Hi, all.
Thanks to everyone who has chimed in. I have little to add to the thread, except to point out to the OP (and others) this. I’ve learned that, in a number of circles women take issue with being referred to as “females”.
Some here will probably add that fact to their own list of grievances, saying that there are too many variables and that they’re tired of walking on eggshells and that those females need to relax (and learn how to take a compliment while they’re at it.)
My advice... if we’re looking to compliment individual women, maybe we should think about how we refer to them, collectively, as well.
@ernesto_2
I agree with most of what you're saying.
I think if you aren't sure how it's going to be received, you don't know the person well enough and giving a more general comment might be more appropriate.
Compliments themselves are not bad. It's the nature of what the compliment is about that matters like @TheMidnightOwl mentions.
I second what @MonkeyNeedsAHug said about the word female. The words male and female are best used as adjectives, not nouns, except when talking about animals. Call me a male cuddler or a man, but not a “male.” Likewise, I’m a gay man and a gay male cuddler, but not a “gay.” 😉
Reported, reviewed and removed. The site rules don’t allow profane language or abbreviations alluding to it on the forum. @samfiddle [-SuperManCuddles]
I work in an environment where over half of the people I see on a daily basis are women under 30. I have very good, purely platonic relationships with many of them and have even helped several of them get better jobs and/or promotions. However, I have never commented on their appearance just because of today’s culture and how such a comment MIGHT be perceived. I don’t even comment on appearances to the women I know well who I know would take a compliment the way it was intended because I don’t know who might over hear the compliment and get offended.
I have no problem accepting a compliment although I don't really think I'm very attractive. I'm ok with being called a female, woman or even girl but if someone refers to me as a person that gives birth or a person that has breasts expect a major eye roll.
@MissX
"although I don't really think I'm very attractive."
Based on what?
@Saysoh Just based on my own opinion.
I find the humble people in the video the most BEAUTIFUL!
@OhioMike I relate to the girl that says you need your eyes checked lol
Agree with @Babichev. And, I agree the whole thing is fraught and dependent upon your audience. I take any and all compliments about pretty much anything, thank you very much. Some people will react and bite no matter what you say. Bodies and appearance are a triggery area for many women, whether it's the one you compliment or the ones who hear it. But there's nothing wrong IMO with shining a little shine on anyone about anything that you're admiring, as long as you're up for dancing with what comes back at you from people's tweaky spots. It's also good to strip off any "hey baby hubba hubba" energy unless you know your audience, but I didn't detect that in your post. Just sayin'.
If we all just stop doing everything we do that might tweak someone, we might not have much left with which to relate. But sheesh, dancing with all the reactions can be a full time job.
Dang @littermate ~ If only that job paid!! Cha-ching!!
I just want to say, I'm grateful for everyone sharing their opinion even though I might have been challenging.
Thank you for being you. I'm grateful to have found a community to even just chat with that speak from the soul. Each of you help me feel grounded in hope of humanity.
Thank you for being you. I'm grateful to have found a community to even just chat with that speak from the soul. Each of you help me feel grounded in hope of humanity. @Saysoh
💯!
Every situation is different, people who are complimented often will value them less (and vice versa), etc. Lots of different perpectives covered in this thread.
I typically try to be careful with when/how I make compliments, so as not to offend anyone. But I was a bit bold when I was out with friends at the bar one time and very directly complimented a woman’s appearance, whom I did not know. She told me that men don’t compliment women anymore like that and that she appreciated it.
so now calling a female a female is offensive?...check. current times with some people are pretty comical.
@RockRollCuddle referring to a person with clinical (i.e. impersonal) terminology can be considered extremely rude. Offense is determined by the recipient of the comment, so best way to avoid offending someone is to take the time and opportunity to understand them.
@ernesto_2 the best way to avoid offending someone is locking yourself in a closet and not speaking to humans, that is if I am allowed to call them humans still
@Babichev you reminded me of the Platinum Rule: Treat people the way they like to be treated (not necessarily the way you like to be treated).
Granted, I think the Golden Rule ("Do unto others as you would have others do unto you") applies much of the time because we humans want basically the same things, such as to be respected and understood. Beyond the basics, though, what others want is often not the same as what we want. Most of us can’t read minds very well, so we don’t know what others like unless we ask. That's why it helps to get to know someone first before complimenting them. I still say it's sometimes okay to compliment a stranger, though, and I disagree with those who says "it's never okay." Not many things in life are that absolute.
@RockRollCuddle The problem is that "a female" is what you call an animal when you say something like "the female of the species." If there is a word for the female of a species, you use that word, such as hen, cow, mare, sow, or doe. We have a word for the female of our species: woman. Using the word woman is what is recommended by the major style guides. The style guide for the American Psychological Association says "avoid using 'male' and 'female' as nouns and instead use the specific nouns for people of different ages (e.g., women)" (APA Style: Gender).
No matter what you say, someone, somewhere is going to be offended by it and it's only getting worse every day. These ongoing series of posts with levels of varying extremes proves that.
Just came across this article just now & thought it was super relevant to this post https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/jonah-hill-body-comments-negative-instagram-233753736.html