Blocking/Ghosting People/Low Investment

LovelightLovelight
in General

It very much seems that two people have recently blocked and one or two ghosted me.

It is part of the reason I try to barely invest in others til I begin meeting them, seeing how so easily and harshly they can toss someone away.

I was actually more saddened by one of them cause just when I felt he was different, good communicator and responsible, he seemed to have hit the block on me. Not to mention he seemed nice so as much as I planned to not get attached, he gained a spot in my heart. Where I looked forward to showing him that I care about him and what he's been going through. I lost focus of my guard and got hurt.

Dust off and carry on I shall. I'm not sure when this heart of mine is going to learn its lesson, though hope it does soon! -_-

Anyway, blocking/ghosting however harsh is still a no. So I respect their decision. I don't want someone who is incapable of communicating when things get tough anyway and who thinks so little of me that they feel it's okay to toss me away like that. So in a way, I am glad I saw this side of them earlier. :)

If you've been through this, which it seems at least a handful of you have. Do you've a strategy that's different to mine to protect yourself?

Comments

  • alexis831alexis831

    I don't have any strategies, I'm hoping maybe others might have some tips as I struggle with the same issue. I think that is the risk when you care about someone (and share that with the other person).

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited September 2021

    Ooooh yes. Blocking I find easier to deal with than I once did, because I now truly understand that it's never about me. (Unless it is, obviously, but in that case I know.) So I feel sad for me but even more sad for them because they are hurting more than me.

    Ghosting I also find easier, especially since I accidentally ghosted somebody for the first time about 18 months ago. It wasn't deliberate and we'd never met, I just thought that they'd ghosted me whereas it was the other way around. Communication isn't that easy for me and I have to concentrate, and sometimes it goes wrong. If I care about being ghosted I send a really nice message after an appropriate time, and then forget about them. I have also learned, from internet dating, to treat every message like a message in a bottle thrown into the sea: if you get a reply, that's a bonus.

    And yes, keep the emotional investment to an absolute minimum until you've met.

  • paauullpaauull

    I don't get it either. If I did something wrong I like to be told what it was so I can adjust accordingly. I understand people are different but I prefer communication. I can take no as an answer but maybe some people can't?

  • Big_ChrisBig_Chris

    @paauull often times you havn't done anything wrong, and neither have they, not necessarily.

    If there's no connection, there's no connection. I see it as permission to move on, no harm meant. You can get into a tough mental game with yourself if you try to figure out what you did.

    I have a hard time replying back to people even if I know them well. It's never something they did. Sometimes it's just really taxing to send so many rejection messages, especially if some rejectees take it so poorly.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    It’s not exactly ghosting, but my strategy for relationships is meant to protect both myself and others.

    I’m personally sort of tone deaf when it comes to relationship cues and rules.

    I simply don’t see or hear the subtle signals that everyone else seems to be on board with.

    So my rule is Three Times.

    If I I initiate contact three times without them initiating contact in return I accept that I’m not that important in their lives, and I let it go.

    I don’t block them or delete their contact information or whatever, but I know that I am not important enough to them to make the effort to reach out to me, and that’s enough for me to know where to spend my energy and emotions on.

    Most people are enthusiastic to start (that new car smell) but fall off fairly quickly.

    That’s simply humans.

    It is, literally, nothing personal.

  • [Deleted User]Protector (deleted user)

    @CharlesThePoet That’s a really wise strategy, and I’m going to adopt it. Thank you.

    It may be only my experience, but I feel like ghosting has become much more common over the last few months. It may be because many of us have so many competing priorities now: dealing with another surge of the pandemic, struggling with return to ________ (work, school, finding day care, etc.), job changes, etc. and therefore more things slip through the cracks.

