First experience failled

LovelightLovelight
in General

Some advice needed:

Well I recently met a guy here, at first things started well... than according to me things took 'a little turn'. There a couple of things that I didn't like about our meeting. However, at the time I wasn't an outside observing like I am now so didn't think much of it well I didn't know what to think. Even now if it wasn't for the following one thing... I would have felt like giving him a chance or two so those could improve... even as far as being more upfront about it to let him know, if still no improvement on it's own.

The worst that I am really on the fence for was one thing.

As we cuddled some, he was just tabbing around his phone some. The phone was on his lap and he wasn't trying to do his own thing and by looking what's in front of me I wasn't intruding. He didn't even have wifi-data connection as he said. İs****sue: (He went to tab his broswer's search bar and there was Google and an inappropriate site.

We were talking and at first I must've reacted involuntarily though tried to remain as calm as I could. ...I thought maybe it was by mistake... Pretended not to notice. Looked elsewhere kept talking. !...Again, I was in the moment so I kinda didn't know how to react...! I rested back and look at his phone and he kept going back to the search bar for no reason. (I feel like he was hinting something), it doesn't feel right. I am a little on the fence although for the most part I am creeped out. I feel a little maybe I am overreacting. We had some good time, he says he was so happy, I guess so part of me doesn't want to disappoint him. I kinda don't know. Any feed back. :)

  1. Reject him?34 votes
    1. Yes for sure.
      73.53%
    2. Talk to him.
      23.53%
    3. I don't know.
        0.00%
    4. You're overreacting.
        2.94%
    5. Any other feed back or advice let me know. :)
        0.00%

Comments

  • CMOS17CMOS17

    It's kind of you to want to be understanding, but it sounds like he was not thinking on a platonic level while you were together. If it was clear that platonic was expected, it shouldn't be surprising to him if you politely tell him you don't think your intentions are the same and you may need to find a different cuddle buddy.

    (And if he doesn't respond to that respectfully, run for the hills!)

  • I_am_PolyloverI_am_Polylover

    Communication in any situation is always the important thing. Tell him you don't think it is appropriate, and ask why he is on that site. Base your next action depending on his response, but @IGuessImHete has some pretty good advice.
    <3 Jim

  • [Deleted User]SexyBrit (deleted user)

    Going by what you described he was trying to push the boundaries beyond platonic, but even if it was an innocent mistake it doesn't really matter. You feel uncomfortable by it and did so at time too. BOTH parties need to be comfortable and relaxed for cuddling to work.

    If you genuinely feel it was a miscommunication try talking to him about it. Tell him how it made you feel and how you didn't find it appropriate. Listen to his response and make your judgement then.

    Of course you can always share his response here and gather our opinions.

  • LovelightLovelight

    Thanks all, I am giving 1% the benefit of the doubt he doesn't remember. Otherwise, he's just playing dumb about it. Asking what I saw etc.

    So time I hit that block. He's asking what I saw... I explained. Well finally I had to more or less spell it out for him. I just don't get why some people come on here for more when there are a lot more hook up and relationship sites out there then there are platonic and cuddle sites combined. Thanks again for the advices! Most likey this is not gonna work out and when I get tired of the games I am blocking that. Yes, not everything works out.

  • vibertvibert

    You did the right thing. Probably tons of other guys here that would luv to cuddle

  • LovelightLovelight

    At last it ended in denial and weirdly. He says he wasn't watching that before he met me or after. What does it have to do with relationship?

    I said: Bye.

    I blocked.

  • I_am_PolyloverI_am_Polylover

    You might also want to report him to prevent the same thing from happening with other women.
    <3 Jim

  • [Deleted User]pdxcuddlebear (deleted user)

    Follow your gut instinct. Just say no.

  • LovelightLovelight

    Thanks everyone and Vibert!

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited November 2017

    Question...
    What good does it do to report him or anyone (since this took place in person) no evidence of misconduct in the chat here?... Does it like build a petition the more someone is reported for s certain things they get kicked out?

    By the way we have been communicating in another app even with those chats really don't prove anything. He has been blaming his "crappy keyboard" for the reason he is spelling like every other wrd wrng lik tis or so. If I am not mistaken just generally asking, this is a way for some people to avoid something right? (Can't recall exactly what).

