What's in it for you?

[Deleted User]Saysoh (deleted user)
edited July 2021 in General

I'm really interested. I'm about to hire my first cuddler.

To the cuddlers: Do you think there is something missing in your life that you feel the need to cuddle? What's the connection to providing therapy opposed to the need to be cuddled yourself?

To the people hiring cuddlers: What is the need in your life to hire a cuddler and have have you ever thought the person you hire may need to be cuddled more than you?

Sorry if I'm crossing professional boundaries. However, have to ask: Men or women, who gets the therapy, really?

I've always viewed cuddling as a very intimate thing, so I'm curious and asking both sides; what do you get out of it as a client and what do you get out of it as a professional?

Asking both men and women on either side.

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Comments

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream
    edited July 2021

    This should get interesting

    Edit:

    Q1) What is the need in your life to hire a cuddler? When I first joined this site I was feeling very hurt & down & wanted to feel like I was the only thing that mattered at that moment, in this world 🌎 even if just for an hour or so.

    Q2) have you ever thought the person you hire may need to be cuddled more than you? I never thought this, I only felt like they were simply providing a service & that was it, until I realized otherwise In 1 of the cuddles. 🌊

    Q3) What do you get out of it as a client? I got exactly what I was looking for. 🌌

  • [Deleted User]Saysoh (deleted user)

    Nobody is going to answer honestly. Nobody likes to be vulnerable.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    I tried, not many people around at this time but they will if they come across the post in the morning / next day.

  • [Deleted User]Saysoh (deleted user)

    Happy belated Caturday! Those eyes on your cat. I have a black cat with green eyes.

    So, you're a man, yea? Do you receive cuddles or do you give?

    My story: Life happened, mom got sick, moved back home, mom died, got left with picking up all the pieces.

    I haven't had an intimate moment in over a year, I miss it regardless of level. I now live in a town of only 32k people having moved from Dallas, and am just curious of other's perspectives without judgement- doesn't have to be about cuddling.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    Wow @Saysoh that's rough. If the question pertained to me, I'd answer honestly. But I've never hired a Pro. I've thought about it, and still may at some point, but male Pros are few and far between...

    I hope you have a lovely session if you decide to go through with it though.
    (((HUGS)))

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    Oh wow sorry to hear about your mom!!!

    Like you I also view cuddling as a very intimate thing as well, my only advice (or suggestion) is to not confuse CC for dating site , & don’t mistake the cuddling embraces from you cuddling partner as romantic gestures …

    I say this because you seem vulnerable right now, but I hope things get better (and they will!)

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    Why wouldn't people answer honestly?

    To the people hiring cuddlers: What is the need in your life to hire a cuddler

    I like meeting new women and I like physical affection. Hiring pro cuddlers is one of the easiest ways to get those needs fulfilled.

    and have have you ever thought the person you hire may need to be cuddled more than you?

    Yes, in my experience this is the case sometimes.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)
    edited July 2021

    As neither a man nor a woman, and someone who has cuddled on many sides, I'm not entirely sure how to answer.

    (Or even if I should—the question seems set up to exclude me, but then lots of questions are and it's accidental, so.... [shrug])

  • [Deleted User]Saysoh (deleted user)

    "Why wouldn't people answer honestly?"

    I've been, "real talking," even my friends about grief, perspectives, so forth, and conversations are deduced. Everyone asks, "how are you," but when you answer them with truth, it seems people don't respond because they are avoiding their own truth, right? It seems, the image of, "I'm good," is more important than checking yourself in the mirror. I'm honestly questioning what we compartmentalize so we don't have to feel; the real pain, the real empathy, the real conversations.

  • [Deleted User]Saysoh (deleted user)

    "As neither a man nor a woman, and someone who has cuddled on many sides, I'm not entirely sure how to answer."

    Just answer from your perspective.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)
    edited July 2021

    @Saysoh: 👍🏻 Cool.

    Do you think there is something missing in your life that you feel the need to cuddle?

