Ever made yourself completely vulnerable 🌌

cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream
in General

To strangers online (or even people close to you in your life?)

I follow someone online whose very upbeat / funny / silly / extremely positive / really nice following / beautiful family & the list goes on …

I guess for me it is a reminder that all of us have our own story / our journeys / positive & negative experiences that have shaped us to be who we are today , which have made us stronger / weaker / happier / sad / …

There’s also a lot of misconceptions in this world - tgis person lives in that house - has such & such job - comes from such & such family - they must be the happiest person in the world (which isn’t necessarily true) or that this person lives paycheck to paycheck /hasn’t been on vacation in god knows when / hasn’t bought anything for themselves - they must be really down (& this isn’t necessarily the case either, they’re probably the happiest in the world) …. Basically people can’t just look at someone in the surface & think they have them figured out … there is soo much to it as well as so many misconceptions so plz , when given the opportunity- choose to be kind.

Here is the post I would have never expected from her & it is a reminder:

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Comments

  • Melomaniac9Melomaniac9
    edited July 2021

    I can’t read it it’s blurred also I’m a blind bat so please resend 🙏🏼
    Also this is where the ice berg theory comes into play.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @Melomaniac9 most def 🌌

  • Melomaniac9Melomaniac9

    @cuddles_ndream I was always afraid to be vulnerable and thought I would be seen an weak but after a lot of therapy lol and thanks to Brene Brown I think there’s a lot of strength in being vulnerable, I also do feel that most humans do not know how to react when you are a straight shooter and an open book.
    That’s been my experience that people are vary and I think a bit taken back that I can talk about my feelings so openly, I do not shy away from asking for what I want, I will tell you what I don’t like I’m not a mystery lol
    So if I let a person into my bubble and call you a friend believe me I have no ulterior motive behind me. I will always always have your back and be your cheerleader🙏🏼

    Listen to this if you haven’t already 💖

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @Melomaniac9 that was nicely said & thank you so much for the video 🌌

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    Brene Brown is a great human.

    All of us are dichotomy in motion, shifting moment to moment, not to speak of day to day.

    I think the human experience is about being honest, present, vulnerable, fragile, resilient, joyous, brave, and at the end of it all having a sense of wonder, acceptance, and forgiveness.

    But I’m still on my journey, learning and forgetting as I go, trying to be kind to everyone (even myself) despite all my anger and scars.

  • [Deleted User]EdthePanda (deleted user)

    My personal experience I have been vulnerable plenty of times. I can safely say that has happen to me my entire life. Now a days very select people I know either with in the cuddle community and in my personal life where I just let loose and just be me. I've learned the signs of people using me and catching it before it starts to become toxic. I wish I learned this sooner when I was in high school but lesson learned.

  • Melomaniac9Melomaniac9

    @CharlesThePoet feel the feelings
    Let them ebb and flow don’t try to control them.
    Let the hurt and anger come deal with it at that moment breathing here helps a lot.
    These emotions are very valid! You should be able to feel them in a healthy way. Unfortunately we were never taught healthy coping mechanisms we learned by watching mostly people that did not know what to do. In my life my caregiver shut down, the silent treatment plays havoc on your emotions. It’s not a good thing. But they did not know better.
    It’s not too late to learn the good skills like @EdthePanda said.
    I’m learned these after I turned 40, I’m still learning. It’s a process but I’m determined to have a healthy mind & soul which translates into a healthy body.

  • Melomaniac9Melomaniac9

  • Big_ChrisBig_Chris

    For a while I was really afraid of being vulnerable. I didn't want the stigma of someone with mental health problems and so I didn't get help. I was in the military, and seeking mental health help would involve my chain of command and potentially cost me my job. I put up barriers to separate myself from myself, with the help of alcohol.

    I put on the facade of strength and at some times even believed it. It took a lot to ask for help, only after my physical health was jeopardized as well. I discovered that I needed to be vulnerable, or die.

    So I took down the barriers and found that it takes much less effort to be vulnerable. I was so worried about falling apart that I forgot that I just naturally stay together. I let go of the shame, told people I needed help and yeah it sucked being looked at different, treated as fragile. But at my core I didn't care how they saw me, I saw myself in a new light.

    It was the hardest thing to do, being vulnerable. But it was so much easier than the alternative. I hope that whoever needs to hear this takes the first step towards being vulnerable, and that is towards yourself.

  • [Deleted User]Chris55555 (deleted user)
    edited July 2021

    She should take a much longer break from social media than just a few weeks if she wants to be happier. High social media use is linked to depression.

  • LovelightLovelight

    Anonymously? Yes, here and there. Otherwise, barely and one of the two times I did somewhat, my trust got broken. The other time I felt the person was mature to handle it and found out we didn't really differ anyway. So that went alright.

