now I've given myself "Don't worry, you can trust me. Just don't tell your mom" vibes from re-reading what I just wrote.
And you just made my point. Some words can’t be put on a coexist bumper sticker.
Major wow to the comment from @davidgfla .... Dude, seriously? What?
To @Chris55555, I completely hear you..... Some good advice here from others. I have all but stopped meeting people partly due to the same reason.
@TheMidnightOwl it’s a shame isn’t it…to lose out on cuddling good souls due to these experiences
@Chris55555 Yes, it's always sad when some make choices that ruin it for others, and when the ones who suffer most from those choices are the ones who are not responsible for making them.
Yes, it's always sad when some make choices that ruin it for others, and when the ones who suffer most from those choices are the ones who are not responsible for making them.
@TheMidnightOwl Ain't that the truth. Well said.
Lol to my earlier post landing directly under whatever the heck that was... 🙄
I just wanted to clarify that I was addressing those who inadvertently cross another's line. If one is here with the intent to do so, they should definitely leave. Seriously, if you're a pervy gropey grabber hoping to use a cuddle as a gateway to something else, then go away.
But if you're here for platonic cuddling, and find that you are one who may get caught up in the moment, or that you may have wandering appendages, don't put on others to find that out for themselves. Instead, be transparent and up front with your potential partners so they can decide if they're okay with that sort of thing, or if redirecting you is something they're willing to take on.
To be honest, I crossed the line with a cuddle buddy once...
To be clear it wasn't sexually motivated and to many may not be an issue, but I'd moved his hand to where I wanted it, without having his consent, and just held it there for a sec. He tensed and I was instantly zapped out of the moment. I could tell he was uncomfortable and I felt so bad. I immediately apologized and he said, "It's okay."
I pulled away and looked him in the eye and replied something like, "No. It's not okay at all. Just because I'm comfortable with something doesn't mean I should expect you to be - And roles reversed, I'd have been really upset if you'd done something like that to me. I'm really sorry." Luckily he forgave me and our cuddling was able to continue.
But that moment has stuck with me. Since then all potential partners have received my, "I can be an aggressive cuddler" warning, so they can decide if that's something they're willing to deal with. And not all are, which is fine.
...
Some of us are just much more tactile and touchy than others. If that's you, own it and be up front about it. It may feel weird to do so, but better you're honest and feel weird, than making another feel uncomfortable and causing harm/distrust.
And @sunnysideup ~ Yep! And thanks for the nudge. 💓
Of course, one major issue is that if you say, “I am one of the good guys”, it’s a red flag, reasonably so.
I know that personally the moment someone tells me how honest they are I feel for my wallet and look to make sure my watch is still on my wrist…
And so, sadly, the respectful ones tend to stay quiet, distant, and alone.
I tend to believe people until I'm proven otherwise. Some folks just want to let us know that "good" does exist, because there seems to be this misconception that the majority of x are y. I don't believe the majority of men are dogs, like some flustered people on here voice when women start talking about their concerns, for instance. It's like, as soon as you mention having boundaries, or the issues with consent that seem to predominantly come from straight, cis men (in my experience), someone assumes you hate men or something else ridiculous and conjectured. No, dude. I hate when anyone continues to do something after I've repeatedly told them to stop.
@Chris55555 Awesome forum post!!! Yes, I have encountered many boundary pushers in pursuit of finding cuddles buddies platonically. As a result, I have increased boundaries/limits over the years and cuddling is now a much better experience for me. Thank you to all who shared their true experiences and were vulnerable!!!❤️🤗
I just had a similar experience where a man elsewhere asked what I am looking for. I told him I was open to considering friendship or platonic cuddling with the right person. He told me "cuddling always leads to sex". Then he called me weird when I tried to tell him that's not the case if platonic cuddling is all that both parties want and that I let him know that I wasn't looking for anything else currently. Hence we are incompatible. * He said he's easily turned on. So for a person like that, who is immature about respecting people who differ from him and is as he says he is, there's nothing you can do about it.
It is not your responsibility to change who or how they are. Just focus on keeping yourself safe. I am sure there are plenty of men who actually need platonic cuddles and are respectful of boundaries.
