Cuddling Session Video - Thoughts?

Comments

• SunsetSnuggles

  April 2022

  • What is your gut reaction to this video? Does it make you want to be cuddled...or do the cuddling?

  Watching this video majorly activated my maternal instinct and I wanted to cuddle and hold and protect this man so much!!! Whether he (or anyone like him) cuddled me back would be irrelevant; the thought of giving care and love to someone who has been hurting or has a history like his (or different from his) makes my mama bear side come out in such a big way. Physical Touch is one of my top love languages; not simply for receiving, but absolutely for giving.

  • What do you think of Jean's approach, and would you change anything about it?

  I found the beginning of the video to move very quickly; had I been in Andre's position, I would have felt a bit overwhelmed and rushed. If I were the caregiver here, I would want to be softer, slower, and as gentle as possible. That said, I absolutely love how Jean knew exactly where the session was headed, had all the positions planned out in her mind, and kept the session flowing so seamlessly, since they didn't have much time to spend. I love how she asked permission for all of her touches, and my favorite part of her approach was that she would double-check with him if he was only agreeing to go with the flow, or if he truly wanted something. Fantastic!

  • Does this seem like a typical cuddling session, or have your experiences differed quite a bit?

  I'll wait to hear your responses to this, as I have yet to do a cuddling session with a Pro or fellow enthusiast. Of course this is very different from my cuddles with my boyfriend, as we just naturally snuggle up and we already know what the other is comfortable with.

  Thanks, everyone!

  ~ Sunset Snuggles
• pianomann (deleted user)

  April 2022 edited April 2022

  Good questions @SunsetSnuggles, as I'm also new to this and wonder the same things.
• Mela_B

  April 2022 edited April 2022

  I was trained with Cuddle Sanctuary, and I love that one of the things that Jean stresses is that you get to decide what your practice is like. I do find that my sessions go a little similarly, although I'm a little bit less chatty. I do talk, but it's way less questions/comments about the experience/position/session, and I don't ask or refer to every position change. My sessions tend to have an introductory period with chatting, and eventually a wonderful relaxing, comfortable silence, peppered with the occasional joke or giggle.

  Of note, you said you'd move more slowly because you would feel overwhelmed, but everyone is different, so the pace is always adjusted per client's comfort level. Some people are extroverted and easy to be comfortable with, and some are not. I move at whatever pace is needed.

  I also feel that my training with Cuddle Sanctuary lends me a great deal of confidence in successfully directing sessions, making sure that people are comfortable and their needs are tended to.

  But of course at the end of the day, we are all different people, and I have my own personality, so although there is a general tone here that is familiar, all sessions vary. 😊
• CuddleWho

  April 2022

  Interesting. I have sometimes wondered what other people's cuddle sessions look like, so this was neat to see.

  Personally this is not the type of session I like at all, although I can see how it would be great for some people. IME the large majority of pro cuddlers don't conduct sessions this way, and when they do I try to shift them in another direction.

  I have minimal interest in actually discussing cuddling itself or the session itself with the cuddler. Of course we can discuss positions or other things we'd like, but I feel there's not actually that much to say about it: just do it. I am not interested in treating cuddling as therapy. For me the point of a cuddle session is to spend social time with a woman while being physically close with her. I want to talk about things that are actually interesting.

  I (the client) generally lead the session and am much less passive about it than this client.

  I'm also really not into the idea of asking permission for every little touch. With some people that's probably a good idea, in particular people with some kind of trauma around touch. But for emotionally healthy people, this is actually a really bizarre and unnatural way to interact. I do occasionally ask for permission for something if I have a doubt - for instance sometimes I ask if she minds if I touch her hair. But we both know we're here to cuddle, it's safe to assume a wide range of nonsexual touch is going to be fine. And if it tuns out I misread you and manage to do something you don't want, just tell me and I'll stop. This is how healthy adults manage issues around consent, not by seeking explicit verbal permission for every little touch.

