How do I improve my online/texting communication skills?

[Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)
in General

I hope I am not the only one who is worried about this kind of thing, but I feel like I am not very good at communicating unless I am face to face, or at least voice to voice.

Everything from not being sure if my tone is coming across, am I understanding their tone, am I “touching base” often enough, am I touching base too often, am I simply bugging people, are they only humoring me, etc…

Basics, how do I get past social media communication anxiety?

Anyone got any ideas/tips/best practices/roadmaps?

Thanks!

Comments

  • [Deleted User]PapaBearCuddles (deleted user)
    edited June 2021

    No need to over analyze. Just type what seems natural. You will figute it out. Also you can look for tips online. Just one message until they respond is a good rule of thumb. Hugs

  • pmvinespmvines

    @CharlesThePoet I appreciate you having started this thread as I think a lot of people.have that problem but dont feel comfy talking about it . Hopefully this will bring some awareness and be helpful to folks . Welcome back btw it's good to see you again

  • NicoSnuggsNicoSnuggs

    @CharlesThePoet - My comment response here is going to specifically refer to things which I have found helpful in communicating with new women who are strangers to me online (whom I have not met in person before).

    In my time over the last couple of years of communicating online, cuddling, and pursuing dating through apps online (specifically with new people whom I’m meeting online, and not referring to people whom I’ve previously already met in person), I am realizing more and more as time goes on how many texts and messages women get from other men online (who are new and strangers to them).

    So being conscious of that, I am finding that two things go a very long way when starting off and then continuing the conversations online with new women who are strangers:

    1) Writing a comment or message to them that is related to something they are already interested in, or something they have already posted or written somewhere else;
    For example, if she is into traveling, mentioning to her a beautiful place you’ve been to or heard of and asking her if she has been there;
    This is helpful to get the conversation going.

    And
    2) Giving women time to respond, but not stressing about it, and moving on if they never do respond to you.

    For instance, I have found that when I am too hurried or rushed to move the conversation to a phone call or to meeting in person, I often lose all communication with that women completely, especially with younger women.

    So taking my time when communicating with women and keeping moving on to communication with other people if I don’t receive responses from one or another for a long while.

  • ReiditronReiditron

    imo this is a business networking site and you don't need to worry much about texting. Be clear in what you are looking for

    • length of session
    • day and time
    • location
    • confirm pricing and how to pay

    no need for much else online/texting communication imo

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    @Reiditron

    Well, speaking only for myself, I have no intention to become a professional cuddler, and beyond interesting conversation, have no interest in hiring a professional cuddler.

    I’ve tried it, and it simply isn’t for me.

    But I appreciate your opinion.

    @NicoSnuggs

    Thanks for sharing your experience.

    @pmvines

    Thanks, and thanks, and um, huh?

  • UKGuyUKGuy

    The less you say the less chance you will offend someone or be misunderstood, so limit every communication to one sentence.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    @UKGuy

    It that one sentence with, or without, sarcasm?

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited June 2021

    @CharlesThePoet you are welcome. And I said it's good to see you back because it has been a while since I've seen you on here , since your old account that is . It is good to see that you are back on the forums and posting , and it is nice to see a familiar face

  • sillysassysillysassy

    @CharlesThePoet what a lovely thread! I ABSOLUTELY think communication is key in this online world. Shockingly enough, I have so many thoughts on your question. 😊
    AS A FEMALE ENTHUSIAST....... ahem........ I always look for connecting first through messages. Did I say ALWAYS???

    I think reaching out and connecting without face or voice IS challenging and we are ALL in the same boat as far as that goes. I don't agree with the few peeps that you should **ALWAYS ** only send a few words so as to not be misunderstood or to be extremely concise because that is not what everyone appreciates.

    I do think @PapaBearCuddles and @NicoSnuggs kind of hit it spot on. If you just present your best self..... (and maybe in written form you have to do other things to get across an idea or a thought process etc.) but above all else..... Be YOU that It's what everyone wants to see in my opinion. (Well unless you can be Batman then be Batman!) I don't have a desire for people to present what they think I want to see. I want to see THEM! If what we are at our core doesn't really match then no big deal. We mesh and interact or we don't. If you aren't second guessing your intentions then that's what matters. It is the responsibility of the OTHER PERSON to ask clarifying questions or double check ideas etc. The last cuddle party I went to a few weeks ago something really hit me. KNOWING that I am going to take care of doing what is best for me and you are going to do the same frees us both up to just be present instead of trying to control a response. Honesty, authenticity, and deliberate awareness go a LONG WAY in the written words.

    The biggest thing I learned in the last few years from this community as well as the real life humans I come in contact with is that you truly 100% have to let go of the things you have no control over. You said "What if they misunderstand?" "Are they just humoring me?" "Am I bugging them?" Etc. etc. etc.
    Again..... Just MY OPINION and perspective. Everyone is looking for something. 😊😊😊

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @sillysassy ~ "just be present instead of trying to control a response"

    Love this!!! 💞

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited June 2021

    For the frequency, you can think of it more or less like sports such as volleyball. Sometimes the ball will fall on your side and you've to pick up. Vice versa. Most times you both need to keep it going.