    Have yet to reach a point in my life and find those select few I feel I can be myself with. Or a point where I feel okay to say: "Sometimes I feel like an alien, this, that and the other are a part of who I am." I suppose that day will come someday when pigs fly.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @Chris55555 I agree! Given how broken she sounds, she could use at least a month. I hope she's getting the support she needs. 🌻

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    Thank you soo much @Big_Chris for sharing, & thank you for your service … really glad you decided to put yourself first!

    @Chris55555 a few years back I saw this short doc on how social media causes depression , how everyone feels that they are missing out or that everyone else is having the time of their lives / happy / traveling / best foods & moments & they compare themselves to that & soo much more when it actually isn’t the case … if in fact what ever she’s going through is linked to social media, I agree.

    @Lovelight same… I have one person I have opened myself completely to ( as openly possible I can to another person) , it took me a long time to find such a person … I really hope this day will come for you where you don’t have to worry about judgement or your trust being betrayed 🌌

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @Big_Chris ~ Go you!!! 🤗💓

    "I hope that whoever needs to hear this takes the first step towards being vulnerable, and that is towards yourself."

    I'm sending so many squishy (((HUGS))) to you!!

    @cuddles_ndream ... so Real ...

    ...and when thought, it hopefully serves as a cue to do so anyway with a trusted someone, or to call a warmline: MHA National Directory

    I used to not be very vulnerable at all... But then my cork popped about a year ago and I've been an open vulnerable mess ever since! I'm still my same typically upbeat/silly self, but if asked, "How are you?" I'm far more likely to be in the moment honest in my reply. I guess I'm just done with trying to protect people from me.

    I suppose I could get these disclaimers printed on shirts for socializing...

    "Don't ask questions you don't want answered." -OR- "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."
    ...but again... I'm pretty over protecting those around me and to be honest, I'm unlikely to go socializing any time soon so I wouldn't really wear them... 🤷‍♀️ The reality is, the people who matter will get it, and those who don't, [probably] don't matter.

    All that said, I'm about to embark on an eight week intensive DBT adventure...

    Where I'll get to build some distress tolerance skills, work on mindfulness and radical acceptance, and a mess of other things to help me acknowledge my feelings and triggers as valid, without judgment or reactivity.
    Hopefully it'll work and I'll be creating some new, and neutral, neural pathways. 🤞 Perhaps after I'll be better equipped to enjoy socializing again too (cause I used to).

    @Melomaniac9 ~ Here's a cute sort of reverse take on the iceberg. I just lovity-love it!!

  • Melomaniac9Melomaniac9
    edited July 2021

    @quixotic_life I love it!!!! Thank you for this perspective. I’m more like you, if you ask me how I’m I rarely say FINE that’s a word that puts me in a funk.
    I will tell you exactly how I feel it may be concise or elaborate depending on our relationship.

  • [Deleted User]EdthePanda (deleted user)

    @Melomaniac9 yes I agree bub. I hope we both manage to find peace and just happiness and find that happy center :)

  • Big_ChrisBig_Chris

    @cuddles_ndream and @quixotic_life I appreciate the support, y'all. This place has been very welcoming, validating, and I feel able to share.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)
    edited July 2021

    It's probably my upbringing (it's definitely my upbringing), but I tend to think being completely vulnerable is a bad idea. Be vulnerable! But have first aid ready. Trust! But verify. And so on.

    I find it's easier to be vulnerable online because there are limits to what people can do to you here (assuming you've been careful with your identifying information). And most people won't be terrible. This place in particular is full of decent human beings, I think. But it only takes one indecent person to cause pain to the vulnerable, so....

    [shrug] You know.

    Be careful with your heart.

  • Johnny_SnugglesJohnny_Snuggles

    I was widowed last year and take my word for it, if you don't stop being stoic, make yourself vulnerable and seek emotional help from those in your personal life, you will end up in a world of hurt that's worse than your grief. My problem was, it was just as the pandemic was shutting down the country, so I had to pretty much isolate myself from everyone except my kids at the worst possible time. Somehow I got through the worst of it, but it's never truly easy.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    I was once asked by an intimate friend if I ever “let my guard down?”, and I was so honestly perplexed that it took me a few days to form an answer.

    My personal answer, neither right nor wrong, simply me, is: No. I couldn’t bear to hurt others that way.

    Most of my “guard” is me defending others from my base nature.

    I am honest, and (mostly) open, but the idea of being completely vulnerable seems to connect itself with being completely free of restraint, and that feels like a terrible idea.

    To give a nod to another thread, that’s clearly some of the damage done to me by our culture of “toxic” sexuality and gender identity.

    But, there is no denying it, somewhere deep down in me my first duty is to protect everyone from me.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    @CharlesThePoet: Dang, man.