  • Sunrise_SnuggleSunrise_Snuggle

    Being blocked and ghosted, having my time and energy wasted, really pisses me off.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup
    edited September 2021

    I haven't been blocked often, but when it does happen, it is usually a reflection on the person who is doing the blocking, typically. Blocking doesn't seem to have a point other than being a direct way of communicating "I'm ghosting you"

    I'm ghosted often - it is the norm, I've been burned many a time by ghosting. I just try to emotionally invest as little as possible with new people. It's easier to be emotionally invested in someone you know well, but even then, people can change with is something I try to be aware of.

    The internet has made it easy to communicate with a large number of people, with the added stress of responding back to a large number of people. It seems that ghosting has become an almost acceptable way of ending communication with someone you don't know well, but I still think it's rude. However, some people have a fear that the other person won't take no for an answer, which is understandable if that's the reason they ghosted. If it's someone you know well that is ghosting you, that is just horrible and unwarranted unless the person being ghosted displayed an inability to properly communicate.

  • blisscuddlesblisscuddles

    Being online it’s easy to start something but also easy to end it with ghosting or blocking. Like with all relationship, even in person , it’s rough when you have invested in it for a long time and it ends abruptly. But after that initial disappointment (it’s only human to feel that way), don’t let them live in your mind rent-free; which is essentially what they are doing without their investment in it.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @blisscuddles "But after that initial disappointment (it’s only human to feel that way), don’t let them live in your mind rent-free; which is essentially what they are doing without their investment in it."

    Wonderfully sums it up, thanks for the reminder.

    Thanks y'all for the input. Hopefully in a few hours or days he should be a distant memory I don't feel hurt by. :)

  • Cntrydance28340Cntrydance28340

    If someone doesn't match the energy I put into them, they can pound sand! Life is too short to waste time on someone who doesn't care about you. I have been ghosted by people after knowing them for several years but that is what people do these days. Respect is a thing of the past. Sad but true.

  • timetocuddle07timetocuddle07

    Guys get with your purpose please stop chasing these cuddlers or ladies. Live an abundance life please. Get some hobbies. Make sure you message a bunch of ladies you wanna cuddle. Talk to some in person. Or dating apps. Invest in yourself if you have enough folks on your roster trust me you wouldn't be hung on one ghosting you. You be the one to ghost or block. Gotta stop putting folks on pedestals. Invest in yourself in this day in age and trust me you will have the power to do the ghosting. This is becoming so unmasculine in here

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    One of the true tests of character is whether one can learn from the bad behaviors and examples of others.

    It is also interesting how proud of that bad behavior those people tend to be, isn’t it?

  • timetocuddle07timetocuddle07

    @Lovelight
    You just gotta level up as a guy. Cuddlers, enthusiast, and pros have to many options nowadays. It's no need to complain about it. When you become a better you, more of what others want you. You will see things change for you. The more I enlighten myself on how things are for men and opposite sex the more I know how to maneuver and make things better. Whe. You stop caring then they will come. Massage therapy might help u too or become a massage therapist you will definitely cuddle a whole lot there

  • Sunrise_SnuggleSunrise_Snuggle

    @timetocuddle07 Lovelight is not a guy, lol.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    You know, I don’t think that this guy…

    Was the role model we are supposed to take away from that movie…

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited September 2021

    @MountainCuddles "Lovelight is not a guy" Thanks, lol. 🙃

    @timetocuddle07 "You be the one to ghost or block."

    I can understand how getting hurt so much can make one feel bitter and lash it out on others as a protective mechanism for something they didn't do. Though I'd rather strive to be good to others, to some degree even to those whom I feel slighted by. I think being a badie isn't that hard. * Though striving to be good even in the face of adversity, that takes effort and it's an effort I'm willing to put in.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    @Lovelight

    May I give you a respectful and virtual hug?

    You are awesome.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @CharlesThePoet Thanks, you aren't too shabby yourself. 🫂

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    Y'all are far more polite than I. Kudos!

    But since I got a warning recently, I'll just share that sometimes blocking people seems like the right thing to do. And there's a bit of self congratulations after seeing a post of their's that makes you want to block, only to find your past self was already on it... It just feels kinda good and validating.