@Lovelight Sad to hear! I had similar experiences before and decided to stay strong on boundaries like you. Your right, I am open minded, respectful and enjoy platonic cuddles!!!🤗Men like me do exist!!!😁
@CuddleStella
Sometimes we don't feel safe to really be as direct as we'd like to be. Hence why we may at times have to walk on eggshells. The sad truth. Like I wrote about my experience above, I was respectful of what he was looking for. Though he wasn't of what I was. I don't think one way fits all situations. At the end of the day so long as we say no, even if we happen to be nervously laughing/scared, it counts as a no.
@Chris55555
One of the things that helps put me at ease and gauge where potential Cuddlers are at is to ask if they've did platonic cuddling before and it can also help to ask what makes them seek platonic cuddling. Best to ask these sensitive and important questions in person, video call or at the very least on the phone because there is a lot of communication that gets lost when just messaging. If they appear to be new, their profile deserted, trying to meet odd hours, ask for (more) pics (not just a picture),
are too quickly (for you) trying to speak with you off the site/set up cuddling before they even built rapport, at best proceed with caution. Or don't proceed at all if you aren't feeling comfortable.
@SuperManCuddles Good to hear. 😊
@sillysassy tha I you got pisti g that song! I’m goi g to borrow it as my mantra too! @quixotic_life percectly put🙏🏼 “You are in charge of your own happiness”
@protector NOW I want to visit NC!!! Thank you for being one of the kind souls who are willing to be part of the SOLUTION instead of part of the problem.
@funcartel 😂😂😂 I suppose I AM one of those OLD LADIES that look for fabulous youngsters like yourself. 💕I think they have a term for those women..... Hmmmm.
@catloaf you have no idea how fabulous you are and your information is extremely helpful and insightful to all those reading. What a beautiful soul you are to take time and share your experience. It takes a team of people to create the environment that Cuddle Comfort was built for. I love it! THIS was a statement that really stood out to me. 💕💖💗
The only thing cuddlers can do past that is know the site TOS, work on their skills of enforcing their boundaries. In the case of pros, training can be incredibly beneficial, even though it might not entirely rid you of people who have no intent to respect the service.
YAY for @quixotic_life who is back in our lives just a lil 😊 AND Thank goodness we have love coming from @squeakytoy @Melomaniac9 how cute is your profile pic?!?!? Welcome to the site!!
@Chris55555 you are on the right path doing what is best for you. It doesn't matter what anyone else says or aligns with.
@Chris55555 I appreciate your post as it speaks to the conundrum of platonic cuddling. As I state in my profile, cuddling for me is a therapeutic pursuit akin to a psychological or massage therapy session where I also pay by the hour. It seems there are many folks in our community that see it differently and blur the lines of platonic cuddling with friendship and romance.
What made me so bullish on platonic cuddling was that its healing effects last longer and are much more profound for me than a massage or psychological sessions. Unfortunately, the chemicals our bodies produce during a platonic cuddle session are mostly the same as the ones that are produced during a romantic encounter and therein lies our challenge as platonic cuddlers.
Personally, I don’t look to cuddle with any pros that don’t have some type of medical or holistic training background in so far as I’m looking for a space to be venerable as a male in modern society to de-stress and heal. And moreover, I won’t book a session until after my potential partner and I have a clear understanding of each other’s take on what boundaries and consent is/means, along with discussing our sensibilities on the differences between intimacy and romance and sensuality vs. sexuality.
I always meet with a potential cuddle partner in public setting or via FaceTime or some other platform where we can engage in a face-to-face setting to discuss this before a session. In most instances, we’ve determined to proceed. But there have been a few occasions where we’ve determined that we may not be a good fit for one and other and choose not to cuddle.
Using this process, I’ve healed, learned, and grown immensely from my cuddle encounters, particularly with pros that see themselves as healers of sorts. With the others, not so much.
So, while your profile is detailed, it doesn’t really speak to the healing and rejuvenation aspects that I’m seeking when hiring a pro. From my perspective your profile speaks more to your personality and not what you’re offering as a professional, so I see why there may be confusion, particularly later in a session when our hormones are in full effect.
I don't think there will ever be a cuddle curriculum/training similar to those for medical and holistic healing professionals. So these forums are a great way to exchange points of view and hopefully gain understanding of each other's perspectives.
