DISABILITIES ♿🎈

sillysassysillysassy
edited August 2021 in General

dis·a·bil·i·ty
/ˌdisəˈbilədē/
noun
1. a physical, mental, cognitive, or developmental condition that impairs, interferes with, or limits a person's ability to engage in certain tasks or actions or participate in typical daily activities and interactions; also : impaired function or ability.

This is a thread inspired by a newbie that is struggling a bit for different reasons. We were having a lovely conversation and didn't want to derail his thread. I thought it would be good to start something here to discuss things a bit more in depth.
I know there are a LOT of different kinds of challenges that humans face in their day to day lives. Having a disability can be frustrating, inspiring, scary, alienating and a million other emotions as well. Hopefully we can talk about dealing with disabilities (whether you agree with me or not) within the framework of cuddles. Please be gentle and kind in our disagreements or discussions. It has been a bit of a divisive week so lets try and stay kind and respectful.

edited because I forgot to ad this part and this was one of the reasons we were looking at a new discussion.

PERSONALLY I think we all have disabilities.... Some of them are just more visible to others.

I have a lot to say about WHY I think this but I am going to wait for the input of others before I discuss.

What does "disability" mean to you? Have you always thought about it this way? How has it affected your life and specifically your snuggles? What things make you fearful? Grateful? Worrisome? or any other thing? Let's talk about it!!

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Comments

  • Big_ChrisBig_Chris

    I lived most of my life able-bodied and I was fortunate to spend my formative years feeling invincible.

    I ran into mental problems in the US army, the stress felt like a slow sinking. I didn't ask for help until I was drowning in it. I left after my contract expired, and qualified for 100% disability for anxiety and a handful of other physical and mental problems. It's hard to just be an adult. I know some things should be easy, but for me they're not. Took a while to be ok with that.

    I don't like to carry that label. It sometimes makes me feel weak or incapable. I don't have as much control over my mind or body as I used to but I still want the same things from life. I let the VA classify me however they want to for me to get the care I need, and I count myself lucky to have what I do have.

  • MonkeyNeedsAHugMonkeyNeedsAHug

    Hey, Big Chris. Thanks for sharing.

  • adorable48adorable48

    I have spina Bifida , a physical impairment from birth. It didn’t slow me down much as a kid and young adult but the older I get, like all of us, I run into things here and there. I have always somewhat struggled with attempting romantic relationships. Not sure about real depression but I do get in funks more and more. I’m an open book for questions.

  • sillysassysillysassy

    @Big_Chris Thank you so much for being willing to share and THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE!!! I appreciate your ability to put together such a fantastic profile and you can bet when I head back to San Diego I will be getting in touch with you. Welcome to the site!! This part makes me very sad and I wonder what it would take in order to change this?

    I don't like to carry that label. It sometimes makes me feel weak or incapable.

    Thank you for this positivity

    I count myself lucky to have what I do have.

    If I can ask.... What would be the biggest contributing factor to this decision? (If you know anything about this girl, please remember that you never have to answer any question you don't want to. This is strictly a place where we can all have some insight to learn and grow, accept and appreciate. )

    I didn't ask for help until I was drowning in it.

    @adorable48 Thank you for telling us your story and for being willing to answer questions. If we as a society have the ability to connect and appreciate each other what would that look like for you?
    You said....

    I have always somewhat struggled with attempting romantic relationships. Not sure about real depression but I do get in funks more and more.

    Is that directly to related to your physical impairment or do you think it is something else?

