Chess before/after cuddling...??!

ryan01ryan01
edited July 2021 in General

I was recently in communication with someone on here and, once we exchanged numbers, one of our conversations happened to steer towards chess. We were in agreement that we take our time to get to know each other a bit before deciding to meet but, once she learned about my chess strength (roughly around 2200 USCF), she seemed extremely eager to schedule a session sooner rather than later, and play chess! She even offered to pay for lessons. I would never consider becoming a pro cuddler, but if someone offers money for something entirely unrelated to cuddle/touch/oxytocin, is that something I should consider?

  1. If someone offers money for something entirely unrelated to cuddle/touch/oxytocin, should I accept??33 votes
    1. Why not - laissez faire.
      87.88%
    2. No, this site is only for cuddling.
        0.00%
    3. Accept, but figure out a way to pay this site a commission like the pro cuddlers do.
        9.09%
    4. Decline and report the user for possibly breaking TOS.
        3.03%

Comments

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    I wish you had other … I would be very appreciative that I’m being offered payment for a skill ect but I wouldn’t accept … I know this is a cuddling website, but it doesn’t mean one must only cuddle during a session or time together … I think that bonding in other ways is just as significant… like chess / watching a movie 🎥 🍿 / playing an instrument guitar 🎸 there’s just so much more , talking , maybe even drawing ✍️ painting 🎨

  • ryan01ryan01

    @cuddles_ndream unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be a way to add a fifth option to the poll. Among the four available, which one do you think would be closest to what you mentioned?

  • LovelightLovelight

    Personally I wouldn't accept it unless I set boundaries such as after she 'graduates' then we may resume cuddling. If getting paid for the lessons that is and not just a mutually beneficial friendship. Though it is for you to figure out your boundaries and what looks right to you. Maybe having separate days or times for the lessons and cuddles will help. Though student - teacher (who is getting paid for it) cuddling doesn't sound so cuddly to me. So I'd say no.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    The 1st option I will definitely not accept $$$

    The 2nd option I dont agree with, to me this site is everything platonic …

    The 3rd option is not viable in my opinion

    The 4th option I wouldn’t do this, there is nothing in their nice gesture that would deem this …

    I’ll kindly stick to other

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)
    edited July 2021

    Ooh, this is a good question. @Mark, if two people meet through this site and one of them wants to pay the other for chess lessons... what's that look like legally?

  • [Deleted User]Chris55555 (deleted user)

    I have no idea who @Gary is but they sound very powerful

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)
    edited July 2021

    @Chris55555: Dang, I tagged the wrong person!

    Mark is the site owner. Not Gary. Whoops....

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    Gary is the chief developer, I believe.

    This is a social networking site. Of course people will meet here and discover interests other than cuddling.

    By all means go ahead and do it, but be careful. Think together about mixing chess and cuddles, payment and mutual benefit and so on, and figure out how it's all going to work.

    I've just cast my eye over the TOS and I didn't spot anything in there that would prevent you. Businesses are not allowed, so you're not allowed to promote yourself as a chess teacher. And sex and fetishes are not allowed, so you can't play strip chess. But other than that, I think you're good.

  • ryan01ryan01

    @Lovelight it was already her idea to keep the cuddle and chess separate. Chess before cuddling, or on a separate day.

  • ryan01ryan01

    @cuddles_ndream hmm...having read your comment and slept over it, I am thinking of suggesting she make a contribution to a charity instead of paying me. Since my post yesterday, I found out that her playing strength is around 1400, so her expected win probability against me is around 1%. So it'll be significant effort on my part to do the chess portion of the cuddle. It'll be great if she does improve and become stronger and our games become more competitive but, until then, I do think there needs to be a cost factor associated so she focuses (there are tons of free resources available too btw). I'll keep looking at options, as she seems to be a bright and sweet person, who I'd hate to lose as a cuddle buddy.

  • ryan01ryan01

    @Chris55555 @DarrenWalker Gary seems to be listed as a pet on @Mark 's profile?!

  • ryan01ryan01

    @CuddleDuncan agreed, I do not even mention chess on my profile. Besides I cannot help but wonder how many who took to chess after watching Queen's Gambit are still into it. Certainly not a large population of users on here I'd imagine.
    ROFL @ strip chess! But that is so blasphemous against Caïssa, I wouldn't consider it even if this weren't a platonic cuddle site and it didn't break any TOS.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @ryan01 i see what you’re saying, & that’s cool … It would just be really nice to be able to integrate some passions into a cuddle session ect, like for me one of my favorite escapes is movie theaters - I love everything about em & if a cuddle buddy shows a high interest for it as well, I’ll definitely be down, I’m also a foodie, if a cuddle buddy were to tell me they love burgers / icecream ect I would definitely say let’s go to a fav spot or explore a new one … I like to think that cuddling is way more than just the actual physical touch, or maybe I’m wrong , & there’s a ton of politically correct answers throughout the forum, but I know that nobody actually knows more than the actual pros … if we were to ask them or they would freely share, they have actual data to go off by , the interactions , the experience… they know what most of the clients actually were seeking / wanted / & missing … everybody could paint a nice picture here 🖼 but they know the real story 📖 All in all I see nothing wrong with chess being a nice addition, but whatever works best for you 2 than that’s what matters : )

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    @ryan01: Yup. And @DarkLordChungus is listed as a pet on mine. Strange how easy it is to confuse people with their pets!

