Professional Cuddlers Who Don't Respect Boundaries

Kenshiro2020Kenshiro2020
edited September 2021 in General

I asked this already in the professional cuddling section and wanted to bring it to the general discussion.

Has anyone been in a situation where a professional cuddler has not respected their boundaries?

i have yet to have this happen to me and hope it never does, at the same time though I'm not sure if anyone has been in these situations or not.

«13

Comments

  • [Deleted User]goodguy197636 (deleted user)

    Yes. I've been in a situation with a pro where she had a set of boundries which I respected. I only had one request as a boundries thing because to me its a respect thing that have easily turned into a serious safety issue on my part. She would not respect me so I had to peace out. I dont put a lot of restrictions on who im seeing. Just wanna keep everyone safe and hope its a wonderful time together.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)
    edited September 2021

    Moderator note: Removed the duplicate post from the Professional Cuddling forum.
    No worries, but no need to have the same discussion in two places. Carry on.
    [-CharlesthePoet]

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho
    edited September 2021
    @CuddleWho Sharing studies or statistics can be useful. Respectfully relating personal experiences can be illuminating. But writing “IMO” is not a pass for expressing abusive, derisive, and/or disrespectful sentiments about a class of fellow humans. Please reread the Terms and Conditions, and consider them if you choose to return to the forums. Your timeout begins now. [-CharlesthePoet]
  • SoftHairForDaysSoftHairForDays

    @goodguy197636 - did you report the professional for that behavior? Professionals really need to be keeping the environment a safe and comfortable one (so do clients, but in this case the professional broke that trust). I'm sorry that happened to you. 😔

  • Mare_BearMare_Bear

    I'm so sorry that happened to you.

  • MissAdventurousMissAdventurous

    "I have yet to have this happen to me"

    He hasn't experienced this, he is asking as a general inquiry. 💓☺️

  • MCcuddles2MCcuddles2
    edited September 2021

    @CharlesThePoet I didn't read get to read his post, but I'm curious why @CuddleWho was put in timeout? His views are usually contrarian but useful and honestly spoken from his perspective. While I don't always agree with him, I think he means well.

  • SideonSideon

    @MCcuddles2 - if it quacks like a problem post, it swims like a problem post, and it walks like a problem post... it is not a duck.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    @MCcuddles2

    Short version, I would point you (and everyone) to the Forum Rules stickied post.

    Medium version, I don’t see any reason to share the content that I felt was problematic enough to warrant being edited, and require the author to be placed in timeout.

    Long version, It seems counterproductive to go into long detailed explanations of fairly, and sadly, normal moderator actions.

    That said, I am new at the gig, so…

    There is a certain level of, for lack of a better analogy, growling that is somewhat acceptable on these public and polite forums.

    When that growling becomes snarling, I will tend to gently shush it, usually in private and polite messages. Maybe even going so far as to edit the problematic snarls.

    When the growls and snarls become flat out barking at others, either an individual or a class of people, then (to complete the wonky analogy I am now somewhat regretting) full edits, locked threads, and even timeouts have to occur.

    I, and I’m sure all of the rest of the Moderators, would far rather not put forum users into the “doghouse” (oh this analogy is gonna bite me…) but keeping the inclusiveness and politeness of the forums is our priority.

    My deep apologies to human and dog lovers everywhere.

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    @CharlesThePoet

    Arf!

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    @JoyfulHeart

    😉

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited September 2021

    When I joined CC I already knew three people in the cuddling world. Two of them expressed serious concerns for my safety, based on their knowledge of the victims of indecent or sexual assaults by 'professionals' on clients. This is a serious problem for our community, although we don't discuss it much on the forums.

    Nothing like that has ever happened to me. However, a significant minority of professionals in my experience have not the faintest clue what they are doing, and waltz through boundaries - including those which are there for their own safety - with all the concern of a labrador chasing a wasp. Only once has that caused me any distress, from which I recovered soon enough. However, with some clients some of these boundary breaches - although unintentional and/or well-meaning - would have been devastating.

