Trouble receiving cuddles?

Smiling_shadowSmiling_shadow
in General

Hello. I guess I just have a question and seeking advice on the issue. I have been considering contacting a pro cuddler here. I moved to a new state and haven't had human interaction in like 5 months now lol. All I want is a cuddle session for an agreed upon allotted time. But I am wired to only give. I am very bad at taking, even if I need it. If I am the cuddler, no problems. But to receive cuddles I think I would feel guilty or selfish and only think of how the other person is feeling. Which would kind of defeat the purpose of paying a pro cuddler. I think paying for cuddles would help make it easier to accept cuddles, but I don't know. Has anyone dealt with these feelings before? If so, is there a way to flip a switch and turn it off? Lol. Thank you for your time and any advice is welcome!

Comments

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @Smiling_shadow I hear you. Learning to take is an ongoing work in progress with me. I have a compulsion that the other MUST be having a good time or enjoying their time with me. It is hard to just be. But the good news is if you communicate this to your cuddle pro most will understand and help you. One of the best ones at doing that is an enthusiast I absolutely adore. She chastises me when I fail to relax in a very loving way—it is effective for me.

  • Smiling_shadowSmiling_shadow

    That is very encouraging, thank you for your comment.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    You are welcome.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @Smiling_shadow I think that is a very good reason for you to seek out a pro cuddler , as a decent one will be understanding of this as they are there to help you with your needs. Just let them know that it's a struggle for you and I'm sure they will be able to help you work through it . Otherwise there is nothing wrong with giving as well as taking. An equally split cuddle may be the best route as you would get the best of both worlds . That's actually what I prefer in my personal experiences, as im not very good at being the only one receiving .

  • Nature_Lover_Nature_Lover_

    @Smiling_shadow kudos to you on being actionable in your self care! You are definitely doing a lot right so far. 😊 I hope you find someone amazing to cuddle and connect with!

    As a paid cuddler I have many clients who prefer to give through out our sessions. While I love to give and receive cuddles, light scratches, to play with hair, listen ect - an ideal session for some would entail them holding me, listening to me, playing with mh hair ect. With your preference being to give affection and cuddles I am sure any enthusiast or paid cuddler would melt in your arms. However if your desire is to work towards a more balanced exchange or perhaps works into being more comfortable reviving that is definitely a goal that can be accomplished within sessions as well.

    Either way, best of luck to you!

    Emily

  • Smiling_shadowSmiling_shadow

    @pmvines Thank you for that advice. That might be the best option for me. I didn't even consider half and half. Thank you!

  • Smiling_shadowSmiling_shadow

    @Nature_Lover_ That makes sense. Thank you for your perspective as a pro cuddler! That is very encouraging to hear, thank you for that. Best of luck to you also and thank you again.

  • Chris04Chris04

    Wait but I believe that's very normal.
    I've seen pro cuddlers for years and every time im the thr doing the holding, the giver, the big spoon. ( either way you still getting the human touch - oxytocin)
    Off topic but. Some time back I remember I made a thread that.... A pro cuddler that I see in a regular basis should pay me. Because im the one helping her. ( though its true but I said it has a joke and some people took way to seriously that I should report her and bla bla bla. If I'm a returning client, she must be doing something right)

  • Smiling_shadowSmiling_shadow

    @Chris04 I think it can be a normal thing, but I think it should also be normal to be able to accept it in return also. Giving is also effort and work. You definitely get a benefit from giving and making others feel better. But sometimes you also need comfort and care. And that is the part I struggle with. I am always smiling and saying don't worry about me. And I deal with everything alone and try not to bother anyone with my stuff. But sometimes I think I need to allow others to care about me too, to be held rather than do the holding, to be comforted rather than do the comforting, to be listened to rather than do the listening. I think that would be a healthy thing, but it's something I struggle with.

    I am sorry they misunderstood your context. Yeah lol, if you are a returning client then you are probably getting the things you want out of it.

    Thank you for your message.

  • TouchmesoftlyTouchmesoftly

    I am an enthusiast and it gives me joy to know the sighs of stress being released or hums of a feel good feeling are because of me. When I know the tight embrace/hug, soothing caress, or light massage is healing and satisfying for my platonic cuddle buddy it makes me feel good to know I’m doing a good job. Im not saying I don’t enjoy such attention but I do need to give it and enjoy it. That is my default so @Smiling_shadow if you were to cuddle someone like me have a clear conversation about what you want. There is nothing wrong with always wanting to be the giver. If there are moments you want to be on the receiving end it’s ok to say so and then go right back to your norm. Little bit at time because your trying to get use to something that is not your norm but want to change.

