Good point …. I feel there are 3 kinds of people online, 1 type who creates a new reality / version of themselves which doesn’t add up to who they truly are & how they carry themselves in real life (for good or bad), & the 2nd type where they see online & the sense of anonymity as an opportunity to be their true genuine self without fear of judgement & the chance at complete expression in their true being (for good or bad again) & the 3rd where they are an exact replica in real life & online in both personality & demeanor).
I'm for sure in group #3 (maybe #2 from time to time). But, I can only imagine how hard it would be to be in your first category! Having to create, let alone maintain, a whole separate persona from yourself ~ No thanks! Even if I were capable of keeping track of whatever BS I'd posted (which I'm not), I'm also far too lazy/don't have the time for that kind of thing.
I suppose if anyone here fell into the user type #1 group, they probably wouldn't be willing to share about it. Too bad though, because I bet for those who can pull it off it's likely quite freeing. Idk ~ I'd be interested in how (or even if) it works for them here, and what that's like for them since the goal is to actilually meet up with people...
All good points @quixotic_life
On a separate note, It is best to not be 100% you until you know 1,000% sure you can trust said person. More often than not people are just looking out for themselves and their wants at whatever cost. Protect yourself because you are the only one who can.
I am a #3, except I am much better looking online.
@sage_wisdom so very true. However, being on guard too much can also make you miss up on opportunities and better quality connections. Some rather sheltered people might also be hurt and/or confused by someone else’s overly defensive behavior.
Got to pay to play , as they say? Or just take in steps? Or screw it and go all in. I don’t know.
@sunnysideup well I prefer the “better safe, than sorry” approach
Anyone quality worth building a connection with will be patient, understanding, and respectful of your boundaries.
I have a personal rule, because I have to have some way to distinguish the difference between my reaching out to someone vs my not understanding that they don’t want to deal with me.
I reach out three times. If within those three overtures the person I am reaching out to doesn’t reach out to me (unprompted, as opposed to simply replying politely) then I stop reaching out.
For whatever reasons, that person doesn’t have interest in me, time for me, or space in their life.
Which is fine, and tells me what I need to know, without being a pest, or perhaps missing some subtle social cue that I am blind to.
So, I guess it’s a sort of turtle protocol, that sticks it’s neck out, but retreats into its shell after a few tries.
Oh my goodness.... @quixotic_life and @CharlesThePoet so many hugs..... Not to in any way minimalize the feelings of self doubt but I was very thankful to see you say "that lying little shit of a voice" Just because that voice is the loudest in the room doesn't make it the truth. You both are beautiful humans and I appreciate your willingness to be honest about your fears and challenges. Being brave about your humanness (and in my opinion that is a certain aspect of being vulnerable) helps others see that not everyone has it all together. If we as humans can find a way to relate and an ability to ACCEPT each other no matter where we are on our journey then I believe the world as we know it would be a better place. @DarrenWalker This is such an interesting perspective.... Keeping people safe from your YOU. I feel like we all are sharing that fear on some level. i.e...... "if people knew the REAL makeup of me they would literally fall over and die" Even though we are all very different humans is it the fear that THEY will be traumatized by our internal thinking or that it is so awful that they won't accept us for who we are?
I know it's ridiculous given how scrawny and sickly I've always been—but yeah, I feel that way, too. Like I'm such a dangerously messed up person that it's safest for everyone if I just keep everybody at a distance. Logically, it doesn't balance out. Whatever awful things I may think or even be capable of, it's not like I'm unique. Lots of other humans are the same. What matters is what we do.
You @DarrenWalker are spot on as usual... (What matters is what we DO) (ALSO how did you make the text within a sentence gray as opposed to putting it in a quote? You are so amazing with your editing skills!!!)
What an interesting thread! Thank you @cuddles_ndream for posting. 😊
@sillysassy: Actually, I just followed the little "Styling with Markdown is supported" link under the comment box (and then did some googling from there, I guess). I'm not an expert!
To do colors, you type < span style="color: whatevercoloryouwant"> in front of the words or letters you want colored (but without the space after the first carrot).
