I think there are several issues within this umbrella issue.
Fake photos - Never okay. Should be reported.
Older photos that present a image that is dramatically different from how one looks currently: -They are legit photos of the person. And since this is a platonic site and not a dating site, I would say looks should not matter that much and if they do, then I’d examine how platonic your intentions really are. That being said, we use photos to identify a person and if we meet someone in real life who we would not recognize from their photo, it does raise alarms. At the very least, it’s startling but it also can raise issues of trust because we feel deceived.
Glamour shots - Not necessarily professional but any photos where the person is using a lot of makeup, filtering their photo, etc - It should be obvious that the person doesn’t look like that most of their time in real life so to be surprised that they don’t show up like that for a cuddle session seems pretty naive. And if that matters, then I would question one’s platonic intentions.
I don’t think the OP is necessarily shaming women about their appearance, I don’t see expectations of women looking a certain way. For one thing, this goes both ways and men do the same thing including lie about their age. I think it’s about truth in advertising. Cuddling requires trust and if someone shows up looking dramatically different from the image they have presented to us then it should be understandable that can be confusing and that does not encourage trust.
An issue not mentioned is that pro cuddlers are required to have clear photos of their face as their main profile pic. A few have expressed discomfort with this for reasons of privacy and safety. I wonder if using heavy makeup & filters isn’t a way for some to obscure their identity? I don’t know.
I think this is one of those things that exists on a spectrum of how different is the real life from the image presented? And how intentional was it?
I can’t say I’ve run into that problem with other cuddlers but if someone did show up who absolutely did not look like their photo, I’d wonder what’s going on?
@KYtranspant - I love the color of your hair!
@quixotic_life I’m gonna click on your profile to see your eyes cause I’ve known your presence here for a while & im curious 🤪
edit: now I know what your eyes look like, & you have really in-depth amazing reviews 🌌
Lol ~ @cuddles_ndream ~ oki-doki.
Lol sorry I just had to look
No prob... I'm sure I get visitors for any number of reasons. Kudos to those who can make it through the 'about me' section, but I wonder how many are overwhelmed and don't think to click through the images too...
@Green_Eyes thanks! My natural color is darker blond, but after getting discarded by a covert narcissist 2 years ago I decided to go wild red and add to my tattoos.
Now working on a left arm sleeve. Dedicated to my survival and mental health.
No one is going to make me feel less than ever again. Not for my weight/looks, not for my less than stellar fashion sense, or how I choose to live my life. Nope. Once I turned 50 I have seemed to run out of fucks to give.
Although I don’t think the OP was shaming women, someone made a comment about this being a platonic site. Do any of you think it’s a negative thing for a male member to want a female cuddle partner that he finds attractive?
@Morpheus I think it's on the shallow end of things. But that's their prerogative.
When I first joined I was communicating with another member who decided I was too Blue Collar for his liking. 🙄
Whatever. I probably wouldn't have liked his personality anyway.
@Morpheus I can't see why wanting an attractive partner would be considered negative here. If that were the case there would be no need for multiple photos in various poses and body shots that show up in many profiles. It would just be one small face pic like doctors and other professionals sometimes have on their profiles. If cuddling is strictly therapy, as is often stated here, and if looks don't matter, why not just one small face pic?
@KYtranspant - you're welcome! Sorry to hear about that but I'm glad you're doing better now. Message if you ever want to chat! You're great! 🫂
@Morpheus, it depends on what you mean by “attractive.” When one thinks of the qualities that make for a good cuddle partner, where on that list lies attractiveness? The higher up on the scale that sits, the more I’d question whether someone’s intentions were completely platonic. It may not even be conscious.
Having multiple photos isn’t just about identifying the person or rating them for attractiveness, it’s one way of showing who you are. It’s another form of communication.
@Babichev such great points ! Could be a start of a great thread. What do you find attractive in people here on cuddle comfort? I find kindness the most attractive trait in any person. Just be kind. It’s not that challenging 😥. Just be kind ! KIND!!!! 😊
@Babichev in regard to my question, I meant physically attractive. I think there’s a negative connotation associated with men wanting a physically attractive partner for a platonic activity. I am going to be perfectly honest and blunt and say that if I am paying a pro, I am going to want a pro that I in some way find physically attractive. If we are talking about an enthusiast, I have different expectations. That being said, in my comment above, I did say that most pros that I have seen have been more physically attractive than their pics. What’s most important to me, however, if I am paying a pro is their ability to connect. Whatever, though, maybe I am shallow.
