Full consent is only possible as informed consent, and that requires open communication.
When all else fails, ask questions and answer their questions truthfully.
Probably hoping to have you rebook. We get a lot of messages from some people who don't follow through so when you have a reliable cuddler, she may want to keep you as a regular and this is her way of keeping communication open
I message a lot of my cuddlers afterwards. I make sure they understand that it’s always a pro and cuddler relationship that won’t progress further than friendship (I’m happily married).
I love to keep up with my cuddlers. I’ve created a bond with them (as long as they’re respectful), and I gladly continue the connection through texting. I usually let them start each conversation because I’m usually busy and I also know if I’m always the one to initiate a chat and make that constant, it would send the wrong message.
I genuinely want to know how your day is or what’s new happening out of pure friendship but I also never want it to cross a line to where they think I’m no longer a pro cuddler to them. This is still my business, my livelihood. If they want to progress further and want to hang out without paying, they are being disrespectful of my time and my job.
Once in a blue moon, if I have a repeat cuddler that is booking me a lot, I’ll ask now and again if they would like to have a coffee or go out for karaoke for free, but those instances are on my terms with cuddlers that understand this doesn’t change our pro/cuddler relationship and I only choose those that would respect that!
In your situation, I think she most likely wants to keep you as a paying cuddler but it sounds like she genuinely enjoys chatting with you as well. If you’re hoping for more or turning this into a friendship that doesn’t require money, that’s not a healthy assumption purely because this is still her job. She probably just wants to be nice and see how you are.
@Sheena123 💯!
I recommend having an open conversation with your cuddle pro about your concerns. Your interpretations of her intentions are a thought form of your mind, and not a representation of her intentions. Be aware that your intentions will also affect the outcome.
@CharlesThePoet and @MrPaul ------------>YESSSSSSSS Open communication is NEVER a bad thing in this scenario. You boys.... So smart!
Open, honest communications; boundaries of both the professional and the client must be respected and upheld at all times, not just during the actual cuddling session.
I actually recommend not having an open conversation about this kind of thing so early on.
Why? Because chances are high it's all slightly ambiguous in everyone's mind, and forcing them to precisely define exactly what they're thinking may short circuit everything.
For instance, what if the pro in this case is thinking the following [obviously I'm just making this up, I have no reason to think this is necessarily the case]:
I'd really like to get to know that client better, I'd love to have another session with him. And really, maybe we could be friends, although I'd have to talk to him more to make sure he's someone I'd want to be friends with. Maybe we could even be more than friends, although I don't know how to make that progression or even if it's a good idea with someone who was my client. Well, I'll just text him some and see how it goes.
So if you ask her directly what her intentions are, is she going to say all that directly? Probably not.
If you want to talk to her, then just talk to her and let it be ambiguous for a while. If you don't want to talk to her, then... don't.
Unless she starts cuddling for free she is not a friend. She is a pro and when your money runs out the messages will most likely stop. I found out the hard way. They will confide in you and talk to you as if you were a friend but if you tell them you're out of money poof they'll suddenly ghost you.
Awww @Melancholy sending you hugs!
@CuddleWho ~ That's a really good point/good advice! And I like how you framed the inner dialog ~ very relatable.
I fully agree with others about the importance of communication being open/honest, but given all the potential variables, maybe digging in for intention clarification so early on wouldn't necessarily helpful.
Maybe the OP will follow up and let us know what happened. But if not, at least they got the answer to, "Is this normal?" because it looks like for many it is... 🙂
@Melancholy yea no money no honey. Unless they are trying to go out to eat with you or giving you many compliments you are a client nothing more or less. Its best to get free cuddles from another avenue for this issue wouldn't seem confusing
This is very unprofessional behavior.
In real professions with ethical standards, you absolutely don’t do this. There’s a reason dual relationships are discouraged.
If you want to cultivate a personal friendship, then end the professional relationship or it’s going to get messy. It’s already messy. Say you become “friends,” then is she going to expect you to pay for a cuddling session? Do you really want a personal relationship with someone who has a poor sense of boundaries?
Even if you want to continue a professional relationship, I’d suggest you do it with someone with a better sense of professional boundaries.
