Sometimes what I want to get out, doesn't fit in.
Dear Abby,
Sometimes I see things in threads that make me want to disengage because I feel forced to witness the parts of peopling I dislike most. Please help. I want to be part of this community, but I'm not sure it's worth it sometimes.
Dear Forced to Witness,
I think the issue may lay in your perspective. It's okay to not like some of the things we see in others, our feelings serve to move us toward contemplation.
You can examine why you're bothered - perhaps the emotion is coming from something you don't like within yourself, or maybe you find it's challenging or threatening something you do like about you. Why do you suppose that is?
You could help flip the script by providing an alternative way of being as an example. 'Be the change' so to speak.
You don't need to participate in things that don't serve you. You can instead seek out what brings you joy in the community and put more of your focus there.
Finally, continue to weigh the pros and cons. Perhaps you might benefit from an extended break again... but only you know the answer(s) for you.
One should always remember that the converse is equally true—that someone is “forced” to witness your actions. Life is a box of perspectives not chocolate. Chocolate is for when you realize the converse applies to you as well and the perspective of another is not always what you intended.
@FunCartel ~ You lost me at chocolate... 🍫
The Converse
Chocolate Converse...
Converse chocolate cake
🤤 If that's what you get when you put your foot in your mouth I might have to start rethinking some things...
Fwiw ~ I pretty much started this thread because of the following thought spiral...
I just find it so annoying to see the continual whining about this site, rates, travel, distance, the lack of people here/available to connect with and whatever other thing is contributing to the reasons for why things suck for people.
If you're one of the ones who have been adding to the "my needs aren't being met"/CC complaint narrative(s), I'd like to offer a few slightly different perspectives ~ And an invitation for you to consider shifting yours....
I beleive it's people's inability to take some personal responsibility for their lot in life, and their overall attitudes, that are creating barriers to them getting what they want.
Not enough cuddlers in your area? How about putting in some effort by advertising the site on community bulletin boards, your other social media platforms, a sign in your window, etc.
Nobody responds to you? How about filling out your flippin profile!! Have you already? Then go reread it aloud and make sure it's written as if you care about how you present yourself to others. Try to sound like someone that someone else might want to engage with, so when they do sign up, they're more likely to want to stay because there are locals that seem decent. Start showing a better side of yourself through the forums. Be your best self. Be someone who uplifts others, who offers opions that don't alienate people, or try starting a thread that others may find engaging to participate in. When you come across someone who you think is a solid individual, check out their profile. Let them know what you appreciate about them. It's good practice and who knows, maybe you'll make a friend.
Not enough money? Well, lucky day! None is needed for many of us. Again, put in some effort. Do some hardcore budgetting if needed. And while you're not out blowing your money on whatever non-necessities you were before, use that time to build relationships with others. Work on being the kind of person people want to be friends with.
Not enough cuddlers of your prefered age, looks, weight, gender, etc? Maybe you're not in the right place. Nobody is supposed to use this site to find someone to marry let alone bang. If all you really want is platonic touch, try expanding the field of who you're open to touching and being touched by.
Still feeling stuck with your lack of choices? Maybe it's time to invest in yourself. Go back to school, move, get a different job, participate in activities that expose you to others ... relearn how to people. Don't fool yourself into thinking you don't have room to grow. We all do.
And remember, all that we post is able to be seen by anyone. So everytime you're about to add your thoughts on this site, be sure to consider that someone who might be thinking of meeting you could very well read it before making their decision.
I'm quite serious, if you think you've tried everything and are still left wanting for cuddles to happen through here, try more. I feel pretty confident that not one of the "poor me" people have done all of the above but feel free to try proving me wrong...
And if you'd like more suggestions, just ask. I have many more and I'm certain others here do too.
Okay all that said... Take my advice with a grain of salt. For one it tends to come off a bit salty, and for another just because I value certain attributes doesn't mean others would too.
So I'd like to add another idea to the mix.
Find someone you either respect due to forum interaction and/or someone you think you might like to cuddle with.
Look at their profile and compare it to yours.
Check out their karma and look at the profiles of those who have left comments. Again compare and think, how does your's measure up?
If you take time to think about what those you want to cuddle with are apt to respond to and cultivate that within yourself and on your profile, you'll be upping your odds of getting a response.
I'm not suggesting copying anyone, or pretending to be someone you're not, but to highlight the parts of your being that would be of value when it comes to cuddling/sharing intimate space.
