When people delete their account without warning

MelancholyMelancholy
in General

It happens from time to time but it never ceases to make me feel a little down.
You spend hours talking to someone about potentially cuddling etc. Then next morning wake up and they deleted their account. You'll never talk to them again. They are simply gone.
Its life. But sometimes I wish they would at least say why they decided to skip town. :)

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Comments

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999
    edited September 2021

    @MACuddleGuy it happened to me many times I was excited and close by for cuddles then next day they gone. Was i talking to a ghost 👻 if CC charge money I will think it's them to keep me going so they make money 🤣

    For the record, CC only makes money from appointments booked through this site, not through conversations. If a profile is deleted, the user deleted it themselves. - Babichev

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited September 2021

    @Melancholy maybe they were deleted for violating the terms. Maybe you weren't that important to them to even be a little considerate to. Whatever the reason, sorry you're hurt by it, there's really no other option though to not give a bird about them. And be careful about getting your hopes up until you've at least * cuddled a bit. Even then it's good to have a conversation about it if it's someone you'd like to see more often. So you could see if they feel the same and how you two may go about it. You never know, sometimes a person may choose you cause you're really the only option they've and when/if they find someone they prefer drop you like a hot potatoe. So in any case really gotta work on not feeling* so attached. I know it's rather cold, though either that or get hurt.

    "You spend hours talking about potentially cuddling etc."

    Try to be more efficient and not spend hours talking about it. There are people who will happily talk to you for months about it let alone hours. Yet have no intentions to meet you. Learned this the hard way. Also learn to watch out for red flags and learn the patterns. You may not always be right. Though at least you'll be able to step back and realize that someone's words contradict or something just isn't right about it. Additionally, at least video call for about 5 minutes or so * early on *, because that may help you get a different perspective on the connection.

  • Libra0Libra0

    It's the internet bro. Don't get attached to strangers you chat to. You'll get even more hurt when you meet them in person and they go MIA.

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    So the reason it went on for hours is she kept talking about her past experiences meeting people. I'm not sure how I can make that more efficient without being rude and saying don't talk about anything ?
    I don't mind that we spent hours chatting. I was actually interested in her stories.

    People are allowed to feel how they want.
    Either sympathize with them or just ignore them but don't tell them not to feel something. You invalidate their feelings and make them feel like crap.
    There is really nothing wrong with feeling a little sad after getting to know someone's story that they vanish without warning the next day.
    At least not in my book.

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    @Melancholy

    "People are allowed to feel how they want."

    I support this statement 100%.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @Melancholy I am not sure either cause I was not in your shoes. If you're cool with it then cool.

    It's a loss I'd prefer to avoid having to have a one sided connection. Or have someone take up my time going on about who knows what, when I don't even know if I am someone they have genuine interest to meet and someone they are happy with. If someone needs a listening ear, I can provide them that when we are sat across from each other and also that they are willing to meet my needs too. Or if I am at a place where I've abundant resources to give, that I may not care much about someone here and there just being a taker. I think when people do this enough times and their needs aren't met in return, they'll more or less come to the same conclusion I've. Or their sadness and frustration will grow so much and lead them into the wrong path of claiming they are a "nice ____".

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited September 2021

    Speaking of how, perhaps you could interject at some point and say: "Hey, I've so and so to do. Though would like to hear more about that sometime, what day are you available to meet, *so we could also see if we'd like to cuddle?"

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    There is really nothing wrong with feeling a little sad after getting to know someone's story that they vanish without warning the next day. At least not in my book.

    No, nor in mine.

    The saddest part for me is that I suspect that the common reasons for this are unhappy ones. People being overwhelmed, triggered or hurt in some way. They came here because they needed a cuddle, but didn't get one.

    The last time it happened to me I chatted to a lady continuously for a whole evening, three or four hours. It was obvious from early on that meeting wasn't especially likely. She seemed kind and interesting and was desperately unhappy. It probably wouldn't have been me - bit too far away - but she could have found a cuddle here. Couple of days later she deleted.

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    @MACuddleGuy be patient. Patient is the key of success. There plenty of cuddlers there in America in the UK not popular.