    Example from him:
    "Or aftee or anythinv lool ehat does tgat have to do with relationships"

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod
    edited November 2017

    @Lovelight Your first paragraph says nothing specific, but it does tell us you had misgivings from the beginning. Listen to those misgivings. You don't need to give anyone the benefit of the doubt if he makes you feel any misgivings at all. He is a total stranger to you, and it is up to him to make you feel safe and secure with him. If I have any doubts whatsoever, I don't meet the guy.

    I would not have met anyone who sent me messages where he couldn't spell or wouldn't correct typos. I would not ever meet anyone again who was on his phone while cuddling. That's just immature and rude.

    You can take the advice of the members on here who have experience and report him, or you can ignore the advice that you asked for and leave yourself open for more less than satisfactory experiences.

  • CMOS17CMOS17

    You have our support! Lots of love, and hope you find someone more transparent and honest to cuddle with ❤

  • [Deleted User]chococuddles (deleted user)

    Sounds like your first experience was a success. HE failed and now you're wiser, stronger and know what you want.

    Glad you dumped this chump.

  • LovelightLovelight

    True and you're all right!
    Yes, I reported and blocked.

    I was just wondering if reporting would do any good since things went out of place in person.
    Just wondering.

    Thanks again. :)

  • SideonSideon

    I'm trying to understand. You're in the middle of cuddling and this jerk can't get off his phone? So incredibly disrespectful. Insult to injury, then he's also browsing porn sites? Then tries to downplay that it didn't have anything to do with the cuddle... ? This. All of this is why men get bad raps.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @Lovelight I am sorry that you had a negative experience. You seem like a sweet and kind person. Moving forward, you will be all the wiser from it. Unfortunately creeps are abound, even on a platonic cuddle site like this.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited November 2017

    Yes, well I wasn't so mad about him being on his phone (at least initially) that was disconnected from the internet anyways. Though I wasn't on my phone (rarely ever am no matter who I am hanging out with or for what reasons) either. Except I got a call which I told them I'll call them back. I can understand how some people can treat it less just because it's a cuddle session. The later is what creeped me. After the meeting and reflecting as an outsider, I had a talk with him about it. First he played really dumb (what was I on? etc),to the point I had to spell out for him and in the end he denied.

    Yes, I get what you're saying. We might never understand why they waste their time acting less when they can be better.

  • LovelightLovelight

    Thank you. :)

    I learned some things from it. Yes they can be everywhere. I am just the kind of person that even a stranger is meaningful unless they make themselves out to be otherwise. I respect others. It's easier to dump then to confront and talk about it. However as proved some people will just not respect your effort or care to make things work. His loss. :)

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles

    I just want to say you should feel comfortable with the person you're with. If you're not I think you're taking things too quickly or the person you're meeting up with is not for you. I think it's pretty important at least.

  • [Deleted User]SugarMagnolia (deleted user)

    You don't even owe him an explanation. If you get a weird feeling walk away! Who knows what could happen next. You only owe your loyalty to yourself.

  • WilliamDWilliamD

    The simple fact of some one not able to leave there cellphone alone would bother me. When it happen to me I feel there not wanting to relax and bonding or even enjoy a deep communication that could happen. Honestly I feel like I took time out of my life to share with some one and when there on there cellphone most of that time. It does not feel like there even there with me.

    Granted I know one can not help if once work will not leave them alone... or even family matters come up.

    But it would be nice if people warned others in there profile "they like to play on there cellphone while cuddling". Granted I do not mind cuddling with some one as they play game on the TV... Sense the scream big enough for us both to see. They just better be prepared for my back seat driving comment how they should be playing the game better. But cellphone rather hard for two people to watch.

    Sound like he was defiantly dropping hints left and right. And being in denial just makes him look worse.

    First meet is it own first impression. Of seeing if the person is the same kind of person you have been talking to online. It is very sad when you figure out you have been catfish. For you to catch some thing so early that bothers you. There bond to be some thing worse later.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited November 2017

    You're all right, thanks for the indepth response and cheers. I figure I don't, I just sometimes can't help though to try to fix or at least let them know instead of just disappearing. Sometimes I can be too nice so something I always work on. Part of it is also I wouldn't want someone to just disappearing on me with at least breaking up or giving me a chance. Well I am glad I dealt with that and thank you all! :)

  • I_am_PolyloverI_am_Polylover

    There is certainly nothing wrong with being nice. There isn't enough niceness in the world, so it is good to add to it
    <3 Jim

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