I think compliments are great and it just depends on how you say it and in what context. Something like "damn you look hot af" half drooling, is not a good way. but something like "you look amazing today" followed by a nice conversation is more than fine. You'll see by the reaction of that person if it's awkward or if you make him/her smile.
You know her and have seen her before, you noticed a positive change...from my therapy sessions and psychological work with people of all ages and gender I know that compliments make people feel good especially when someone notices the positive change, no matter how small.
We are constantly worried about what people think of what we say or do that we often time miss to give a genuine compliment...something someone might needed to hear and actually made their day. If you feel like giving a compliment and don't know if it's appropriate or how the person might react to it, start with a conversation the person might tell you about some changes in their life, positive or negative...sitting at the hair dresser you pretty much talk about everything. But then you might find out why she looks the way she looks now.
But in general...genuine compliments are never wrong, saying it would be rude makes me question why you are so negative. A compliment is always a positive statement, we just gotta learn how to say it right and be moderate with it, not to overdo it.. And also we gotta learn how to receive and appreciate compliments. We don't even always have to compliment back, just receive and be grateful.
We should not be afraid of complimenting each other, people need to hear positive words more than you think...we can literally hug people with words and show love and appreciation. We life in a world where it's strange to compliment people we know or even complete strangers that cross our way, when it actually shouldn't be strange at all.
I'm happy that there are people out there complimenting me, no matter how. At the end of the day I left a positive impression for them to compliment me, if it's my looks, my mentality, my personality, my attitude, my achievements...or else, it's something POSITIVE about me. And one of my daily goals is to compliment people as well.
How someone feels about it is 100% on them and how they see the world. It shouldn't stop anyone from giving genuine compliments. If we would all compliment each other more the world would definitely be a better and more friendly place.
In this woke culture you never know. You almost have to be afraid to smile at a woman for fear of being labeled. That being said, I've found that complimenting a woman on her looks has always been appreciated
Don't be afraid to compliment someone, especially a woman. It's good social behavior, and can brighten up someone's day. It can lead to playful conversation and you may meet a new friend or office buddy.
Now you’re making it weird 😂
I agree with what several others have said on here, particularly @Babichev, @sage_wisdom, and @ernesto_2.
Welcome to forum timeout, @Daneman , from your woke moderator. The TOS and Forum Rules are clear about personal attacks: don't do it. Consider your posts and comments, deliberately and thoughtfully, in the future. [-Sid]
Here is a fun social and thought experiment:
Compliment people in the "opposite" way.
And I don't mean in a sarcastic, or snarky way.
I mean, compliment the men you run across as you would compliment a woman. And compliment the women as you would compliment a man.
Whatever that happens to mean to you. (And, of course gender is a spectrum. Part of the experiment is to focus on how YOU react to the way others present themselves.)
I know what happened when I did that for a week, but I'm curious what happens when you do it.
@SuperManCuddles, I like that.
@European_Amazon agree 100%!
@BellaSera
"was put forth as an alternative other"
I have absolutely no idea what this means. Alternate other?
"What is at issue, is drawing attention to someone’s weight/size/body shape or other aspects of their appearance that aren’t strictly in their control. The point is that, regardless of how the complimenter intends it, these comments can often make people feel bad."
So many egg shells. It's no wonder people feel isolated and detached, but I guess that's the new norm and I have to accept that. I'll just get some cats.
@Lovelight
I was being just as snarky as the video.
@CharlesThePoet
I do do this with men. I'm a sneaker collector and am ALWAYS complimenting a man's kicks.
This is what happens:
"Yo! Feeling those Travis Scott's."
Them:
"Hell yea, man! That's what's up. Appreciate you."
@European_Amazon
My sentiments exactly.
@Saysoh love some sweet kicks
I often give compliments and love any opportunity I get to uplift someone’s spirits with a positive comment, whether I know them or not. Conversely I find myself complimented by strangers as well as those I know fairly often and love to receive and engage this positive energy. I recently cuddled with someone whom remarked repeatedly upon meeting face to face at how small I was. Actually this happens a lot 😝🤷♀️ And while I can not control my height ( outside of heels ) and cannot readily control my body size, I am never offended by such remarks or compliments even though they are about my physical appearance and specifically something I can’t change. In fact, I can’t recall ever being complimented in a way that upset me. Nor can I think of a time I complimented someone and caused them any upset. I think it’s abundantly clear that people might prefer compliments which are in line with their identity as well as ones which are not in any form hurtful or upsetting. I have no problem considering how my words might affect others on all accounts and proceeding with respect. That being said, this is just my personal account but for me compliments are a great way to connect with people in a genuine way which often sparks positivity and conversation. I hope those who may have had a compliment received in a way they didn’t anticipate continue to be positive and pay compliments if they so desire. I try not to let one negative exchange pervade the future of my experiences.
I used to never compliment women on appearance because I was worried about coming off as creepy. At one point I had a conversation with my cousin about this (who is female) and she had some good advice for me which I’m seeing being echoed here. So I’ve been testing it for a few years now.
Some people put effort into how they look and therefore appreciate compliments. So complimenting specific aspects of appearance (especially something they put effort into) are generally appreciated. “I love how you did your hair” for example. Avoiding making the compliment sexual is also pretty key. I find myself now often telling women that I like their sweaters and that they look comfy. So far this has been received well.
