I've heard about the "emotional labor" aspect of being a professional cuddler. Is this true for a lot of pro cuddlers (especially for women, as most pros are women), or do you find the experience relaxing and enjoyable? Also, what factors, if any, influence this? Does the client's personality affect this at all?
It can be relaxing and enjoyable. But that is usually bracketed with emotional stress and worry.
"Am I judging this client correctly?" "Will they follow the client agreement?" "Will they try to push boundaries."
I'd say I've had to say no or remind a client of the boundaries in almost every session I've had over my year plus of cuddling. Yes it's part of the job and yes they almost always respect the reminder but it still means that we can never fully relax.
I also focus on the client's needs and positions they like since it is their session. This mean sometimes we are in suboptimal position or ones we do not favor. Which is fine since it is helping the client. I always will say if something is detrimental to me but I don't mind being slightly uncomfortable during a temporary position.
We are also often required to provide advice similar to the social workings of a bar tender. This requires us to be mentally "on" rather than letting our mind quiet and relax.
So yes there is a mental and emotional labor cost doing this job. We face similar advise dilemmas as a counselor while putting our bodies in the hands of someone we may not know which causes much stress because of cautions society has ingrained in us.
There's more to it because it's not an easy black and white situation. It's a little of both. If I didn't enjoy providing the healing and relaxation to clients I wouldn't have done this for so long. But there is also a reason I will never schedule back to back sessions. I need that refresh and decompression time because there is an emotional and physical cost to each session.
@GeekCuddles Great explanation coming from the perspective of a paid cuddler. This is biggest reason I do not complain when it comes to different peoples rates for cuddling. You are not providing a commodity or consumable product. You know what your time, effort, mental readiness, and stress level, risk/reward, and physical affection is worth.
Geekcuddles hit the nail on the head sith everything in her comment.
After starting this profession I found a strong need to enjoy my time when Im not cuddling and to really charge my own happiness so that my energy rubs off on other people.
Geekcuddles and Brandi are spot on. I've also noticed, having done this for an extended stretch of time, that the best clients (here for the platonic cuddles, not pushing boundaries, least effort at the beginning, etc) turn, after a time, and end up pushing all of the boundaries.
All of the above requires special skills and for our energy/emotional strength to be at maximum. This, for me, takes intentional work every week to charge, clear, and strengthen. I will only cuddle when I know I'm at a place where my positive energy is overflowing and will spill over to the client - this is how good cuddles happen.
So you're saying 100% of clients push the boundaries of platonic into sensual?
If that's the case, then shouldn't this information be shared with all new cuddlers? To know that boundaries will inevitably be crossed versus that being the exception?
I would think it would be difficult to know whether 100% of clients push boundaries 100% of the time with 100% of all cuddlers, since 100% of cuddlers are not responding to this thread. But I wish more would. That would be useful information to have.
I can say that definitely NOT 100% of my cuddles try pushing boundaries. It does happen occasionally, but I gently remind them of the rules and that's that. I have walked out on 3 cuddles and they were more than just "pushing boundaries"! I've had every one of them banned. As an older professional cuddler, I have no problem being firm in what is acceptable and what isn't. If I don't feel safe. I'm out of there. If I feel disrespected, I'm out of there. I have 3 daughters, all the age of the younger pros on this site. I feel a responsibility to my sister cuddlers to protect them and not have them cuddle with these men that are here for more than a cuddle. I think as pros we need to keep the communication open and post real Karma to protect one another.
@PinkLipstick22: Your comments are disconcerting, they imply those men who have not pushed boundaries, well eventually...... push them all! Trust works both ways....
It's almost impossible for 100% of clients to push the boundaries so thank you @Scarlette for speaking up.
It's always good to be cautious in any situation but let's not rush to judgement with inaccurate stats and scare off potential cuddlers.
Yeah not every client for m had tested boyndries. A lot have, but I agree with Scarlett, if you are firm with boundries you should be respected. Ive also had all innapropriate occurances reported and banned.
Interesting comments and perspectives. The converse is that there are professional cuddlers who push boundaries too - I've had it happen a few times, and if I'm not into it I just say no and move on. I don't publicaly complain or ban someone I just move on - yeah, this is a man's perspective, I know.
Likewise @CarlosHunt. I've only had one cuddle session (way last year) and my boundaries were pushed more than once within one hour.
I know it's the Pro Cuddling forum but Pros and Clients both are human and neither are 100% saints. Less 'scary' threads and more encouraging threads would be aces. thumbs up emoji
Generally I have amazing cuddle clients. I've only had one that tried to push and was told to stop.
What some people don't understand is that it really does take a lot out of you sometimes. I do energy work and give calm peaceful energy during my sessions. And yes we are asked advice on all kinds of things. We are encouragers. We actually care about your wellbeing or we wouldn't do this work.
Sadly some people waste our time. Trying to get comfort out of us through texting and never booking or book only to cancel right before so we can't book someone else in that time. Some people think that this is all we do and that our time isn't worth it. We are all very nice and will chat for a bit but please respect our time.
All of those things can be exhausting.
