@Ahmedali999 It's nice to hear that you've found help and healing through cuddling. In my mind that's what makes cuddling so much more effective for me than talk therapy or massage therapy for self care.
I'm hoping you have discussed with this person that is helping you so much - just how long they expect work with you? And is there is a colleague they can had you off to if they move, quit, or are otherwise unavailable due to the plethora of unplanned situations that can occur in life.
If not, you should consider how to prepare yourself in so far as it seems that you've come to reply on this person as a major influence regarding your mental health. From what you've described here, it seems like a subject you two may have discussed or should discuss moving forward.
Wishing you the best. Peace and blessings.
@herby357 she knows and can see the changes, i owe her my life, cuddle therapy much better than talk therapy 1 of the biggest reason why I'm depressed because of lack of touch, i have communication difficulties, and it's impossible for me to find someone to cuddle and hold hands ect my greetings to you
@Ahmedali999 , you are not alone in avoiding people’s direct gaze. It can be very intimate, almost threatening, and many people are uncomfortable with it. In some cultures it would be considered either rude or sexual or even aggressive. I’ve been aware of workplace problems that arose because of a cultural misunderstanding about this. A guy I know who was a supervisor in a factory became angry that one of the Vietnamese workers would cast his eyes downward when he spoke to him, thinking the worker was showing disrespect when, in fact, in his country it was considered rude to look directly at a supervisor. I am glad that with time you have become more comfortable with yourself and others as a result of your interactions with your cuddle pro.
@Babichev you spot on 👌I'm too nervous i can't help it 🤗
pros don't need to be healers but in my opinion listeners, the majority of clients either have suffered depression,anxiety,trauma,feeling lonely. They must be listeners if they want to advice in a humanity way it's up to them,All my pros have basic knowledge of mental health. Sometimes I'm open with them and they are listeners. They are some clients might have difficult times and you can't blame them and say see a doctors. Doctors don't give u cuddle if you 1 of your problem is lack of touch and it's impossible for you. Many clients seek refuge in cuddle therapy and I'm 1 of them if you feel society abandoned or rejected you which is also depression.
Please note for reference-the screenshots I’ve included are my cell service fluctuations. The city I live in was recently hit by two tornadoes-as a result cell phone towers are damaged and my wifi provider are down until restored. While getting my oil changed last night, I saw the business had wifi, and checked all my social media accounts including cuddlecomfort. Once my truck was finished, I had to leave the bay-hence my second comment on the thread where I wrote I would reply with my laptop when I returned home. However even with hotspot, my phone is struggling with using data due to the damaged cell towers.
Even at my full time job, our wifi is spotty. My lack of response is not because I didn’t want to-it is due to factors out of my hand. The timeframe for when I uploaded this comment to my screenshots is further proof that I’m doing the best I can with what I have.
We are all human beings and the site exists for a reason. Cuddling. Connection for a purpose. The forums should be a safe space to share thoughts and seek answers. I think I expected to receive comments in depth about how cuddling itself has helped vs therapy helping, not an entitled demand for my credentials with a personal interpretation of what I wrote.
The longer I am on this specific site, the more disheartened I feel by the instances in which the attitude feels hostile or entitled. There are other threads in which I’ve read people shitting all over others-my reality at the moment is grim in seeing the devastation from the tornado and then having no safe space online to just talk. As a human being, right now, I feel robotic and disassociated. I owe nothing to anyone.
This was just for myself, as a learned response to feeling defensive I.e. the need to defend oneself unnecessarily.
If I had the time and constant wifi, I would provide a strenuous in depth breakdown of why the thread aura felt hostile and go into detailed explanation as to why I perceived the comments as I did and felt an emotional reaction to reading them.
Native Americans have a holistic view of medicine. It is not uncommon for them refer to simple things like talking to a friend as "good medicine". If we applied the same logic here, it would be equivalent to telling that native person that they can't use the word medicine because words have meaning, and that word has legal connotations so they should stop using it to refer to their friend.
Seems to me the safe route is simply to stick to the alternative term the OP says she uses, "Cuddle Specialist." My whole life is working with words, and you do have to worry about what conclusions, rightly or wrongly, people will draw from them. (Look at all the threads on here debating whether the word "professional" should be applied or whether it needs to entail something more than being paid.)
I mean….even the site calls it cuddle therapy.
(My screenshots of service fluctuating)
@simsaddict Good point. That is probably something CC should take a look at.
The projection of this entire thread changed drastically and my theory is the age gap perspective.
There’s a mini documentary of why the older generations are often seen as blunt and harsh though written correspondences vs younger generations who initiate emojis and overexplain to avoid confusion.
How I apply to be a moderator?