Occasionally I find even more personal appearance compliments that feel acceptable. “You look so happy, you have really good posture (this one I said once and they were excited cause they’d been working on it) I really like how you talk, you have a beautiful demeanor (only said that once or twice when it really felt appropriate).
So far all of these have been received well. I still avoid complimenting on weight because so many people have difficult relationships with that and it’s really really hard to tell how it’s make them feel.
I understand why some men might be frustrated in navigating this. I myself get frustrated with the effort to not scare or intimidate women while wanting do develop affectionate relationships. Sometimes I’m jealous of how much easier it is for women to give/receive affection when they want without being creepy. However it’s important to keep in mind that all this stems from women being marginalized and viewed as property for a very long time and that there are negative sides of the advantages that women have that I can only begin to understand no matter how much I try because I don’t experience them myself. It’s like reading about France vs visiting.
So I’ll echo that it’s ok to avoid complimenting on looks. But don’t get discouraged. And if you want to try, hopefully this helps
My personal experience is that when the world, and virtually everyone around you, has told you your entire adult life how ugly, scary, replaceable, and worthless you are…
How you must constantly compete, claw, scratch, fight, give 110%, and “do whatever it takes” to earn your keep and carry your weight…
Well, to put it mildly, you stop believing that any compliment can be genuine,
It feels that it is all simply a way to manipulate you into doing something for the person that gave you that bit of lying “kindness”.
You get punched often enough and your guard never comes down, not fully.
And our “culture” punches each and every one of us all of the time.
@me2 👏👏👏 I really like this! Thank you ☺️
@Sheena123 Aww thanks ☺️
@CharlesThePoet What you are saying is unfortunately true. Some get punched harder than others, and some get punched in different places. I'm sorry for your experiences.
I'm glad that you are here among us, and that you allow this to be one of the places where you can show the level of authenticity that you do. You contribute here to the healing of others, and I thank you for that.
@JoyfulHeart
🫂
@Babichev Thank you 😊
@me2 Very well said! I like that you brought up how women are able to give and receive compliments far easier than men. I find that to be true and that men also have serious challenges for getting their physical needs for touch met as compared to women. Women can interact physically with the same sex, children and people of all ages without as much scrutiny as men. Men have sports and certain realms in which it’s ok to openly touch and be touched but I find it to be much more challenging for men across the board. What I love about sites like this one and the service of cuddling, is that it is a safe space in which people can get their needs for physical touch met.
@CharlesThePoet I have struggled with the same thing you touched on. For me, questioning validity of or possible motives behind compliments pulled my attention towards the fact that I had inner healing to do. It is when we truly realize we are worthy and enough that we can begin to really live. My hope is that you make every effort to remove yourself from any contact with those within your life who tell you that you are ugly, scary, replaceable or worthless as you have proven to be the opposite of these things with your presence in this community. I am often taken back at how wise, funny, compassionate and well spoken you come across. Beyond this, I also loved your post within the ‘show me your art thread’. Sometimes when people lash out at us it is actually a reflection of their own issues and has little to nothing to do with who we really are.
@Nature_Lover_
Thank you, your kindness is very appreciated.
@Nature_Lover_ Aww thank you! I really appreciate your comment too and your willingness to share some of your personal struggles to bring understanding and comfort 😊
It’s something I do all the time, if I think a woman has pretty hair, dressed nice, or maybe it’s something else that makes her attractive, I usually try to give her a nice complement, It’s one way a try to show kindness.
Will someone please explain (in a nice way) the “age gap” thing. As an older gentleman, I feel like it’s considered creepy if I ever compliment any woman, especially a younger one. I find that painful and rather condescending, to be honest. I was raised to be a gentleman. I have worked with women for years and still felt like “OMG, if I compliment her outfit it’s perceived as a come-on.” So I just don’t do it. And I think that’s sad. Sometimes a compliment is just a compliment.
Does this really have to be explained? Women aren't generally waiting around for men to say nice things about their appearance. Most decent looking young women already get unlimited attention from men, effortlessly, much of it unwanted. Obviously this is hard for most men to relate to, as most men literally never get attention from women without working for it, but it's reality.
It's very possible to compliment women, even younger women, without being perceived as creepy. I compliment women pretty often. But if you don't feel you can pull it off, just don't do it. It really doesn't matter. The harsh truth of it is that she probably doesn't care anyway.
@CuddleWho that’s pretty spot on 👍🏻
@Nim44 , unfortunately, older men paying a lot of attention to younger women comes off as creepy to the younger women. If you don’t want to be seen as creepy, don’t do it.
For a number of years I was active in a swing dance scene that was mostly populated by people in their early to mid 20s. The few older guys who came into the scene were mostly creepy so that any new guy had to contend with that history. I know only a very rare few who managed to pull off dancing with these young women and developing friendly relationships. They did it by taking their time, getting to know them, keeping their interactions with them brief until they were invited into longer interactions, and by behaving impeccably.
You may have been raised to be a “gentleman” but a lot of “gentleman” culture was/is condescending and patronizing to women.
If the purpose of the compliment is to make the other person feel good, if there’s any reason to doubt the outcome, don’t. Why is it “sad” to withhold words that might not be welcome? What is more important, your desire to remark on a woman’s appearance or the woman’s comfort?
@Babichev 👏👏👏👏