  As far as the speed - this seems very slow to me. IME all pro cuddlers are ready to cuddle up close as soon as they walk in the door, which works fine for me too, although sometimes I slow it down just a bit as it can be nice to start the conversation while we can look each other in the eye.
• Moxytocin (deleted user)

  April 2022

  The speed of this session, for me, refers to how quickly they moved through positions. I feel like there wasn't much of a chance for the client to relax into a position but this could just be because this was a demo video and she wanted to show a variety of things.

  As far as consent at every step, I agree it's overkill for most. So in the beginning, it's helpful to have a discussion where the pro asks if the client would like to practice asking for/being asked for consent throughout the session or if they would like to start with blanket consent.

  Then the pro would ask if there are any areas the client doesn't like touched (besides the obvious areas) and any positions they're not a fan of. Pro states her boundaries as well ("besides the bathing suit areas, I don't like to have my face touched" for example). So blanket consent would start off with anything except these areas.

  Then really just cuddle. Ask for touch or position changes when you want a change or get uncomfortable in a position, but mostly just start and be prepared to say "remember, my boundary was that I don't like my face touched" if they forget and touch you in the wrong place, or "I didn't think of it before, but I really don't like people to touch my hair", or when asked a question, you can just say no thanks.

  Jean's demo, if this is a typical session, is far too clinical in my opinion.
• Heatherrrr

  April 2022

  Far too clinical! Most of my clients would like to talk about their lives and things that interest them. They wouldn't want me asking all those questions about the cuddling itself. I do frequently ask if they are comfortable/uncomfortable to ensure no tingly limbs lol. I base cuddle positions and speed on my clients wants and needs. We communicate but the main focus isn't talking about cuddling. The main focus is getting to know each other and making the session enjoyable for my client in a healthy platonic way. I'm sure there is a market for this type of cuddling just as much as there is a market for my more laid back style.
• TheFunCartel

  April 2022

  @Heatherrrr 💯. When someone has in their profile they have been trained at Cuddle Sanctuary or anywhere else I pass them by. Why? Because in the past I have found these people to be too CLINICAL. I don’t care what your training is as a cuddler. Either you are good at it or not, and I found nothing special with the trained cuddlers. Cuddling is never cookie cutter.

  With that being said, the best cuddlers are instinctual. They know when to listen, when to be silent, the firmness of a hug, etc. I tell the people I cuddle when we start what I like and it’s never really the same. I have times when I just tell them “It’s been a long day. I turn myself completely over to you, I just need to relax.” A good cuddler would ask “what relaxes you?” A couple of the “trained” cuddlers didn’t ask, one just laid there unless I took the initiative to change positions, and another kept doing things that I said I didn’t like but she kept insisting that it was wonderful because she learned it through her training. Another trained cuddler kept explaining the benefits of each cuddle position ad nauseum and I kept thinking that I will never get those benefits because she wouldn’t stop talking.

  One of the better pros I had was not formally trained and she apologized up front that she considered some of the training but life got in the way. But she said she listens and does her best. I told her all of this was why I scheduled with her and she turned out to be fantastic. I still see her and she still has no training because she now has too many clients.
• RishiK

  April 2022

  Hi everyone I am in this site from
  Past two years now no one responded for my messages nor an individual or a pro is that something wrong with my profile
  Just got two members as a friend request
  Never got a chance to cuddle
  like to get some suggestions.
• RadiantHugs Mod

  April 2022 edited April 2022

  It's a demo session recorded for training purposes. It's modelling many of the techniques the training teaches, so it indeed, appears clinical. A real session will almost never look like that unless a client comes in with an extreme case of touch related trauma (which there are some cases). The training covers skills and techniques, it doesn't insist that any specific session protocol must be followed. Most of the time the intake call gives a lot of information to the therapist about how a first session would go, and it's almost always much more natural and far less scripted than this might make it appear.
• RadiantHugs Mod

  April 2022 edited April 2022

  @RishiK have you thought about adding a few words of description to your profile? That is the place to showcase your personality, who you are, what brings you here, etc. It takes effort to write a few sentences, and sends a signal that one is at least serious about this. I know I rarely contact anyone who doesn't have any writeup on their profile, I figure they are just kicking tires, probably won't respond back, or will almost always flake out if they do. I just don't want to waste time or mental energy on them.