  • MarkMark Mod
    edited July 2021

    @DarrenWalker

    If that arrangement happens between two enthusiasts as part of a natural evolution of friendship then it's fine. If an enthusiast is purposefully promoting it on their profile or in messages, then it becomes a problem. When it comes to Pros, they can sometimes offer secondary services to cuddling but our general principle is it should make sense as being part of an existing cuddle session. So in this case I think having chess lessons as an official offering would be pushing that flexibility but ultimately it's assessed case-by-case.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    @CuddleDuncan got it pretty much 100% right, then—only pros can advertise and charge for anything, and whatever they advertise and charge for should be A platonic, and B cuddly or at least cuddle-related.

    Thanks, @Mark!

  • UCpaaHVg6u0UCpaaHVg6u0

    I'm confused about having people for pets. That it's not considered a fetish is mighty suspect. But thems that makes the rules gets to breaks the rules, I reckon.

  • MarkMark Mod
    edited July 2021

    It's a fun declaration of friendship using a profile field you might not have otherwise used.

  • UCpaaHVg6u0UCpaaHVg6u0

    I understand. Sometimes even joking has its perils. Some people I know told me that they roleplay some kind of sex slave thing, using women who "volunteer" to be in that role. I'm not clear on where they find these women, thus I'm not completely convinced that they aren't ultimately trafficked, without these people realizing that. Usually I'm the first person to plumb the depths of questionable taste in humor, but of late I'm careful about certain topics for the reasons I've described.

  • ryan01ryan01

    @cuddles_ndream true, I’m very tempted to tag one of my favorite pros and ask her weigh in, but perhaps I’ll ping her offline first.

  • ryan01ryan01

    @Mark the chess lessons in my case happen to be standalone activities, and not necessarily part of cuddle sessions, so makes sense that I not advertise it on my profile or mention it in private messages to a fellow enthusiast.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @ryan01 most definitely, see what her perspective is on the matter & yes, you don’t have to tag her publicly for everyone else to see her answer or who she is, what matters is her thoughts 💭 for you.

  • ryan01ryan01

    @UCpaaHVg6u0 seems like both Mark and Gary have each other listed as pets, and therefore legitimately consensual :)

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @ryan01 🤦‍♂️ 😅😂😂

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life
    edited July 2021

    Lol! I noticed that a few weeks ago and thought it was pretty cute.

    @UCpaaHVg6u0 ~ I've met and spoke at length with three people (two identified as male and one female) who were "pets". It's a highly involved process with consent, respect and integrity being held at a premium. For one, he said the process from bringing it up, in one case, took almost a year before they'd worked it all out and began that phase of their "contracted"/defined on paper relationship.

    Not saying that's the case here, but for two beings to consider the other as their "pet" does show their level of affection for one another and their respect too. At least to me anyway.

    🙇‍♀️ I wants to/wants to declare/be a pet...

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    ... I can't believe how long it took me to notice the pet thing :astonished:

  • ryan01ryan01

    @quixotic_life my pets are my chess pieces -- starting from pawns and knight and bishops, and going all the way up to rooks and kings and queens...lol

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @ryan01 ~ I have a small collection of chess sets... Maybe one day we'll cross paths and can play a round. Though I'm not all that into standard chess anymore...

    The one I really like is Dragon Chess...



    ... which is no longer available outside of an Xbox??? ~ Huh! That's really too bad because the board and pieces are hella cool (glad I picked it up when I did)!

    Anywho... If you wanted to play the IRL version, I'd be happy to dust it off!!

    And...
    Doubles Chess! We could each control two armies at once with this one...



    What the heck?! This one is also a "collectable"?! I had no idea... but I have this one too!!

    🥰♟

  • ryan01ryan01

    @quixotic_life that’ll be awesome if our paths cross and we end up playing!! The only form of chess I play apart from the regular version is bughouse. It’s four players playing in teams of two. Players from a team play different colors and anything that’s captured by one player gets passed on to his/her partner. Although the pieces move in the same way as regular chess, bughouse strategies are pretty unique and rather sophisticated. It’ll be fun to play sometime!😊

  • ryan01ryan01

    @squeakytoy you mean on their profiles? Or on this thread?

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