    And @Lovelight ~ 🫂💓

  • cookiecrumbcookiecrumb

    Think of being blocked or ghosted as a blessing. The reason people do that is because they have fear or they are dismissive or they are judgmental, and you don't need that negativity in your life. They are saving you the grief of experiencing their character flaws.

  • Kenshiro2020Kenshiro2020

    I'm probably echoing some of the people who have already said something on this forum. Sadly

  • Kenshiro2020Kenshiro2020

    I'm probably echoing some of the people who have already said something on this forum. Sadly it happens, and the age we live in of the internet/social media/texting makes it So much easier. I personally like the phrase, "I would rather an enemy who admits they hate me, than a friend who secretly puts me down." I've also heard that phrase said in another way, "it's better to have an honest enemy than a deceitful friend."

    It's so easy to give into, I'm guilty of it myself and it was only until I had it happen to me enough times that I realized how cowardly it is to do that. I know why people do it. People are afraid of the backlash. However some people need closure they may not want it, but they need it. Some people need to hear no for an answer. At the same time however some people do it because they're just outright scum and get a sadistic thrill out of doing that to people.

    I am in no way excusing it, on the contrary I'm actually outright condemning the act of ghosting. Ghosting, and the silent treatment, is something only cowards do. Sure it's always a case-by-case basis as to why someone does it, but it's not just harmful to the people they're doing it it's also harmful to the person who is doing it. I know I'm not alone in saying this, but I personally believe it's more about the person who is doing the ghosting. If anything it's pathetic and worthy of pity.

    Oftentimes people over commit, myself included. People often make promises they can't keep too and lastly people will outright lie. In reality that's no one else's fault, but the person doing it. Sure no one owes another person their time, affection, etc, but they're not old respect, forgiveness, or trust.

    I'm going to end this by saying @Lovelight I'm very sorry that this happened to you. You deserve better.

  • [Deleted User]sbcoldguy (deleted user)

    I like what paauull and Big_Chris said about not taking it personally and it is a way to let go and a learning experience. I was blocked recently and it took me a while to realize that I had been contacting without a reply and did not accept that fact that the cuddler did not want to continue. I have learned.

  • Hannie868Hannie868
    edited September 2021

    @Lovelight "Though striving to be good even in the face of adversity, that takes effort and it's an effort I'm willing to put in." Love this. I kind of lurk the forums but don't post too much (lol), and you seem to be a lovely woman. <3

    I once had a friend that I loved sooo much, and he eventually ghosted me. I was quite broken up about it. Anyhow, with any kind of relationship, this is the quote I always come back to:

    “When you meet that person--one of your soul mates--let the connection be what it is. It may be five minutes, five hours, five days, five months, five years, a lifetime. Let it manifest itself the way it is meant to be. It has an organic destiny. This way, if it stays or if it leaves, you will be softer from having been loved this authentically. Souls come into, return, open, and sweep through your life for a myriad of reasons. Let them be who and what they were meant to be.” -- ?

    Regardless of whether you feel any of them were your soul mate (which doesn't have to be in a romantic sense), this same logic applies. As much as you can, wish them well, take the good, and use it to continue manifesting your own authenticity and radiance.

  • [Deleted User]Unicorn95 (deleted user)
    edited September 2021

    Ghosting isn’t a reflection of you, most things people do is because of what they are going through. There is no commitment to talk to anyone, freewill is a beautiful thing (unless you are ordered to for some reason, hah) . If in a actual commitment it’s a expectation/curtesy to be direct, some people just aren’t that way . Use your discernment , you’ll be able to avoid it faster. Hope this helped 😇

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    The old "Irish" proverb: You wouldn't worry what people thought of you if you knew how often they don't.

    "Irish" in quotes, because I am sure that a ton (all?) cultures have a similar proverb...

  • cookiecrumbcookiecrumb
    edited September 2021

    Agreed

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