@carloshunt... the difference is that my cuddle partners are way bigger than I am. I would be essentially helpless to protect myself against them. I want to keep testosterone in check. Let me give you a few, very true examples of why I've had people banned: 2 continously went straight for my crotch REPEATEDLY, not my butt...my crotch. 1 brought out nipples clamps. 1 came out completely nude after we just discussed the boundaries. This is "Cuddle" Comfort not Craigslist. We aren't publicly complaining, we are sharing our experiences and stories. This is a forum (that's what it's for). As far as banning, we can't ban anyone. That's for the moderators to determine. - Yeah, this is a woman's perspective, I know.
@carloshunt it is safe to say that the impact and potential for harm is much greater when a man crosses the boundaries than a woman.
It is very unsettling to hear a statement from someone that sounds like "Sooner or later, you're going to break the law. It's only a matter of time". If this was true, then it would mean that there's no point in having anyone new join. I feel that this is a rhetorical question, but could anyone give a serious/significant answer as to why anyone should sign up for this site if, in the end, they are doomed to break the rules?
I've been reading the forums on here since I joined. There are a lot of serious topics on here, and a good number of them are centered around communication. I wonder if there's a way for Cuddle partners (whether giving or receiving) to communicate with their partner when they feel that their resolve (at keeping things platonic) is weakening. Would not a discussion between the two only serve to help them both? Seems to me that either (a) they would finish the session (either early or to completion) and go their separate ways, having decided that further sessions would not be a good idea; (b) they would both come to a better understanding of themselves, working together at (and agreeing to) keeping things platonic during that and all future sessions, or (c) discover that they have a deeper appreciation for each other that they want to explore. Maybe I've seen too many romance movies, but I feel that one can never know when they will meet that "special someone". However, that being said, I feel that I must point out that there are proper ways to approach this kind of thing - and violating personal boundaries which have previously been clearly stated is not included on that list.
I have a very strong work ethic as a medical professional. The only reason I mention this is that I strongly believe that I would transfer that same sense of work ethic into a Cuddle session; I feel it would be a lot like an appointment with a doctor or a counselor. When you go to one of those appointments, you go with a preset mentality that tells you "This is what I am coming here for; I am not coming here for anything else". I have to believe that people are capable of treating Cuddle sessions the same way. Failing to do so means, to me at least, that there's no point in anyone trying to be on here for platonic sessions, which would then mean that I will never find what I seek here, and that I am only wasting my time with another hopeless dream.
@LonelyMedicProf...do not be disheartened by what you read on these forums. You are NOT wasting your time with another hopeless dream. People have their own agendas and after reading these forum posts you can get a true feel for what they are. Find a cuddle buddy that gives you exactly what you're looking for. I am also a healthcare provider and can appreciate your work ethic. I love that you are looking for a true platonic cuddle. I will be cuddling in Florida the beginning of November if you would like to schedule.
Agree with @Scarlette.
@LonelyMedicProf, since you've been the forums for a while I'm sure you've noticed the same people post with their own distinct energy - some inspiring, some neutral, some bitter. While everyone's voice is important and everyone's experiences significant, there are some energies I just don't gel with. Your profile is amazingly heartfelt and sincere and there are plenty of people on here who would match up well with you.
I've cuddled well over 100 times and only a few "broke the rules". The overwhelming majority just wanted a warm comforting cuddle the same as myself.
KEEP HOPE ALIVE!
The biggest aspect of emotional labor for me is spending TONS of time (i.e. 1 hour or more PER DAY PER GUY responding to calls and/or texts... and for weeks on end) and still have them beat around the bush in terms of wanting to make appointments (OR at that point the guys who then want appointments don't seem to want to pay).
As Bruce Lipton (one of my favorite energy speakers) says: money is energy (and lack of money can be a HUGE energy drain)! But like I've said in other posts, I am not all about the money and I truly do care about how I make others feel; so (unless someone is a total jerk), I really have trouble breaking free from the guys who are in need of a personal call / text buddy (with no intent to make an appointment OR then want one free of charge).
While I'm NOT all about the money, the reality is that I am jobless right now (and if I cannot figure out how to sustain myself soon, I will be pulling from my retirement account in about 8 weeks and at that point have only enough to pay the bills for 1-2 years if I don't find a decent source of income soon). Needless to say, most of my waking hours are devoted to getting myself back on my feet... so it is a HUGE drain on me to be replying to calls / texts of those who don't ever intend to meet (or then want to meet but without a fee).
As far as the 'emotional labor' of servicing / being around someone who might be needy is concerned, that aspect has luckily almost never been draining and actually energizes me. Now, IF the intent were to find a dating partner, then YES I am extremely impacted by the other person's energy... SO MUCH SO that it causes me to want to break free of the other person just minutes into a date in some cases if the energy / chemistry is really off!). The handful of other times in life where I've had to distance myself from friends / acquaintances (as a result of their energy being a drain) were those who turned out be extremely negative and always had something negative to say / complain about even if things were going right.
As far as the safety aspect is concerned, it DEFINITELY gives me butterflies sometimes but not to the point where I would consider it 'emotional labor'... but then again, I engage in some pretty extreme outdoor adventures that usually involve more than one moment where I'm wondering if I'll get back in one piece!