  I'm not in the business of recommending or not recommending pros, but if I do it's likely going to be based on their posts and participation on this forum. To that extent, I want to give a shout out to @Hellena. She is in your area, and recently posted on here about why she got into this and about her desire to make pro cuddling more accessible; I'd certainly reach out to her!
• Zundar (deleted user)

  April 2022

  I think the video does a good job of highlighting solid communication, and the therapeutic aspects of cuddling. My gut reaction is a bit mixed but overall positive.

  Personally hard to say for a difference in approach as have no experience as a professional cuddler.
• perignon

  April 2022

  Wow, I suffer from the same as this gentleman, and she was very comforting and able to put him at ease! She is wonderful!
• GreatHornedOwl

  April 2022

  @RishiK - Keep in mind that I'm a man trying to look at you profile from a woman's perspective. My response, is Yes! There is a lot wrong with your profile! First, your "about me" section is completely blank. It makes me wonder if you were just too lazy to bother with it.

  I don't know why you want to cuddle, I don't know what you want in a cuddle partner. I don't know why I would want to cuddle with you, when I know virtually nothing about you. Finally, that baseball bat in your photo looks rather threatening.
• CuddleWho

  April 2022

  Yeah too clinical is a good description of what I don’t like about this session.

  I wanted to add that I agree about training overall being a negative sign - this really isn’t an activity that requires any education, and I think the training can give new pros the wrong idea. However I have had good sessions with pros with training before, so I personally would never avoid someone just because they have some kind of training.
• CuddleWho

  April 2022

  @RishiK you’ve been trying to get responses for two years, and your profile is still empty and you’re posting in random unrelated threads about it. Do things that make sense and you’ll be more likely to get a good result.
• RadiantHugs Mod

  April 2022 edited April 2022

  @FunCartel and @CuddleWho whenever a pro gets on these forums and complains about getting inappropriate requests, or about men pushing boundaries, etc. I notice that it's almost always a pro without any training who is on here because they "know how to do this." Those with training rarely complain about such things, I wonder why? Oh wait - I know why - they issue everyone a secret "cloak of invisibility" against creeps at those trainings 😂😂

  I've seen both pros with training and those without, and, of course, training doesn't make one a better cuddler, but I argue that it does make them a better pro. Bad cuddlers aren't going to make good pros just by doing the training - as only experience can build those cuddle skills.
• KozyKim

  April 2022

  I think if I was a person that had a lot of trauma and not of a lot of affection growing up I would love that cuddle session. Because she was really reaching out to the person in the session not expecting much out of him. Sometimes I think that’s helpful especially for the first session. And the great thing about more professional session like that I’m sure they go over with the person what’s to be expected and that person can tweak it a little bit more to their liking. I would actually love to take care of a person like that and really focus on them. But I agree I would probably ask less questions. But I have not had one cuddler that would want that in my cuddling profession. Everyone wants to talk for about five minutes and then get right to cuddling. But most of the time I have met them before or have had a video chat. So we feel much more comfortable when it’s time to cuddle. I would love to cuddle people that I’ve been physically or emotionally abused. I do like therapeutic cuddling but at one point I do feel like it’s important to really get close to someone. That’s where the healing Takes off
• CuddleWho

  April 2022

  @CuddlesByDeep

  as only experience can build those cuddle skills.

