Appropriateness?

mc_quiettimemc_quiettime
in General

I will start by saying that I am definitely a newbie, having had one experience with a professional cuddler that was 100% appropriate.

Is inappropriate touching ever appropriate? This is a loaded question I’m sure but I’m curious to hear some of your thoughts. I’ve been reading the threads and appreciate the thoughtfulness that many of you put into your responses. What I mean is that when cuddling, your hand(s) could wind up resting on a spot most would deem inappropriate but it just happens to be the natural landing location based on positioning. Does asking the person to move their hand cause more awkwardness than leaving it alone? I also understand people, and the profession, have boundaries that need to be respected and enforced. (Did I just answer my own question?)

Part 2. Is it still platonic cuddling if both parties are comfortable allowing more intimate touching? I’m talking about fully clothed, but when embraced neither party is concerned what/where the other’s hands are holding when cuddling Or hugging.

I’m genuinely interested in your answers and not trying to be provocative.

Thank you.

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Comments

  • RadiantHugsRadiantHugs Mod
    edited January 2022

    Intent is key. There should never be touch of any kind with intent to arouse.

  • NicoSnuggsNicoSnuggs

    Man, I better get my popcorn 🍿 out, because these responses are about to go off.

    You’re opening Pandora’s box with these questions @mc_quiettime

    I’ll prepare you for what’s to come:

    It is Never appropriate to touch someone in an inappropriate place; And if you do so, even by accident, you need to become more appropriate and platonic real quick.

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    There are two sets of boundaries that need to be followed (in no particular order):

    1. There is to be no activity that is not explicitly consented to by both parties.

    2. The guidelines of this site must be followed.

    The guidelines of this site address your question, I believe. Having people ignore those boundaries erodes the safety of subsequent cuddle partners.

    If there is an honest accident with hand placement it should be corrected immediately.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    There are so many interesting things to think about in the world.

    Is inappropriate touching ever appropriate?

    Is rudeness ever polite?

    Is liquid water ever solid?

    Is heat ever cold?

    Truly deep, complex questions only ever asked by philosophical geniuses. Never to be solved, possibly.

    If the touching were appropriate, it wouldn't be inappropriate. If the water were solid, it wouldn't be liquid. And if putting your hand on areas forbidden by our rules was okay here, it wouldn't be forbidden by our rules.

    I hope this has answered your question.

  • [Deleted User]Moxytocin (deleted user)

    If any inappropriate touching was appropriate, then it wouldn't be inappropriate would it? And vice versa.

  • MissAdventurousMissAdventurous

    @DaringSprinter 💯

  • MCcuddles2MCcuddles2
    edited January 2022

    Is heat ever cold?

    @DaringSprinter, yes, heat can in fact be cold.

    I would encourage you to read the Wikipedia page for heat.

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heat

    "In thermodynamics, heat is energy in transfer to or from a thermodynamic system, by mechanisms other than thermodynamic work or transfer of matter."

    When you touch something at a lower temperature than yourself, you experience heat, which is by definition a transfer of energy from you to the cold object.

  • mc_quiettimemc_quiettime

    @CuddlesByDeep said it best, I think. It’s about intent. However, I suppose that could also lead to confusion by both parties.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter
    edited January 2022

    @MCcuddles2: I encourage you to re-read that page.

    "If a hot body is brought in conducting contact with a cold body, the temperature of the hot body falls and that of the cold body rises, and it is said that a quantity of heat has passed from the hot body to the cold body."

    A bus stop bench in winter is not cold in the same way that you are not heat—rather, heat passes from you to the bench.

    You experience a loss of heat: cold.

    The bench experiences a gain in heat: warmth.

    Heat is not cold. High temperature is not low temperature. And energy in transfer is not the state of the system it's leaving or entering.

    I'm a trifle flabbergasted by this, really. It's a bit like arguing that wealth can be poverty because money only has value in transfer, and when all your money's transferred away you're poor....

  • [Deleted User]Zundar (deleted user)
    edited January 2022

    Intent is definitely a factor generally speaking but as a baseline the actions need to follow the rules of the site.

