Cuddlers in Relationships

Big_ChrisBig_Chris
in General

If you're in a relationship already, have you had any luck finding a cuddler? How does your SO feel about it? How did the cuddler feel about it?

If you're single, how do you feel about cuddling someone in a relationship? I've noticed that's been a hard line many have drawn, I'm curious as to the reasons.

I'm in a long term relationship and my SO just isn't very cuddly. I'm still pretty new here, I have not met up with anyone yet. I've had difficulty getting to talk to people, and I'm mostly wondering if my outstanding relationship is putting people off. I'm patient and I know people have their own preferences, I guess I'm beginning to feel a bit disheartened from the lack of communication.

For the one or two that have responded to me, I appreciate it :smile:

Comments

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    If your spouse is okay with you cuddling here, you might want to explicitly mention that in your profile.

    However, it’s always difficult for men on this site to find women to reply to them. I don’t think your relationship status is the primary problem; most likely no one even looked at your profile long enough to notice. I think most men never find a (nonpro) cuddle buddy.

  • soulfulspiritsoulfulspirit

    I feel your pain. I too have noticed this. I sought out cc here for mostly professionals as there is a therapeutic healing from cuddling. Many are dealing with issues from stress, depression, PTSD or an array of other conditions that cuddling has proven therapeutic benefits. As a professional I would think most understand this and maintain strict boundaries for a session. Unfortunately professional here is starting to look like people who want to paid and not necessarily their credentials. I couldn’t imagine going to any other professional counselor and being turned down because of your relationship status. 🤔

  • HertyHerty

    It's no secret to anyone that there is a far larger quantity of men on this site to women. I think a lot of women initially get turned away from the site due to the overwhelming amount of messages new users tend to receive, not all with platonic interests at heart.

    In saying that, I've never paid for a pro, and most of the time I've been on this site I've been in a loving, committed relationship. I prefer to be completely honest about it - It's on my profile, and I invite people to ask about it if they have any concern.
    With CC being a completely platonic site I see no problem with it - People have various reasons for being here, and my primary one is to make new friends that I can feel comfortable being physically affectionate with. My partner has no issues with me being on here and so far I've never felt like being in a relationship has impacted my ability to meet/cuddle people I've met here.

    Stick around Chris. Takes a while to start finding the right people here but once you do, it's lovely :)

  • Big_ChrisBig_Chris

    @CuddleWho I appreciate the advice, I added that to my profile. I can understand wanting to stay out of the drama.

    I hope it just takes time, in the meantime I'm alright with exchanging friendly messages.

  • Big_ChrisBig_Chris

    @Herty Thank you for the encouragement, I've considered paying for a pro but pricing has kept me from giving it a try. For now I'm just going to be a bit more patient

  • Big_ChrisBig_Chris

    @soulfulspirit Have you had good experiences with pros here? It's something I've been considering but I'm not sure how I feel about it. I thought professionals needed to be accepting of all, I hope there aren't too many that are choosey.

  • [Deleted User]arghdaddy (deleted user)

    It takes time, also you have to build trust. Put yourself out there like you just did by being involved in the posts. I’ve received a lot more positive attention by doing so.

  • soulfulspiritsoulfulspirit

    Big Chris,
    Yes!
    They are few and far between but there are professionals here that actually have Credentials as a therapist and not just cuddle enthusiast that want to be paid. Without giving out too much detail, I’m living today because of a professional I found on cc. It was an emotional healing and I will always be grateful for her healing powers. 🙏

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited June 2021

    @Big_Chris professionals do not care that you are in a relationship. They care that you are safe to be with, understand what 'platonic' means, are reliable, courteous and clean.

    Take your time, and choose one carefully based on things that matter. Karma is helpful but not infallible. Some professionals are truly amazing people that it is a priviledge to know: others are struggling to find their way in the world.

  • MarkB21MarkB21

    It depends on the relationship. I can think of past relationships where the girlfriend would have liked the idea of both finding partners and others who wouldn't.

  • BelizeanQueenBelizeanQueen

    I don’t feel that relationship status matters when it comes to cuddle sessions (at least it doesn’t matter to me). I’ve had both married & single clientele… I’m not picky, I welcome everyone 💓

    I’m personally married and my husband is very well aware of me doing it as well. It’s not on my profile because I don’t think it’s necessary.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    I would hope that anyone I was considering cuddling with would let me know that they were in a relationship, especially in a relationship with a man.

    I would absolutely want to speak to him, to be as certain as possible of his awareness and consent.

    I have very little baseline trust in men that are strangers to me.

    Being unwittingly involved in a possessive or jealous relationship is a nightmare scenario.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    Thank you for bringing this up. I was just wondering if my "status" would be another barrier in finding an additional cuddle parner. Tbd, but seems like there are a lot of understanding SO's out there who get it... So maybe knowing that, others will be encouraged to reply? Fingers crossed.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    I'd only be okay with it if their significant other knew that they were cuddling and were okay with it.

  • Big_ChrisBig_Chris

    @arghdaddy thanks for the encouragement and advice! I definitely want to dive more into the community and I enjoy chatting y'all up.

    @soulfulspirit Glad to hear you've had a good experience, and I'm glad you're here. Mental health is extremely important, cuddling is a great tool for maintenance.

    @CuddleDuncan If I end up trying to find a pro I'll definitely keep all that in mind. I appreciate your input.

    @MarkB21 Yeah everyone is entitled to their preferences, I can see people not wanting to be 'caught in the middle' of something.

    @BelizeanQueen That's great! Hearing stories of couples understanding of each other's needs and preferences is validating and I'm glad to hear everyone's success stories.

    @CharlesThePoet Completely agree. Getting in between people who aren't honest is a recipe for disaster. I think it could be argued that withholding something like that violates consent.

    @quixotic_life I'll be rooting for the both of us!

    @sunnysideup I feel the same way, seems most people do. I think open communication is often the answer to any problem.

    Thanks you all for chiming in, everyone's perspective is interesting and I learned a few things. I have a compulsion to answer every post but I might calm down moving forward. :sweat_smile:

  • LovelightLovelight

    I wouldn't want to be in a relationship in which either myself or my partner's cuddling needs weren't met, so much so that either of us felt the need to seek outside our relationship. I don't trust that in most cases people are honest about telling their partner. Or that their partner is truly happy with it. I don't want to be in that potential drama, part of the reason why a partner deep down feels uncomfortable/like something might happen. Or like they aren't enough. Regardless of whether or not that's the reality, (some/sometimes) feelings don't care about your facts. Additionally, I don't want to intentionally do to others what I don't want done to me.

  • LovelightLovelight

    There's also a concern I've about hypocrisy where one partner is happy to go cuddling with others. Though voiced or not, wouldn't feel the same if his partner did the same. The double standard especially where men are praised/okayed for the same things women are shamed for, is unfortunately present in society. While not so much about platonic cuddling, as that's something just starting, it is present in other ways. And so I can see it finding its way in platonic cuddling as well.

    Cuddling is also quite intimate for me. So if in a relationship I'd need it to be exclusive.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    My ex-SO didn't get it or care (he's a pretty touch-averse person), and my current person I met through here so he totally gets it and is fine with it.
    I don't think I'd care if a partner were married or in a relationship, but until I'm faced with that, I don't really know for certain.

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