  • adorable48adorable48

    @sillysassy i think it’s related to my disability some and other times I think I sabotage myself by thinking too much about how I perceive people will see me.
    I’m not sure how they would look for me. I feel like I have a lot of good connections

  • LovelightLovelight

    @sillysassy

    Thanks for starting, I managed to write out my piece and look forward to reading yours. It sure has been a hectic week. I hope my position and the glimpse into my experience reaches y'all with the kindness and clarity I want it to. :)

    "Definition of disability

    1: a physical, mental, cognitive, or developmental condition that impairs, interferes with, or limits a person's ability to engage in certain tasks or actions or participate in typical daily activities and interactions

    also : impaired function or ability" - https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/disability

    "One of my accommodations was to have someone take notes for me so that I could concentrate fully on lectures and discussion. People who found out would often remark “of course, you do better with a note taker, everyone would” This is actually not true. Generally note taking improves an individual’s retention of the material, particularly if those notes are taken with pen and paper. You are made to feel that you are getting an unfair advantage when in fact you are just rectifying a noted disadvantage. "

    To scratch the surface: Disabilities are health conditions which may be accompanied and often is by environmental inaccessibilities, disability based discrimination, eg: a lack of proper accessibility for the blind, mobility users, accessible housing, or the need to take much longer than able bodied people to get some things done cause of mental or a physical disability.

    Trigger warning, mention of an extreme disability based discrimination:

    Another, getting killed by people who believe disability to be some type of curse. Or who believe only the fittest deserve life free from discrimination and harm. It can further be accompanied by higher cost of living which can't be escaped by all unless they recover from it, such as: spending ~hundreds/thousands on mobility aids and other medical/accessibility expenses on a daily/monthly/yearly basis. Someone had to work and pay off their education, so that makes them disabled? No. Another failed a test/exam and that automatically makes them disabled? No. There are people who choose to be uptight, ignorant and rude and that makes them disabled? No, certainly not. I think I got my point across.

    I don't want disability to be trivialized and made SO broad that it no longer has meaning. People who are abled bodied, they exist, can find their own terms to use to describe their inconveniences and non disability related hardships/discrimination. They already have the world much more adapted to them as is without having to fight for the things we do and I don't appreciate people trying to squeeze into our already limited space thinking they know what we go through. Or that we are just like them, instead of acknowledging our differences and yet being respectful of us.

    Most of all, it means losing our ability(ies) which no amount of being told we're "special/differently abled/just like everyone else" is gonna fix. The fact is, I am physically disabled, weak—physically. I lost my ability to do one of my passions—running, among many other things. Another example, early in my battle, I'd drop things and because I had to struggle so much to pick it up, it would put me in really dark mental states and take such emotional toll on me. I HAD to learn different ways of doing things to allow me to live better. Even then, my disability pokes it's ugly head at times to make it known its there! It doesn't make me special, it makes me disabled. It is just about a daily and at best a monthly battle.

    My ability to handle it, to dust off and keep going, THAT I can say is commendable. Though what other choice do I have really, but to do just that. I somewhat think of it as conscription. I am not "just like everyone else". I am a woman, disabled. I am an imperfect human too, which the latter I am sure we all are and is one of the things that makes us similar. However none of those labels are: an insult, something I am ashamed of, my entire identity, or things I should be treated badly for. Depending on who you ask, I am also friendly, helpful, etc.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @sillysassy "This part makes me very sad and I wonder what it would take in order to change this?" My heart must be like an ice cream that was left in the sun. 🥺

    Indeed, it is sad and I wish I had an answer now. I can only hope that @Big_Chris finds his way and gets to be around others to help him on his journey.

  • Big_ChrisBig_Chris

    TL;DR: Anxiety and depression suck, go get some help and ignore people who treat you differently.

    Thank you all for your kind words, and to those that reached out to me. I also appreciate the perspective of @Lovelight, I try to have a similar outlook.

    TW: suicide, alcohol abuse

    @sillysassy

    If I can ask.... What would be the biggest contributing factor to [seeking help]?

    I'm an open book, and as @Lovelight said there's no shame in it.

    My job required a handful of high standards. I liked my job, and it was the only thing in my day that brought me peace and joy. I knew thst if I sought help, I would be pulled off duty. So I tried knuckling down and when it was really tough I drank. Alcohol numbs everything, and I needed distance from reality. My brain didn't like the quiet so I filled every nook and cranny of my day with noise or booze.

    In the silence my thoughts turned to suicide. I had a lot to look forward to and be thankful for, and yet I couldn't stop imagining taking my life. Like a broken record, I would just have these semi-invasive thoughts. I didn't like having them and I knew they weren't helpful. Constant stimulus or deep intoxication kept me from the dreaded introspection.

