@Babichev you are failing to see the point that all opinions should be welcomed and validated. All voices can and should be heard and this is a platform that could be better served by moderating free of emotional reactivity. In desperately defending your argument and calling people out who don’t have the desire to argue with you give the appearance of a hubris individual on a power trip who is validating herself through harming others. If you’d like me to overlook your bullying and nastiness, please consider that your conduct as a moderator directly represents this company. I also hope that you are able to heal what ever has you in such a reactive and argumentative state.
Well this is devolving quickly.
@Babichev
I’ve DM’d you.
I think you might be too close to this one to back up and see it from a new perspective.
Can we please ask another moderator to weigh in on whether this site helps people seeking “cuddle therapy” to connect with “cuddle therapists” for that exact purpose? Perhaps we also need to know what qualifications providers must demonstrate in order to hold themselves out as “cuddle therapists”. @Gary @Mark ?
If the OP has the necessary qualifications to hold herself out as a cuddle therapist, as this site defines that term, I feel she might be owed an apology.
I think the heart of the problem is this. Even if OP is conflating terms, she is following the site’s lead in that respect. Moreover, the criticism she is facing for doing so seems harsher than is strictly necessary, under the circumstance.
Peace and love,
🙉
What I gathered from this is that @Babichev was straight to the point, voiced her take with great passion given the harm she's seen it can cause when someone who is unqualified or doesn't present their qualifications (which like she said if someone is qualified, they'd already show said qualifications and know why that's so crucial) tries to take on labels such as therapist.
Then went on to point out how on one hand the OP, @simsaddict , says on her profile she offers unconditional love but her post suggests otherwise.
It's not fun to find out you may have did something wrong, like misusing a label. And for some people, it is difficult for them to get constructive feedback even when they ask for it and if given to them in a style that perhaps doesn't work for them. As far as personal attacks go, I didn't see any from the Mod in question.
And if she's accused of such, she has a right to ask for exact quotes. Throwing unfounded accusations like that is harmful.
With that said, after further looking back on what @Babichev said, these stood out to me, "You asked for insight. That’s mine." "You asked for input and I’ll be really honest - you don’t sound qualified to be a therapist."
The prefacing or repeated mention of essentially the same thing "asked for insights/input/", the short sentence(?) of "That's mine." And the what I'd call is somewhat overuse of the "You" statements added up can all make what she wrote come off hostile. Not to mention the fact that tone is missing in writing.
Furthermore, @Babichev said, "I’m speaking as someone who has seen many, many people over the years try to be an amateur psychotherapist and it never ends well." So like mentioned before, that could also be part of why she was rather quite dry in her response.
All in all, while I don't think there was personal attacks coming from her, I believe that her writing could have improved, so it didn't come off as hostile.
“book a cuddle therapy session today” … after this screenshot she should have been owed an apology right away.
@cuddles_ndream
"Book a cuddle therapy session" .... by a "professional cuddler".
Note that it does not say to "book a cuddle therapist."
@ernesto_2
1 - it doesn’t say, “Book a cuddle therapy session by a professional cuddler” … it says , “book a cuddle therapy session” period
2 - she never not once said , “I’m a therapist”.
To be honest, I don’t feel safe expressing thoughts anymore on this site.
I will not provide credentials/a license for “proof” to appease a stranger for their accusations of causing harm to others.
If there is a problem with my conduct, or supposed therapy techniques (that I haven’t written)-then educate me without publicly humiliating me.
I couldn’t respond when I wanted to due to circumstances completely out of my control, I.e. tornado damage to cell towers I think the disrespectful part of this were the assumptions made, before I could have a chance to reply.
@cuddles_ndream the entire discussion has been about the use of the term therapist, not therapy.
And if you look at the image again, it says "Our professional cuddlers", so it doesn't actually advance the argument that CC endorses using the term "therapist" for professional cuddlers.
I mean, we can go around in circles ad infinitum, but the crux of the argument has been about the term therapist.
@simsaddict sent you a PM, but wanted to also say here that I'm sorry your threat had devolved into a circular argument.
@ernesto_2 so let’s go around circles , who made the entire discussion about the term “therapist”? When was the term “therapist” first mentioned in this entire thread?
Edit: and by who?
@cuddles_ndream I'm not taking sides, but the very first mention of the term was in the OP:
"I’m met with confusion when I tell people I am a cuddle therapist."
@cuddles_ndream The OP asked about “therapeutic methods” and then in her question asked about “providing healing”. Mentioning the former is fine but implicitly linking it in the same post with healing wades into “claim” waters. That can be problematic. I agree again with @Lovelight—this is much ado about nothing. This is simply about tone on one side and playing loose and free with words on another. We have all done that at one time or another. We should move on.
@ernesto_2 “book a cuddle therapy session today “ - is she in the wrong to make the statement?
@cuddles_ndream I've already made my contributions to this thread. I'm not going to perpetuate the circle.
based on the site’s admission of what it offers. If someone felt it was wrong l, they could take it out with admin / ect not on the pro that’s taking pride in what they do & what they have to offer … she never said “I want to play doctor “ as it was implied & insinuated for her , she expressed wanting to engage in what the site is telling potential customers they can receive …
@ernesto_2 see your way out the circle, thank you.
@simsaddict I think it's been a not so good of a day for you. Coupled with you dealing with a lot already. So taking some self care time and to clear your head could help you. Hope you will feel comfortable participating in the forum again, and if not, that's alright too: you do what's best for you.
@ernesto_2 & just to clarify, you tried making the point that the entire discussion has been about the use of the term therapist, not therapy, when infact the point to the entire discussion has been about how you talk to people / communicate / & show respect. There’s a way to do things, & trying to find justification for that behavior says something about you & anyone trying to defend it.