    So yes, @Kenshiro2020, I'm afraid it does happen. Don't let that put you off, just go into a first session with a new person with a sensible amount of caution. Remember that all the safety protocols we talk about apply just as much to clients or men as they do to professionals or women.

    This is why it's so important for everybody to Report breaches of the Terms of Service. Imagine if the person coming after you is much more vulnerable than you are: do you want them to be exposed to whatever just happened to you?

  • [Deleted User]goodguy197636 (deleted user)

    DimpleGirl no I did not report this pro. I did write a message to this pro after your video call to try to explain why I was so uncomfortable and would NEVER set foot in her home again. I felt uncomfy and unsafe. If she does not work on this problem I just fear someone will get hurt.

  • Sunrise_SnuggleSunrise_Snuggle

    @goodguy197636 You still could report her. Perhaps you still should, to deter her from placing other clients at risk.

  • SoftHairForDaysSoftHairForDays

    @goodguy197636 - I think @MountainCuddles makes a good point. It might be good to report her to prevent her from putting other clients at risk. Again, sorry this happened. That's not cool at all. 😔

  • [Deleted User]greatcuddling (deleted user)

    I am not sure this is a boundry but more of a human thing. I had a pro who kept passing gas during the cuddle session. I believe she was trying to be discreet about it but I kept getting whiffs of colon gas. At one point I asked her if she needed to take a bathroom break and even excused myself as not to make it seem like I was suggesting it to her. I also went and turned on the AC fan to get some air into the room. She declined the break and so when i returned it was 10 times worse smell because I think maybe she let it go full force when I was out of the room. So I just politely told her I just got a text from my secretary and I need to go back to the office to sign some important documents. To this day I can clearly remember how horrible it smelled. I have even been reluctant to schedule another session...but I guess I will sooner or later.

  • BrandiBrandi

    Unfortunately I’ve heard from some clients I’ve regularly seen of pro cuddlers being extremely inappropriate and it completely caught them off guard. (I know they weren’t trying to manipulate me into crossing any boundaries as it felt like they were genuine clients looking for cuddle dynamic and cuddle therapy. in certain cases I have also felt like some clients have lied and said other pros offered certain things in hopes I would “do the same”, but some sounded like they felt pretty harassed and under pressure to pay more for extra services they weren’t looking for, I felt terrible for them.
    I have no issues with s.w but there’s a time and a place for it, and cuddlecomfort is not the place in the slightest, and it really puts other professionals in danger, as well as enthusiasts unfortunately, and completely disrespects this process.
    :/

  • [Deleted User]greatcuddling (deleted user)
    edited September 2021

    Flagged. Reviewed. Deleted. Please reread the Terms and Conditions, and consider them if you choose to return to the forums. Your timeout begins now.
    [-CharlesthePoet]

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited September 2021

    .

  • Kenshiro2020Kenshiro2020
    edited September 2021

    @CuddleDuncan you misunderstand. I've had actual cuddle sessions through this site before. Both in person and virtual. Although I have yet to have a professional cuddler abuse me and disrespect my boundaries in any way, shape, or form, I do have a history of abuse. Oftentimes my abusers were women, especially my own mother, and not only did people ignore it and not take it serious at all, even worse some people didn't even take it serious enough by minimizing an outright dismissing it. That's an ongoing problem that I still continue to have. I do not let that stop me, because I'm a survivor not a victim.

  • [Deleted User]simsaddict (deleted user)

    I think there’s a certain level of disconnect between a cuddler and the professional at times-what I encounter is boundary pushers. However, I’m straightforward and state boundaries and remind them it’s platonic and they apologize and the session continues in the platonic nature.

    Some of the individuals that I’ve had sessions with I would absolutely not rebook with, and that’s been purely based on their lack of respect with wanting to push the session onward.