    Later I was randomly assigned to a special course, advanced suicide prevention. They taught us the signs and the causes. We shared stories of lost friends and loved ones. I couldn't share, I just kept seeing myself as another statistic. I had all the signs, I was being described by everyone there except I was still around.

    I got help the day after the course ended. I knew the consequences but I did anyways. People treat you differently when you go to the mental health clinic. You can't just go, your whole command gets notified and by lunch the next day people were giving me pitious looks. But I didn't care. I had reached a breaking point and I wasn't ashamed. It made me mad that even the real jerks went a little easier on me. I turned it into humor, told people about my 'happy pills' and openly admitted my flaws.

    It's hard to admit you need help. Harder still to recognize you've been treading water. I got lucky. I don't know who needs to hear it but: Don't wait. Just go get some help. F*** the people who will treat you differently, it's better than having them gossip at your funeral about how you always seemed so happy.

    This part makes me very sad and I wonder what it would take in order to change this: "I don't like to carry that label. It sometimes makes me feel weak or incapable."

    When I walk into the VA and I see a retired marine get wheeled in without legs, I can't help but think I don't deserve to put myself in his category. I know all disabilities are different, I just find it difficult to accept the disabled label while I can still climb stairs and breathe without an O2 tank. It does make me feel weak and incapable, but there are things I struggle to do. So disabled isn't wrong but I don't think it really helps to understand me or anyone else.

    If you read the whole thing, thanks. Take care of yourselves, and check on your buddies.

  • Melomaniac9Melomaniac9

    @Big_Chris I wish I could hug you tight!

    When I walk into the VA and I see a retired >marine get wheeled in without legs, I can't help >but think I don't deserve to put myself in his >category. I know all disabilities are different, I >just find it difficult to accept the disabled label >while I can still climb stairs and breathe without >an O2 tank. It does make me feel weak and >incapable, but there are things I struggle to do. >So disabled isn't wrong but I don't think it really >helps to understand me or anyone else.

    If you read the whole thing, thanks. Take care of >yourselves, and check on your buddies.

    Always check on your buddies, especially the strong ones you never know how they are coping and one kind check in from you could change the whole direction of their day!

    I have anxiety too…mild PTSD as well. 34-40 were death defying years. Nearly died twice (deadly disease) and once nearly tried to end the pain. Various health issues have made pain my constant companion. I have nerve damage that some days makes it difficult to walk so I have my trusted cane in the car always.
    Physical & emotional turmoil was too much for me to handle, my mental health was in the shithole. I realized by some miracle that I’m at breaking point.
    Somehow managed to ask for help….Did meditation, journaling, therapy you name it I tried it! I’m finally in a decent space, though last month I felt I was drowning and sinking into an abyss again. Separation anxiety is a real thing!!

    I restarted therapy, cuddling opened up a Pandora’s box….. bit good bit bad.

    I firmly believe in the therapeutic health benefits & advantages of cuddling.
    Whilst cuddling my buddy I noticed my anxiety meds were not needed as much, my pain was manageable. So I’m really grateful to be a part of this community and the wonderful people I’m meeting on here. I’m glad I didn’t crawl back into my shell and decided to step out of my comfort zone and stay here🫂

    This!!! 👇🏼Is platinum advice!

    F*** the people who will treat you differently, >it's better than having them gossip at your >funeral about how you always seemed so happy.

    Just eff the effers!!! Feel free to reach out to me anytime someone here needs a ear to burn!!