@simsaddict
My hypothesis is that when someone gets to a stage that they've a lot of experience dealing with a certain thing and find they can better spot it, along with it's ramifications, they are rightly or not, more likely to be quite blunt and dry in their response. Especially, if they had to deal with that a lot*. Or found their softer response often goes over the heads of others or leads nowhere.
Though there could be other reasons as well, such as personality differences. [ PS. These* personality differences also apply to the person receiving the message. If someone is more on the sensitive side or going through really difficult times, then something could come off as harsher than it may or may not be. ]
As for the site calling it "cuddle therapy" I find that problematic as well. Like I said before, I don't know what differentiates it from a regular cuddle, besides paying for it. Especially when there is little to no regulation on who can become a "pro" and that they are no credentials they must hold. So calling it that not only is ambiguous to me, as to what it means. Though also comes off as sensationalistic.
However, it is different from saying "I am a cuddle therapist." Someone could provide something therapeutic without being a therapist. Like how you could teach someone something without being a teacher. For instance, being an A student and helping your classmates, who are C students, with their homework can be beneficial and teach them. However, it doesn't make the student a teacher.
I sometimes help others with their language learning or do a language exchange. And find some of them say to me "thank you my teacher" in our private conversations. Although it makes me smile, whenever possible I make sure they know I'm not a teacher, so we are crystal clear about it. And I understand that many are probably not being serious about it. Though I also never made it a point to call myself a teacher, which wouldn't be right of me to do given I'm not qualified at this point in time.
*"I’m met with confusion when I tell people I am a cuddle therapist." *
So the legality of what constitutes a cuddle therapist and what cuddle therapy is-it is perspective based from what I’ve read. The application for qualifying for being a pro on this site is approval in 24 hours & you can write a short essay on why you believe you should be a pro.
@Lovelight very insightful! Thank you!
I also interchange “cuddle therapist” with “cuddle specialist” from time to time. I do acknowledge the wording as examples of why I interchange the two- 1) when I say/write I am a cuddle specialist, I’m met with perverse conversations and a barrage of questions that circle around the idea that I HAVE TO do what the potential client wants. 2) When I say/write I’m a cuddle therapist, I am met with confusion as “how does one become a therapist in cuddling?”
Cuddle comfort refers to cuddle sessions as cuddle therapy. The credentials to supply for cuddling-technically are my human body and ability to relay boundaries before sessions. I can draft a certificate and create an online course in 2022 that educates people on the ethical dilemma in cuddling as a “pro” vs cuddling without being paid
@simsaddict I am sorry that you are facing such a personal attack on the forum!
Grateful for those brave enough to weigh in even though they also have to fear being retaliated against or financially harmed by being banned ect. Completely respect differing opinions as well, particularly the ones expressed respectfully. Also, thank you for taking your personal, unpaid time and energy to be present within the forums and try and cultivate a positive, inclusive culture in which growth, continuous improvement, networking and bonds can be fostered. You have contributed multiple authentic and often vulnerable posts which many find engaging.
When people react emotionally and lash out with personal attacks I find comfort in understanding that that may or may not be rooted in their own unrest more so than the actual perceived offense. Not everyone here is focused on seeking first to understand, or clarifying respectfully if their interpretation of your post is correct. I am a firm believer that two things can be true at once. The moderator’s concerns are valid as are your requests for feedback to better understand the varying needs of clients. It’s just unnerving that her demeanor seems to be about punitively shaming and picking you apart rather than reinforcing an open safe forum in which best practices and verbiage could be promoted for the benefit of all. She also seemed disinterested in the mention of inappropriate conduct encountered on the site. If I were brand new to the site I think reading this thread would give me a highly negative view of the culture here. I do agree with the moderator in that the lack of regulation within the industry as well as on the site lends to a wild Wild West feel but also feel strongly that as members of this community and as people who have a vested interest in growing, improving, and supporting this industry we can all do our part to cultivate a safe space here. We can work together to improve and build one another up. This can start with respect and refraining from personal attacks.
Does anyone know how to identify and contact the site owner(s) to see if they would be inclined to engage in direct communication regarding their vision and hear concerns or areas of opportunity regarding the site? I am already aware of the forum thread inviting feedback.
@Nature_Lover_ I am familiar with @Mark being the site owner, not sure if it's co-owned. So perhaps you can tag him if you need his input on something.
@Lovelight that is great to know! Thank you!!
I like the expression “interactive therapeutic touch practitioner.” Massage therapists are also therapeutic touch practitioners, but they don’t let their clients touch them. Although it’s wordy, and nobody else that I know of uses this expression, I think “interactive therapeutic touch practitioner” distinguishes a “professional cuddler” (a simple term I like) from a masseur.
To answer the original question, I do like for a cuddle session to be therapeutic when I am a client or cuddle buddy, but not because talking is involved — I find the cuddling itself to be a kind of holistic therapy.
@Nature_Lover_ - can you point out, with direct quotes, where anyone has made a personal attack?