    I know it's ridiculous given how scrawny and sickly I've always been—but yeah, I feel that way, too. Like I'm such a dangerously messed up person that it's safest for everyone if I just keep everybody at a distance.

    Logically, it doesn't balance out. Whatever awful things I may think or even be capable of, it's not like I'm unique. Lots of other humans are the same. What matters is what we do.

    And yet.

    Yeah, I know that feeling.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @Johnny_Snuggles ~ đź«‚ I'm sorry for your loss and isolation. I hope you and your kids are better able to move through your grief now.

    @CharlesThePoet ~ đź«‚
    & @DarrenWalker ~ đź«‚
    The painful depths of some of our commonalities are just astounding!! I said earlier I'm done protecting people from me. But I realized later, by embracing my want for isolation (from casual acquaintances to the population at large), I am still protecting them by being "anti-social-gathering". And, in a way, I'm protecting myself from having to experience and deal with me out there too.

    Jeez I can't wait to dig in and learn some healthier boundary setting (another part of DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) I had mentioned earlier).

  • [Deleted User]dallasrdrunner (deleted user)

    I used to never open up and be vulnerable, then I went through some things about 6 or 7 years ago and it forced me to look at my life very differently. Now I am able to open up and be vulnerable with people I trust and I think it brings you closer to them. Of course this is easier said than done and I'm still learning.

    For example, just a few weeks ago, I was on a first date with someone I was really into and we had a really good chemistry leading up to the date. I chose to open up to her during the date and share some personal things about me. I think that was a mistake, it was too early and not the right time. We're still talking but things are just off now and I'm feeling very raw and exposed. Like I said, I'm still learning about who to open up to.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @dallasrdrunner ~ That is a tough balance. I wish you the best in figuring out the right time/place/people to open up to.

    One thing that's helped me was to just ask the other person if okay. I'd been working with someone for a while and they confided in me all the time. One morning I turned to them and asked, "Can I decompress with you?"
    "Now??"
    "Oh, yeah... Um... Just at some point?"
    "Sure, just later. Want to stay after work for a few today?"
    And that was it. I feel like if it feels too weird to ask and recieve the answer, it's a good indicator to hold off. It's not for everyone, but it's worked for me.

    Wishing you the best. đź’“

  • nurturingmannurturingman

    Good question! I think this pertains especially to cuddling.

    My intuitive response is that yes, I have made myself vulnerable many times in my life.

    My analytical response is that no, I have not often made myself "susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm" (Oxford Dictionaries), much less "completely" so. I vary, though, as do other people's perceptions of me. Some say they think I wear my heart on my sleeve, some say I make it hard for people to know me, and some say I'm an over-sharer. I guess it depends on how I'm feeling at the moment and how I feel about the other person(s). It probably also depends on how I think my sharing will help or hurt myself or others.

    In general, I'm an honest and open person willing to risk being "emotionally attacked or harmed" with the faith that "those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter."

  • [Deleted User]Saysoh (deleted user)

    I'm not sure with any relationship, but I'm trying to be.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    Because, at least for me, being vulnerable is so interwoven with my mental health, specifically my depression and anxiety issues, I thought I would take a deep breath, be brave for a minute, and share…

    My kind of depression and anxiety:

    1) You have never been good enough.

    2) Talking about it can only hurt you.

    3) People don’t respect people that ask for help.

    3) You’ll feel better tomorrow. Talking about it now will be embarrassing once you feel ok.

    4) Those typos are a signal that you shouldn’t write about this.

    5) Anyone that tries to help you is simply looking for a way to take advantage of your weakness.

    6) Remember that time in 3rd grade when you flicked that booger at Marci? You deserve this.

    7) But it’s ok, it doesn’t matter, everyone hurts, and everyone dies. It’s all darkness forever in the end.

    So, yeah...

    Believe me, you are not alone in any or all of these thoughts.

    Reach out anyway.

    Ask for help anyway.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @CharlesThePoet ~ All but #6 (mine wasn't 3rd grade, wasn't a booger, and wasn't a Marci)... but the rest... all the rest... I'm sorry you have those thoughts too. They're so incredibly painful, and the fact that they feel valid, like they come from a place of knowing and truth, is utterly gut wrenching at times. I wish I had the words to help, but I'm struggling with those same voices, and others too ~ All I can honestly offer are my understanding and (((hugs))) to you. đź’“

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    @quixotic_life

    Thank you.

    And I’m sorry you feel that stuff and hear that lying little 💩of a voice too.

    Hugs back to you. đź«‚

  • [Deleted User]sage_wisdom (deleted user)

    smoke and mirrors. we are not always who we make ourselves out to be… especially online where anonymity knows no bounds.

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