  • Spud424Spud424
    edited August 2021

    Thank you for this new thread @sillysassy 🙂

    The weird thing is…even though I am technically “disabled” I don’t feel like it. Oh sure I can’t walk very long distances anymore and I have some trouble with stairs or walking anywhere with an elevation change, honestly I don’t feel disabled at all! My life continues on much as it did before the incident and I do many of the same things as before. In fact even more…on my recent trip to Las Vegas I spent lots of time in the pool, getting great exercise and enjoying the desert sun. And I have found most people are generally helpful in public, holding doors, letting me go first etc …except sometimes those inconsiderate people who park in handicapped spaces because they are just running in the store “for a minute” 😡
    So I think part of disability is very real in the physical manifestation of It, but attitude can help a lot also. Hopefully my new journey into the cuddle community can continue to be helpful to me to continue to grow into the person I want to become

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited August 2021

    @Big_Chris 🫂

    What you shared very much sounds disability to me and anytime you find that acceptance within you, I want you to know that it is valid! You don't have to be on oxygen, stuck in bed, and missing parts of you to be disabled. There's a range in severity within each disability, which I think you understand. Regardless, I am glad you're getting support.

    @Spud424

    I am glad your level of disability(ies) allow you to find a fair amount of enjoyment and that you are at a stage where you can. I don't think disability is a feeling, I don't "feel" human, I just am. And go through the ups and downs of the human experience. We even have the paralympics (gotta be disabled to join), so being able to enjoy life and have an active one does not make us not disabled either. In fact, it's a stereotype that needs to be dismantled, because disability doesn't just look one way, eg., being so severe that it hinders one's life massively. I believe the more balanced representation we get and people learn about it, the more acceptance there should be.

    Edit: Though I recall ocassionally having felt an outsider/not belonging/'alien'/etc., (for non disability related reasons) due to lack of acceptance. So I think one could feel able bodied/not feel disabled cause of trying to fit in and worried saying "I am disabled", will result in being perceived the stereotype I wrote about. If that's the case, I find it to be unhealthy and something to push against whenever possible. When we are disabled and distance ourselves from the disability community for fear of being perceived as such, we are only feeding the stereotype that disability is only severe. And at best that it is only moderate to severe. So I will not and should not have to act able bodied to be heard, not judged, and respected.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @Melomaniac9 So sweet of you, I hope you also find people to talk with when you need it. Feel free to message and hope I can be there for you too when you need.

  • MCcuddles2MCcuddles2
    edited August 2021

    I'd like to add something to this conversation.

    I'm an engineer and i am fascinated by technology and it's ability to give people back their abilities.

    If you have a disability I can probably either point you towards existing technology or research that might make your life easier.

    Some of the technology may be financially out of reach right now but at least it provides hope.

    some examples:

    For paralysis and nerve damage: Using stem cells and scaffolding to regrow nerve connections. Using brain/machine interfaces, combined with artificial intelligence, to create a way to quickly control things with your mind, such as robotic arms or artificial voice. Using exoskeleton to give mobility back to weakened limbs.

    For things like anxiety, depression and cognitive damage from concussions: research backed usage of psychedelics, in a clinical setting, to reset the brain, trigger neuroplasticity and heal these conditions.

    For the elderly who live alone: Artificial Intelligence assistance, in the form of cameras that can notify someone if they fall or are having an emergency. This still allows for privacy because no human is watching the camera.

    I was a co-owner of a non profit a few years ago, and we 3D printed cheap artificial limbs.

  • timetocuddle07timetocuddle07

    Be honest I think some pros should give some of the clients with disabilities some form of discount or something. Sort like military get discounts. I can only imagine how tough it could be for one with a disability being accepted socially or just going on dates or anything. I have a disabled cousin due to a bad car accident as an adult so I csn sympathize a little with what he goes thru in his life now

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @Big_Chris Thank you for sharing!!! Big Hugs 🤗!!!

  • Melomaniac9Melomaniac9

    @Lovelight 🫂🫂😘 I have hand picked a tribe that watches over me and we understand each other. This is my logical family that has been my support system and kept me from going insane lol they would tell you otherwise😝

    @Spud424 welcome to CC

    @MCcuddles2 I’m really intrigued and can’t wait to get to Houston to pick your brains😂 this is what my son is studying he wants to integrate AI into the prosthesis and somehow connect it to your neural network and kinda like a bionic appendage!
    This fascinates me & I’d like to know more if you would share👇🏼

    For things like anxiety, depression and cognitive damage from concussions: research backed usage of psychedelics, in a clinical setting, to reset the brain, trigger neuroplasticity and heal these conditions.