I actually like when someone gets blunt with me, its that kind of feedback that hits me hard enough to enact some change and self reflection. Many years ago a friend told me "Viva you need to learn to chill the f* out" and that was some of the most valuable feedback I've ever received. Led me to begin meditating.
So @Babichev feel free to give it to me straight any time. 🙃 I prefer it. I wish everyone around me communicated that directly. But I live in the Midwest, and alas, directness is in scarcity.
@babichev I have no desire to argue with you as my energy is drained from my hometown being destroyed by tornados - death count still rising. That being said, if you truly wish to be introspective please reread your comments beginning with how you knit picked @simsaddict profile with respect to offering unconditional love which has no obvious connection with the attack on her interchangeably using the term, ‘cuddle therapist,’. That felt highly personal and unproductive, unless the objective was purely to discredit and break her down. A multitude of people have expressed disapproval with your demeanor and conduct both on this thread and off this thread and that is concerning. You are a highly intelligent person with tons of insight and guidance to offer. I truly feel you understand the benefit of policies, standard operating procedures, and certainly professionalism, as you have repeatedly mentioned a lack there of causes resounding harm to all. Additionally, I respect that you are looking out for the enthusiast experience in wishing to clarify if @simsaddict is attempting to offer actual talk therapy as a certified professional while also conducting cuddle sessions. I think the big take away is this site does use the term cuddle therapy, and yet I would wage or bet $20, in your own words, that people are not searching this site for actual certified talk therapy but rather seeking the therapeutic comfort of cuddling in a variety of different forms.
I myself am a lover of people and wish to see everyone strive to do their best, and see this platform and specifically this forum as a means to communicate, socialize, and hopefully make some meaningful connections. We’ve got a groovy little community here which I am grateful to be a part of who deserve respect and should not be afraid to post for fear of being targeted and by a moderator no less. If we collectively respect one another and work together to address issues such as Mis conduct or other areas for opportunity the whole community and industry stands to benefit. The more people who feel welcome and supported here the better for everyone.
Personally I did not love the way you seemed to invalidate the healing aspect of cuddling. The two clients of mine who I previously mentioned were referred to cuddling after ( and one in conjunction with ) grief counseling were fully aware I am not a therapist or in any medically or “professionally” equipped to treat or heal them. They fully understood I was a warm body (and a caring soul) who was a comfort and or distraction. A safe space to cry with otherwise just be held and truly loved and cared for in that moment. I have also come to look up to several popular / successful pros whom have studied and worked hard to obtain therapeutic skill sets to better connect with and serve their clients. I think having the intention to heal and also just simply CARE deeply about someone’s wellbeing is a special thing and should not be discounted or written off as a healers syndrome. Personally I don’t subscribe to every therapeutic service I’ve seen on the site though I can absolutely respect and tolerate them. Better yet appreciate the energy, intention and often time behind such offerings. I don’t think any one disagrees that your concerns are valid @Babichev - it just seems you are not looking to share best practices in a positive way but rather break people down. This site in particular does not offer or require training yet we run the risk of potentially being berated if we do not meet your personal standards which often are very different from what is laid out on the site. I don’t expect you or anyone to coach, train, or coddle anyone but a baseline for respect and tolerance and perhaps a focus on helping people improve rather than just bashing them could benefit everyone. Not everyone has the knowledge and insight you do and the graciousness in which you extend such can make a world of difference.
I'd like to add, that while we may disagree with you here, @Babichev we still value so as a mod, a valuable member of the site, and the female perspective you bring to the mod team.
@Nature_Lover_ - you made the accusation. Noted that you declined to back it up with evidence.
You say no one disagrees that my concerns are valid. I don’t see that. What I see is a lot of offense taken about what I’ve said and a lot of unfounded accusations. I have made no personal attacks. If you share my concern about the possibility of those with no qualifications referring to themselves as therapists and offering what they determine to be therapy using undisclosed therapeutic methods with vulnerable people, then why not focus on that, which is the topic under discussion? That is what the OP asked about - why do her clients not see her as a therapist and come to her for what she appears to describe as talk therapy? Which is worse - an unqualified person offering talk therapy to vulnerable clients or pointing out that to do so is unprofessional and unethical and possibly illegal?
As for pointing out that the OP does not appear to hold unconditional regard for the client, something which the OP claims they offer - this is not petty. It is a cornerstone of being a therapist that one has unconditional regard for the client and attends to their needs, putting one’s own needs aside. Anyone trained in a profession with legal claim to the title “therapist” will tell you that. It is the antithesis of being a therapist to complain that the clients are not fulfilling the therapist’s needs.
I’m not offended by you arguing with me. Isn’t this how we figure things out? I don’t think your point are valid and I think you’re missing the point but I’m not offended by you making them. However, I would ask you to stay focused on information and forget about style.
