Are you loyal / giving / empathic or put yourself 1st / your needs / your wants? …
I think I put myself first by putting others first if that makes sense.
I have a needs vs wants philosophy on life. If my needs are in opposition to your wants I’ll take care of my needs and vice versa. If it’s wants vs wants I’ll typically take care of your wants -because I’ve been lucky enough to have people in my life who often do the same. And if it’s opposing needs I’ll try my best to find a compromise or see if I can not have my needs met in that situation and still maintain a heathy relationship with myself and the other person.
I think I'm fairly balanced. I used to put others first most of the time, but I started caring for myself too.
@Morpheus i completely get this
@simone825 nice balance
@Mela_B exactly!
I have to put myself first. Otherwise, I can't care for others the way I want to. It's like flying on a plane; you have to put your oxygen mask on first before you can help others.
I was taught to put others first, but after about 50+ years of that, I never got to myself. I'm working on readjusting that, and interestingly, I find I have a lot more to give others now. It just kind of overflows.
I'm very much an empath, so often end up putting others first to the detriment of myself. Once I realized this a few years ago, it's been a constant journey of building stronger boundaries and learning to recognize when my "rescuer" instinct is being triggered, so I can quickly withdraw from the situation and engage in self care. It's a balancing act, as it's actually helping others which brings me inner peace. I have found I have to schedule my self care so I'm less likely to overlook it (like signing up for a group exercise class instead of having a exercise time and routine which depended on just my own initiative.) Otherwise it's much too easy for me to prioritize my time by picking the activities which involve helping others, eventually resulting in exhausting myself mentally.
The question, as asked, is unanswerable.
When you fly on an airplane and they give the emergency instructions, they tell you that if the cabin loses pressure and the oxygen masks come down, that if you are traveling with someone dependent on you that you should put the mask on yourself first and then put the mask on the other person. That’s because if you lose consciousness you can no longer care for the dependent person and now there are two people incapacitated that others now have to deal with.
So it is in life. If you do not take care of your own basic needs you will not be able to be there for anyone else.
@bekah_cuddles i understand & you’re right
@JoyfulHeart same, I grew up watching my mom put absolutely everyone first (I’m not exaggerating one bit) I grew up (being normalized) this is how you have to be / the right thing … fast forward mid-late 20’s & there were lessons.
@CuddlesByDeep 💯
@Babichev i know I should have worded it differently… I didn’t want to use the words ‘selfish / self centered / & other.. not so nice or great words / descriptions … I decided to take a different route even though its not what I originally intended to ask, because I felt it wasn’t going to be truly answered / or might have started intense debates.
When it comes to needs, I definitely prioritize myself... but if all my needs are met, I will then start to prioritize others, as I am a very empathetic person. I feel good when I help others feel good. If I had a choice between receiving a back rub, or giving a back rub, I will almost always choose to give --and I really like having my back rubbed. 😆
☝️I live to put others before myself,I'm here for a purpose not fun . I spent all my life putting others before me . Some deserve it, most not. I was tought love others as I love myself. I'm ready to risk myself for others. In our modern world unfortunately many are selfish and i have seen it in pandemic, example buying whole shelf and not thinking about others. I'm glad I'm not like that. If i only have 1 peace of bread 🍞 i share half with others.
you are no help to anyone, if you can’t help yourself first. meee all the way. plus there are plenty of people who are not always as “helpless” as they appear. it’s best to keep your wits about you and focus on you first and foremost.
you cannot help anyone who is not truly interested in helping themselves.
“Which of the two gets you farther in life?”
That really depends on what you mean by “gets you farther”. If you mean money and job title, I think putting yourself first will get you there (I have seen it happen over and over again in places I have worked). However, if by “gets you farther” means happiness, I would Say putting others first.
I reject the either/or construction of the question. It’s not a matter of either/or.
“Putting others first” can become pathological. So can putting yourself first. There are healthy and unhealthy ways of doing both. Anyone familiar with codependency knows one of the ways in which putting others first can be unhealthy, manipulative, controlling, and enabling. Martyr complex is another way. It may sound noble and altruistic to put others first and sound selfish and self-centered to put oneself first but I think motives, context, and other factors demand a more nuanced approach.
I was brought up Catholic and went to Catholic schools, had religious instruction from a young age, and was taught to put others first. I made some bad decisions in my life because of that. There were a couple of times when I passed up unique opportunities in favor of letting someone else have an opportunity that would have made a significant difference in my life and did not make that much of a difference in theirs.
Women are socialized to take care of others at the expense of their own needs, often to their detriment. It can take a toll on their physical and mental health, lead to decreased wages and job opportunities that affect their entire life, and end up causing resentment. I don’t think we need to glorify that for the sake of some ideal of selflessness.
What is needed is wisdom and balance in knowing when to take care of our own needs and when to focus on the needs of others. Neither is superior or inferior, it all depends on context.
@Babichev I agree that an either-or approach can't be healthy. Context and balance are so important.
@Babichev i agree with all what you said. It's pathological and unhealthy to put others first especially if they are ungrateful or don't deserve it. Most people suffer in life nicest people and suffer alot because they are too kind to people who take advantage of their kindness. Wisdom and balance are important also little bit of strict . I wish if u put some examples about bad decisions u have made but it's ok 🤗
@Babichev everything you mention is 💯! but I think you misunderstood a bit, the question wasn’t implying that one should be one way or the other, it was asking if the reader was one of those ways or the other … truth is that this is the reality for most & you confirmed being one of these ways in 1 of your comments, - “ was taught to put others first. I made some bad decisions in my life because of that.” & just like you mention, there are consequences for either side / as well as benefits to both sides , but we get to this conclusion through experiences … and I absolutely agree that there needs to be a balance.
@Babichev Words of wisdom!
I've come to realize that in putting myself first, caring for myself as a living being, I am better able to acknowledge and respect the Life, power, and boundaries of other Living Souls. I am, even with that, loyal, decent, and I readily and acknowledge the supreme power of each living being to determine, for him- or herself, what is right or good for themselves.
When I realized that each person stands on exactly the same ground, sovereignty, I happily realized that I'm not responsible for the choices made by others--- only for those I make for myself. I relieved EVERYONE ELSE (parents, society, culture, etc.) of ANY responsibility for my own well-being, and then fully stepped away from the idea that I needed others to be "weak" in order for me to "help" them, in order to feel "strong." It has made all the difference!