I've been assaulted and harassed more than one time by female cuddlers! Men, don't cuddle with women who don't respect boundaries! Whatever you do it has to be okay with you and the other person. Watch out for women who try to make you do bad things.
@AragornMike , first of all, I have never had a cuddler disrespect me. Secondly, if you feel your'e being harassed or disrespected all you have to so is stop the session right away.
@Chris55555 , for me I just enjoy the experience, it's therapeutic in the sense that I sleep better at night after a good session and it relaxes me.
@Chris55555 Lots of great replies in the thread & points brought up. Though, I immediately state I am an asexual, I still get propositioned during cuddle sessions to take it farther. Every cuddle session, I try to explain the concept of consent, that this is a platonic cuddling session, and stuff I won't be doing for the session. This is before any kind of cuddling takes place. That way, it sets the tone of the experience. I also make sure I get a verbal "yes, I understand" and answer any questions they have. Usually this takes care of the issues. I have had some cross the line and I typically will stop cuddling and let them know they've crossed the line and decide if I need to stop and call it off or if I can continue with the session.
Currently I am a male enthusiast and looking to grow pro when ready. I have had a couple of sessions with pros. My first one set the bar very high for other pros. She was amazing and I felt relaxed for a while even days after the cuddle just from the positive energy. She set ground rules which I followed to the letter and not once did anything to break her rules. If In doubt I always asked to make sure so as to not break a rule. The second one I think was looking to complete other services. I kept it plutonic and she turned out to be a good cuddler. If rules are set at the start and they break a rule change position or move a little in case it was an accident if it happens again it was not an accident and end the session. We are all adults and it is not hard to be respectful. Do not tolerate any disrespect.
I don't cuddle men anymore because they accuse me of bullying them or they are gay.
@AragornMike Thank you for sharing your experiences with cuddling both genders. I too have experienced both genders crossing boundaries as well. Now with increased boundaries my cuddle experiences are pleasant now. As far as cuddling men, yes many may identify as Gay but I have also cuddled many Straight men as well. I identify as Straight too. Personally as long as they respect my boundaries and connect well with me, orientation is not a worry. If you do decide to cuddle men again, I hope that you meet a more compatible guy.
Bring a shotgun.
@sillysassy aww thank you🥰 I love reading your input on here, I tried to send you a message wanted to say I think you’re awesome but couldn’t message you.
@Mike403 LOL what is it with gun references on the forums these past few days? You and @Catloaf are cracking me up
So, what do you say to a cow with no ears?? Anything you want, she can't hear you.
Oops, wrong thread.
@herby357 to clarify-I am not a professional…hence why I don’t describe my services
@Chris55555, I didn't realize that you were not in pro status. Please accept my sincere apology.
I understand the difficulty in this as someone who grew up walking on eggshells around highly abusive people. I agree that no still means no even if nervously laughing/scared, and from my experience, that may work around people at first who are not at all dangerous, but from my own experience cuddling with folks of all kinds and being a procuddler, there comes a time where that laughing nervously stuff will not help at all. I've had folks turn up even worse bc I wasn't as stern as I was now that I can look back safely - laughing nervously gave them the WRONG idea.. and they definitely got more predatory; to be frank, I could have had shit cut off if I either told them to stop, seriously or else I would just leave. I've had that same person almost stop me from leaving too to the point where I was ready to physically defend myself, so it was a very scary situation but it was the only way it had come down to, whether I laughed nervously or not, he was NOT a safe person at all. Nothing I could have done to feel any safer or to turn him down in a way to make sure I wasn't putting myself at risk.
To feel safe and to be safe aren't always the same thing. When you don't feel safe, make it known. If we don't feel safe, laughing nervously doesn't make us feel any safer, does it? It's a practice we must engage in, in order to protect ourselves better.
I hope something in this helps.
Be clear from the beginning about it being non-sexual, but people should already know this. It's cool if you ask someone ahead lf time why they like cudling or why they're on the site... their answer can usually be deciphered for how accurate it is when they tell you whatever reason they give you. It's not what they say but how genuine they sound. I tend to to not be distrustful, but I don't want to be naive either