@MCcuddles2 - thank you.
As for good intentions . . . If one is setting oneself up as a therapist or a healer or whatever, good intentions are not enough when one is messing around with another person’s physical or psychological health. One needs to be informed.
A friend of mine loves animals. She was driving on a two lane road in a rural area and saw a dog walking along the road that was clearly injured and disoriented. She stopped and approached the animal carefully, hoping to be able to help it. Instead, the dog got spooked, ran into the road, was hit by a car and killed. Her good intentions were not enough.
I’ve seen amateur psychologists - untrained people who decided they had innate abilities - do harm, sometimes serious harm. There is a reason one is legally required to have extensive training before doing talk therapy with the public.
@nurturingman I Love the term you shared, interactive platonic touch practitioner. Definitely wordy but I feel it's accurate. I understand people feeling off put at times by the term, ‘professional cuddler,’ as it does not necessarily indicate any training or credit oaks as most professions call for. Some pros without credentials are indeed professional and deliver outstanding service though some with credentials and training may not uphold this standard. While less glamorous I find, ‘paid cuddler’ or platonic touch practitioner to be most applicable from a broad perspective.
@herby357 you are incredibly well spoken and insightful. I love your personal perspective with regard to separating intimacy from romance within cuddling to enable vulnerability. Also appreciate your view of cuddling as a part of your self care regiment. Very cool and very well said.
@Ahmedali999 as always I love the positivity and authentic appreciation you share regarding your journey with cuddling and how much it has positively impacted your life.
@xandriarain Such a combination of therapies would be highly innovative indeed. Who knows what the future holds by way of exciting collaborations and possibilities. I am a huge advocate for psychotherapy and certainly for cuddling. I would personally be happy to pay double!
@ernesto_2 You never fail to offer wise and respectful insight. You add so much to the forum.
@vivalalife I can also appreciate open and blunt feedback and constructive criticism. Drawing from my professional background in training and management however, I think any person in or perceived to be in an authority role could best give such feedback privately rather than as an answer in a public forum. Additionally when the comments fails to be constructive, ( personal attack ) and could legally meet the criteria for defamation and libel, that’s where I draw the line. @Babichev seems to flip flop from asserting the OP has credentials for psychotherapy and is completely incompetent, ‘I’m not sure what your professional training is that qualifies you to be a therapist but I would strongly urge you to get some supervision ..’ ‘ If you are not qualified to be a psychotherapist then please, for the sake of your clients, stop trying to be one ..’ and that the OP is illegally offering psychotherapy without required credentials. The moderator further talks down to the OP and potentially implies she is being immature or childlike, when making statements beginning with, ‘If we are adults then …. ‘ But again, I am the type of person who loves to empower people and build them up.
@Babichev
Can you please stop asking for a direct quote showing you where you attacked someone? Everyone who wishes can read the thread for themselves and reach their own conclusions. Demanding that someone who feels attacked on the forums mount a clinical reconstruction of which words at which time caused them to feel mistreated could quite likely discourage anyone on the forums from admitting to hurt feelings in the future. I suspect the problem is greatly compounded when one of those folks is a moderator.
For the record…
I appreciate your presence here. The vast majority of times you comment, you do an inspiring job (imo) of balancing what you feel needs to be said with tact and empathy. In this instance, I feel you did not live up to your usual high standards.
I don’t believe you intended your vehement condemnation to come across as ridicule. And I’m sure not everyone will read your comments as having that effect. But I read them as loaded with sufficient disdain for the OP as to exceed the bounds of civil discourse.
Peace,
🙉
But I read them as loaded with sufficient disdain for the OP as to exceed the bounds of civil discourse.
I have seen it cut both ways in this thread. Quite frankly, I am surprised this thread hasn’t been locked as there has been little compromise on this. I can also see what both parties are saying and the problem seems to be that there are a lot of assumptions being made. At this point it doesn’t seem like a productive exercise or beneficial to the forum to keep ping-ponging this back and forth. Both parties are wrong and right and let’s leave it at that. In the great scheme of things this barely registers a raised eyebrow.
@MonkeyNeedsAHug - if an accusation is going to be made without evidence to support it than it can easily be dismissed. I have not made any personal attacks nor have I ridiculed anyone. Either show me the evidence or withdraw the accusation.
@Nature_Lover_ - I have not flip-flopped on anything. I never asserted the OP had credentials. And I do not think I have said anything about illegality until my most recent comment. I am speaking of professional ethics. However, it is possible there may be legal considerations. Most certainly, if a client claimed they were harmed by an unqualified person presenting themselves as a therapist and doing talk therapy with them, there would undoubtedly be legal repercussions.
The disdain you read into my words is your own interpretation.
Here is an article on practicing counseling without a license.
https://thriveworks.com/blog/counselors-practicing-without-a-license/