  Not to just be continually disagreeable but I actually don’t even agree with this part. Experience isn’t particularly valuable either. I’ve really enjoyed quite a few sessions with first timer pros.
• RadiantHugs Mod

  April 2022

  @CuddleWho when I say experience I mean experience with cuddling, not experience as to how long one has been a pro.
• TheFunCartel

  April 2022 edited April 2022

  I've seen both pros with training and those without, and, of course, training doesn't make one a better cuddler, but I argue that it does make them a better pro. Bad cuddlers aren't going to make good pros just by doing the training - as only experience can build those cuddle skills.

  That makes no sense at all. The only reason they are a pro is because I am paying them, but I expect them to be a good cuddler. That’s like a doctor who goes for recertification all the time yet is constantly sued for malpractice. It makes him a better professional doctor in that it gives him credibility in the eyes of people who desire a higher authority rubber stamping everything in their life, but it is little consolation for the patient who has an arm for a leg and a leg for an arm after a surgery with him. Results is all a client cares about, and if the results are good then I return to that cuddler.

  The best cuddler I ever had was an enthusiast because she cared and we reciprocated touch with each other—no training—just an instinctive way of connecting with someone on a personal level.

  Now I do not begrudge a pro training if they are as you said protecting themselves, but don’t tell me it makes you a better cuddler which is what I care about. In my experience, the pros and enthusiasts that I have favored had little or no training. They just knew.

  So if it helps them to run their business better, great. Just not a selling point for me. Case in point, there was a pro that I used to see that was meh, but she was better than most in an area that lacked good pros. She received training, raised her prices and said she did it because now she has a certificate now, yet her sessions became worse as they morphed into highly clinical cold sessions with a verbal play-by-play telling me the benefits of a session that left me bored because it felt scripted. I no longer see her. She wanted to know why and I told her that I felt no connection because it just seemed like she was more impressed with her knowledge than me as a person.

  This is not to disparage pros. I have some fantastic pros I see. I am referring to the training and if it makes for a better experience. I am in the camp that if you were not good at cuddling before training, that I have found training provides very little in the way of improving the client experience. That’s been my experience so I am not wrong about what I experienced and feel about it. I allow that someone else may have a different opinion on the matter.
• RadiantHugs Mod

  April 2022

  @FunCartel says: Now I do not begrudge a pro training if they are as you said protecting themselves, but don’t tell me it makes you a better cuddler which is what I care about. In my experience, the pros and enthusiasts that I have favored had little or no training. They just knew.

  Not sure that you read what I wrote, as you quote me, say it makes no sense, then proceed to make my exact point.
• xelda

  April 2022

  I appreciate how she covered different positions, techniques, ways of communicating and demonstrating enthusiastic consent. Having the skill, experience and confidence to lead those conversations is one of the things that I would absolutely expect from a professional. The thing that really distinguishes pro from enthusiast in this video, is that it is all about what the client prefers.

  There's a lot to learn here for an enthusiast also. These are all questions we can ask ourselves regarding preferences. It gives us ideas on how to speak up to ask for what we want and express boundaries. It's also a good reminder to not assume that our cuddly buddy wants what we want, or even knows what they want.

  It's not easy to go from strangers to intimate cuddles! Knowing ourselves and having the ability to navigate these conversations takes practice.
• pmvines

  April 2022

  Rigid and robotic, and I'm not a fan of seeing how many positions you can do just for the sake of it. I prefer organic fluidity
• TheFunCartel

  April 2022

  @pmvines 💯
• pmvines

  April 2022

  @FunCartel we are both of a certain age where cuddle gymnastics is likely not an option, at least my old out of shape self is !
• TheFunCartel

  April 2022

  @pmvines For me it is not so much my body, it is just sometimes I like an active cuddle and sometimes I don’t and someone that likes to run through the Cuddle Olympics every session is just on a different wavelength from me.
• pmvines

  April 2022

  @FunCartel agreed
• Mela_B

  April 2022

  Yall she literally did this because she's teaching. I don't have rave reviews because I do my sessions like that lol 😂
  Organic fluidity is exactly what's supposed to happen when people cuddle. Not that it always does.