@Lovelight - Some people believe that cuddling and sex is the same thing. You said yourself you ran into somebody who was ignorant about platonic cuddling.
@Mike403 He didn't say that they are the same, though that they are to both happen.
Edit: Found what he actually said "...cuddling always leads to sex." 😷
Surprise tickles are not okay.
Consent, consent, consent.
As we get to know someone we find out what is okay with them and what is not. Until we know for sure we should assume nothing. Ask.
@Soft_Hug84 - You made the claim that some unnamed moderator(s) had an agenda and accused them of bullying. At that point, I cannot see any comments by any moderators. If you are going to make a claim that anyone is unfair or bullying, then you must support that claim with evidence. Please keep this in mind going forward. This is your chance to state your case. If you don’t have one, then an apology to the group is in order. Babichev
@Babichev I think he thinks Cuddleduncan is a mod.
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@Babichev What @MissX said. I think he thinks CuddleDuncan is a moderator. I would too if I were coming to this site for the first time by the flagging, reports, and accusations that were made earlier by him in the thread.
Surprised tickling can make somebody show you the door.. but criminal? I don't think very many people went to jail because they tickled somebody.
@Soft_Hug84 I'm fair here, I'm not siding with anyone, imagine you are a moderator and you putting lots efforts to work,try your best to be fair with everyone and someone accuse you of been unfair or bullying. Unless if you think @CuddleDuncan that's different story. I had an experience with moderators. 1 time when i was new in CC discussions, English not my first language, i shared experience about holding my pro and don't let it go then used the word (grab) in my understanding means hold,because i don't want the session to finish in a cheeky way but grab is like offensive and everyone attacked me and i been timeout, I was depressed i send 100 emails to moderators i was so aggressive and angry, i was protesting. They could have banned me But moderators understood and dealt with my inquiries. Then i released it was misunderstood. They are 99% really fair .
@Babichev Just wondering if I'm getting banned?
And for the record, I consent to RECEIVING surprise tickles if I meet any of you.
No ban. - Babichev
Okay. For the record: @CuddleDuncan is not a moderator.
My opinion: what he said was worded pretty strongly, yes. Actionable? Grey. There are lots of grey comments here and elsewhere. We walk a fine line trying to not be too heavy handed with with moderating while still keeping it civilized. I would encourage everyone to think before you write or hit send, be kind, assume everyone’s good will.
Pointing out that an activity may be criminal is not the same as accusing someone of being a murderer. Stealing a paper clip is a crime, jaywalking is a crime, punching someone is a crime; none of them are murder.
Regarding flagging comments: If someone gets excessive we’ll ask them to back off but really, it is our way of trying to keep the forums on track and civil. Moderators are not reading every word of every discussion, we depend on members to help monitor the site. If nothing else, it gives us a heads up that something may need to be watched so it doesn’t get out of hand.
@mnkyArrow - Don’t take it personally. Consent is a foundational principle here. We’re entitled to our personal preferences. At the same time, it’s important for us to understand and accept that they aren’t universal and consent must be obtained before going outside of agreed upon boundaries in a cuddling situation. The strong reaction is a protective one. As you may imagine, we get a lot of people on this site who do not understand about consent. Just heed the lesson.
All - We’re all working it out as we go along. Try not to get too excited. We’re here to help each other out and to get to know each other.
@MxSmith, I have previously expressed to you my opinion on toe pinching (spoiler: murderous rage was involved, lol) But to your broader question...
One thing I do at the start of every session following a general discussion of boundaries is to volunteer a place on my body that I don't generally like to be touched. (In my case, it's the backs of my hands due to some nerve damage there). I use this as a prelude to ask whether my client has any places that are especially ticklish or painful or that they just don't like to be touched.
I find that my "weird" confession is disarming enough that folks will really consider their "no thanks" spots. A similar entree about toe-pinching might be an ease-in to this convo without feeling like you're just throwing up a bunch of cones?
@Green_Eyes 🤣🤣 u always delete what u write, believe me whatever you write it make sense.
@Ahmedali999 😅😂 you’re on a roll today!
… was going to comment but all I see is bones & cartilage left 🦴 … not even gonna comment, that would be like digging bones out of a grave just to bury it back again.
@cuddles_ndream 🤣🤣 i always screw up. Grab which i meant hold 🤣 . My English is broken . 1 time my cuddle body her sister is big and is bullying her, also is bigger than her parents and her younger sister. I gave her a solution 🤔 ☝ why don't you and parents and other sister gang bang your bully sister, she told me gang bang means rape🙈 🤣 i meant team up and beat her 👊 I was angry about been timeout because of my English, i also said I'm going to take CC to court 🤣 when i was protesting lol CC they are fair it was just misunderstanding
As stated, I was under the impression that @CuddleDuncan was a Moderator. I stand corrected and apologize for the mistake. I too feel that the response was too strongly worded, and not creating what we call a "safe space " here. My response was to the seemingly current trend to attack one's concerns with bullying, whether by Mods or respected members
In defense of @CuddleDuncan, I also read the comments the same way he did - it seemed like the commenters were both trying to negate OP's experience as if they were saying 'Nah, there's nothing wrong with being tickled. It's fine. I'm going to tickle you. It'll be fun!' Probably could've asked for clarification though.
