Why would people not post their picture?

[Deleted User]MiasSoftCuddles (deleted user)
in General

I think and dind it really upsetting that people who is interested and really into having a cuddling aession with you, they dont really show who they are, like why are they trying to hide their identity?
I just dont understand it... will that also be a condition for them to choose who they want to book a cuddling session with? To be able to see the cuddler picture and physic?
Am i in the wrong? Or being too extra in this one?

  1. Am i being too extra?100 votes
    1. Yes
      54.00%
    2. No
      46.00%
«13

Comments

  • CuddlesByGracieCuddlesByGracie

    I understand and don't mind if someone doesn't want to have their picture available publicly but I definitely wouldn't ever meet someone without seeing them first (usually via video chat). Cuddling requires trust and connection and knowing who I'm going to be meeting is important to me, both for safety and for a better session.

  • I_Am_Not_A_CatI_Am_Not_A_Cat

    Maybe it's different as it looks like you don't live in the u.s. But here it could be an issue if some people found out, such as employers, family etc. It shouldn't be an issue, but unfortunately it can be.

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    You'll miss out on a lot of great clients if you require them to have real profile pictures.
    They can always send you their real picture in a private message before you see them.
    I don't see the problem with that.

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999
    edited November 2021

    @Melancholy I'm with you,there are clients even in social media don't share pictures. where u been holiday, or busy cuddling , we missed ur comments

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999
    edited November 2021

    @GracieGirl > someone without seeing them first (usually via video chat). Cuddling requires trust and connection and knowing who I'm going to be meeting is important to me, both for safety and for a better session.
    👌Well said + you missed communication

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited November 2021

    No... everyone chooses how they'd like to conduct themselves here. If you're not comfortable or want to connect with people who don't have their photo here or whatever, that's fine. Neither of you are obligated or should feel pressured to change. Everyone has their reasons for why they do what they do and the reasons are not always up for discussion either.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    No you’re not being too extra, I feel there are many reasons why people choose not to display their pics publicly here, but I feel that when it comes to booking or trying to set up a cuddle, it is only right to exchange pics than … I used to have pics up & at times I would briefly post them just because I want people to have a sense of who I am, but one of the main reasons I don’t leave pics up permanently is because everybody else don’t have a pic of themselves, most don’t so I feel at a disadvantage that they know who I am & I don’t know who they are (especially when they wanna run their mouths lmao) jk but some truth there … but if I was to ever reach out to someone to cuddle I have zero problems sending & sharing my pics / FaceTiming on the spot / all the above.

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999
    edited November 2021

    .

  • calmcontactcalmcontact

    I understand people not having a public profile photo for one reason or another, totally fine. I'll chat with anyone but I don't understand the being unwilling to share a photo in a private message if they want to meet. Why would you trust someone as a cuddle partner if you don't trust them enough to share your photo with them... seems a bit backwards to me.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @calmcontact as one of those people who only video calls, I don't feel the need to justify or explain why I'm uncomfortable with sending others, especially strangers, my picture without me deeming that necessary. If video calling isn't enough for someone, they don't gotta stay connected with me.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @calmcontact i think it would be unfair / selfish / & a bit self centered for someone to try & book & not wanting to show their pics or FaceTime than ….. do people actually do this?

  • calmcontactcalmcontact

    @Lovelight Forgive me for being too simplistic/general in my statement. I have clients that I met with via video before conducting sessions and even in rare cases ones I've met in public in person before doing sessions. My point is that it is a red flag to me if someone is unwilling to show you themselves before wanting to meet up for cuddling. Video calling is even better than a picture as you can get a sense of the person and their mannerisms which is good for vetting both ways. I'm glad you're so comfortable and confident with your boundaries and 100% respect them.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I always share my pic in the first message…unless I am high then it might be the third. But I am still just a plane.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @calmcontact yeah for sure. For me, video calling is usually a must. Though meeting without it or either has ocassionally happened, not in cuddling context though as far as I can recall.

    Though I took some other safety measures like meeting in public, in well lit and populated place prepandemic.

  • OhioMikeOhioMike
    edited November 2021

    Having been here a bit... this is one of those questions on forums which I don't think has a right or wrong answer. I think most people here do get around to exchanging pictures, etc. before they actually meet. 😀
    Initially it is noticeable though, if you are a man looking to cuddle a woman , there are profile pics galore. The other way , if you are a woman looking for a man to cuddle you do see a lot of pink/blue default pics. 🤨

  • RockRollCuddleRockRollCuddle

    yes you are being extra

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    I didn’t post on here my pic for years but I did this year and have gotten way more love since I posted it than before.

  • [Deleted User]Khrysler (deleted user)

    For me, I dont mind showing my pictures on my profile, i want my cuddlers to know what I look like right off the bat because authenticity and transparency is one way to make them feel comfortable. having a picture also shows that you love yourself. I dont think anyone is in the wrong for not having a public picture everyone has their reasons not to have one and we shouldn’t judge them.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited November 2021

    @miss_red8, the commonest reason for men is because they are deceiving their wife.

    Women do that too of course. However, the commonest reason for women is because it tends to reduce the volume of shitty messages they receive.