    I don't actually feel a need to cuddle. I just like to: it's nice. Note that I'm autistic, and don't much care to be around people physically most of the time; this almost definitely affects my answer. Still, I don't think cuddling is a need. It's more of a plus, like the candied cherry on top of a sundae. (Except healthier.)

    What's the connection to providing therapy opposed to the need to be cuddled yourself?

    This is a confusing question, but the phrasing seems to presuppose that cuddling is therapy. It's not. Therapy can come along with a cuddle, but it's an optional extra, not an intrinsic part of cuddling itself.

    Providing therapy isn't opposed to a desire for cuddles. So what's the connection to that non-existent opposition? I dunno.

    [H]ave you ever thought the person you hire may need to be cuddled more than you?

    Sure, and the plumber you hire may need a plumbing fix in their place more than you do in yours: but that's their problem. The whole point of hiring a pro to do something is that they do the thing and don't make their problems yours. That's just, you know... what professionals do.

    Men or women, who gets the therapy, really?

    Men, women, nonbinary, gender-fluid, intersex and otherwise, those who get therapy are the ones who pay a qualified therapist for it.

    [W]hat do you get out of it as a client and what do you get out of it as a professional?

    As a client, you get your pro's undivided attention and priority given to your preferences over theirs.

    As a pro, you get paid (plus you get to hold somebody and make them happy, which is apparently really rewarding for a lot of pro cuddlers).

    And as an enthusiast, you get to meet interesting people and negotiate cuddles with them.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    I’ve been a pro cuddler for over two years. I started out doing it because I loved cuddling and I could fulfill that dream of having a job I love.

    I’m married so I’m able to receive cuddles whenever I want between the hubby and three cats so it’s not something I crave, but there are cuddlers that I’ve had a session with, that I’ve fully enjoyed.

    Based on my experiences, it’s mostly men that crave the intimate therapy but this has been answered multiple times. It’s mostly because men don’t open up enough when it comes to requesting affection. Women hug and hold any and everyone that’s close to them.

    Besides the cuddling being my livelihood and how I pay my bills, I get quite a bit out of cuddling the respectful cuddlers. I feel on top of the world every time a cuddler tells me how amazing the cuddle was, quite a few get more comfort out of the session by comforting me so I have times where I’m receiving most of the affection. I absolutely enjoy creating connections and meeting someone new. Lots of great experiences 🌸🌸🌸

  • [Deleted User]Saysoh (deleted user)

    "It’s mostly because men don’t open up enough when it comes to requesting affection. Women hug and hold any and everyone that’s close to them."

    I've thought about this for a minute before I replied and thought about my past relationships and I think you're wrong. You're basically saying men reject emotion and women provide comfort for their rejection. If that's the case, why do men seek cuddling? I think the men are more aware of their emotions and aren't so much accepted by women since we're held to this standard of crying means you're a little bitch. From my experience, women want men to be tough, rugged, strong, provide. For me, there has been zero room to be vulnerable when I'm expected to put my emotions as a lesser priority.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    @Saysoh I’m not basically saying men reject emotions. I’m saying they don’t let their emotions out as much as women. All the women around me are very huggy and affectionate, while all the men I know occasionally give or receive a hug but rarely show any affection around friends.

    I agree that society has always built it up that men need to be tough, but there are so many people fighting that now and saying men need to emote, cry, tell people how they feel. So hopefully that “male toxicity” ends. A lot of men refuse to admit this exists and I know sooooo many guys that brush off letting their feelings out, saying that it’s “gay” which is just horrible. But I wouldn’t say all men reject feelings.

  • 22cuddle22cuddle

    @Saysoh I'm very sorry for your loss and difficult times. I just wanted to say I think you're in the right place; I've been on this site for 3 days and literally everyone I've interacted with has made me feel better about humanity. Hope you find peace soon brother

  • Cuddle_RNCuddle_RN

    @Saysoh, first off, hugs. Wish I could give you a real one, you've really been through it.