To stop the color from carrying on forever, you type < /span> without that first space. And bam!
@DarrenWalker
BRILLLIANT! Thanks for sharing your research since you won't let me call you an EXPERT! You are so amazing!!! I can hardly even stand it..... my brain completely starts to turn fuzzy and my eyes glaze over when I see all of that coding type stuff. I am grateful to you oh Master. HOLY WOW that four color thing takes a bit-o-effort!
Np @sillysassy ♥️ 🌌
@sillysassy
It's fun to see other people use the bits of knowledge I've been able to pass on from my research! You are very welcome.
...I guess I'll accept that title. Because of the gif, if nothing else. Thank you!
I feel like such a thread hijacker!!! Maybe we need a BAN HAMMER for hijacking if there is such a thing!! (Well unless we need to delete posts because of harassment at this point) All that ADD and missed Ritalin in my youth.....
Very rare thing to find anyone who is completely vulnerable—everyone would be walking around naked in public. I have been there and wrote the book.
As @quixotic_life said #3 99% of the time! What you see is what you get. I have reached a take it or leave it stage in life! Yes my 40’s are very liberating. My bullshit meter runs on empty, Plus I have an extremely shitty memory…… I don’t remember what I ate for breakfast lol.
@sage_wisdom I kinda sorta agree with you too!! I did that nobody get close to me thing for so so long, but I was missing out….. I recently did an all me thing, I have always been an all or nothing kind of human. I gave too much recently and learned something out of it too… pace yourself don’t give too much too soon, the other person may be overwhelmed by so much love & affection they may not be used to it. Not a lot of people can deal with emotions, we were never taught that! Some people run & avoid, some get anxious. So I agree with being too vulnerable sometimes does backfire.
I also realize the shitty potty asshole voice in my head needs to be put in a long time out. It likes to suck all the happiness out of my experiences and focus on the crap. So working on it!!
@CharlesThePoet I’m a pest like you! I have learned to be a turtle. You my dear are a gem, I’m glad I found you. You have a beautiful soul & it radiates kindness. I can’t wait to meet you & @sillysassy when I get to Denver🫂🫂
@Melomaniac9
I am totally looking forward to it!
🫂
@sunnysideup “ Got to pay to play , as they say? Or just take in steps? Or screw it and go all in. I don’t know.”
Baby steps or run the other direction I don’t know either, let me know if you figure things out!
I just wanted to say that this is a lovely thread and thank you all for sharing.
totally not avoiding the question btw >w> lol maybe i'll come back and share another time ~
@EarthlyAngel003 ♥️ 🌌 ty!! : )
@CharlesThePoet I very much like your turtle protocol ~ I've adopted a similar practice.
As for the original question, in my adult life, I've probably only been completely vulnerable with one person. He's my husband. lol.
I don't mind being vulnerable if the circumstances align in such a way that I feel what I've said would be appreciated. But I'm very careful because I don't want burden anyone with something they might not want to know. And I don't like opening up to someone only to later find out that they didn't really care.
Sometimes I think back on times I overshared and I just cringe with complete and utter regret.
I used to think I'd be able to form these really meaningful connections with a lot of people. So I was open and honest and forthcoming.
But now, I'm not sure I want to know most people, actually. And I don't think most people want to know me. I'm nice enough, but not all that interesting ~ So I figure most people just tolerate me and don't really care if I'm there or not. And if that's the case, I'd rather not give pieces of myself away. Avoid that icky feeling of regret later on ~
I'd rather just be, and enjoy the encounter for what it is. See what it becomes, organically. So you'll catch flashes of vulnerability from me. Because you have to take chances if there's any hope of being closer But it's no longer my default ~
@EarthlyAngel003 ~ That's beautiful 💖 You're a lot like Kintsugi...
@EarthlyAngel003 @quixotic_life kintsugi such a beautiful concept! I have been applying it to my life this past year. Fill yourselves up with glitter & leave a little bit of sparkle wherever you go🙏🏼
This could go in the poetry thread too but felt it was more appropriate here
Thanks for sharing @Melomaniac9 that was pretty powerful 🌌
@cuddles_ndream 🫂❤️