    If either of these seem pretty one sided, then you need to figure out why that may be and whether or not that's a worthy opponent for you to continue having such connection with. Or turn them into someone you might just give a friendly wave to if you cross paths with them.

  • [Deleted User]cualtzin (deleted user)
    edited June 2021

    @CharlesThePoet Having read a number of your posts, I already know you communicate effectively. The challenge is when you know so little about the person on the other end. And you don’t have the feedback from direct interaction.

    @sillysassy and @NicoSnuggs already provided excellent insight. I would only add a few (simplistic) thoughts:

    Our writing is influenced by our mood. If we’re feeling anxious or depressed, it can work it’s way into our words, often in unexpected ways. I know that when I’m feeling this way, my writing is often unimaginative and insecure. For me, I try to do a bit of exercise or cut the grass or water the garden. Just to clear my head.

    You can learn from every communication that fizzles out. Someone new will come along along and you can continue to refine your approach until you settle on an a style that works for you. And hopefully you receive some meaningful replies. The challenge is to not become discouraged. I send messages with the expectation that I will not receive a reply. Sometimes I’m wrong.

    Lastly, a bit of advice that I have ignored here. Brevity is always helpful in the context of messaging/texting. Personally, I go into speed reading mode when I see a discussion with paragraph after paragraph ... It’s always tempting for me to explain my points in complete detail so my message is clear. But I have to consider my audience. And my audience is receiving many more messages than I am.

    Take my words with a giant chunk of Himalayan rock salt. I’m not a success in the world of making online friends. But it’s fun to share my thoughts once in a while.

  • Melomaniac9Melomaniac9

    @sillysassy I appreciate that you put things so eloquently and that picture
    Is worth a thousand words🙏🏼

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life
    edited June 2021

    @CharlesThePoet ~ Thought I should add...
    I find you refreshingly articulate and relatable. I think some just can't handle whatever it is that comes with the act of replying sometimes.
    Could be they're a deep-dive one at a time responder that's already cultivating a connection with someone else, or maybe they haven't done their chores or basic self maintenance so they feel kind of gross and don't want their ickiness to come across, or perhaps they have been inundated with a mess of life dealings that have shifted their priorities/focus, or maybe they got cold feet even though it's summer and hella hot out, or maybe they just didn't feel (or are no longer feeling) that spark-click that can motivate one to reply. You just never know.

    Whatever the reason, or lack there of, just be yourself. Ultimately, when looking for a good cuddle buddy match, that will go the distance, y'all will be able to connect, even if not through typed discourse, making you two a good fit either way.

    IDK ~ When I'm struggling with this kind of mind spiral/with someone who doesn't reply, I try to just shrug and tell myself, "I guess this isn't our time/it wasn't meant to be." Then I try someone else, or take some time away and focus on the forums or on my to do list. 🤷‍♀️

    edited to correct typos

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    @sillysassy

    You are awesome, and I am so stealing that second photo.

    @lovelight

    Thank you, the sports metaphor helps.

    @cualtzin

    I appreciate your kind words, and yes, I certainly need to be aware of my own moods when I am communicating, especially writing.

    @quixotic_life

    I agree. Having said that, knowing that my ego and insecurity is in the way and actually STOPPING my ego and insecurity from getting in the way are two separate things.

    But you can’t possibly succeed if you don’t make the effort.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    Someone a long time ago asked a similar question here & one of the replies stood out to me, the reply said, “before pressing send, read everything you wrote back to yourself … see how the tone comes off, if commas / periods / exclamation marks ect are in the right places … If you make any changes read it back again to yourself so that you can see first hand how the reader will receive your message … hope this helps 🍻

  • Lev136Lev136

    My thoughts is as always when writing (texting) to others on this site is to be clear, honest, say as much as you need to say to introduce yourself so the other person knows what you are saying to the point that they are interested in getting to know you and want to cuddle.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Always jot down notes on your phone when thoughts occur to you because things happen and you forget important things you wanted to say.

  • [Deleted User]DarkLordChungus (deleted user)

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    @DarkLordChungus: Preach. That's definitely a good foundation. And once someone's got those basics down, they can move on to the other four Cs!


    I'm, uh... still working on these myself.

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    If that Elements of Style suggestion was serious, one should be aware that there is a significant backlash against that book.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/volokh-conspiracy/wp/2015/04/21/against-strunk-whites-the-elements-of-style/

    Basically a lot of people consider its style advice overly simplistic or obvious and its grammar advice to be outright wrong.

  • [Deleted User]DarkLordChungus (deleted user)
    edited June 2021

    @CuddleWho

    I'd say that The Elements of Style is more than enough for those looking to improve their online communication skills—whatever the book's shortcomings.

    Given that "a lot of people" can barely form coherent sentences online, I'd say that more people would benefit from reading it.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited June 2021

    Elements of Style was a required text when getting my degree, and was also useful while getting my master's. While somewhat flawed, it was useful when creating clinical narratives and making things look professional.

  • [Deleted User]cualtzin (deleted user)

    I think it’s helpful to consider context. EOS did indeed help me write better term papers. But it didn’t help me find a friend. Online writing is typically less formal. It seems like just yesterday I couldn’t imagine using emojis to communicate. Yet here we are 🤷🏻.I don’t know if the book has been updated for the internet age. But it might be nice to see a companion volume: “EOS for Online Communication”.

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