@cuddles_ndream Please don't pull me into a thread to make accusations or character statements about me. I've tried to place peacemaker and to add some insight when appropriate on the balance of the discussion.
I'd ask that you re-read your last comment, and ask if your two most recent comments towards me actually align with your concern over respect and a "way to do things".
I have nothing against @simsaddict and have messaged her privately to express my thoughts (and hear hers). I don't need to defend myself (or anyone else, frankly) in this thread.
Probably time the thread is locked. Both @simsaddict and @Babichev are unique and bring a lot to this community. Both are shaped through their experiences and learnings. If they so choose and have a conversation private between themselves they would probably be able to understand where each is coming from. With that they could choose to agree to disagree but with a better understanding of each other’s perspective. It’ll be hard to have that conversation among themselves if more acrimony is generated by the continuous back and forth by everyone, each sticking to their stance and viewpoint. Especially with the OP also dealing with the worst weather caused calamities it’ll be best to give the space and time, if they do choose to talk through this in a private conversation. Let’s end the year in peace and support for everyone; especially as many are dealing with so many weather calamities in addition to ongoing pandemic.
@ernesto_2 its not an accusation its a fact!
@cuddles_ndream again, go back and read the thread. And my comments. I didn't steer the direction of the thread, nor did I make any accusations of my own.
I did try to play peacemaker (as you pointed out), and did try to add relevant insight based on my own experience (as you pointed out).
You and I aren't enemies, nor would I want us to be. But I've asked you twice now to stop pulling me back into this thread, especially after telling me I can "see my way out."
Please, respectfully, stop tagging me and pulling me back into this thread. I have added everything I care to add. You can message me privately if you'd like to have a different discussion.
@ernesto_2 take your own advice next time , you tagged me more than anything else in this thread , & don’t mention , “especially after telling me see my way out” , when before that you didn’t hold your end when you said, “we can go around in circles , you even added “infinitum” & quickly tried to see your way out… In the end its about respect & the way the op was responded to by someone with influence & position , it made plenty of people cringe & uncomfortable , not just the op … don’t lose sight of the problem Ernesto.
“Unless they carry a few extra letters at the end of their name” - smh at that statement …
But ok I’m gonna let you be, I can tell this is emotionally affecting you & I don’t want that for you, don’t tag me I don’t tag you.
I %100 i agree with @Lovelight > > What I gathered from this is that @Babichev was straight to the point, voiced her take with great passion given the harm she's seen it can cause when someone who is unqualified or doesn't present their qualifications (which like she said if someone is qualified, they'd already show said qualifications and know why that's so crucial) tries to take on labels such as therapist.
Every one has his/she's point of view, there are members think @Babichev was rude and some agrees with her, we should learn from her as she has a long experience. Even if she was rude or whatever i believe in forgiveness,and move on, life too short .i came from from different cultures we respect the adults even if they made mistake. It hurts me when I see good members fight. I'm really uncomfortable in this theard and should be closed.
@Nature_Lover_ thank you 🤗
Just wanted to tag you guys and bring you back in
That was f’d up @MCcuddles2 lol 🤣 but thank you it made me laugh & smile, I don’t want it to take away the seriousness. Ty @blisscuddles for your last comment it was very thoughtful, I won’t comment again here … love & care for you all genuinely.
@Babichev I appreciate your depth of knowledge as a professional care giver and as a strong interpersonal communicator. You clearly know what you are talking about and expressed it here with careful consideration. I learned a lot about myself and I'm looking forward to delving further into your suggested readings.
"@Babichev you are failing to see the point that all opinions should be welcomed and validated."
No, all opinions should not be validated. Where on earth did you get that idea?
" If someone felt it was wrong l, they could take it out with admin / ect not on the pro that’s taking pride in what they do & what they have to offer … she never said “I want to play doctor “ as it was implied & insinuated for her , she expressed wanting to engage in what the site is telling potential customers they can receive …"
She said she wanted to get paid for amateur talk therapy by cuddle clients. She started a forum thread on that very subject and asked for input. So that's what we're discussing. Or should be. No one is "taking it out" on the OP. We're pointing out the problems and stating our reasonable objections to an unqualified person trying to offer amateur talk therapy to vulnerable clients and get paid for it. This is not the role of a cuddling professional, which is to cuddle. They asked for input, we are giving it.
" who made the entire discussion about the term “therapist”? When was the term “therapist” first mentioned in this entire thread?"
Reread the title of the thread and the OP. It's right there in the title, for goodness sake. That's what the OP is about. The OP complained that she wanted to offer talk therapy ("deep conversations") using "therapeutic methods" with clients and was disappointed that her clients wanted to cuddle, which is what pro cuddlers are hired to do. She asked for input. She didn't like some of the input that she got, which is pointing out that she's not qualified to be a talk therapist.
"I think the disrespectful part of this were the assumptions made, before I could have a chance to reply."
I've said nothing disrespectful. I merely point out the obvious.
I'm trained as a construction electrician. Often people who do not understand how electrical systems work will make statements that clearly show their lack of knowledge. It's not disrespectful to point out they don't understand what they are talking about. It's pointing out the obvious.
If the OP wishes to try to get paid for amateur talk therapy during cuddling sessions and can find clients willing to pay then they have the freedom to do that. They asked for input and I gave mine. I think it's unprofessional, unethical, and it may be illegal. However, I cannot stop them, I can only hope that they start thinking about the well-being of vulnerable clients and get the kind of training that qualifies them to do talk therapy.
Expressing an unpopular opinion is not rude. Being to the point is not rude. Standing up for the well-being of clients is not rude. And if it is, then I will gladly be rude to protect the vulnerable.