Usually the professional is supposed to be the adult in the room and make sure the relationship stays professional. She isn’t doing that. The fact that she asked if she’s bugging you indicates she knows she contacting you excessively. The fact that you have to ask her what her intentions are indicates she’s causing confusion. Real professionals are clear in their communication and clear about the nature of the relationship. It shouldn’t be on the client to try to figure out what’s going on.
If it were me, I’d end it and seek someone more professional unless you want to get personally involved with a woman who likes to create confusion.
If this is “normal” for professional cuddlers, then I would say they are not really professionals, they are amateurs who charge money.
@Babichev
I somewhat agree with this. It does have the potential to create misunderstandings and hurt feelings. And for instance if someone was seeking out pro cuddling due to some kind of serious loneliness or other emotional issue, this blurring of lines could potentially really screw them up.
But, personally, I actually like it. It's nice to have a friendly relationship with the women I cuddle, it's nice to have another avenue to make friends. I am emotionally mature enough to handle any hurt feelings or mistranslations or whatever else arises.
Well... yeah? That's pretty much the idea here. 90% of pros on this site are just random women who wanted to make some extra money. They put approximately zero thought into ethics or standards or anything like that; they just made a profile and started cuddling. You would be amazed at some of the things I've encountered from pro cuddlers.
But, like I said above, it works for me. If pros were more "professional" and if pro cuddling were more like therapy or something, I would be much less interested in it.
@Babichev my thoughts exactly. I don’t know how many professional cuddlers approach the work as ethics-bound therapeutic practitioners.
As a pro, that does not sound professional at all to me. Yes one check-in message to follow up after a day or two is fine, ask if you have any questions or concerns, talk about leaving mutual karma, and let the client know that I am happy to see them anytime they wish to schedule again, ask them if they would like to be notified of any new rates, discounts, availability. That's basic customer service but beyond that that's not professional at all.
There’s a couple pros that I’m in contact with outside of just scheduling a cuddle session. I don’t consider it unprofessional unless they’re trying to monopolize my time or vice versa !! But of course if I want their undivided attention for a particular length of time yes I just book a session. Texting every so often to catch up or even just to share a funny meme seems ok to me .
I had this several months ago with a professional who is not on this site anymore. One day while I was watching television she texted me out of the blue and started a conversation about her personal life and asked me a few questions. She even told me she would bring cannolli. I offer coffee as an ice breaker but this was before I even asked her about coffee.
Then after the session she continued to text me started make it as though we were great friends all of a sudden and asked me personal questions about myself. I told her I felt a bit uncomfortable with the texts.
As it turns out she mixed up her own profession with what cuddling is about. She worked at a rehabilitation / VA hospital where many of the men are lonely and are looking for a friend.
I would talk to your cuddler and find out what she is thinking. There is noting wrong with a cuddler finding out what you did and didn't like about them, nor is there anything wrong with wishing someone a good holiday, even trying to bond with you. It's just when they mix up their role with one that they may have on the outside that might be troublesome.
Talk to her, and see what she is thinking. That way you will know how to respond.
This is a customer retention technique. She may truly want to be your friend, but she's running a business first and foremost. Even if your pro truly does want to be friends with you, there will often be a business angle worked into your interactions outside of cuddling.
That being said, go with your gut and assume that this is probably a part of customer retention.
I'll share a somewhat unrelated experience. Many years ago I was going to a massage therapist every few weeks or so. We became friendly and started hanging out outside of a professional setting. We became friends to the point that seeing each other as therapist/client became awkward and we decided to stop seeing each other in that capacity and retained our friendship.
I try to see just one or a small number of pros regularly rather than going from one to another; I don’t forget that it’s a pro/client relationship but there’s a greater comfort level/familiarity/safety and bond that goes along with seeing someone regularly. As someone who depends on freelance work for part of my income, I understand and appreciate the great benefit of having regular instead of random clients and I don’t have the safety concerns that are added to the stressors that a pro here faces with each new client. In short, I like keeping in contact (limited but regular) in between projects and understand why some pros do the same between sessions.
Me personally, if I booked with a pro, and I enjoyed the session, I would absolutely love for them to message me a few times , that would encourage me to book again with them,
I wouldn't care too much what the reason was for their messages, but if they enjoyed the session (even though they are a pro) enough to want me to book another session with them, I'd be thrilled.
I do understand other people's POVs and since they are all valid, I think it makes it difficult for the pro. But yeah I would definitely love a few texts, just to know that the session was enjoyable for them as well.