A Tool For Enhancing Connection

This is something I first saw in the circling community.

It's an idea called positive regard. It's one of the agreements everyone playing the circling game agrees to.

You try to hold this concept when communicating with others, even when you cannot resonate with the other person's ideas. It's a tool used to to facilitate understanding and productive exchanges on difficult topics.

I would encourage people to try this as they engage others on the forum.

Positive Regard – Honor other with the intention to create connection in any state including dissonance or dislike. The intention is to get the Other’s world and attempt shared reality. If empathy feels unattainable, try accessing your curiosity. Aspects of this include doing our best to…:

– Check Assumptions: Notice when you have an assumption that might be getting in the way of connection. Recognize it is your interpretation or story that might be wrong or incomplete. Ask the other person how they saw or experienced the same event to weave mutual understanding. Honor expressed boundaries.

– Use Ownership Language: The most basic principle of this is using “I” statements rather than “You know when you feel this way…?” Sharing truths in the format of “When you (give the data of what occurred), I felt (state a core feeling without story or justification) rather than “You’re a jerk,” etc.

Ex. “When you invested time in thoroughly reading this agreement, I felt honored.”