    The inappropriateness of actions that aren’t against the rules of the site is down to intent, consent, and communication between the people cuddling.

    EG a clothed shoulder massage wouldn’t necessarily be inappropriate but I believe it would be if it was done so without any prior communication about it or expressed consent for it beforehand, especially between people who aren’t too familiar with eachother.

    Whether people consider those kind of things to be inappropriate is subjective though and will differ from person to person, which I guess is the whole point of this thread though I’d consider touching people in intimate areas to be inappropriate regardless of intent and to be going against the rules for the sake of the example given by OP.

  • KozyKimKozyKim

    @JoyfulHeart I don’t need to read anything else because you said it perfectly. Thanks for taking the words right out of my mouth and making them sound perfect. You’re the kind of person I’m looking to cuddle❤️

  • KozyKimKozyKim

    I mean this is the whole reason I got on this site because I love platonic touch. It’s so easy to get inappropriate touching it happens without your consent. Every time I have a client I’m thinking are they going to try something they shouldn’t and it always makes me nervous. Because platonic cuddling is so deep and loving and fun.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited January 2022

    "What I mean is that when cuddling, your hand(s) could wind up resting on a spot most would deem inappropriate but it just happens to be the natural landing location based on positioning."

    One is responsible for where their hand lands or stays. If something is deemed inappropriate it should not be done, no matter how "natural" it is to the one doing it.

    "Does asking the person to move their hand cause more awkwardness than leaving it alone?"

    That depends largely on the people and variables in question, if someone asks or moves said person's hand away from the inappropriate spot and the one in the wrong is apologetic about it: it likely wouldn't be more awkward. Regardless, it is necessary to respect people's boundaries and for people to deal with any boundary crossing.

    "I also understand people, and the profession, have boundaries that need to be respected and enforced. (Did I just answer my own question?)"

    I think you have!

    "Is it still platonic cuddling if both parties are comfortable allowing more intimate touching? I’m talking about fully clothed, but when embraced neither party is concerned what/where the other’s hands are holding when cuddling Or hugging."

    And why... would you want to touch or what makes you think others, * from this site * would want to *"mutually" touch you places that are inappropriate?

    Sounds like asking if it's still platonic if Quagmire has consent to do the giggity with someone. No, it's not platonic. Consensual? Yes, if you're both in agreement about it and are mutually capable of giving consent. Should someone come to this site to find things like that?

    No.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    I think making those kind of questions after joining the site and hopefully reading the guidelines shows you might be hoping for more. Others have already said it but if it’s inappropriate, it can never be appropriate 😩 you are an adult and know which spots on a person are a no no. Find a comfortable spot that IS appropriate to rest your hand.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

  • BabichevBabichev

    I’ll just reinforce that this site is for platonic cuddling. That’s it. If that is what you are looking for then you’ve come to the right place. I can’t understand why you would ask about “inappropriate touch” if your intention here is to find strictly platonic cuddling.

    If you are looking for something else then you’re in the wrong place.

  • mc_quiettimemc_quiettime

    @Sheena123 not looking for more but just starting a dialogue. As you said, we’re all adults here. We’re all looking for some type of touch therapy, usually between a man and a woman. The site rules are clear, agreed. However, there is some space between platonic and completely inappropriate, in my opinion- whatever that’s worth. I guess the answer lies within the boundaries agreed to between all parties. However, I guess anything outside of the site guidelines could lead to trouble. I suppose I’m back to answering my own questions again. 😊

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    @kimberly77 Thank you for your kind words.

    There are plenty of places available for people to find relationships and interactions of a non-platonic nature. For most of us, there are reasons why we choose to be here rather than on those sites: we hope to be able to enjoy strictly platonic interactions.

    I doubt that I would have experienced the profound healing that I have if the site guidelines were not in place, or if they were not followed.

  • theHugAlchemisttheHugAlchemist

    Every single one of my long time cuddle clients is mindful of their hand placement. No "just resting my hand" nonsense. And that is why I am able to sink deep into a session and give nurturing touch and care.. because I feel completely safe, because I cuddle with amazing, mindful people who care about my well-being and respect boundaries.

