Please add your so-bad-they're-good jokes here.
Please keep it clean, friendly and inoffensive.
I'll go first:
I don't have words to describe how I feel. Someone broke into my house and stole all of my fruit!
I'm utterly peachless.
Why don't pirates bathe before walking the plank?
They know that they'll wash up on shore.
The institute of unfinished research has found that 6 out of 10 people
Scrolling through photos I took of my grandmother at a Comic Con: “Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana BATMAN!”
My buddy suggested we went to a fancy dress party as a pheasant and a grouse.
Well I’m game if he is!
@BuggleBear
I'm utterly peachless
Hi peachless, I'm dad.
I was hospitalized after an unfortunate peekaboo accident.
They put me in the ICU
Every time I share my problems with my best friend, he just says, “It could be worse; you could be at the bottom of a deep hole filled with water.” I know he means well.
There are two kinds of people in this world:
1 Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
There was a geriatric researcher in California, who was working on method to stop, or at least slow down the aging process. He was using porpoises as his his test subjects. He had a theory that he could extract an enzyme from sea gulls, and by injecting it weekly into each porpoise, they could live forever. He just needed a large supply of gulls.
He took a big net and a sack, and set off into a state park near the coast. After filling his bag with gulls, he set off back to where his car was parked.
Along the way, he found a large mountain lion, sound asleep, completely blocking the trail, Finding that he was unable to get around it, he screwed up his courage, and gingerly stepped over the lion. Almost immediately, a park ranger jumped out of the bushes, and arrested him.
He was charged with transporting gulls across state lions for immortal porpoises .
I got my first job as an accountant at 22, right out of college. Suddenly, the week after I turned 30, they fired me.
13 years of loyal service to the company down the drain.
What's the difference between the US Capitol and Mordor?
One does not simply walk into Mordor.
Credit to badjokesbyjeff on Tumblr.
A priest, minister and a rabbi walk into a bar….the bartender says “What is this a joke?”
🌈 The more you know... 💫
Have you heard the one about the Japanese burglars who were dismayed to see a white man approaching just as they were busting into Scrooge's private study?
It was okay—he was a safe cracker.
To the person who stole my place in the queue...
...I'm coming after you.
Why don't ants get sick?
They have little anty bodies.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office:
I'll find you. You have my Word ®
"I got my first job as an accountant at 22, right out of college. Suddenly, the week after I turned 30, they fired me.
13 years of loyal service to the company down the drain."
They probably fired you for being bad at math.
If you started at 22 and they fired you at 30, then you would have only have worked there for eight years.
^That's the point of the joke
^
People don't use "I" when they tell jokes, unless it happened to them personally.
You just say "an accountant", not "I".
@tucsonaz
Here's a few I love:
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
How does Moses make tea?
A guy goes to the doctor and says: “Doctor, I’m addicted to Twitter!”
Sometimes true. I think there are exceptions. It can be used as a device to trick people into thinking it's a real story, which increases the impact of the punch line when it hits.
In the case of this joke, I think first person added to the effect. I recognize that not everyone has the same way of viewing humor, though.
@JoyfulHeart
I get what you're saying, but jokes don't need to trick people to be funny.
It just doesn't make sense to use "I", unless you have a first hand account of the experience.
Example: I had no idea why people were staring at me the whole day in a weird way. When I got home I realzied my zipper was down the whole day. (Yes, this really happened to me!).
They don't NEED to, but surprise is a key element in humor, and tricking people is one way to make that happen.
I have no problem if that isn't your style of humor. There are different styles, and it does work for some people.
Well the joke wouldn't make sense to anybody that knows you. Obviously they would know what your profession is.
How were you surprised and tricked?
A better (and easier way would have been): "An account, who just turned 30 was puzzled why he was fired from his first job out of college. The account said he gave the best fifteen years of his life to that job".