💕💕I’m sorry for being so aggressive especially if that was not what you meant @Ahmedali999
Sorry guys for going off. I’m not super uptight I swear but you’ve gotta ask and ignorance isn’t an excuse. Each cuddler has different limits. Just ask and be aware. That’s all.
@stormydaycuddle You are of course absolutely correct but I don’t think @Ahmedali999 is trying to say ignorance is ok. He said communication is key. He does struggle expressing himself and yes it does come across wrong at times but I think he is actually saying the same thing as you overall. I do not see him endorsing any situation where he says it is ok. If he did I would chime in. Actually @Ahmedali999 woukd be one of the first people to defend you in a situation that you described. However, I can understand why the thought of someone saying it is ok could trigger you. But let’s not tear up others on the forum over a possible misunderstanding. That’s all.
"If you touch me without my consent, then I can punch you in the face without your consent. Gotta be fair."
I know he is nice and as I said I’m not trying to be mean. I probably shouldn’t have tagged him directly. I did get a little mad over the comment where it suggested that some people just don’t read the rules. So I’ll apologize for being super aggressive over it. I do know he’s a nice person. I’ll delete that comment. 💕💕
@FunCartel you’re right it was a little triggering and I apologize. I’m a little uppity tonight and I shouldn’t have commented. Two of the comments struck me but I do understand that I was wrong. 💕
@stormydaycuddle you’re perfectly fine to feel the way you do. Not saying that anyone in the comments is uncaring towards what we go through, but we do deal with a good amount of men trivializing what we go through. Not just as pros, but as women. So it makes sense that we all hit a wall and get fed up. There are so many amazing men on this site that respect women and really are here to have awesome cuddles, but unfortunately there are a lot of “boys” on this site that think women are bags of meat to be toyed with. Consent means nothing to them.
I do something similar to what BellaSera does. As my cuddler and I are lying in bed, I let them know I don’t like my belly button being touched along with the obvious spots. And I ask them if there’s anywhere that’s a major no no besides the obvious. Some care. Some dont. I validate how you feel.
@stormydaycuddle No need to apologize about your feelings. I was just saying I think @Ahmedali999 isn’t that type of person who would endorse this.
I think some good points are being brought up.
@Ahmedali999 brings up an important one - not everyone in the forums is a native English speaker. That can lead to misunderstanding. Please keep that in mind.
Obviously, even among native speakers there is misunderstanding. I don’t know what it is about the internet but for reasons I don’t understand, people tend to read hostility into comments that have no emotional content.
Everyone, try to stay cool, okay? We have some choices. We can keep conversations really bland and never have any controversy and I don’t know about you but I’d find that pretty boring. Or we can get into meatier discussions and accept that it’s probably going to raise some tensions. That’s okay but let’s not jump to too many conclusions.
Regarding consent - it’s an important principle for people to understand. I think we need to accept that not everyone comes to this site fully understanding the implications of consent. Unfortunately, our culture (at least here in the U.S.) has accepted a certain level of non-consensual touch - like that guy at the office who comes up behind you and “massages” your shoulders without asking and annoys the hell out of every woman who gets within arm’s reach. Fortunately, more attention is being drawn to the importance of consent. However, not everyone is up to the same speed. Through our conversations here we have an opportunity to educate each other about the importance of consent in all its implications. Let’s face it, we all have probably at times said or done something that we did not realize how it may affect the other person until they tell us.
I think it’s possible for us to to maintain high standards while still cutting each other a little slack as we’re figuring things out.
I’m glad to see some folks willing to take a step back. For all our flaws, I still think this is a fine bunch of folks. I feel fortunate to be a part of this community.
@Babichev - Very well said; And thank you for making those points about language barriers as well as about the importance of consent and standards being discussed and respected and understood.
@Babichev very fair points @stormydaycuddle 🤗 it's absolutely fine @FunCartel thanks for clarification, i always screw up and need to think 2 times before i write something. thanks for understanding. Communication is the key 🔑 I'm with @BellaSera when i meet new pro we communicate well what's ok and not ok. Also if my pro not happy about something,she should inform me so i wouldn't be offended, me I'm not happy about something I inform her. Otherwise anything can go wrong, for example bad karama or client been reported, or clients not making payments. or clients doing revenge. ect. (Important notice)🚨 I did have 1 situation with 1 pro when i was doing the bridge position. My ✋ hand was on her chest 👀 she removed it little harshly and looked very serious, i was offended☝ but i kept it inside me and didn't show her my anger. I was having deep thinking , she is always good and kind , i just get over it , I'm not going judge her of just 1 situation and forget about the past of her goodness. I know her well and seen her many times. that's why communication is really important.
@Ahmedali999 - she removed your hand from her chest because it's in the rules that you agreed to, that you do not touch that area. She could have even ended the session for that.
Re tickling: a couple years back I was in training for massage therapy, and the topic of tickling was discussed. Surprisingly, we were instructed that tickling is a form of pain. In fact, when I accidentally encounter an area which my client finds ticklish, I try to see if I can work on that specifically to reduce pain. BTW the idea of deliberately tickling somebody seems absurd to me now. I'm not a fan of being tickled, and being the youngest sibling I have traumatic memories which I don't need to reactivate. As for sniffing any part unbidden, OMG. I get that people do strange things but to entertain the possibility of subjecting cuddlers one is meeting, to anything outside of fairly strictly defined activities, seems asking for trouble for the entire community. Consent is the foundation for cuddling. That seems basic and easy to understand and follow. We don't need to mess with that.