Terms of endearment

MorpheusMorpheus
in General

How do you all feel about using terms of endearment in general and or with cuddle buddies you meet on cuddle comfort? I would love to hear some pros opinions on how they feel about clients using terms of endearment with them. I’m sure the basic general answer is it’s all about the person, the term of endearment used and how it’s used. Opinions please.

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Comments

  • SoftHairForDaysSoftHairForDays

    @Morpheus - "I’m sure the basic general answer is it’s all about the person, the term of endearment used and how it’s used." - pretty much this. I'm generally ok with terms of endearment though.

  • BabichevBabichev

    I don’t care for it from people I don’t know, especially from men who try to get too familiar too quickly. I also don’t care for it when it’s used in online discussions as a passive-aggressive put-down. But from waitresses in Arkansas small town diners I don’t mind it at all when they call me “Hon.”

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    From a friend, no worries.

    From a stranger, especially in a money exchange situation, it immediately puts my guard WAY up, and I lose any trust I might have had in them.

    So, sadly perhaps, those small town diner waitresses get no tip from me.

  • Libra0Libra0

    It seems really fake and forced if a pro is using it with you. Laying it on a bit too thick for my tastes. Sad for that humble waitress to be Penalized her tip because you get triggered when she uses terms she uses with everyone.

  • [Deleted User]arghdaddy (deleted user)

    I tend to not right off the bat use them and in multiple occasions women I’ve met on here and the pros are the ones that have used them with me first. Then I will and I don’t mind using them.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    It feels phony if it's from someone I don't know. However, it seems that for some regions in the United States, using terms of endearment is typical in small talk so I would try to be less judgemental depending on the region, or if they are not from my area. So, for a small town diner waitress (or waiter, though less common), I wouldn't lower or increase the tip based on using terms of endearment since it is expected.

    If it's from someone I know and have a good rapport with it would be appreciated.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    Growing up in a family that used terms of endearment up the wazoo
    -hun
    - darling
    - Sweetie
    - Ol bag o dirt (my dad 🙄)
    - Baby buggy bumper boo
    - Baby
    - Sugar

    And so many more, it’s almost as common as the word “the” in my vernacular. I certainly don’t do it to offend anyone or try to “lay it on thick” for a cuddler, it’s just a part of who I am so because of that, I can’t be two faced and hate when others do it to me. I just don’t like guys who say more sexual terms and think it’s fine. On a platonic site, any terms that have to do with beauty, makes me cringe. If a cuddler calls me sweetie or darling or hun, I don’t mind (considering I’m sure I do it without realizing). But if you call me gorgeous, “hey there beautiful” or of course something as derogatory as “sexy”, we have a problem.

    And hanging out with my girls and even my male friends, they are getting called “Betch” hundred percent 😂😂

  • SoftHairForDaysSoftHairForDays

    @sunnysideup - yes, I get what you mean. "Hon" gets used around here a lot. 🤗

  • SoftHairForDaysSoftHairForDays

    @Sheena123 - "- Ol bag o dirt (my dad 🙄)" 🤣🤣🤣

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    @DimpleGirl yea lol made me feel so loved 🥰 😅

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    My girl bestie’s name is Elizabeth and she told me she hates when people call her Liz. I usually call her Elizabeth but sometimes I’ll call her Lizzy and when I do, every time no fail, bubble hearts start floating out of the top of her head lol I’m like I thought you hate being called Liz and she’s like 🤷‍♀️

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    I baptize almost everyone with nicknames but I generally don’t use generic terms of endearment with females unless I’m really feeling it.

  • BrandiBrandi

    Depends on the term of endearment, and how it’s used.
    “Sup baby” has a way different vibe than “how are you doin darling”. If it seems light hearted and kind rather than a “pick me up” I’m cool with it. I also use terms of endearment, however I’m cautious with them, as I don’t want it to come off as though I’m trying to mislead clients into what it is I’m offering. I also want to come off light hearted and loving but not “let’s date & be lovey dovey” it’s a fine line for both parties in my opinion. 🤷‍♀️ mostly just go with my gut and be sure everyone is emotionally mature with it.

  • LovelightLovelight

    In professional settings I think it is best avoided.

    I've been called this and that sparingly and more specifically that I recall "dear" mainly from strangers.

    One of those people who has called me such things, thankfully sparingly, is someone whom I neither feel that safe nor comfortable with. So in a nutshell I find it rather traumatizing for so and so reasons.

    As for the others, whom all were also in non professional context, it makes me feel meh or okay as long as it's not the kinda things one would call someone they are dating/in a relationship with. There are some words someone has to earn to call me by. Although I think I'd still prefer to be called such words sparingly.
    Or I'd consider it catcalling depending on things such as the words in question and the person's position in my life.

    Although I'm not devoid of having been cared about and for by people throughout my life, I think I've yet to be called words of endearment by people whom I feel pretty good being called by.

