Cuddle no show

cuddleme2019mecuddleme2019me
in General

I had contacted someone on this site we scheduled to meet for a cuddle session. The morning of he says he has a client and asked if we could schedule for after 5:30 to which I replied yes. He did not contact me to say he wasn't coming. At 8pm I sent a message stating I assume your not coming
Why do people schedule knowing they aren't going to show?

Comments

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited October 2021

    Unless I'm missing something that sounds like poor communication and lesson learned the hard way.

    He said to schedule for after 5:30, though didn't actually give you a definite time?

    You also didn't ask of him to do so?

    Edit: Or gave him one and if he couldn't take you up on that either. Told him we can try some other day. Left it at that and see if he reaches back with an actual plan that works for you both.

    Also side note, not always, though sometimes people have a tendency to put you last if they deem you too available. Or if you come across as such. Looking after your best interest is really one's own responsibility, because not everyone will care enough to take it into consideration.

    Edit: PS. I realized I gave it to you cold. Though I do feel for you nonetheless, sorry you had to go through that.

  • SoftHairForDaysSoftHairForDays

    I'm confused. He asked if you could schedule for after 5:30 but didn't give you a time or ask you for a time, and then ghosted you?

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999
    edited October 2021

    Before I meet someone also some pros have this strategy to confirm . Humans can forget

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited October 2021

    Also I had a stranger trying to meet at or after 9 pm. While others, strangers, tried meeting me way upwards of like 1:00 AM or so. I haven't even met them once yet: I'm sorry, I'm not even meeting the friends I've known for years at such hours. Unless they ended up in the hospital at such hours, their immediate along with their extended family was taken by aliens or something. And* they gotta reach out to friends for moral support and comfort at such a time. Then count me in at times!

    So "after 5:30" could very well even mean in the year 2050. Okay, I'm exaggerating a bit there. It can be anxiety inducing and I prefer to have concrete plans whenever possible. So whenever someone is being vague or inappropriate I do what I can to look after my best interest.

    Which is also why, especially if someone is frequently taking their sweet time to respond to me, that I put a time limit on waiting for their response if I try to make plans. Or if I feel anxious/have a lot going on. I'd say something like "Hey want to meet at so and so day/time? I'll wait for your response til so and so, if no response I may have to make other plans."

    Now if they seem to be taking their sweet, sweet time then I'm likely to not want to further engage with said people.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    One of the worst things anybody could do is play with somebody else’s time. The minute you know you can’t make it for whatever the reason may be just let them know right than & there, don’t overthink whether they would like it or not, it becomes worst when they get canceled last minute or get completely stood up. Sorry this happened to you.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    If they are taking their sweet, sweet time then they are mostly likely diabetic.

  • [Deleted User]sage_wisdom (deleted user)

    Report report report!!! then immediately block from contact.

  • carinocarino

    Immaturity is lacking no question about it.if they say after 530 and yoi say ok then what time? That pretty much it..and knowing this information they do not attempt to reach out to you just ignore you. I can't stand ppl like that lack Immaturity and scared to tell you they are not coming I'd respect you.more if you tell me I can't make it today or whatever

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    Unless you get a heartfelt apology tomorrow, then @sage_wisdom is right: Report. In the meantime, my sympathies.

    It is possible that the whole situation revolves around the particular psychological circumstances of the person. They may have issues around "availability". The moment you said yes to something vague, i.e. yes to some unspecified time after 5.30, they lost all interest in you. I met this kind of thing a lot as a young man.

    Changes of plan on the day are an orangey-reddish flag - especially for a first meeting - unless accompanied by very specific details including a concrete alternative proposal. In this case, in spite of your present disappointment, you're probably well out of it.

  • Lev136Lev136

    No matter what I always confirm before I meet a cuddler. Things can change, etc.

  • Fredrick_HugsFredrick_Hugs

    Getting cold feet isn't a new concept.

  • [Deleted User]westsidetim (deleted user)

    I also had a no show on Friday. I waited for an hour. Sent an email. She never responded. I reported her. She posted she had a family emergency. Never contacted me directly. Time to search for another. Plus she's a pro. Expected better communication. Life goes on.

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    Report is very harsh unless I have confirmed and contacted the person and he/she do it deliberately.

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    Reporting just conveys information. It's still left up to the discretion of the moderators what should be fine with that information.

    If the moderators decide to do nothing, then the person being reported will never know it happened.

    If multiple people report similar behavior, it allows the moderators to see a pattern. If they decide to act on a pattern of behavior, I trust the moderators enough to think that it was warranted.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    What sucks about ghosting on plans is the worry and concern I'd have for them... But my realistic side usually kicks on with things like this, and I remember they're human and humans do as humans do. Sometimes life is a chaotic mess... and we get derailed.

    And it generally feels better to think they had something else draw their focus, than thinking they were in a horrible accident.

    Though to be honest, I'd likely convince myself I may have literally dodged a bullet, because on their way to meet me they were arrested on an outstanding warrant related to firearms trafficking and other nefarious activities.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @quixotic_life Well that makes more sense than mine. I assume they have narcolepsy in my scenario.

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    Above comments well said . I give second chance.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @JoyfulHeart

    Rporting just conveys information. It's still left up to the discretion of the moderators what should be fine with that information.

    If the moderators decide to do nothing, then the person being reported will never know it happened.

    If multiple people report similar behavior, it allows the moderators to see a pattern. If they decide to act on a pattern of behavior, I trust the moderators enough to think that it was warranted.

    Exactly right, well said.

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