    A middling-common reason, I believe, is shame. A significant minority of people on here have very confused feelings and opinions about cuddling, and intimate relationships in general, and consequently they are ashamed to be here. Part of our role as a community is to help such people understand that it's ok to need a cuddle.

    Another middling-common one is cowardice. Or perhaps pusillanimity is a better word. In other cases it might almost be paranoia.

    Rudeness is another one. Not to have a picture without a sound reason, when posting in a forum where many others do, is rude. It's offputting to new members and to others. In these cases not having a profile picture is a direct, if minor, attack on the community. In same cases this may be just simple rudeness, while in others it may be reflective of some deeper drive.

    Very uncommon reasons include the difficulty of doing so for some visually impaired people; and the absolute necessity of privacy for public figures, people in witness protection programmes and the like.

    What unites almost all of the faceless, however, is secrecy. Virtually none are willing to explain why they won't have a profile picture. I suspect that quite a few can't - they will give a reason, but the reason is nonsensical. In other words the whole thing is a some kind of psychological protection mechanism that the person is unwilling to explore.

    It is very common for people who don't post profile photos to send them attached to a message, either the first one or once a conversation has been established. If somebody won't show their face either by photo or video call before a meeting, then do not meet them - it isn't safe.

  • _marC_marC

    No 👎🏽

  • [Deleted User]Lucas_ (deleted user)

    Some clients, of course, find it very suspicious when a pro cuddler insists on a picture. This has been hashed out before but suffice to say for every reason a cuddler might want a pic there’s an equally compelling legitimate reason not to send one. The beautiful thing is there’s lots of options either way 😊.

  • lilithgrowlithelilithgrowlithe

    I know a lot of people need anonymity either because of the mind of job they have, or they have people that stalk them like exs or others that try to use anything against them especially if they have any active legal cases from said ex. Those are just the two most common reasons I've been given

  • LovelightLovelight

    Also I'd add that although I don't know how often it happens to women on this platform who have their picture up. I've experienced and heard on other platforms that a lot of men ask women for more pics in messaging, even if she has a good one that clearly shows her face. Or her face along with a half/full body picture. Personally, if someone can see my face well or a lot more than just my face and they are still asking for more I lose significant interest. I suggest we video call and if someone wants to see more of me, they can meet in person. Or take a hike in the Andes or something. Although I can't really fault one for asking for more, I personally find it frustrating. :P

    Sometimes I'd get off video calling with some people and a few minutes later they ask for pics.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    @Lovelight Some people online collect pics because they use them to create fake profiles on dating sites for date scamming.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @WriterGF that's awful. :(

  • nurturingmannurturingman
    edited November 2021

    I don’t think the OP is being “too extra.” I would say “extra cautious,” or maybe even just plain cautious, and I don’t see anything wrong with that. I do think it may be a good practice for people who don’t have pictures of themselves in their profile to send a picture of themselves in their first message to someone here, as @FunCartel does.

  • MonkeyNeedsAHugMonkeyNeedsAHug
    edited November 2021

    So, if I understand @CuddleDuncan correctly, folks who decline to post their photo online are by definition rude to everyone in the community who does so. We’re also cowardly. Oh! and we attack the cuddle community with our pusillanimity.

    I’m not sure what to say to all that - other than that the OP has no need to worry about being extra anything in this context.

    🙈

    PS Maybe I’m missing the boat here. Are we talking about people who don’t have profile pictures that show their face and body type? Or are we talking about people who want to meet up IRL but won’t share their pictures in anticipation of doing so?

  • LovelightLovelight

    @CuddleDuncan "Not to have a picture without a sound reason, when posting in a forum where many others do, is rude."

    I don't believe that everything must have a "sound reason" or further explored. The fact that someone is uncomfortable or doesn't want to, is enough. Just because many on the forum choose to have their picture doesn't obligate others to do so. Or to have to explain/"work through" their reasons for choosing the opposite. Or makes them rude. Though in case you insist to see it that way, you're free to.

    Though I do agree that the person needs to be willing to either at the very least send a picture or even better, video call before meeting. It's however up to each individuals to choose who and what they are okay with.

  • nurturingmannurturingman
    edited November 2021

    @CuddleDuncan I appreciate so much of what you write, but I think your reply today was “extra.” You might want to reword “the volume of s***** messages” since profanity is discouraged in the forum and it comes across quite angrily. Also, I have to agree with @MonkeyNeedsAHug and I think you went overboard with your derogatory characterizations of people who don’t have profile pictures. Personally I find it a bit mysterious, and at worst frustrating not to know what a person looks like, but I don’t think of their hiding their likeness as rude. I think everyone here deserves kindness and at least the benefit of doubt.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    My two cents -- if someone does not put a picture on their profile, and so gets less responses or less contact because of it, that is a consequence of their decision and really no one's business but their own. It may well be they simply don't think anyone needs to know how they look until and unless they want to reach out for cuddling. It may also be they prefer to feel they are (potentially) being rejected for not having a photo rather than interpret silence as "He/she doesn't like how I look."
    I do agree that if you are asking someone to cuddle, then you should provide a photo or do a video call. The other person has a right to ask for that and to refuse to meet if one is not provided. Cuddling involves physical intimacy, even if platonic, and doesn't really work as a "blind date."

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