New guy question

[Deleted User]greshpo (deleted user)
in General

Hi everyone. I just joined and am intrigued by the idea of of platonic cuddling. I don't think I have ever really cuddled platonically but I am alone and I feel a need for human contact but am not in place where I want to pursue any type of romantic or sexual relationship. My question for you all is in regards to skin to skin contact. I have always really enjoyed touching skin and having my skin touched. Can this be a part of platonic cuddling or would it be inappropriate?

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Comments

  • [Deleted User]Chris55555 (deleted user)

    Platonic cuddling has lots of skin touching. If you and your partner both wear appropriate clothing there is still lots of skin contact.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    Its platonic but be careful if you’re craving affection, & if you don’t know how to really read a person / vibes than seek consent for any kinda touch or cuddle (regardless of the fact that this is a cuddle site) having a convo before a cuddle session begins will put things more into perspective & clear the air as far as expectations… hoping you have successful cuddles 🌌

  • bellebeautybellebeauty

    Skin contact is more than okay as long as you’re not being inappropriate with where you’re touching, or how you’re touching that person. There are ways to go about touching someone without it being in a sexual manner while cuddling platonically.

  • nurturingmannurturingman

    The least clothing recommended for a platonic cuddle is a tank top and mid-thigh shorts. This allows for plenty of skin-to-skin contact.

  • [Deleted User]greshpo (deleted user)

    Thank you for the feedback. It appears like I'm not totally out of line. It sounds like I mostly just need to make sure I communicate well beforehand. Does anyone have any tips on how to ask a potential cuddle buddy about skin to skin contact without sending up a red flag that I am looking for more than would be appropriate for this site?

  • Big_ChrisBig_Chris
    edited July 2021

    @greshpo

    Be specific about where you want contact, like holding hands, playing with hair, spooning, etc. Stay away from offering or asking about a massage, that's generally a red flag but if you build up trust you may move into that territory.

    Also, be up front about what kind of relationship you're looking for. A good friend? Casual cuddle buddy? Platonic can mean different things.

    Before meeting, have a discussion about what you'll both be wearing, establishing safe boundaries.

    As in most things, communication is key.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @Big_Chris gave some really good advice, and hopefully some of the amazing pros here chime in on the tips on how to ask potential cuddle buddies about skin contact & how to go about it… everyone has different comfort levels & expectations so there’s no 1 answer fits all sorta say.

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    I love skin contact otherwise I wouldn't enjoy cuddles it's my most important thing about cuddle if u pay money open with your therapist don't be shy.

  • SoftCuddleBug95SoftCuddleBug95

    There are plenty of ways to have skin to skin, within the guidelines of service. Asking if a person would wear short or short sleeves for leg to leg and arm to arm touching, just as long as clothes are on you are good.

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    @SoftCuddleBug95
    Short is fine thank you for this information

  • [Deleted User]Chris55555 (deleted user)

    @Big_Chris i have never thought about differentiating platonic cuddle buddies into categories. But such a good point. Some people want a friend and others just want to connect to cuddle occasionally with no contact in between.
    How would you bridge that part of the discussion, because usually one knows that over time rather than before or after a first meet.

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    @nurturingman tank top,mid short hhmm thanks for this information if my pro wearing shorts can I touch her leg

  • LovelightLovelight

    @greshpo

    "Does anyone have any tips on how to ask a potential cuddle buddy about skin to skin contact without sending up a red flag that I am looking for more than would be appropriate for this site?"

    Probably not, especially if you haven't built rapport over time and established that you can be trusted to respect their boundaries. Good to keep in mind that some people may have body insecurities, or prefer to dress more conservatively in public than they may otherwise. Since you're new to it all, I'd advise to focus on first getting to meet others and platonically cuddling in whichever appropriate and consentual way comes naturally to you two.

    You may find that platonic cuddling is for you and lack of much skin to skin contact is not as big of a deal as it seems now. Or that you desire more skin to skin contact at which point either way, you can cross that bridge when you get there. Perhaps over time you may find that some women just naturally dress appropriate ways that still allow for what you seek.

    It is also important to note that untill women become comfortable with you, they may have their guard higher because of their boundaries being crossed, etc. I read a guy talk about how he became so obsessed with his cuddle buddy that she began to cover up more and more for fear of setting him off.

    I think that lady had to walk on eggshells around him and he didn't sound stable or respectful of her with other things he'd said. So I don't think that connection lasted. Now imagine encountering a lady with an experience like that. So you can see why taking your time, then trying to have that discussion after is important. You could say it like this:

    "I want to assure you that I want our connection to stay platonic. Though I was wondering, how do you feel about us wearing a t-shirt/tank top and shorts, so we can have more skin to skin contact sometime?"

