Sexual Orientation

Merida001Merida001
in General

Hi!
So when I signed up for this site all curious to try this idea out, the site made it VERY CLEAR to me that it’s all platonic companionship, and nothing romantic nor sexual. I like that idea.
…..so……..why are our sexual orientations relevant then? CC don’t just ask for them, they are a MANDATORY field. So it must be very important for some reason.

Q1: “Do you understand that everything here is platonic?”
A: “Yes.”

Q2: “Ok good! So next question, what’s your sexual orientation?”
A: “ahhh what?”

It doesn’t make sense.

This isn’t a rant post either I’m just asking out of curiosity if perhaps I’m missing something. Maybe there IS a logical explanation for it that I just haven’t thought of.

So I’m asking this question now to everyone on CC, to see if anyone can answer and help me understand,

Why are our sexual orientations asked for, displayed, and compulsory, if the whole point of this site is to avoid sex and dating and to just find platonic companionship?

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Comments

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I think they meant how you identify, but even then your point is very valid. I think only @mark can really answer that. I am sure the thought process was related to compatibility but yes, what does sexual orientation have to do with platonic cuddling?

  • Merida001Merida001

    FunCartel
    The reason they even ask at all is confusing, but what’s even MORE confusing, is that they make it a COMPULSORY question.
    I tried to skip it. As I didn’t understand why it was needed. But nope, I couldn’t, as it was mandatory.

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    I pretty much agree with you. My preference would be to cuddle with women. I don't care at al what their sexual orientation is. On the other hand, if I can see from a woman's profile that her sexual orientation is such that it makes me think that she would be less interested in cuddling with me, I might be less inclined to waste time messaging her.

    One more aspect, is the question of a transsexual woman. I'm inclined to accept her as a being woman. However, I'm not at all certain how comfortable I would be cuddling with her.

    The bottom line, is that I would not want to see that question eliminated, but I don't see why it needs to be mandatory.

  • MonkeyNeedsAHugMonkeyNeedsAHug

    Fair question. Thanks for asking.

  • john5555john5555

    I have had the exact same thought. Good comment.

  • Merida001Merida001

    GreatHornedOwl. I’ve cuddled trans woman before. Some with and some without the bottom surgery. It was nice either way. Some people don’t want to cuddle men due to the erections they may get and poke you with, as they’d find that sensation from their cuddle buddy awkward. I for one am not bothered by it. But if you don’t want to cuddle a trans woman pre-surgery for that reason, that’s fair enough. A trans woman who has has the surgery however, shouldn’t be any issue and there’s no reason not to cuddle them if your cuddle presence is for woman. 🥰

  • Cuddle_RNCuddle_RN

    The only reason I can think of is safety related, namely that women may not feel safe cuddling straight men, but might feel differently about cuddling gay men. This is pure speculation on my part, and as with everything else online, people can just lie to skirt other's precautions.

  • Connecticut1977Connecticut1977

    Good ideas and responses here. This is an interesting post!!! I am very very open to cuddling women; men and trans. It matters NOT to me of others orientation.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I know of one person who said she won’t cuddle women under any circumstance, another woman who won’t cuddle gay men and one guy who once proclaimed on the forum he wouldn’t cuddle women because they find him too irresistible. There are so many reasons by different people that I wouldn’t generalize why or who someone else prefers to cuddle.

    I will say this-I do think most people on here lie about something. Just seems to be a thing on this site and the internet in general.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @FunCartel I knew it, you're not really an airplane, are you? :o

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @SunsetSnuggles I am when my fingers are crossed behind my back!

  • [Deleted User]FectionKitty (deleted user)
    edited April 2022

    @Merida001 Even when it is platonic some people are not comfortable cuddling with the same sex, with the opposite sex or with someone who identifies as something else. It really depends on the person. I am a woman and I would feel weirded out from cuddling with other women or with those who identify as other, unless it's a gay man (meaning a real man not a woman who identifies as a man and is sexually attracted to men).

  • [Deleted User]FectionKitty (deleted user)

    @FunCartel You said, "I will say this-I do think most people on here lie about something. Just seems to be a thing on this site and the internet in general."

    You bet they do! The internet just seems to bring out the worst in everyone. You can sometimes see a person's true colours once you talk to them off site.

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles

    I can't think of any good reasons why it is asked. I personally think it should be an optional question.

  • Merida001Merida001

    I agree with you fully Jason. I for one did not want to disclose mine. But I was forced to pick one, so I picked ‘asexual’ as it was the plainest option there was, but I’m not actually asexual. And my particular sexual orientation is more unusual and lesser known. It wasn’t even listed. It didn’t even have ‘other, please specify.’ As an option. So there are three problems here.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    To the OP's point: I've said before that it makes sense to pick a cuddle buddy you're not going to be sexually attracted to (and who isn't going to be sexually attracted to you). Looked at like that, the "you must list your sexual orientation" requirement seems sensible.

