Interest in getting to know someone

[Deleted User]honeycuddle (deleted user)
in General

I really want to know ,why is this so common. People on here making zero effort to even show some interest in getting to know someone like s few calls or some curioisiy about the person they want to cuddle with. Am.i not human, I'm not only a pair of arms or legs or a body .I can't hey. I've been on here a few months and the request are what's your location, do you want to cuddle. Not even an intro or nothing .There is no shortcut to human connection and your energy and kindness and intent counts for something. And if you can't communicate and pick up a phone, Lord help us all
How do we connect without talking..If this is the norm ,count me out, I'm about to jump ship .Where are the warm,nuturing, interesting people of my age group. Do others find this too?

Comments

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    Some people are very anti-phone. I don't get it either, but you can't force it. On a personal note, I love how so many people have claimed to not like talking on the phone, but then will spend well over an hour or two on a call with me!!

  • biancalovecraftbiancalovecraft

    I'm right here! 🤗
    In seriousness, There's lots of warm, interesting, loveable people here, but they aren't as outgoing as the ones who want to treat you like fast food drive through after a disappointing night out drinking. You may have to reach out to them yourself. @respectful is on your continent, so you have that going for you
    Welcome to the neighborhood 😊

  • [Deleted User]honeycuddle (deleted user)

    Thank you for the responses appreciate it .

  • HertyHerty

    @honeycuddle I'm sorry to hear your experience of CC has been like this so far - There is definitely a plethora of people on here who will try to rush into intimacy with someone they don't know and it can often be a red flag.

    Howeeeever in saying that: Have faith, do some searching because once every so often you'll get to know a wonderful human being and have some great cuddles! I only find a new buddy of that calibre here every few months or so but it's totally worth it when you do. As with any form of intimacy I'd only want to cuddle with someone I trust, and I totally agree you can only begin to trust someone when you feel like you know them! Definitely send some messages out there, ask some questions, see what happens. Wishing you all the best!

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    @honeycuddle

    I totally understand.

    I was there just a few weeks ago.

    But, in my case at least, I have found that patience is an important virtue.

    And happily some fantastic people have reached out to me, and getting to know them is a true joy.

    Keep at it, the pearls are worth the swine.

    (Granted, you have to ruthlessly and constantly herd the swine… Totally sucks, and I can only apologize for the snorting ones…)

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @honeycuddle, don't worry about it. Most of these people aren't worth knowing, and they are unconsciously aware of this. Their mistake is that they generalise this worthlessness to the world at large, and think that everybody else isn't worth knowing either.

    Such people rarely get a response, thus reinforcing their view that they aren't worth knowing and that everybody else isn't either. Consequently they spam everybody within 100 miles in the hope of getting an answer. This is why so many members are inundated with worthless messages.

    There is a small proportion of such messages that come from people who have taken the site's marketing and sign up material at face value - it is, umm..... concise and optimistic. Some of these people are rescue-able.

    In most cases, your best response is to Block. At the slightest hint of any breach of the TOS, Report. If in doubt, Report.

    Craft a standard copy paste reply for those where you think there might be a glimmer of hope. Be viciously judgemental of the response - do not give second chances. Yes, once in a blue moon you will can somebody worthwhile, but second chances are emotionally draining and that's not what you are here for.

    Do not jump ship. You are not looking for a needle in a haystack: you are looking for fifty really big, bright needles in a small ..... well not even a stack really, more of a pile.

  • nicro2130nicro2130

    I'm autistic and therefore chances are I'll never be able to have a normal relationship.
    I've also been through alot of trauma and when I found this it really helped me.

    Because human contact with people with autism can be harmful even just a pat on my back can shock and hurt me.

    I still need to feel human contact. It's actually very good for people like me just very difficult.

  • GentleMan1111GentleMan1111

    I know what you mean. I often feel more shitty and isolated after trying to use this site. I gather that other people feel similar. People talk about either getting little response or too much, especially of the negative kind. I’ve actually started using this site in sort of an ironic way… Whenever I’m feeling cuddle deprived I just spend a few minutes on here to remember that it’s all basically more trouble than it’s worth.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited July 2021

    Don't lose hope, slowly though surely I believe you will find the right matches for you. I too had to deal with such people. It is better to learn to not deal with them. When they knowingly or not act like you are just a body, you can treat them like their message doesn't exist in your inbox. I wouldn't advise deleting, though just ignore and if they don't seem to follow up with something more sensible, you can choose to tell them to stop contacting, block. Or if you feel they put effort into their profile and could use a little nudge let them know what you* need. If not already stated on your profile.

    I feel in general the people who do that fall into two catagories: mainly they are boundary pushers, don't care about reading profiles, they probably didn't even read the TOS, etc., or what platonic cuddling is when they were joining. So they just saw a place to meet women/ and boom they think they can automatically get a hookup even when that is not the purpose* of the site! Or a few may be terrible at connecting with others, though with time may improve. I'd also divide the latter group into two catagories: the ones who are terrible at it and expect everyone else to accept them for it. And the ones who know or learn that they more or less need to meet others halfway.