    As far as me doing it goes, I don't think I've ever called an adult words of endearment. Though I tend to say "hey baby" to babies/toddlers, pets and some wildlife. 😌

  • Mela_BMela_B

    I grew up in the south, so it's just part of who I am. 🙃

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999
    edited October 2021

    I have been called many times by some ☝️ girls,They use sweet words alot to make their life easy.
    Babe, u so cute 😍 i know I'm not cute what a lie. Sweaty ect

  • _marC_marC

    Love it! All of these are acceptable
    🍯 👶🏽 🍭 🎃 👻

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    As far receiving, generally open to terms of endearment but not expected. In terms of giving, usually use to people I have known and connected with over time.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    I've been thinking about this quite hard, and I'm struggling to come up with a cuddling situation where it would be appropriate.

    I am aware that usage varies a lot from place to place and in other ways, so this is only my perspective. It may be different where you are. This is also quite a logical, formalised post.

    Firstly, terms of endearment are used in two types of circumstance:

    • with strangers, and in particular people whose name you don't know. This is the 'small town diner' situation, where being called hon, love, darling or even "my lover" is part of the attraction
    • with people you know well or intimately, such as in couples, families and pseudo-families, such as workplaces
      Neither of these apply to cuddling, where you know somebody's name - even if only an internet handle - straightaway but don't know them well or even at all.

    Secondly, terms of endearment are always inappopriate in formal circumstances. Meeting a new cuddler is, in the first instance, technically a formal circumstance.

    Thirdly, terms of endearment are always inappropriate in text or writing - we only use them in speech.

    In other words, when you first meet a cuddler online terms of endearment are inappropriate because you are talking on text.

    Then, when you first meet them in person, it's techncially a formal setting where you know the person's name so again, not appropriate.

    It's only once you know a cuddler really well (perhaps after a dozen meetings) that it might become appropriate.

    Quite separately from all of the above, there are two serious objections to the use of terms of endearment in cuddling. The first is that they are frequently used as form of abuse or disresepect (e.g. 'hey sexy'). This is predominently done by men to women. Secondly, they are freely used in the sex industry.

    So, if anybody can think of a circumstance where it is appropriate to use a term of endearment with a cuddler you've met fewer than a dozen times, let's have it. If nobody can think of one, then we have our answer.

  • cuddlerforu24cuddlerforu24

    ... a small town diner , is , well , a small town , think of a factory town . Most all blue collar workers , with their ( plumber ) name tag on their blue collar shirt . Joe ( his name tag ) goes into the local greasy spoon and there’s waitress Elizabeth ( her name tag ) . But they still call each other sweetie

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    Yes, because reading name tags is rude. They are there to remind you of names you already know, not act in lieu of an introduction.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @CuddleDuncan "Thirdly, terms of endearment are always inappropriate in text or writing - we only use them in speech."

    That I disagree with, I'd say it is not always inappropriate to use it in text or
    writing.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @lovelight yes you're right, I should have added "with people you have not yet met in person".

  • [Deleted User]Ennea2HugU (deleted user)

    I would have to agree with @CuddleDuncan that as a professional cuddler you should not use them. I think of a professional cuddler being a type of counselor or therapist. Having either a massage therapist or my counselor call me an endearment would seem really weird and inappropriate to me, possibly patronizing. Also calling either of these professionals am endearment seems demeaning to the service they provide.
    At the same time I recognize exceptions, especially in certain cultures. The are just some people that can get away with it because of how it just is a part of their personal charm. It seems to just be a part of who they are. To be honest I have a tendency to call people hun, especially if I am sympathizing with or comforting them. (A habit formed from working with young children for over a decade). I try to catch myself, but it is rather ingrained.
    On a personal note, even though I find it inappropriate for a professional to use, I find pleasure in being called most endearments. I don't know what that says about me and my greed for affection 🤷‍♀️. Forgive my ramblings.

  • SSRequiescenceSSRequiescence
    edited January 17

    Edited for privacy.

  • [Deleted User]Saysoh (deleted user)

    I love being called, "boo."

  • carinocarino

    Being latino its the normal thing its just an endearment ,affection, doesn't mean they,i,us,you want them its part of latino cultural ..can't speak for other culture but as far as any latino spanish speaking country they all know what I'm talking about

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    We were just talking about this last night. For me they can come off as far too familiar and are kinda creepy (in texts/messages) especially if I don't know the other well enough. In person though, if there's a natural flow, they don't really bother me. But in both cases, if it ever feels forced or too syrupy, I'll instantly be on guard, questioning what kind of ickiness they must be hiding behind all that sugar... 🤔

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs

    Using them on me causes me to step back and start to analyze their motives. However, after a big fight with a friend I used "Sweet One" in a txt. It became a big turning point from discourse back to harmony. I rarely use them with friends though for the same reason I would never use one with a cuddle buddy. If it causes me to step back I wouldn't want that to happen to me.

  • nurturingmannurturingman
    edited October 2021

    Although there were times in my life when I might have liked to be called Sir or Daddy, I would not want to be called those terms of endearment during a cuddle session. 😆 (Well, okay, maybe "Sir" if used in a collegial manner the way tradesman call each other Sir as a sign of mutual respect; e.g., "Shall we change positions?" "Yessir!")

    @carino It's interesting that your username (but with a tilde over the n to make it cariño) itself is a term of endearment in Spanish!

    (For those reading this who don't know, cariño can mean dear, honey, darling, sweetheart, love, baby, babe, etc.)

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