The joy of a "rejection" message

AtlantapilotguyAtlantapilotguy
in General

Hello, Cuddle Nation! It's wonderful to see so many new cuddlers joining in my area and I hope new cuddlers are joining wherever you are. Like any online interaction site where there are men and woman interacting, women have always reported getting way more messages than men. I've also seen many women comment that many of the messages they get are less than pleasant or polite (I'm putting in mildly).
I have come to expect that I likely won't get many responses to messages I send to a cuddlers in my area. I understand there can be many reasons for this.

So why is the title of this discussion "The joy of a "rejection" message"?
While it's nice to receive an "I'm interested" message, it still feels nice to know that someone read my message, possibly looked at my profile and, if they were not interested, they took the time to let me know.

Again - I know our lady members can't always respond to all the messages they get. At least for me, getting a "no thank you" message or a "not interested" or a "don't write again" message is a joy when compared to no reply or acknowledgement at all.

Like any forum post, I look forward to reading others thoughts and views.
Warm hugs to everyone!

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Comments

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    I know exactly what you mean. I got one the other day on a dating site, and it was lovely. She wrote, "I prefer somebody a bit more rough and ready" which made my day.

  • AtlantapilotguyAtlantapilotguy

    @CuddleDuncan - that's a different one than I've heard before but it's nice that it made your day. Maybe we could come up with a numbered list of standard reasons and a cuddler could simply reply - "#4" or "#2" or, if she's really not interested, "#18"! :3

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    She wrote, "I prefer somebody a bit more rough and ready" which made my day.

    I would find that insulting.

  • [Deleted User]cualtzin (deleted user)

    @Atlantapilotguy I feel the same way. If people are busy, even a standard cut & paste reply would be nice. It would take a few seconds. But I guess everyone has their own reasons for not replying. Perhaps they don’t want to encourage further communication. Perhaps they don’t want to receive an angry response. Or maybe they just think it’s not worth their time. I’ll never know the reason, precisely because they’re not replying. But you get used to the way things work. And you’re thankful for the people who do reply.

  • desi_babedesi_babe

    This is very interesting to hear as a woman. I would've assumed the non-response would sting less than the rejection (however polite it may be)

  • desi_babedesi_babe

    But @cualtzin you are correct - I try not to ghost, but in dating, as a woman if you're worried about an angry reaction from a particular man (especially if that person has connections to your community, family, or friends), sometimes the fade out is the best choice.

  • AtlantapilotguyAtlantapilotguy

    @desi_babe - in some ways it's nice to at least know someone read your message. Sadly, I'm sure what @cualtzin said is true - that no woman wants to have an angry e-mail reply. But I say if that happens even once, a woman should both block the person and report him. "No" is a part of life. And it always makes the "Yes" responses more special. :-)

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    Of course everyone has every right to respond, or not respond at all, as they wish.

    That said, the reason the “no reply” response is so painful is wired into humans as social creatures.

    There is a reason solitary confinement is the worst punishment you can inflict on a human being.

    I can only speak from my perspective and experience, but it took me a painfully long time to learn that being rejected and/or ignored was a large part of being a man.

    And that it was fine.

    Learning to accept “No” as a positive outcome seems counter-intuitive, but it really is true.

    “No” let’s you stop putting time and energy into someone that doesn’t want those things, and allows you to focus on those who do.

    “No” is a gift, and no response is simply another form of “No”.

  • cuddleversedcuddleversed

    Im totally for women not responding at all if they don’t want to.
    The “at least a polite no thank you would be nice” argument is a tired one and I’ve seen time and time again when women on the site take a couple of minutes to say thanks but no thanks and they get an angry response sometimes filled with expletives. So guys, get over it, nobody owes you a response and women don’t need to put up with angry, insulting messages just to soothe some guy’s frágil egos.

  • AtlantapilotguyAtlantapilotguy

    @cuddleversed - you are 100% on - no one owes a response. It's a nice-to-get but not expected. That's why I call it the joy of a rejection message. As I mentioned before - any ill or inappropriate responses should be reported and the user blocked. It's the only way to help get rid of those people.

    @CharlesThePoet as you said - "Learning to accept “No” as a positive outcome seems counter-intuitive, but it really is true." is 100% spot on. So maybe I should have called the post "The Positive aspect of receiving a No message"

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    While I personally would definitely prefer to get an actual rejection as opposed to just no reply -- and am really surprised by @desi_babe 's assumption that men would prefer the opposite... Ultimately I think it's best to just accept that in the modern scene people aren't going to reply unless they're interested.

    Take dating. Say you join an old-fashioned dating site like OkCupid. As a man, you're inevitably going to be sending dozens and dozens of opening messages, maybe hundreds. That means you're also inevitably going to be getting dozens of rejections. At that scale, does it really matter whether the rejections message you or just ignore you? Do I really need 50 messages in my inbox all saying some variation of "Hey, you seem really nice, but blablablablablabla..." ? What good would that do me?

    I actually think this is a pretty dysfunctional mode of human interaction, but it's what we've created for ourselves and there's no use fighting it.

    Ghosting or fading once you have some level of established relationship with someone is another story though. That's just childish.

  • respectfulrespectful

    I've had some lovely "no thank you"s and always appreciated them. It gives me a kind of closure rather than wondering what they were thinking.

    If there is no reply, sometimes I'll try again later; occasionally they do end up replying positively. A rejection lets me know that there is no need to ask again.