And good luck! 🕊
Quite right, @quixotic_life.
I'm not special. I'm not tall or handsome or rich, but I've cuddled with five different women enthusiasts in the last month or so. One of those was a first cuddle with a woman who contacted me. I also went to a cuddle workshop (and could have gone to another) where I did some sort of cuddling activity with at least half a dozen more women.
Now that's an unusual month for me, possibly even my best ever. And it is true that I live in a place where there are some women enthusiasts. But it demonstrates that the idea that "there are no women who want to cuddle" is not true. There are.
I wrote a couple of "How to" posts based on my experiences, which I refer to from time to time. I have not once had a message from a man saying "thank you" or "I followed your advice and it sucks" or anything, which suggests that very few people ever have.
A lot of it is the energy and vibe people put off without knowing it.
Now having three regular cuddle partners I find they all have similar energy. Quiet, soft spoken, very much in tune matching energy.
And sometimes after a long week that energy is depleted. That's when sleeping curled up next to someone you can trust is restoring.
Just chatting tonight with one buddy wishing I could be wrapped up in his arms after a long social battery draining professional event tonight.
@CuddleDuncan , I agree, I feel certain that few people read your "How to" posts and it's a shame. I wish more people here understood what good advice you offer and would IMPLEMENT it.
@quixotic_life, You are so funny and so right. When I finish growing up I hope to be as articulate as you, @CuddleDuncan and some others here.
Too many people on this site want this to be easy. I would like for it to easy also, but most worthwhile things are not easy and I accept that and put forth sincere effort instead of spinning my wheels. I know this is a run-on sentence. Lol.
@CuddleDuncan ~ I know you put a lot of work into those 'tip' posts, and I've seen some positive feedback here and there but I wonder, now that it's been out there for a bit, if you might be ready for another round of editing? That perhaps if they were all streamlined and paired down to easier-to-digest chunks/bullet points, with embedded links to more info should one want it, if that might help more people access and benefit from it as a resource...
Also, I don't know that I could be considered even an 'average' reader by any real standards (the result of multiple head traumas is the gift of delayed processing when reading - sarcasm) but I'm still able to see how things connect and although I'm not proficient at editing my own writing (obviously - see next spoiler), when it comes to reviewing another's work I'm typically pretty good with a red pen.
Anyway, if you'd ever like to collaborate long-distance, and can handle a stretched-out timeline (I'm moving, going back to school and still working full time so it may be a minute), send me a PM.
@achetocuddle ~ Please give yourself more credit ~ You are plenty articulate as is and "growing up" (IMO) is hella over-rated!! Have you done any adulting lately? Because I've put in far more of it than my typical yearly average, in just the last two months alone! And I am sooo over it!!
@KYtranspant ~ I'm not at all surprised. You have such a chill and down-to-earth way about you, it makes sense you'd attract cuddlers who are on the same wavelength and who you feel safe and comfortable with. I can't imagine someone not fully respecting the space and time they get to share with you. They'd be certifiable to not.
I've read hundreds of books to allow myself to build a general world view (without even knowing what a world view actually is). The only thing I learned is life is subjective and dynamic with a ton of hyprocisy, but if you connect hyprocisy to dynamic, that's actually hyprocritical and start having to question loyalty to your own perspectives especially when and outside influence is inserting you into echo chamber to reinforce your own perspectives and narratives. And what I mean by that is if you have a conversation with a true open mind with someone, your journey might take a right instead of going straight because of a nuance. That's a lot of internal conflict if you allow it, but it's also a lot of liberation.
I know this post was about cuddling, but I think you're very introspective and analytical in the way you think and I'm happy to see that, because people are often told they think too much, but nobody can define what that actually means.
"Sometimes what I want to get out, doesn't fit in."
Now I'm going to comment on this:
F8ck it. I'm often told this. Like, often. For example and this isn't a flex, but I've been studying (loosely) ideologies and have been expanding on this idea that social media is becoming an ideology within itself. It's an original thought to me and admittingly, I haven't researched if way smarter people have been talking about this already, but I want to expand on it for myself and see where it goes and eventually compare it to what the conversation is. It's really to just exercise my brain. I have a huge circle and only a few engaged when I've brought this up the past few weeks. Fitting in is bad, getting out is good, because getting out is growth regardless of status quo. Just think, "too much."
@quixotic_life So well said!