Being asked for info on site members

pmvinespmvines
edited June 2021 in General

As a guy who knows a fair amount of people on here , from time to time i will get a message from a stranger asking me for intel on somebody. I personally do not give out info on folks I meet here as I feel that is a breech of their privacy, and I also feel like some are digging to see whether someone is into only cuddling or if they like are open to also having sex /sex related stuff, if they have loose boundaries , etc . How do other members feel about this? Has this happened to you ? How would you feel if you knew a site user was contacting folks to ask questions about you , especially when they can view your karma etc already?

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Comments

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    I generally agree about respecting people’s privacy.

    I have occasionally been messaged regarding karma I’ve left, where people ask me to clarify or elaborate about a cuddle session so they can decide if they want to book a given pro. I usually feel OK about answering those and don’t see it as a breach of privacy. I never tell them anything I wouldn’t have considered putting in karma anyway.

  • CanyonRidgeCanyonRidge

    I’ve been asked for info twice, and I ignored it both times. Like you, I thought the members were fishing for boundary-related intel. If I have something to say about a cuddle partner, I’ll do it publicly in the karma.

  • carinocarino

    Some ppl want a lil more detailed than what you described on the karmas..example would be are they really affectionate or just lay there like a dead corpse with one arm around you..as far as you "feel like they are asking more if there was any sexual contact well thats just it you just feel you only assume, thoufh you have the right to assume that but till the ppl don't tell you otherwise directly or indirectly thays pretty much all you have is assumptions

  • LovelightLovelight

    Creepy.

  • [Deleted User]arghdaddy (deleted user)

    I would never divulge anything about someone I consider a friend whether they’re in person or from here. I have given some new people like advice regarding their profile and the site when asked.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I agree with most of why people ask and consider it none of their business and a possible red flag. However, I asked someone who left karma for someone who was new and had given them three stars with no explanation. I considered this wishy-washy and I wanted to know why only three stars and also because if it was a case of being stood up with no communication I did not want to suffer the same fate. He said it was between him and her and he was giving her a second chance and I left it at that. I tried her and wish I had not as she slept for practically the entire time and snored at that—not my vibe. I can be a talker.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    I would not mind if someone let this person know who I am and what I’m about. If they do ask about something sexual, I find it good to if you tell them it’s a no no. Having an extra person tell this questioning person he’s being wrong let’s him know there are people who follow the rules and he needs to back off the sexual stuff. Most likely he won’t listen to the advice and will still hope I do something sexual but knowing there’s someone out there answering these people and saying “she’s awesome! No dude, she doesn’t do sexual stuff. Get off my lawn with that crap. It’s not allowed!” (And also making it easier to report these kind of guys and get rid of them 😉)

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited June 2021

    @Sheena123 They are not that overt in inquiring as @pmvines said. It is more along the lines of “What is a session with her like? What did you like the most?” Another one is “Did she meet your needs?” It is all coded language hopeful that the right guy will spill the beans. This language also insinuates that they know directly asking will get them banned so they blandly code it hoping someone else will cipher the gist of their meaning.

  • Tigg122Tigg122
    edited June 2021

    I think certain questions about other enthusiast cuddlers regarding safety can be appropriate.

    I have asked about another cuddler once before. I got confusing vibes from his messages, and remembered seeing that another woman enthusiast in my area had a karma from him, but she had not left a karma on his page. I sent her a message asking if she had felt safe around the other person and if there was a reason she would advise other women not to meet him.

    *I am also an enthusiast. Not a pro. Their experiences on this topic may be different.

  • CatloafCatloaf
    edited June 2021

    @FunCartel Hit the nail on the head. Experienced punters know what to say and what not to say, unfortunately. The dudes who come into anyone's inbox straight up asking "Does she do [insert acronym here]" or "does the carpet match the drapes" aren't experienced or savvy in hiring for sex, and probably came here for that reason - no provider or client worth their salt is going to answer or ask those questions, or give those kinds of details in explicit language on a site like this because:

    a) it's illegal, and using said language can land someone in trouble with law enforcement

    b) they will get banned

    As a side note, I hope y'all who do this crap do get banned, and I hope law enforcement does catch you at some point. Sorry, not sorry. I have my opinions on the industry and how healthy it is(n't) for the majority, but I will never shame a person simply for choosing sex work as either a SW or as a client of one. Just for looking in the wrong places for it.

  • pmvinespmvines

    Yeah someone asked me if someone was close contact cuddler, if they were intimate, responsive, open minded. Which on the surface seems benign but I've been around the block a few times and can usually tell the difference between a genuine question and fishing

  • ThomSSIThomSSI

    I’ve had this happen several times - each time let the pro in question know that a potential client was seeking intel and subsequently learned the inquiry confirmed bad vibes they already felt.

  • [Deleted User]natickben (deleted user)

    On the flip side, I would 100% let the person being inquired about know that this was happening and tell them who gave off creepy vibes

  • [Deleted User]Duryea (deleted user)

    I would personally rather not discuss another member with someone else. It just feels weird and like I'd be talking about someone behind their back.