  • LovelightLovelight

    @Big_Chris excellent point!

    @Chris55555 Either the one or both parties would have made their intention clear on their profile/messaging on their own. Or I'd wait at least until the second to third meeting to have that discussion. Though it's okay to bringing it up sooner too especially if you're not so open to either way. "Are you just looking for platonic cuddling or open to friendship as well?"

    Then you'd still need to either discuss the frequency of either of them. Or just see how that goes naturally and figure out if it's for you.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @Ahmedali999 you need to ask and get approval before touching her leg or anywhere really. Based on your other posts you have made you seem to have a problem with boundaries and consent . If you continue to see anybody whether a pro or not , dont assume that you can touch them anywhere unless you ask first and if the answer is no then accept that.

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    @pmvines hhhhmm yes I will ask them first depends on person to person some don't mind those the ones i like

  • nurturingmannurturingman

    @Ahmedali999 The tank top and mid-thigh shorts are the minimum dress requirement, but that is no guarantee that cuddlers will dress that scantily, and even if they do, it does not necessarily mean they are okay with being touched everywhere their skin is not covered by clothing. As always, asking for what you want and waiting for consent is key. As others have said, even asking for what you want can raise red flags if not done carefully. I like what @Lovelight suggested:

    I want to assure you that I want our connection to stay platonic. Though I was wondering, how do you feel about us wearing a t-shirt/tank top and shorts, so we can have more skin to skin contact sometime?

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    @nurturingman thanks for the information I just want discover more about cuddles also thanks for inform me to becareful what to ask i know there are some sexist women here.

  • Big_ChrisBig_Chris

    @Chris55555 I agree with what @Lovelight said, I think the conversation is really depends on the people but I feel like it should be an earlier talk rather than later.

    Being on the same page emotionally makes it easier to be on the same page physically.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @Big_Chris Yeah, if one knows off the bat that that's what he wants, then one needs to gauge finding the balance between bringing up too early vs waiting a long time.

  • nurturingmannurturingman

    @Ahmedali999 The problem is not that "there are some sexist women here." The problem (or simply fact of life) is that everyone comes to cuddling with their own past experiences, possibly traumas, probably fears, and boundaries. I have a suggestion for you: whatever you want to ask of a woman, imagine asking it of a man, and imagine a man asking it of you. See how that shifts your perspective.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @Ahmedali999 "there are some sexist women here"

    What's your point? Or what the flying fish does what you said have to do with the discussion at hand? :P

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    @nurturingman shifts wouldn't change my prospective i used to go to unprofessional massage therapist i spent alot money and most of the time they are unfair which made me depressed

    then i stopped i started going only to professional massage therapists on their website they say they are professionals when you meet them they aren't because they are women they have the right to ask me do want extra or sex if man doing that they get offended i have been raped twice by massage therapist because i said no they convinced me and persuaded me by touching me sensuality and my private parts and another 1 she asked me from the beginning to pay extra for extra staff i said no when she started doing massage she stripped of not only women suffer from sexual assault men they do

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999
    edited July 2021

    @Lovelight my point is women have the right to ask whatever they want if men doing that they get offended.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @Ahmedali999 Everyone has the right to ask for what they want. What you don't seem to understand is that there are appropriate ways to go about it. And good ways to approach sensitive topics and not so good ways to go about it.

    Responding to a public discussion isn't sexist, the same way you respond to others who weren't talking to you.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @Ahmedali999

    "then i stopped i started going only to professional massage therapists on their website they say they are professionals when you meet them they aren't because they are women they have the right to ask me do want extra or sex if man doing that they get offended i have been raped twice by massage therapist because i said no they convinced me and persuaded me"

    That's horrible! I hope you filed a report. They don't have the right to ask that just because they are women! Where are you getting this idea?

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    @Lovelight not on cuddle comfort massage therapists websites i never experienced it here

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    @Ahmedali999 Responding to a flag. You're going off-topic in a way that is provocative and inappropriate. You may continue to share your own experiences, from your own perspective, but please do not derail any more posts with sex/gender-based generalizations.

    Please also pay attention to the concerns others have shared with you here, and in response to some of your previous comments, about your understanding of boundaries. Understanding boundaries is crucial to the safety of members on a site like this. In particular, please do not generalize the boundaries of others - for example, a pro wearing shorts does not automatically give you permission to touch her leg. Always ask for your cuddle partner's consent (never assume consent), and expect your cuddle partner to do the same. Thanks.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @greshpo leading by example may also help. If you wear shorts and a t-shirt, she may at some point feel she can around you too. :)

  • MCcuddles2MCcuddles2

    Reading posts by @Ahmedali999 make me feel legitimately uncomfortable.

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