    Don't make people feel uncomfortable. Keep your hands away from undergarment covered areas.

  • RadiantHugsRadiantHugs Mod
    edited January 2022

    It’s about intent. However, I suppose that could also lead to confusion by both parties.

    @mc_quiettime what I meant with my answer around intent was simply this - if you only have platonic intentions, your hands will naturally land in appropriate places and you don't have to much worry about "inappropriate" touch during the session.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    @mc_quiettime

    But this site is only platonic. So, if you’re looking for that space between platonic and inappropriate, it should not be here.

  • [Deleted User]jondavid (deleted user)
    edited January 2022

    All of this is kinda weird, y’all all know it. There’s something we are all missing in life. There’s a void in us all. It’s been that way since the beginning of mankind (Adam and Eve)

    I think we are all here because we are all missing something in life. Many of us have experienced some sort of hurt or trauma. I know I have. Lots of rejection, lots of pain. Would be nice to have a good hug. There was a time where I met someone who gave good hugs, not through this website, but in life. And eventually the hugs led to feelings that led to more than a hug. I think a lot of people are on here are very sensual and hiding behind the idea of this just being therapeutic, but there’s really no way to tell who’s who right off the bat. Be careful, especially after reading the opening statement of the people that started this conversation. Not everyone is here for the same reason so please don’t exalt this platform and put your trust in it, because anything that involves people always comes with risk.

    We all need healing from God (our Heavenly Creator) but we live in society that teaches us to try everything but God. And although many really do want affection/a cuddle buddy, there will always be the grey area with some because opposites attract no matter how well the guidelines are written. This type of site stirs up curiosity, and the cuddle stirs up an emotion that can break the platonic relationship. This will always be a risky platform. May God heal us all cuddle or no cuddle. Y’all be safe, and always pray 🙏 #InJesusName

    Please stay on topic and avoid religious preaching. Thank you. - Babichev

  • HogboblinZweiHogboblinZwei

    @jondavid

    Gonna need some citations for your various claims.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    Oh, good, a preacher. Delivering the usual sermon: "We're all broken / dirty / incomplete and can only be healthy / clean / whole if we believe what I believe."

    With a side helping of "sexual assault when cuddling is natural."

    Nice.

  • [Deleted User]Zundar (deleted user)

    Probably best if we don't go that rabbit hole and end up with a closed thread from going off topic @HogboblinZwei though of course they arguably went off topic with their comment, it was also about cuddles.

  • HogboblinZweiHogboblinZwei

    @Zundar

    No. It was about magic.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter
    edited January 2022

    @Zundar: I would argue that if somebody claims everybody here is only cuddling because they have a deep-seated need for a relationship with his favorite fictional character, and also that everybody has a natural sexual attraction to the so-called "opposite" sex which makes cuddling platonically almost impossible, it's fair to ask for some references.

  • [Deleted User]Zundar (deleted user)
    edited January 2022

    @HogboblinZwei Primarily yes, but not entirely (the cuddles do seem somewhat incidental to the content of the comment). Reported it for going off topic and hopefully that's that but continuing to go off on that tangent is more likely to get the thread locked I'm guessing rather than just having one comment be affected.

    @DaringSprinter I think it's completely fair to ask for those things privately, or in a thread where that's the topic or pretty close to the topic, but this thread isn't really about that. And I'm now being a bit of a hypocrite by responding more and taking things to the topic of being off topic lol.

    To be doubly clear my stance isn't that they're correct, or that their ideas shouldn't go unchallenged, it's that they should be challenged elsewhere so as to not derail the thread.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    @Zundar: If the claims relate to inappropriate behavior during cuddling, and were made publicly on a cuddling forum, on a thread about inappropriate behavior during cuddling, why should the support for those claims be made anywhere else?

  • [Deleted User]Zundar (deleted user)
    edited January 2022

    I’m more talking about the religious aspects of the claims/the comment, rather than the others which are of course more relevant to the topic @DaringSprinter but at this point I’m just gonna bow out as can see I didn’t communicate what I meant properly and can see that causing issues and conflict which I’d rather avoid/you have a good point about the relevancy.

This discussion has been locked.