  • hifigeorgehifigeorge

    I can certainly relate to being sad after some one you've chatted with suddenly deletes their account. In my case, we had a long conversation over a couple weeks and actually met for a cuddle. The cuddle went quite well, and we even talked about future meetings at the end. Two days later, I was shocked to find she had deleted her account. Odly enough, besides being sad and surprised, I couldn't help wondering if I had said or done anything to cause this, or anything I could have done to prevent it. She was quite new, with me being her third client, so perhaps there was a trigger or overwhelm that I would've had no idea about. Though it's sad, I am better having had the experience with her, and I must now let it go.

  • Dante2Dante2

    I don't think much of it at all. I'm guessing many people sign up just to test the waters, to see if this is right for them. They test it out and leave.
    I wouldn't be surprised if more than 90% of all accounts ever created were deleted less than a month after creation.

  • nurturingmannurturingman
    edited September 2021

    I totally get how you feel. The more I experience drawn-out correspondence in dribs and drabs with no actual meetup, the less I’m disposed to corresponding anymore — unless it’s acknowledged that we may never meet and we’re just being pen pals. Even then, if after months of correspondence they delete, it’s astonishing, frustrating, and disappointing. It all makes me question what it is I’m getting out of the interaction, even if what I’m getting is altruistic reward, and how willing I am to invest in someone.

    There’s nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. I know “it’s the Internet, bro” @Libra0 , but even so, “People are allowed to feel how they want,” @Melancholy . My advice is to listen to what the other person is telling you without telling you, because they will show you who they are (at least for now) if you pay attention to their words and actions. And keep listening to yourself — your inner self, your gut — and “take care of you.”

  • timetocuddle07timetocuddle07

    It's life yall shouldn't get attached and put none of these individuals on a pedestal ever.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @nurturingman "Even then, if after months of correspondence they delete, it’s astonishing, frustrating, and disappointing."

    It is if you're developing feelings such as friendship for them. When you begin to develop feelings, I'd advise asking if they are interested in becoming friends with you or Just passing the time. I'd say the sooner you do this, the better for you.

  • BabichevBabichev

    I’ve noticed people delete accounts without warning, including individuals who messaged me and indicated they wanted to meet. I don’t speculate why they did it, there could be an infinite number of reasons.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    This has happened to me multiple times. Definitely frustrating. If I change my expectation, I realized, I wouldn't be as frustrated. I'm talking to a stranger on the internet, even if it is months of chatting, they don't care about me or my needs. They are looking to get their needs satisfied, and I'm looking to do the same.

  • GODHANDSGODHANDS

    For that reason alone...I don't chat with anyone who doesn't have Karma's yet🤷🤷🤷

  • [Deleted User]KYtransplant (deleted user)

    I did temporarily deactivate my account for about 3 weeks.

    I was getting overwhelmed with short messages with no real substance. As an introvert, and not very tech-savvy it put me into shutdown mode.

    I had felt comfortable enough with one member to exchange phone numbers so we could chat on the phone. Felt instantly comfortable with him through our shared profession and was easy to talk to.

    I did meet up with him and it was the most amazing few hours I've had in a long time with another person.

    He gave me some tips on filtering out people to connect with the genuine ones.

    I'm still in the process of rewriting my bio. Getting what I want to say and having it come across as coherent and concise is a challenge.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    You're dealing with people online. In general, the only things you will know about them will be what they choose to tell you. So just like on a dating site or any social media, you need to be cautious if it is not someone you know offline as well. You have no idea what their story is, whether they are serious about being here or just putting a toe in the water, or even if they might have a partner who wouldn't be happy they were here.

  • hicuddlerhicuddler
    edited September 2021

    I wish people would stop just replying to posts callously. Telling someone flatly to not get too attached to someone on the Internet or care too much for example is theoretically true, but easier said when you don't have a dog in the hunt. Obviously everyone on here is seeking some community and connection. Someone posting is plainly hurt that they were chatting with someone and it did not pan out. I can understand. I was recently talking to someone and became somewhat hurt that it didn't work out. Yes these things do happen. Yes I probably should not have expected much but I would be pissed if I had posted about it in search for support from an online community to purports to care, and someone just replied "just don't expect much." Or in short -- get over it. If you are sincerely on here for connection, remember that with deep sincerity and sensitivity when replying to other people's posts. Or sit quietly because you really are not adding much by just stating YOUR obvious. With that said, @Melancholy I am sorry this happened and you had to go through with it.