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    Seems extremely unlikely a pro cuddler would push boundaries. They aren't here for that. They just want to earn some money.
    Just be clear you only want platonic cuddling and you'll be fine.
    Just look for the ones who have lots of karma and aren't charging ridiculous rates.
    Also I don't see a reason to ask the same question in multiple forums.

  • BabichevBabichev

    @Melancholy - I’m not sure if it’s extremely unlikely for professionals to push boundaries. I would hope it’s uncommon but I’ve run across pro accounts that, while not exactly violating any terms of service, do not project an image of platonic cuddling.

    It’s been stated above but I’ll repeat it - if anyone has an experience of a pro from this site behaving in an unprofessional manner, please report it.

    Pro cuddling has no regulation, no solid standards. Anyone can decide they want to be a pro cuddler. That includes people who take it very seriously and those who are immature, have poor boundaries, and are hoping to make a quick and easy buck.

    The business of some clients saying some other pro did this or that is a common tactic to get a cuddler to do something outside of purely platonic cuddling. Don’t assume they are telling the truth.

    The issue of pros and/or non-pros pushing boundaries affects all of us. It interferes with our ability to create a safe environment for platonic cuddling. It’s up to all of us to maintain a safe place for platonic cuddling.

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    Given a large enough sample size and enough time, a great many things that seem unlikely will happen more than once.

    My sister had five girls in a row, followed by three boys. The chance of that happening in a family of eight is 1/256, and yet it really did happen.

    To those who have experienced boundary-crossing by a pro or by anyone, I'm sorry. It effects you directly, and it affects the community as a whole.

    @Babichev I agree. While my experience has been positive, that doesn't automatically mean the same is true for everyone. It makes me grateful that the pros I've found have been respectful.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    Seems extremely unlikely a pro cuddler would push boundaries.

    It doesn't 'seem' anything. It happens.

    They aren't here for that.

    Some of them are here for exactly that. Others practice it as a sideline.

    They just want to earn some money.

    That seems to be the commonest motivation in the US, but it truly and profoundly isn't the only one.

    Just be clear you only want platonic cuddling and you'll be fine.

    Really? So if I tell the burglar I don't want to be burgled, I'll be fine? Is that how crime works?

  • LovelightLovelight

    I feel sad to share this, though I feel it needs to be shared especially with the "it seems extremely unlikely for pros to push boundaries" comment.

    The post on the subreddit starts with:

    "Hey, apologies if this has been posted about before. I recently found out about and got accepted on the site Cuddle Comfort. It’s for “professional cuddling” lol. ..."

    Then there are comments like these:

    "I’ve been using it for a couple months and I really like it. Some men are looking for full service and when they are I tell them it’s a different rate. Others genuinely want cuddling. I have a client at the moment who wants to start seeing me weekly for cuddling. It’s definitely a mixed bag when it comes to clientele but I’ve found it pretty rewarding. You just need to make sure nothing in your profile is remotely sexual."

    "How do they let you know they are looking for full service?"

    "Usually they ask if you’re “open minded” or something like that. By this point you want to make sure you’ve moved to texting or something off the CC site. Sometimes it’s something I’ll bring up after an initial session. They might request skimpier outfits or more personal massages. I just usually say if you’re interested, I offer more adult services at a different rate."

    https://www.reddit.com/r/SexWorkersOnly/comments/d50g6i/cuddle_comfort/?utm_source=amp&utm_medium=&utm_content=post_body