    I have heard about situations where women give a polite "no" which is not accepted, and is followed by a bunch of demanding messages. I can understand how that might put women off replying at all.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Plenty of fish in the sea…not referring to the website. If they don’t respond then there are other people. However, in the defense of men, I have had a couple of instances where I was messaging with someone and then life happened and I was unavailable for 2 or 3 days. Upon my return I had a nasty message in my inbox telling me how incredibly rude I was for not responding back. It goes both ways. I blocked those two and both are off CC now, but someone who goes from level one to Defcon in a matter of a few days is bonkers. Just as they do not owe me a response I do not owe them one either—especially when I was going to reply. Emphasis on “was”. And yes, these two “ladies” were the exception to the rule. Most women on here are very polite and respectful.

  • Melomaniac9Melomaniac9

    This is very insightful thank you @Atlantapilotguy for starting this thread!
    Thank you gentlemen for chiming in, my thought process was kinda like @desi_babe
    From now on I will respond with a “no thank you not interested right now”
    Does that seem fair?

  • pmvinespmvines

    If someone doesn't respond to me it just means they ain't ready for this

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @pmvines LOL

  • Melomaniac9Melomaniac9

    I do not generally respond to messages that have no effort put into them!
    If someone has written a few lines or at least a coherent message I will respond.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    I respond to all. Even the really really really weird ones. But I have the time and inclination to do so. And because I'm "old" in lived years, don't have that "cute" factor many are looking for, and have a daunting profile, the number of messages I get is incredibly low compared to others...

    So, yay for, The joy of a "rejection" message not needing to be sent...? 🤷‍♀️

  • BabichevBabichev

    I have it clearly spelled out in my profile that if someone wants a response from me, they need to have something interesting to say. “Hi,” “Wanna cuddle?,” “Call me,” etc. will not get a response. I’ve responded to every single person who ever paid attention to that. I have not responded to what I consider non-messages.

    Have no expectations and you won’t be disappointed. Personally, I think it’s unreasonable to have an expectation of a total stranger who has not agreed to it. Some people are inactive and may not have checked messages for six months.

    I would suggest forget about expecting responses from strangers and put your attention into finding what you want.

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    I'll respond to any message that's polite and clearly intended for me. If a message is so generic that it could have been copied and pasted to dozens of other users as well, I won't bother with it - for all I know, it could be a spam bot.

    I've found that for the most part, folks who put in the effort to tailor a message (even if it's only a sentence long!), are good at handling rejection. The rest are, uh, hit-or-miss.

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    I would suggest forget about expecting responses from strangers and put your attention into finding what you want.

    Huh? If men are going to find what they want on this site, they're going to need to figure out how to get responses from strangers.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    @CuddleWho

    Wait…wait…wait.

    You mean, learn to be polite, respectful, and sincere without being aggressive or rude?

    I dunno, that seems uncomfortably like a learning experience…

    😜

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    Oooh, Yes!! Learning from uncomfortable experiences! Definitely that key fits!!
    🔒🔑~🔓

  • Gene2019Gene2019

    I totally prefer a rejection than no response whatsoever. It is interesting that many of those that state cuddles “everyone “ don’t really do that.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @Gene2019 ~ Well, I cuddle "everyone"...
    Everyone who'll jump through hoops while spinning plates, that is... I'm not asking for the sun and moon [though some hoops are on fire and from a certain angle the plates resemble moons...] nor am I asking for perfection. But with effort comes reward. So keep tying...👍

  • Melomaniac9Melomaniac9

    @CharlesThePoet 👇🏼YES!!!!

    “You mean, learn to be polite, respectful, and sincere without being aggressive or rude?
    I dunno, that seems uncomfortably like a learning experience…”

    I think all the OG decent respected members of CC should have a lesson thread on here for the novices that come on
    “What NOT to do” or “How to behave”
    I’m serious some of the responses make me go “where did you leave your brain, child???”

  • [Deleted User]cualtzin (deleted user)

    I’m usually quite reserved. I try to keep my messages simple and friendly. I don’t give much thought to receiving a reply. Sometimes, though, I find that I’ve really put something of myself into my writing. And then the silence does feel different. It’s like this part of me that’s out there in empty space. I’ve stated how nice it would be to receive a reply. But really, I’d settle for an UNDO button on my messages. So I can put my thoughts back where they belong.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    Oh man... @cualtzin...

    "But really, I’d settle for an UNDO button on my messages. So I can put my thoughts back where they belong."

    That is so real!!! (((Hugs))) to you... 🫂

  • BabichevBabichev

    I’ve sent messages and not gotten a reply. I don’t keep track. In a sense, that message is a gift, crafted just for them, freely given, and I expect nothing in return.

    @CuddleWho - what I meant by that was just keep pursuing your goal, keep putting yourself out there. Move on to the next. Someone saying thanks but no thanks doesn’t necessarily let you know what’s going to get someone else to respond.

    I would humbly suggest that anyone who sends total strangers messages with the expectation that they should answer should stop sending messages to strangers.

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho
    edited July 2021

    @Babichev

    I would humbly suggest that anyone who sends total strangers messages with the expectation that they should answer should stop sending messages to strangers.

    In that case I would humbly suggest that people who receive messages from strangers should stop expecting lots of personalized effort to go into opening messages -- it's a shockingly entitled perspective, to expect that people put effort into a well-crafted, non-generic opening message to a stranger based on reading one's profile and to also expect that people shouldn't have any emotional investment in whether they get a reply.

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