What language do you consider to be a red flag from clients?

Comments

• GeekCuddles

  August 2017

  @humminbird412 I agree that someone approaching you and offering a donation is probably a red flag.

  You'll probably find that you will get a lot of messages from men on this site as a non-pro woman. I would suggest replying to them politely if you aren't interested or reporting any messages such as the above to the admins. No non-pro on this site female or male should be solicited with any form of suggested payment or "donation" as an incentive to cuddle. They should only cuddle if they feel mutually comfortable with the situation.

  Now I would say something like offering to pick up the tab at a cafe to meet before cuddling, or offering to pay for gas if the distance is far is probably a grey area for non-pro cuddlers and should be discussed frankly and openly between the two parties. Open communication is the key to any meeting for cuddling be it between a pro and a client or two non-pros.

  Sadly, as women we have to listen to those little instincts that tell us something is hinky about the situation. But we can try to lead the situation to something we are more comfortable with. Like arranging a public meeting first. Any cuddler who thinks that's "too much hassle" or "not worth the time" isn't worthy of your companionship non-pros.

  As a pro I'm fine with meeting clients directly at a location for cuddlers but this is because of a few reasons:
  1) someone close to me always knows where I am going and exactly how long it should be until they get a message from me after the session.
  2) I am comfortably trained in self defense and carry items which empower me in case of an unsafe situation (though I've never had one in a cuddle session, I've had them in other life situations)
  3) All bookings are done through the site and I will not take a session with anyone who's language makes me think they are looking for something other than a platonic cuddle session. I make it clear that all sessions will follow the client agreement. {You can use the same agreement as a non-pro, in fact I would suggest both parties go over it to establish proper boundaries.}
  4) I've been cuddling for over a year so I know what my professional and personal boundaries are. I'm comfortable with redirecting hands and saying clearly that something is or isn't okay. This is something that is practiced in cuddle parties but doesn't often get said during private sessions. It definitely helps to find out what you personally are comfortable with and how you like to cuddle.

  The sad fact is that as much as I enjoy this community there are definitely people here who are looking for something more and pushing for it. I've had messages to that effect many times. Or messages complaining that Pros have "too many rules" etc etc. Feel free to politely rebuff them or report them as they are not in keeping with the spirit of the cuddle community if they are pushing for non-platonic things with anyone pro or non-pro.

  As for the looking to pay a non-pro for a session; I'm not sure I see the reasoning other than trying to push for something a pro wouldn't allow or looking for a session at a much lower cost.
• humminbird412 (deleted user)

  August 2017

  thanks @GeekCuddles. I think you're right on the nose about the fact he's asking about a donation. He also, I forgot to mention, didn't introduce himself or anything like that. So I'm guessing that he's looking for something more than cuddles. But at the same time I got messaged by some really sweet people too, so I think you're right, it definitely is a mixed bag. But I think I really do want to go pro, because it looks really rewarding.
• Morpheus

  August 2017

  The original posters account is already deleted.
• pmvines

  August 2017

  Donation is associated moreso with sex service industry, however I have also heard it referred to as this in order to not be referred to as income, which is taxable. Donations are easier to get away with not claiming at the end of the year.
• Morpheus

  August 2017 edited August 2017

  The client may also be seeking a platonic cuddle but is possibly unsure of the legalities.

  Also, I cuddled with a non pro on Tuesday and gave her $20 for gas and bought her lunch. We had a four hour chill/cuddle session. I don't see that as breaking rules but but can see how that could be perceived as breaking rules.
• StarFlower (deleted user)

  August 2017 edited August 2017

  @Morpheus And we are surprised, why? The fact that the OP's account was deleted doesn't negate her concern, whatsoever.
• StarFlower (deleted user)

  August 2017

  @Morpheus And we are surprised she has deleted her account, why? The fact that the OP's account has been deleted does not negate her concerns in the least, by the way.

  Seems the "lady" (meaning you in this case) doth protest too much.
• Morpheus

  August 2017

  I'm just leery of people who make a post and then shortly thereafter, delete their profile. Just seems odd to me.
• StarFlower (deleted user)

  September 2017

  @Morpheus If you were to look at my messages, you'd see it happens a lot.

  In my case, when I set the person straight as to what, ahem, platonic means... and that I am not, in fact, a sex worker.