  • hifigeorgehifigeorge

    Thank you all for the enspiring and courageous posts. My known disability is blindness. I suspect I also have depression, though it never showed in tests. It comes and goes. I'll have days where I feel okay. Then, on the other extreme, I'll not even feel like getting up and at times, wonder what I'm doing here. That's the short version. I think the worst types of disabilities are those which fall through the cracks of the system, and or are invisible. It's hard to deal with something which can't bee easily seen or measured.

  • MCcuddles2MCcuddles2
    edited August 2021

    @hifigeorge have you heard of AI powered technology that can describe the world around you in real time? Such as "Seeing AI"?

    Here is something to think about. Tesla Self Driving works purely on machine vision. Meaning it has a very thorough visual understanding of the world. It's not that far fetched to create portable wearable technology that "sees" the world and describes it to you.

  • hifigeorgehifigeorge

    @MCcuddles2 Thank you. I have had limited success with these technologies. I thinkk they can be quite helpful depending on what the AI is trying to discribe. Sadly, these apps depend on one being able to work a camera reasonably well.

  • MCcuddles2MCcuddles2

    @hifigeorge I think what would be ideal would be a wearable camera, integrated with a machine vision system, that is controlled by voice. Also, there is an intermediate AI translator that you can ask more specific questions to and it can reply.

  • hifigeorgehifigeorge

    That AI that you can ask questions sounds good. I think there may already be a whearable cammara, but I don't think it's voice controled. Voice control is good to a point, but in a noisy situation, it may not work quite properly. Good idea though.

  • MCcuddles2MCcuddles2

    @hifigeorge my personal work as a data scientist, one of my projects was training an algorithm to recognize what type of plant it was looking at, so I have a little bit of knowledge in this area, but am no way an expert. I am very excited by the potential of these technologies to inevitably to give a little more independence to visually impaired people.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited August 2021

    @MCcuddles2 that's fantastic! I ocassionally follow up on such developments and am at a manageable stage in my life. While out of reach for many at this stage, I am happy to see the progress even if they may not become applicable to me in my lifetime.

    @hifigeorge Do you know the Bemyeyes app? Last I heard/read they had more volunteers than they had people who needed. May differ by location, though hopefully you'll be in luck.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @Melomaniac9 I am glad to hear! :)

  • hifigeorgehifigeorge

    I'm greatful for the fantastic advances in the above technology @Lovelight I've been rescued a few times by Beemyeyes. Although ther are lots of volenteers, I'm certain more are always welcome. Although my blindness has been and probably will be with me all my life, I'm more concerned with my under the radar depression. Though I will say the cuddling I have expperienced has been most helpful in easing that from time to time.

  • sillysassysillysassy

    I'm so excited to read all of these additions and shares.

    @Lovelight thank you for the wealth of info. I am going to study and research a bit before I respond. 🥰

  • Lev136Lev136
    edited August 2021

    Being an advocate and social working for people with disabilities, I have been following this thread and would like to add my thoughts.

    To me, disability is unfortunately stigmatized in society. It's thought of as being abnormal and those who are disabled are not as good as the rest of society. This is myth.

    Those who have disabilities want to be thought of as anybody else. Many go to work , can go out on their own, have relationships, and overall, able to drive cars, play various sports, etc. Many have a high degree of education. They have the same needs as the rest of society. They have the same interests, hobbies and passions as everybody else as well, wither it be watching sports, enjoying movies, listening to music, etc.

    They don't want to be thought of as being inspirational. Don't want other's feeling sorry for them, they want to be respected. They want to be loved like anybody else, have friendships, not thought of as being freaks, . They are able to do much, just differently in some cases.

    Overall, they want to be though of as people.

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @Lev136 Sad but very true. Thank you for sharing!

  • Lev136Lev136

    @SuperManCuddles ,

    Thank you!!

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @Lev136 Your Welcome!

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