    But.

    I seem to be one of the only people on the site who approaches things that way. Many people, in fact, seem to use the information specifically to pick buddies who could also be sexual partners.

    Given that, I'm with you: I don't see why it should be a required field.

    On the "confusing sex with gender" tangent:

    A trans woman is a real woman. A trans man is a real man.

    If you mean "physically female" or "physically male," you should say that—if you mean "raised with traditionally male (or female) conditioning," you should say that.

    And if you mean "I don't see trans women as women or trans men as men," well. Say it with your whole chest and take your ban with pride.

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    @Merida001 I didn't say that I wouldn't cuddle with a transsexual woman. I'm willing to give it a try. What I said, is that I don't know if I would feel fine, or if I would be uncomfortable.

  • CozyWolfyCozyWolfy

    I definitely don't think it should be mandatory.. I try not to ask my pros and I guess im kindov conflicted if it comes up cause im lgbt so on the one hand your like yaay rainbows!!!🌈 but on the other hand you might have to be more vigilant about keeping things platonic.

  • CozyWolfyCozyWolfy
    edited April 2022

    @FectionKitty
    You wrote
    (meaning a real man not a woman who identifies as a man and is sexually attracted to men).
    Your cuddle partner preference is completely valid but the wording in this is super cringe worthy. If your open to suggestions the correct terminology is cis gendered male not "real man" and instead of "woman who identifies as a man", trans man is one example of correct terminology.

  • [Deleted User]cuddlebear4U48 (deleted user)

    I find it interesting that as a married man who craves affection but gets near to none, the platonic factor has no bearing on many who refuse to cuddle with someone who is married. Is it platonic or isn't it? I've been a member for over a year and can't seem to make a connection. One can feel trapped trying to stay clear of sexual hookup sites while still being rejected on platonic cuddle sites.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    Another aside (to @CozyWolfy):

    I'm honestly puzzled as to what, exactly, @FectionKitty meant to say.

    "I am a cis woman and I would feel weirded out from cuddling with other women or with those who identify as other, unless it's a gay cis man" is not less confusing than the original! Do gay cis men identify as other?

    ...Wait.

    "I am a woman and I would feel weirded out from cuddling with other women or with those who identify as other, unless it's a gay man (meaning a real man not a woman who identifies as a man and is sexually attracted to men)."

    Could this—no. Please say it doesn't mean this:

    "I am a cis woman and I would feel weirded out from cuddling with other female-bodied people, or with anyone who isn't cis, unless they're a straight trans woman (who is, as we all know, really a gay man)."

    I mean. Just say you only want to cuddle cis men or straight trans women. That's a completely valid preference!

  • Merida001Merida001

    Can this PLEASE not turn into a transgenderism debate? I didn’t start this thread to debate transgenderism. Although we’re all entitled to our opinion on the subject, every time the debate comes up ANYWHERE on the internet, it gets all heated and silly. And it wasn’t what the thread was for anyway. And I’m not on either side of the debate.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @cuddlebear4U48 For me it would depend entirely on whether your significant other is aware and okay with it. Platonic or not, it's still physical and emotional and I think a spouse (or in my case, a boyfriend) deserves to know and consent or not.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • CozyWolfyCozyWolfy
    edited April 2022

    Its not a debate. Its speaking out against hate speech in a polight way, and if people stoped being transphobic in these forums it would stop coming up. I know a lot of wonderful trans people who have to deal with this continuously and I see how it affects them and im tired of ignoring it.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    Agreed. Speaking out against disrespect is not asking for a debate: it's asking for respect.

  • Merida001Merida001

    Well idc how you saw it, because I saw a debate beginning.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    Would you rather have cruelty (whether purposeful or accidental) go unaddressed?

    Debates are unpleasant. Allowing an attack against the very core of who a person is to stand unopposed... I think that's worse.

    I'd rather risk the one than let the other pass.

  • Merida001Merida001

    Oh brother… now we ARE having a debate. 🤦🏼‍♀️

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    I—what? We are?

    What are we debating? Not whether trans men are real men (you don't take a side there). Not whether there was about to be a debate on that subject (I agree that one might have started).

    And surely not whether it's good to let attacks on the trans community stand, or whether "trans men are women pretending to be men" is an attack. No. Surely we're not debating that.

    So what are we debating?

  • Merida001Merida001

    We are debating on weather or not we are debating.

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