    @FunCartel LOL I have done that … felt that my cuddle buddy is not an absolute puddle while cuddling and kindly remind them to relax when we are in positions like Come To Papa, Breakfast In Bed, or 9:30pm.
    Sometimes it’s a matter of being specific like telling them to move their arm that is propping them up cause I can handle all your weight. ☺️ Couple of times I had to take my feet to push on their knees so their legs come from underneath them so they are just laying down in a resting position. Then I’m wrapping them up to gently squeeze them like a hug to assure them I’m good and they finally relax. Sometimes my cuddle buddy does not move from a now uncomfortable position just because I look comfortable. If he is uncomfortable then so will I be because it is a shared experience that both must enjoy for the session to go well so I have him adjust then we are a happy bowl of mush. At least that is how I personally feel. Oh and the whole syncing of our breaths really helps if that is not already happening organically.

  • Chris04Chris04

    @Smiling_shadow
    You know... hum... I got to say, you actually %100 right.
    Till certain point im on the same boat. I grew up with no attention no affection no love. To see a pro cuddler and me being the taker I just can't.
    And it really sucks that the one perfect pro cuddler that know exactly what to do and ill accept been the taker she raised her price so much I can't afford it 😢.
    ( no offense to the other pro cuddlers. But she's literally an Actual truly pro cuddler. Something I love so much about her)

  • Smiling_shadowSmiling_shadow

    @Touchmesoftly That is solid advice. Maybe take it in steps as much as comfortable to get used to something new. Thank you for that.

  • Smiling_shadowSmiling_shadow

    @Chris04 Growing up that way must have been hard. I am sorry. It's not an easy thing to undo the past. Maybe that's something you can work on too, like I'm trying to do.
    I hope things work out for you.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @Smiling_shadow said, "I am always smiling and saying don't worry about me. And I deal with everything alone and try not to bother anyone with my stuff. But sometimes I think I need to allow others to care about me too, to be held rather than do the holding, to be comforted rather than do the comforting, to be listened to rather than do the listening."

    Yes, yes, yes, yes. This is not you just being a natural giver. I hear you loud and clear, this is not natural, it's learned, and it's due to feeling that you do not deserve the care and comfort, that you are only worthy of giving, that you should not need comfort, that you must be strong. You are recognizing that those are lies; listen to that small voice and allow yourself to let someone nurture that vulnerable and neglected part of you. You do deserve it, you are worthy, and it is okay. Men need nurturing, and while it's a wonderful thing to be the nurturer and get pleasure from that, don't let it stop you from finding someone who can help break these thought patterns and take care of you the way you deserve.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • [Deleted User]cuddlestogive (deleted user)

    A lot of good advice here. Whether you choose to cuddle a pro, or find an enthusiast to cuddle with, just be sure to let them know. Like you, I'm a giver and have trouble receiving. It takes some time to make that adjustment, but it can be done. Good communication is key. I wish you the best of luck!

  • Smiling_shadowSmiling_shadow

    @SunsetSnuggles That is definitely something that exists in me and could definitely be the birthplace of my trouble in this area. Thank you for your kind words, encouragement, and insight. Take care!

  • Smiling_shadowSmiling_shadow

    @cuddlestogive There has definitely been some good advice here. Thank you for yours too. Patience is important with change. And it totally makes sense that communication is key. It's such a simple thing, but I hadn't considered it before the responses to this post. Also thank you for giving hope that it can be done. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors as well! Thank you again!

  • CozyWolfyCozyWolfy

    Iv been working on receiving touch and love hair tussles!! Some of my favorite cuddles are half spoon and honeymoon where both are equal and that makes it easier.. I dont think there's anything wrong with being a giver and given time and the steady feeling of safety helps being comfortable with receiving touch.

  • Smiling_shadowSmiling_shadow

    @CozyWolfy Ooo I will have to google those! I didn't know there were equal ones. Thank you! That is also a good point, "feeling of safety". That is not something I find very often. Maybe that is part of why it's hard to receive because it is safer to give. Hmm. Thank you for giving me something to google and something to think about!

  • KozyKimKozyKim

    @Smiling_shadow i’m sure someone has already mentioned this is a thread. What I always say to people if it gives you so much pleasure to give in the cuddle, then you should allow someone else that pleasure to cuddle you. But I think really good cuddling is both getting at the same time. But there are periods when someone should just lay there and receive and vice a versa.

    Just like people that like to give gifts. Sometimes they have a hard time receiving them. But if brings you so much joy to give it then you should allow the other person to have their joy in giving you something. Some of my favorite hugs are when I really need one and I can just put my arms down to the side and let someone hug me. It’s nice that you’re a giver though that’s very important in Cuddling. I hope you find the right balance.
    Happy Cuddles to you🤗🤗

  • KozyKimKozyKim

    @CozyWolfy I agree with you so much. There are some really really intuitive amazing thinkers on this site. It’s so nice I’m sure every angle was covered. I think hiring a pro is a good way to go they will definitely make you feel safe.

  • Smiling_shadowSmiling_shadow

    @KozyKim That is a very good point. I actually had a friend once who would do nice things and I would turn them down and they would say "Don't take this joy from me", implying not letting them do the nice thing would actually take away their joy of giving it. Who could say no to that? lol. Thank you for bringing up that point and giving me more to consider. Thank you. Happy Cuddles to you too lol.

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