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @CuddleDuncan you literally said everything I was thinking as I was reading their comment & wanted to say & decided not to. This is an intense subject … I don’t agree with the op posting this “rhetorical” question, this- “what if” question is putting all pros in this guilty scenario & shinning this flash light in their faces , which is strange especially after they say , “I have yet have this happen to me” … like why put it out there in such a negative tone specifically towards them … no government / society / industry / workplace / ect ect ect is ever perfect … I really don’t see what this accomplished besides getting a couple people timed/out unfortunately… you can always report if you feel you need to, you can always be direct if you feel your boundaries are being crossed & you can be firm on what you allow in cuddling ect as everyone’s comfort level is different … there’s no gov’ts without corrupt politicians / there’s no sports without someone trying to get a dishonest advantage / there’s no workplace without some type of favoritism … most likely your concerns have happened here & will … you should ask yourself if that’s a risk you’re willing to take I’m guessing…. (Ive tried my best not to give my opinions in a lot of topics here to avoid drama & back & forth but I just had to say something here & I think I said it all to avoid any potential bait for arguments).

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    @CuddleDuncan I'm really puzzled by your way of thinking. Your comparisons to a burglar are invalid and make absolutely no sense to me.
    Let me give you some insight that you don't seem to realize.
    If a pro cuddler wants to push boundaries and do things you're not supposed to, they aren't going to do it for free. its only cuddler enthusiasts who would push boundaries and do something you might not want them to do.
    The worst that a pro cuddler might do is ask you if you want to do more. Like I once a pro cuddler ask me if I would pay her more if she took her top off. That is completely different from actually taking her top off and pushing boundaries which is what the OP was scared of happening.
    Just make it clear that you're not going to pay anything extra and will report anyone who suggests doing extras and you wont' have a problem!
    A pro cuddler doesn't want to break boundaries for fun or for free. That makes no sense!
    What you have to worry about are the free cuddlers, the enthusiasts.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    It is good to keep in mind that personal experiences are not the same as universal experiences.

    As has been stated earlier, within large enough groups there will be a wide range of behavior.

    The VAST majority of groups are going to fall within the average of the “bell curve”.

    Meaning, in this case, that most people (both enthusiasts and professionals) will behave responsibly and respectfully.

    But there will be exceptions.

    Please report those exceptions, whether they are enthusiasts or professionals.

    And, as always, you must protect yourself and be certain to maintain your personal boundaries.

    Safe cuddling is happy cuddling.

  • [Deleted User]simsaddict (deleted user)

    There is one annoying individual who is turning into a skid mark mentally, who keeps messaging me.
    Backstory-I gave my phone number and they found me on Snapchat & he is making convo on sc. (not a big deal.)

    However, they asked for an outfit request and asked if I could wear a sport’s bra and skirt and do an overnight.
    I wrote back “No. sports bra is considered an undergarment. I cuddle with clothing on. I also don’t wear a skirt to cuddle in. I don’t want to be sexually assaulted since you’re a stranger. I literally don’t know you”

    And I thought by being blunt it would get the message across. Instead, he think I’m into women and that I don’t like cuddling. 😂

    As a professional cuddler, I have restated my boundaries four times now with this fool. And each time, he’s like “Well, I would never do anything to you”

    BUT SIR….you already testing my patience by asking countless questions about what I’ll wear & telling me other professional cuddles had no problem with skin on skin contact in their bras.

    I’m straight forward and honest. And I communicate my boundaries well. It should at some point, click in the person’s brain “I’m not comfortable with that” is the literal equivalent of “No.”

    I’m unsure if English is even their first language or if they think cuddling will lead to something sexual but I’m finding myself feeling defensive now in messages to other people, which I hate.
    Is that normal for anyone else?

    & it’s starting to occur to me that some of the people I have sessions with must have had sex with previous pros because they give off the creep vibes in person not through text or chat.
    The questions about if I’m in a relationship or the last time someone touched me, I find repulsive.
    And I express that vocally and it gets dropped.

    It’s just annoying more than anything.
    I didn’t want to make a forum thread with this.
    Just wanted to sort of speak from my perspective as I’ve been encountering people.
    And not all of them are creeps.
    I’ve had great cuddles and dinner and formed a friendship or two.

    Does it feel like that for anyone else?

Sign In or Register to comment.