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    @hicuddler Thank you!
    I admit the first few responses got me down, but interestingly there were a few in there that seemed nice enough. Thanks to everyone else who tried to help.

  • hicuddlerhicuddler

    I typically read all comments before posting. The first one did enough for me to respond. I was even happier that I did so after continuing to read on.

    You are welcome, but I should really thank you for being vulnerable and teaching us how to be with class. It is so easy to judge and tell people what they should and should not do when you are not in their situation.

    Keep your head up and you will find the connection you seek. Again, if someone walks away they were not for you anyway, @melancholy

  • blisscuddlesblisscuddles

    @Melancholy It’s ok to feel how you feel but don’t let it dissuade you from pursuing future connections. With most interactions being online, many connections are sometimes end up just being conversational. Someone just wanting to have someone lend an ear to listen to them. Even though the other person just disappeared and that was a disappointment, maybe take comfort in the thought that maybe..just maybe you did make a difference in her life by being willing to listen to her. Some conversations can be akin to virtual cuddles.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @hicuddler "I wish people would stop just replying to posts callously. Telling someone flatly to not get too attached to someone on the Internet or care too much for example is theoretically true, but easier said when you don't have a dog in the hunt."

    I so agree.

  • UKGuyUKGuy

    Every time I go back and look at cuddlers I have bookmarked, about a third of them have gone. These are people I have never communicated with so it's nothing to do with me.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I have clients in business that will ghost out of the blue (generally they pop up later) and I have found it had nothing to do with me. I never have got hung up on it. Quite frankly, I have always had too much going on to worry about something I can’t control. It helps that I am not a possessive or jealous type and I think that has to do with realizing I can’t control the thought processes, emotions or musings of another so I am not going to lose sleep over what I can’t control. Nor would I want to even try if they thought I wasn’t worthy of a good-bye. I think the message is clear from them—they have things they are prioritizing over communication with me or they may have some emergency or who knows what. I long ago stopped investing too much in people I haven’t met yet. It is harder once you meet in person on several occasions, because you have skin in the game. But life is too short to dwell on every perceived slight in an online universe where people can be everything they are not. So that ghosting? They may have tired of their persona or they lost track of their lies. It is a good as chance as any because people do some f’d up stuff that I refuse to let dictate how I feel.

    Now with full disclosure—I am saying this with years of living behind me. If the internet was around when I was younger, it probably would have bothered me back in my 20s and 30s. People have taught me to trust in their ability to disappoint. When they deliver on that ability, I am no longer surprised. I follow the proverb “Don’t let the bastards grind you down.” I think it applies when you are ghosted—so don’t give the bastard the satisfaction knowing they hurt you in the slightest. Living happy is the best revenge of all.

  • MelancholyMelancholy
    edited September 2021

    Hey on a positive note, had another cuddler I had been chatting with for weeks decide to quit and deactivate...BUT, here's the positive note...she texted me one last time to tell me she was leaving the site.
    So at least she said goodbye. I'll probably never talk to her again, but that's alright. She had been talking to several others on here too apparently. Sorry guys...guess she's gone. :(

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited September 2021

    @Melancholy if she just deactivated then she's likely coming back someday. Has she said anything about contacting you when she's back?

    Well... that is if her inbox isn't full or that she doesn't think of you enough to touch base again and she thus MAYBE forgets about you. :P

    Anyway, glad she at least said bye to you. I hope you soon find the connections you desire and that then none of this matters as much. Like being a millionaire and losing a dollar, you'll probably not even notice it. Or think meh, hopefully it'll go to someone in need.
    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    Edit: Speaking of chats getting lost. I just made a suggestion to have a 'pin a few chats with people we are making good progress with' feature.

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999
    edited September 2021

    I was chatting to someone one from @Lovelight advice i messaged her and told her lets meet in person at coffee shop before she deletes her account she said when is your availability i said this week I'm busy I let u know soon. long talk is good to make the person comfortable but sometimes it just waste of time thanks @Lovelight human needs human especially in advice. I'm almost there.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    You really should avoid getting attached to pro’s. They are here to provide a service, nothing more. Just like you shouldn’t get attached to tour massage therapist etc If a bond does form that’s greater than cuddle comfort, awesome but the reality is that should never be expected.

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