Does anyone have a surrogate type relationship with someone? This could be a surrogate brother, sister, mother, father so on and so forth. I would love to hear your stories and or opinions on relationships like this.
I’m not certain I understand what the term means in this context.
I have some extra daughters, an extra niece, several extra brothers and sisters, and an unofficially adopted mom and dad (who happen to be younger than me)
They seem to happen organically, when the other person or I sense that the friendship fills a particularly close spot in the heart that feels like family in the best sense of the word.
Okay, I get it.
I’m estranged from my biological family. There is a family that adopted me into their family when I started playing music with their son. He and I no longer play music together but they still consider me family. I’m really grateful for that.
The closest I have to family nowadays is my ex's family. Its a complicated situation between me and him, in that he's still very much my best friend and we have what we both consider to be a 'platonic life partner' dynamic, which sounds odd to a lot of people, but works for us.
I have no contact with my biological family (their choice) and I miss being part of a family in some ways. I did join a Facebook page that I saw advertised on TikTok, but I haven't really clicked with anyone there yet.
I think this can be seen in a couple of different ways. Friends that become like family is one way and this is always great. I meant more people that can help fill voids of people that we may be missing in our lives.
@Morpheus are you referring to sexual or relational surrogacy? If so this may not be the forum / platform / or night for this type of convo. If not please clarify?
I didn't get the impression from anything he said that he was talking about sexual surrogacy. (I'm not even sure what that means.) I assumed he meant, as @JoyfulHeart apparently did too, that he was talking about people being adopted by or adopting people they weren't biologically related to, into their family.
Ahhh gotcha, I just wanted to clarify because when folks were talking about pseudo family or family that is non biological the OP said that he acknowledged that as one way but I didn’t know what other ways he meant?
Sexual and relational surrogacy has been offered by a couple of high profile cuddlers I’ve heard of, one of which names Janet Trevino so I didn’t know if thats the connection he was making or looking for?
If I understand correctly what he means, I have had (and still have) two such relationships. Both of them came from the days when Craigslist still had personal adds. I met both if them in their Platonic section.
The first was a 40 something year old woman named Margo. She had just discovered that her husband had been sexting with another woman. She was angry, upset, and was looking for a man's perspective in why her husband would do such a thing. Margo and I ended up becoming quite close. Eventually, we "adopted" each other. I call her Little Sis, and she calls me Big Brother. By mutual agreement, we never met, or even exchanged photos. We no longer communicate as often as we did, and she is still happily married.
My second experience was a 22 year old, black, single mother named Angel. She was estranged from her family, and was looking for a substitute father. Angel was a high school dropout, and was working a minimum wage job, and was living with a verbally abusive boyfriend. I took Angel and her 5 year old daughter to dinner once, and that was the only time we ever met. Over the course of several years, I was able to give her advice, and more importantly, the knowledge that her new "dad" believed in her. Angel turned out to be quite bright. she obtained her G.E.D., and has been taking college courses part time. She has a better job, and her own apartment.
I don't remember the details, but in the course of many conversations, I accidentally managed to let each of them know about the other. Both of them then wanted to talk to the other. I resisted, but eventually let them get in touch. Fortunately, that worked out quite well.Angel now writes to her "Auntie" Margo.
I think that I was lucky. Either, or both of those surrogate relationships could easily have turned it a disaster. Both experiences have been very rewarding, but at times there has been some emotional strain, that was worse that just rescuing a stray puppy. I'm not sure that I would recommend the experience to anybody else.
@GreatHornedOwl that is incredible!!
Sexual surrogacy never even crossed my mind lol Some of ya’ll have dirty minds 😂
blood doesn’t make family, I have 3 surrogate siblings that I love & care more for than some of my own siblings. ♥️ 🌌
@Morpheus 🤣🤷♀️
@Nature_Lover_ 🤓
I have a surrogate world in my mind. It's infinitely better than the real world.
I have a surrogate terror. I have adopted the terror of humanity, and accepted it as my own.
No. I was very close to my in-laws when I was married, but they stopped speaking to me after the divorce.
I grew up in a very broken home. Parents separated, got back together, separated again and then finally divorced. My brothers went to live with dad. My sister and I lived with mom. My dad cared more about church then us so we didn’t get to see him much unless he came to pick us up for church related things. At church, there was a woman who was in her 50s. Her children were long gone, moved out and married. But she had one son who committed suicide. She was very broken. She ended up becoming a big sister to me when I was around 10-12. She invited me to stay over at her place. She taught me how to cook and bake. We would play Diablo 2 on her computer, watch movies, play card and boards games and have sleepovers. I felt like I had an adult who truly enjoyed my company.
In the last ten years, my mom began showing her true colors and just became a horrible person. She started treating me like a freak because I’m bisexual. She started putting herself first even if it meant my sister and I had nowhere to live. Just a garbage person. I tried to make excuses for her because I loved her but she just kept making it worse. So here in Florida, there’s an older married couple that always spends time with us and I always have people saying I look like I could be her daughter. So we started calling each other that relationship. I call her momma and she calls me daughter. It’s nice 🤗🤗
My mentor at work has served as a surrogate, not quite a father figure, kinda more like a big brother or uncle. Also my girl best friend is kind of a Sister/Daughter surrogate. I don’t have a biological sister although I do have Sisters in law that are like my real sisters.
@Sheena123 your family history sounds a lot like mine, but I don't have the surrogate family. Sometimes I wish I did.
@BuggleBear the surrogate part happened so out of the blue. Just one older lady walking up to me and saying “can I be your big sister?” Lol I was like ,”uhhhh, sure”. I didn’t realize then how much those experiences with her shaped me to be who I am. It definitely proved to me that I didn’t have to feel stuck with the family I was given. There are people out there that filled the void for me.
I’m sorry you didn’t have the same outlet as I 😔
Awesome stories thank you for sharing.
I agree, I’m really enjoying these stories and relationships
I don't have any kids of my own. However with my friends kids I turn out to be the weird surrogate aunt everybody seems to gravitate to.
And I work with a guy who's 23 years younger than me and have basically taken him in as my much younger brother from another mother.
And a lot of my women friends are like sisters to me in addition to my own sisters. We call each other sisters-in- strength. We have all been through a lot of stuff life has thrown at us and had to help each other up at various times.
For years I was told if I didn't have kids I be alone in my old age, nope, I'm building lifetime family around me cultivating close friendships of all ages.
I'm one of those people who randomly asks to adopt people (or them me). Only a couple have endured over the years, but even the short "foster-ships" have been meaningful connections and it's just time and space that has separated us. I'd swoop them all up again in a heartbeat if I could. 💓