So this is what got my attention, I checked @cuddletime1234 profile and saw that he only has one karma which was left there by @Sweetcuddler82 and she says in one of her comments on the thread that she was nice enough to leave him a nice positive karma when she didn’t have to (her words) Except that the karma on @cuddletime1234 now says that he was sexually grinding on her and because she didn’t allow him to do this he went on a negative campaign against her. The karma is of course one star. So the way I understand it is she left him positive karma but once she saw this thread she went ahead and edited the karma to now accuse him of a sexual advance. The karma was left 25 minutes ago so that indicates she read this thread and went and edited the karma from positive to negative because of a sexual advance. And now @cuddletime1234 has responded to the negative karma saying that he wasn’t even talking about her, no hard feelings and he respects her opinion.
My point for this is that this goes to show that karma is a nice tool but people sometimes use it in the wrong way and in this case it seems as a way for a pro to get back at a client she perceived to be critical of her.
It's just that most women are very harshly judged if they don't check off societies predetermined boxes of acceptable and proper.
But as an enthusiast I will choose to cuddle with those I feel emotionally and physically safe with. No picture in the world can tell me that.
I've stood next to some very well-dressed, physically attractive, well-respected men and had the hairs on my arms stand up because something felt so off.
I've also felt perfectly safe sitting down next to an unhoused person sharing what I packed for lunch asking if they had a couple dollars for their next meal. They weren't dressed well, society looks down on them, and some of them didn't smell great. But I didn't feel unsafe.
Oh my goodness @cuddleversed why would you say that ? There are so many options on how this could have gone down. I noticed the client changed his pic entirely to a clear up close one ? We’re you there ? Of course not. We don’t know what happened!
When I used to see pro cuddlers from various websites my experience was that the ones I thought were the most physically attracted would tell me they were inundated with requests. The ones I did not find all that physically attractive told me they weren't getting many requests.
@cuddleversed
I can tell you now it's not unheard of for pros to leave positive karma when infact it was anything but. Hers could be retaliation or the truth. Just last week I had to tell a pro that leaving false positive karma has negative reprucusions for any pros that see that client after her. Thankfully she changed it. She openly admitted to leaving 5 star glowing karma to get the guy out of her house.
@Rezz exactly ! Exactly that reason alone. We don’t know the reason. My gosh the stuff pros deal with and I realize the stuff clients / enthusiasts deal with also. Not a perfect world . It really is sad sometimes especially when this should be such a perfect place 🤨
@Rezz and it really scares the hell out of us new enthusiasts, we hope by at least seeing a few Pros they would know what's acceptable and what's not behavior wise.
Not so much it seems.
@Rezz I think that’s true on everyone’s part. No one wants negative karma so they’re afraid to leave negative karma. At the very minimum, I hope bad behavior is reported privately to mods.
@KYtranspant
Oh hell I forgot to add enthusiasts too. It's a powerful tool that can tell the less experienced members here what to expect in terms of behavior. I mean that by the quantity of cuddles, not that enthusiasts are not experienced or good at what you do, so don't come for me guys lol
But it does happen and more frequently than most here think. I know when I first started I felt pressure to leave positive reviews for less than stellar sessions. 😔
@Rezz so how do you usually go about gauging which karmas are useful and which one's to take with a grain of salt? Do you think quantity is helpful or does it all just boil down to instinct?
@Shake49
I base my opinions on respected pros who participate in certain threads that help keep the site safe. If I'm being honest there's some here whose karma holds zero weight and actually deter me from accepting sessions from their clients.
Quantity means little to nothing to me unfortunately. You can have 100+ positive feedback, it just tells me that you showed up. It's what is said in the karma from both sides that tells me how sincere the interaction truly went. Even then I like to follow-up and make sure their opinions haven't changed , which can happen too.
No, if you look through all the comments on this thread, @cuddleversed is absolutely right. That one-star review is clearly retaliatory and should be removed.
@MountainCuddles I'd let the mods sort that out. We don't know for 100% certain it was retaliatory or truth. I don't like to speculate but I do want to address that leaving false positives for various reasons is not uncommon in the slightest just as leaving retaliation karma is not unheard of.
@Morpheus: Still depends on what you mean by "physically attractive." Do you mean it in a brain way, or in a pants way?
'Cause obviously it's nice to cuddle somebody who makes your brain go brrr, but if you're insisting that your small head's gotta feel good about them or it's not worth it, well, that's something else.
Regarding catfishing:
I'm just this side of face blind, but if someone sent me a picture of themselves the day of, wearing whatever their chosen outfit was, I think I could recognize them. That said, I (obviously) don't see any problem with them not posting such up-to-date photos on their actual profile.
As long as most people would find them recognizable, that's good enough, isn't it?
If the OP thinks that she is posting retaliatory karma, then he should report it. If what she is saying is true, then she should report it. Neither has submitted a report as of this writing. Considering her behavior on this thread, I’m suspicious. She said nothing about misbehavior, launched into a personal attack, and generally did not conduct herself professionally. That does not help one’s cause. Just sayin’.
Y'all, I have a confession to make. My profile picture's a lie. I've actually been an Oreo milkshake this entire time.