  Others see a lot of no-photo profiles, get contacted by one too many creeps, or maybe they spontaneously hooked up with someone at the bar last night and they got their "needs" fulfilled for the moment? Who. Knows.

  If it's a valid question, I say just let it stand, and don't worry if the person's on the site anymore.
• StarFlower (deleted user)

  September 2017 edited September 2017

  Some of the red flags I look for:

  "I am an innocent person, trust me." Or any variation of this, and especially repeats of this ad nauseum in messages.

  Creepy profile pics and/or fetishy needs. Like wrestling.

  "I would like to book you on such-and-such a day at such-and-such a time" (initial message; not a red flag if a few messages have been exchanged and a rapport established).

  ***Remember: At this point, neither party can leave karma unless 3 messages are sent by each party to the other. I won't schedule a session with someone until they've met this requirement, and it's the perfect opportunity to suss out the client's true intentions and if they're a good fit.

  ~StarFlower, Dallas-Fort Worth area
• Mike403

  September 2017

  @StarFlower i sent a booking request to a pro as an initial message when I first joined the site. I basically just asked her if she was available on Friday. We had two amazing sessions and have another one scheduled for next week.
• StarFlower (deleted user)

  September 2017

  Bully for you, @Mike403. Everyone's different. I am very selective--this is not my main bread and butter, for one thing, but I do take it seriously and not just anyone is going to get to bed-cuddle me, regardless of payment. So, if you had messaged me that, I would have let you know I like to get to know my clients via messaging before scheduling (which is on my profile).

  I usually don't write off requests like that, but do have potential clients answer a few basic questions (like what do you hope to get out of cuddling, where did you hear about Cuddle Comfort, etc). This will reveal their true intentions. I also read any comments they've made in the forums.

  I'm sure you would have passed my test, based on your forum posts, even though you still haven't replied back to my hello message from the 13th. I literally typed that out just for you, by the way.
• Mike403

  September 2017

  @StarFlower I'm so sorry for not replying. Your message just said to drop you a line sometime and communication is difficult for me and didn't have anything specific to talk about over private message, so I felt comfortable keeping it in the forums.

  As for passing your test, I may not have then. I did get asked that question during the face to face meeting and I really didn't know. That was my first time doing something like this and wanted to explore. I was aware of the boundaries of a cuddle session and wasn't going to try anything that made her uncomfortable.
• Morpheus

  September 2017

  All pros have different requirements. You have some that want to chat it up before scheduling a session, some want to meet for coffee or lunch first but then you have some that want to get straight to the paid part. I had a pro that lives right around the corner from my work who expressed safety concerns so I asked if she would like to meet for coffee first especially since she's so close to me. She proceeded to block me and told other pros to avoid me. I was like wait, wtf just happened? lol
• StarFlower (deleted user)

  September 2017

  @Mike403 Well, like I said I don't 100% judge by one non-response, or by one "anything," unless it is outright against a site rule. I know you're not in my area, for one thing...which also tells you something about my intentions; I'm not only about the dollars.

  I think honesty is the best answer. If you didn't know what you want to get out of cuddling, that's fine. It's the between-the-lines that I'm looking for. Also, I've had potential clients start off, "I'd like to book you...blahblahblah," but when I ask them questions, they freeze right up. So it's a combination of things.

  I've stopped greeting visitors to my page, though, both due to non-responses and also people having a wrong idea that I'm trying to solicit their business when they are, say,1,200 miles away.
• Mike403

  September 2017

  @StarFlower i completely understand what youre getting at. There are creeps who are looking for more than just cuddling. It's just that when when someone talks about someone's communication and/or body language being off, it gets my brain thinking because that's how I am all the time. I wrote an essay about that in one of my reading & writing classes at college last year. Here's a link to it:

  https://1drv.ms/w/s!AklKQgFuN5SqmTPwF_u8uOaNyIju
• StarFlower (deleted user)

  September 2017

  @Mike403 Thanks for sharing your article! Sorry it took me so long to get to it, but my full-time job is on the weekends and it's a taxing job.

  I think if your cuddle buddy understands you need more verbal cues, then you should be fine in the cuddling department. It actually wouldn't hurt if all people practiced more asking the other person what they needed and wanted in life.