    You wrote "From my experience, women want men to be tough, rugged, strong, provide. For me, there has been zero room to be vulnerable when I'm expected to put my emotions as a lesser priority."

    My favorite cuddler has laid his head on my chest and cried while I held him, multiple times. He's also strong, a hard worker, can fix anything, and takes very good care of me. His masculinity is not in question. At all.

    If a woman doesn't allow you to be vulnerable with her, that's a Her Problem, not a You Problem. You are not responsible for other people's reactions to the healthy and safe expression of your thoughts and feelings.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @Saysoh Just curious, were you in the military at some point in your life?

  • 22cuddle22cuddle

    @Cuddle_RN well said.

  • [Deleted User]Saysoh (deleted user)

    @FunCartel "Just curious, were you in the military at some point in your life?"

    My Dad retired Sergeant Major out of Ft Gordon. He split when I was 12.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @Saysoh Hmm so you are a military brat. Same here. My dad had severe PTSD from two tours in Nam and never wanted to hear me whine, cry etc. The military and that environment is a hyper-masculine environment (even with women in it) that sees feelings of a certain ilk as a weakness. You are essentially trained to bury feelings because feelings can get you killed, but this seeps into one’s private and family life as well. I was curious if you had a connection somewhere with the military.

  • MCcuddles2MCcuddles2
    edited July 2021

    To the people hiring cuddlers: What is the need in your life to hire a cuddler and have have you ever thought the person you hire may need to be cuddled more than you?

    This is a good question. I'll try to answer honestly. I found this site at a very low point in my life. I was raised without a lot of physical touch and I didn't get a chance to have natural friendships with the opposite gender due to a religous upbringing.

    I've had relationships and dated women in my adult life, but I feel like the platonic intimacy I was looking for was very hard to come by. I've also had some life altering experiences that made really interested in spirituality and how we are all connected to each other and the universe.

    Platonic cuddling has given me a safe, reliable and intimate container to explore this connection with other human beings. Booking a pro cuddler allows me to practise the art of intimate connection, the lessons from which I can extend to my normal life.

    When I connect with someone in a cuddling session, it feels like my soul is being nourished. It's also made me a lot more comfortable with the other women in my life.

    As far as feeling that the other person may need to be cuddled more than me?

    Yes.

    Cuddling feels intuitive to me. I think my presence is naturally calming for people. I think many of the women I've cuddled leave feeling a sense of calm and connection that they maybe weren't expecting. I'm extremely grateful for this platform.

  • TheMidnightOwlTheMidnightOwl
    edited July 2021

    Worth noting that some of us women grew up with a father so deeply entrenched in toxic masculinity that even as a girl we were expected to act like stoic, unemotional, unaffectionate, even mean, soldiers. Not surprisingly, I did join the military. It was a natural fit. Lack of permission to feel and express emotion is not exclusive to men. I have had to learn how to feel and express emotions and affection and soften. Which is why I’m here.

    Also. I absolutely despise the macho man persona. I need to see that there are men out there who are not my father while also wanting to foster a space for men (and women) to be able to do that. Culture has shaped so much of toxic masculinity and I want to be on the forefront of shifting that dynamic one person at a time.

  • Melomaniac9Melomaniac9

    @Saysoh first of all if I come to Dallas if love to meet you and give you a tight hug! Sending you virtual one instead.
    All the answers have been beautiful, @Sheena123 @22cuddle @quixotic_life @MCcuddles2 @Cuddle_RN @cuddles_ndream @DarrenWalker if I missed someone it was not intentional
    They all have made valid points
    I have joined recently I feel a warm welcome in this community.
    Men being vulnerable is not accepted in the society I grew up in you are correct and women also want the macho man around but you will find that slot of women want and crave their man to show his soft side.
    Sometimes how ever much you love that person it may ultimately not be a good fit. It’s like hey silly example but beautiful put it was in a movie….