  • [Deleted User]honeycuddle (deleted user)

    Aaaah so heartwarming to see all the responses, I appreciate it wanted to respond individually but not sure how to do that, thanks for the support and encouragement, I'm feeling better about this already.

  • LovelightLovelight

    You just type @honeycuddle @ followed by the person's username and what you want to say. No worries. :)

  • keeptpeacekeeptpeace
    edited July 2021

    Personally for me, I'm new to this and never tried online dating or sent work emails or anything in-between. So I just don't have those type of social skills. But in person I can build a connection almost immediately.

  • Big_ChrisBig_Chris

    A little bit of devil's advocate:

    I have bad phone anxiety. Any sort of communication that I don't expressly ask for can be very stressful. The idea of chatting on the phone with someone I don't know can be exciting if planned correctly, but its hard to strike that balance.

    For the subject of short messages, I sometimes feel like putting myself out there isn't productive. It takes a lot of emotional energy to reach out and say some things about myself and put effort into an introduction. After having done that a few times without a lot of replies I'm also wondering if I'm investing too much into strangers. I wouldn't blame someone who gets burnt out this way.

    Not trying to justify the boundary-pushers, just adding my perspective.

  • WKplatonicWKplatonic
    edited July 2021

    I am not a phone person; I have a speech impairment; emailing do wonder for me. Finding the right cuddling partner to connect with takes a lot of effort and time but believe me, it is worth it.

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    Some of the replies to this post are very strange to me. What "boundary-pushers" are we talking about here? Sending a message that says, "Hey do you want to cuddle?" may be a dumb approach, but what the heck does it have to do with pushing boundaries?

    Anyway, I think there are possibly three things going on here:

    1. Some people are just clueless. They just don't realize how being so direct will be perceived.

    2. Some people are reluctant to invest too much time or effort into a stranger, especially after their previous experiences on the site.

    3. They've been spoiled by pros. With a pro, you don't do a whole lot of messaging upfront; you just book a session and cuddle. Honestly given my previous experience with pros I really have little inclination to spend hours trying to get to know someone before meeting them in person. And it's not because I see them as "only a pair of arms or legs or a body."

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    Like everything else in this world, negativity is far more abundant than positivity , but don’t let that deter you, there are countless of hidden gems 💎 & people who will take the time and & put in the effort! ♥️ 🌌

  • [Deleted User]Chris55555 (deleted user)
    edited July 2021

    @honeycuddle I hear you completely and what you are saying resonates with my experience. I have met a few amazing souls on here that I would consider good friends. Sadly they are far away (shoutout to @jackgee). But there are a number of people here who believe cuddling is purely a physical exchange and don’t engage in conversation. I have decided that if it’s uncomfortable via text it will likely be uncomfortable irl. Most cuddlers are empathetic, so it’s hard for us to brush people off, or to make firm boundaries.

  • hifigeorgehifigeorge

    Chris55555, , link Although I am able to text, I find it limiting by comparison to voice chat. On this site, I know it's necessary for conversation. I'm not fast with typing, and if I use voice input, it often makes errors which I have to correct anyway. Having said that, I agree that there should be some conversation before even trying to set up a cuddle. If conversation, generally speaking doesn't go well, then I agree that cuddling may not.

  • Melomaniac9Melomaniac9

    @honeycuddle i get you totally!
    Trust your gut. There will be lots of messages sift through them.
    @CuddleDuncan @Lovelight @cuddles_ndream ha e a great point
    Get on the forums you learn a lot.
    Don’t jump ship yet! Patience pays off. Sending hugs to you.

    My first cuddle & only cuddle buddy was amazing like @CharlesThePoet said! I had to pop open that oyster and was rewarded with a beautiful kind pearl. It was short lived but set my bar up high.

    @quixotic_life Im a texter fast fingers lol queen of typos😂 but with the right person I can talk on the phone(these are few chosen ones in my comfort zone)

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @honeycuddle ~ I've been thinking on this and had come back to share, only to find I would just be restating what a few others already have. That said...

    OMG I love this community!! Every once in a while there's a thread that opens up a safe place for people to share, in a vulnerable and remarkable way, some insights into their uniqueness ~ shining a light on our differences, what makes us stand apart from those we stand with ~ and creating a deepening in our empathy for others.

    A big thank you to those of you who have replied in such a way. I hope your words can serve as connection examples for others to know they can here, and hopefully elsewhere too.

    🤗🫂🥰

  • Melomaniac9Melomaniac9

    @quixotic_life I think this family like most has amazing hidden gems and lots of black sheep
    that just love to push buttons and ignore the rules.
    Trust your gut is my mantra it has always saved me from unsavory situations. Don’t second guess it!

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