  • Maverick07Maverick07

    It does sound strange... I would not share anything besides what I write on someone's karma.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    I still wouldn’t be bothered if someone talked to the cuddler in question by saying something like “she was an amazing cuddle! Very professional! Made sure it was platonic and stuck to the rules “

    Aka: (get outta here if you’re hoping for more)

  • Melomaniac9Melomaniac9

    This is so creepy! Why do people behave this way?
    And then guys who send weird messages wonder why we don’t answer or stop the conversation.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @Maverick07 The times I have received messages like that I did not reply. Even if they do not use coded language and their intentions are pure, they contacted me because I left karma on that particular Cuddler. The karma should suffice.

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho
    edited June 2021

    I'm surprised you guys find this so weird (or even apparently "creepy"). I know some pro cuddlers share info about clients, is that also creepy?

    Karma is often very terse and, in my experience, fairly shaky as a guide to what a cuddle session will be like. For some people spending $100-$300 on a cuddle session is a significant expense. And there are plenty of bad cuddlers out there who nevertheless have decent karma. I don't think it's unreasonable that some people want a little more evidence that they'll be getting a good experience.

  • CatloafCatloaf
    edited June 2021

    @CuddleWho I totally don't think it's weird, but it depends on the questions being asked of course! We often seek intel in other areas of our lives too, but at the same time cuddling is a more discrete activity. So I guess it's understandable when someone feels that karma is enough and should speak for itself. Personally I would love to know that others chose to cuddle with me based on someone else's positive experience even if they had to get some intel on me.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    I've had that happen and chose to disclosed details to them. They were local to my area and were concerned about potentially meeting up with someone I'd posted about having had a bad experience with and mentioned they were still active on the site. So hopefully it being related to safety is okay.

    But for any other reason I'd feel pretty icky about it if I didn't have their consent first. Cuddleships are sacred and special to me, so if asked, I'd likely go to my cuddle buddy and ask if they'd be okay with me sharing about my experience(s) with them. But more likely than not, I would just wish the inquiring person luck after explaining, that although I may seem like an open book at times, I can be a bit over protective too.

  • [Deleted User]DarkLordChungus (deleted user)

    I'm not surprised that this sort of thing happens, really. If anyone wants the dirt on @DarkLordChungus , I'd be willing to sell what I've got. DM me if you're interested.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited June 2021

    Lol @DarkLordChungus. Does anyone dare delve into the dark arts? Or alliteration after rereading my last sentence.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited June 2021

    @CuddleWho it is creepy, because the other party may volunteer things about us that we do not want volunteered to the person inquiring. Unless we feel comfortable with that person to give that info ourselves.

  • Drop_the_MikeDrop_the_Mike
    edited June 2021

    I think it depends the way the question is asked if it’s creepy or not. After all most cuddle sessions rates range from $70-$100 an hour and who wants to waste money on a cuddler who may not be a good fit? So if the person is asking a general question about a pro I don’t see anything wrong with it.

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    @Lovelight

    it is creepy, because the other party may volunteer things about us that we do not want volunteered to the person inquiring.

    So is every conversation that anyone ever had about anyone else creepy? Is leaving karma on this site creepy? Really, I don't get it. The fact that people theoretically might reveal private info means it's creepy to even speak about a person?

  • Mr_Cuddle_BearMr_Cuddle_Bear

    I don't think every question is creepy. If someone asked me a specific question (ie. "Does X talk a lot?" or "Does X have good hygiene?") I would answer without hesitation.

    But I had someone send me a message asking "Anything I should know about X?" The tone seemed off to me and I sent her a screenshot of the message. She said she already had concerns about the person and didn't think she was going to take him as a client.

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @pmvines Awesome 😎 and real forum discussion idea. Yes, many people ask me about other people that I cuddled and left karma for. I do recommend cuddlers that the experience was great with all the time but don’t get into personal details. The best way to know about a cuddle experience is to cuddle the person yourself. We may enjoy different facets of the cuddle experience with the same person. So other words my cuddle preferences and likes may not be yours or what you look for in a cuddle experience, so best experience a person for yourself. I also recommended people that I met online as good virtual friends to others but no personal topics. Once again, find out for yourself.

  • Lev136Lev136

    I never say anything to anyone who asks me about another member or any or my partners. That's our business not others. Some questions are red flags to me on what the person might be asking about. it's between myself and the cuddler, nobody needs to know.

    The other thing is that everybody has a different idea of what a good cuddler is and just because I thought someone was good does not mean another person will Different strokes for different folks!

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)
    edited June 2021

    I've never asked anyone for information on someone I was thinking about meeting up with, because if there's ever been the slightest bit of doubt in my mind, I didn't meet up with them. But I can absolutely understand some instances where people might ask (ie. why a pro might privately ask another pro about her review of a client before agreeing to meet with the same person).

    Um, I feel like I keep rallying people to report stuff these days. :sweat_smile: But if anyone messages you and seems to be testing the waters on whether a pro you've cuddled with offers sexual services, it's okay if it's not obvious - please do report them, even to say you're not sure about their intentions and find the message suspicious. We can look into it more!

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