    Do you buy the first chair you see??? Or do you keep trying to find a particular one that gives you that soft comfortable lounge feel when you want comfort?
    Your office chair is different, your recliner is different, it serves a different purpose, just that way I really feel different people fit differently in your life, at different times.
    We as humans are built like hey! I want that one chair which can do everything, that’s putting too much pressure on that chair and it may ultimately give way and buckle under pressure. Same way I think it’s with humans we need different humans to fulfill different things.
    And yes main point here this is not a dating site it’s platonic touch and cuddle which has immense benefits.
    I had a marvelous first experience my cuddle buddy was like I hit a jackpot!!
    So I do believe this works you have to have a bit of patience.
    I have not hired a Pro because I love to give in my case it makes me happy and content. But again different things work for different people!
    I do believe hugs are free and should never cost a penny!
    To all the PROs out there this is not towards you, you got to fo what you got to do! I think you all are doing a fantastic job of putting yourselves out there🙏🏼💖

  • Mare_BearMare_Bear

    As a pro I have a drive to be of service, to act as a healer in this life. I have a strong maternal energy, even long before I was a mother. Cuddling is just one of the ways I can reach people and it is rewarding and touching to hold people when they need it.
    I have my own needs for touch and in that case I cuddle with someone I love or see another cuddler for myself.

  • [Deleted User]Saysoh (deleted user)

    @MCcuddles2

    Thanks for your honest answer. I have a similar upbringing. A lot of my family members don't say, "I love you," to each other and it frustrates me, but you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I see that habit trickling down to all the kids in my family. I tell all my friends I love them after each conversation, but my family has this wall.

    I'm excited to explore. God knows I could use human interaction

  • TheMidnightOwlTheMidnightOwl

    Advances in neuroscience have shown us that our brains have plasticity, and thus, “dogs” of any age right up until death can learn new tricks. But not if the dog doesn’t want to learn.

  • [Deleted User]Saysoh (deleted user)

    "Advances in neuroscience have shown us that our brains have plasticity, and thus, “dogs” of any age right up until death can learn new tricks. But not if the dog doesn’t want to learn."

    Advances in neuroscience is also teaching us that addicts can be predisposed to addiction. but, let's be real, we know VERY little about the human brain. We can't even articulate consciousness or how memories are images to some people and others not. I'm synesthesic and when I talk about music looking like colors and shapes to me, people look at me weird.

    There's a ton we don't know about ourselves when it comes to ego, perspective, reality, morals. It's all subjective, yea? I simply used a cliche to make a point.

  • TheMidnightOwlTheMidnightOwl
    edited July 2021

    I’m aware you were using the phrase to make a point. No need to argue. My response was addressing that we get frustrated thinking people can’t change but the reality is they choose not to.

    Not sure how your other points are relevant, but about seeing music in color... Alanis Morissette has talked about this and other artistic friends I know have expressed the same. If people don’t get it, that’s their problem.

    Nobody is going to answer honestly. Nobody likes to be vulnerable.

    It’s also not helpful to speak in generalities. Many people are not vulnerable anymore because when we have been, we are treated with disrespect and/or are ignored. We learn to close ourselves off. And that is likely a factor in your family system, as well. In many ways, we can’t blame them.

    Good luck with whatever you’re trying to gain from this thread and site.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    Thank you @Melomaniac9 & @TheMidnightOwl

    @Saysoh - many many years ago , I saw a Kanye west documentary, this was when he first burst into the scene as a rapper / performer from beat making & producing … (this is when he was still a megastar in the hiphop world at making beats) he was asked how is it that he is soo flawless in his process, & he mentioned what you mentioned above , he said that his advantage is that he sees music as color / shapes / & when he looks at a painting 🖼 waterfall ect , he sees a brand new music pattern 🎶 so he feels like he’s cheating in a way … you’re the second person (besides kanye) I hear say this lol pretty cool!

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Auto tune also helped Kanye immensely.

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