    edited June 2021

    I also find the safety issue as a justification for pricing kind of odd. Obviously the safety issue is a real thing, but what does it have to do with the price? Do you dramatically discount your cuddles once you know a client well and feel he's safe? I'm betting you don't. If cuddling somehow became dramatically more risky than it is now, would pros raise their prices to $500? No, because they wouldn't get any clients.

    You charge what you charge because it's what the market will pay. Which is fine, it's how capitalism works.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    @Envie 👏👏👏

    I’d like to say for cuddling being seen as something that was always done as a free expression of mutual affection, that can be said for so many other things. When people go to therapy, (not that I’m saying we’re compared to therapists and psychiatrists considering they have years of training and degrees) they go to unload issues and have someone to listen to them and possibly give some advice. That’s seen as something that was done as a free expression of mutual affection, but just like cuddling, some people don’t have that friend or family member to lean on to receive that free affection. So I see no difference in someone paying for a therapist, a dentist, a cuddler, a mechanic, a meal at a restaurant or any other commodity that comes with a price.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    The pros aren’t missing the mark… it’s obvious he would like to cuddle someone for free. The only reason why we’re jumping on here and justifying our prices and why we do what we do is because he is blatantly angry at the pros. Read his initial message again. It’s anger towards pros. That’s the main reason of this thread.

  • bekah_cuddlesbekah_cuddles

    @CuddleDuncan

    You must also remember that a one hour cuddle is typically two to four hours work, even before you start trying to account for all the enquiries that don't result in bookings.

    Absolutely; I'd say even more than 4+ hours. Most of my time on here is wasted messaging back and forth with potential clients who either cancel on me last minute or eventually make it obvious that they want more than just platonic cuddles. And I think folks forget that the 15% booking fee to the site is paid by the pro.

  • SideonSideon

    If this or any other thread devolves into another "let's pile on the pros" dross, I will gladly shut it down.

    Thanks for your deliberate attention to this reminder.

  • bekah_cuddlesbekah_cuddles

    @Sheena123 Exactly.

  • Mare_BearMare_Bear

    @MaryMags - Bingo! Is it possible that there are still men who don't understand that women experience danger? That we are on guard at all times and think that just cuddling close to a stranger is just an easy peasy deal for us? It is not. Also, the gall of someone believing that women should be giving free labor, we don't have to do that anymore.

    This is my profession, I rent an office, I have been trained and certified in my field and I am very good at it. I have insurance, my job is to create space for my client to have the best cuddle experience they can. Everything is lead by the client's wants and needs and I hold them, I am on the whole time while they relax. I am open to all people and I do not discriminate, I do not flake, I do not ghost. This is my job, I make less than a therapist or dentist but I proudly earn my living and I am very appreciative of clients who get it.

Sign In or Register to comment.