Let’s get to know each other

ChandaBearChandaBear
in General

Why is it that some ppl go directly to when are you available where your located what times are you free …what happened to hello beautiful how are you how’s your day let’s get to know each other etc pls don’t expect me to respond to any messages not asking the right or appropriate things and that is that !

Comments

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    I think it's primarily due to how the site advertises how things work here along with how the messaging is set up for pros.

    First they see...

    How it works at CuddleComfort

    Then they see...

    Your Photo

    Your_Name

    Age, Gender, Location

    Rates, Can be: Host/Guest...

    Request to Book

    then... if they scroll down...

    ... Your profile & stats

    Is it really that shocking that people aren't reading profiles, getting to know people?? I've submitted this issue to @mark and @gary before, and zero has changed. I wish they'd understand how both of these presentations impacts people on both sides of the equation... and do something about it.

    To: Mark & Gary,
    Hey guys, I'm happy to (re)submit a few free, and more accurate, rewording suggestions! If you're open to consideration, PM me.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    As a side note, "hello beautiful" is generally considered an inappropriate opening for a platonic activity (given the implications). A lot of people around here try to avoid saying things like that to a potential cuddle buddy, which could explain why you're not hearing it too often.

    Going straight to "where and how soon can we meet" isn't much of an improvement, mind....

  • quietman775quietman775
    edited May 2022

    The basic problem is that people can't know in advance how you wish to be approached.

    If you browse enough women's profiles, you'll see wildly different preferences . I've seen quite a few profiles that say, "Not here to chat. Don't waste my time. Contact me when ready to book." And so on. A guy seeing these will figure that members who are providing cuddles as a business are too harried for small talk. In my experience, he'd be right nearly 1/3 of the time.

    Then there are people who are uncomfortable with any compliments or commentary at all on their physical appearance. These people would be quite upset if someone greeted them with, "Hello, beautiful," or anything of that sort. They'd call him boorish and say he objectifies women. I've seen multiple forum threads saying how socially inept the men giving such compliments are. You, on the other hand, would value and appreciate such an approach.

    From the potential client's point of view, it's a fact that no matter what he says --- or doesn't say --- someone is going to be irritated by it. That's just life on the internet.

    I start with the same friendly, mid-length cut-and-paste greeting for everyone I approach. If I get back a long, effusive answer, I know this person likes to chat. If I get back a single, four-word sentence, I assume they want to cut to the chase. If they look at my profile and don't respond at all, I have no way of knowing why. I can't guess what she might think are "the right and appropriate" things to ask.

    IMO, the best you can do is express your preferences in the About Me section of your profile. If someone reads your profile and attempts to start a conversation in your preferred manner, it's a win/win.

  • handy_celtichandy_celtic

    Patience is key. Put them at ease, always. Read their profile thoroughly. Make small chat about their profile. Carry on meaningful conversation. Then ask if he/she would like to meet for coffee or tea. If they say no then it means NO. How hard is that?

  • HeatherrrrHeatherrrr

    Personally I like it when we cut to the chase quickly then get to know one another more afterwards. This way i know quickly if I wouldn't be available or if they live too far etc. I prefer to know that it works without extensively chatting to find out it doesn't.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles
    edited May 2022

    @ChandaBear posted: "Why is it that some ppl go directly to when are you available"
    Exactly as @quixotic_life pointed out, this is because the button clients click says "Request to Book"...unlike with enthusiasts, where the button says "Send Message". It is implied by this website that no "buttering up" is necessary for Pro's, that you simply request a time and that is all. Also, exactly as @quietman775 said, many Pro's want it this way - they're irritated by endless chats and just want to make their money without any effort outside the paid cuddle time. I think both of these reasons are highly unfortunate.

    @DaringSprinter posted: ""hello beautiful" is generally considered an inappropriate opening for a platonic activity"
    Totally agree. The second I hear this type of greeting, it's a red flag that this person wants more than something platonic.
    You posted: "Going straight to "where and how soon can we meet" isn't much of an improvement, mind...."
    With Pro's I think it's totally understandable, given the formatting of the site with the "Request to Book" button. Nothing implies that Pro's need to be shmoozed before booking, so I don't blame the potential clients for this at all. However, I get messages like this as an enthusiast, as well. It's frustrating, but I try to give them the benefit of the doubt that maybe they're new and don't yet understand the difference between Pro's and enthusiasts. I think there's just a general lack of comprehension on how things work around here, that can only be gained by hanging around the message board for awhile. It makes new users appear more rude than they probably realize.

    @quietman775 posted: "the best you can do is express your preferences in the About Me section of your profile."
    Exactly! State the most important info you want potential clients to know at the very top of your profile. You can say something like, "While I am a Pro, I still prefer to get to know you before we book; please tell me about you and let's see if we click!" at the very top.

    Very interesting thread, guys. :)

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    Going "directly to when are you available where your located what times are you free" might (and I emphasize might) be appropriate if you are addressing a pro. It is very rarely appropriate if you are addressing an enthusiast.

  • Nature_Lover_Nature_Lover_

    I am personally open to being directly asked about availability to ensure all parties are not investing time and energy into a connection that cannot happen due to inability to align our schedules. My goal is to always value and respect my cuddle buddy’s time and energy and require that they value mine as well.

    I also understand and respect that for some they may have a strong preference to converse prior to connecting to ensure we will have good connection and feel safe and comfortable with one another ect.

    Even when prior booking exchanges are brief and schedule oriented I have had some amazing experiences and cuddles! Neither prior conversations, specific greetings, or lack there of are indicators of quality of the person I get to connect with our our experience.

    I will say that the way people like to address one another or be addressed is variable and would suggest proceeding with caution when opening dialogue with commenting on someone’s physical appearance as this platform is intended to promote platonic connections and friendship based on cuddling. Many paid cuddlers and enthusiasts I’ve networked or connected with do not love to see terms such as, ‘sexy,’ ‘gorgeous,’ ect in their messages.

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    @quixotic_life I completely agree that that introduction page text about sending a message is a problem: "You send them a message but you won't need to worry about how to word it - they get it." That can be construed as any kind of message is perfectly all right, no matter how abrupt, crude or lacking in manners, which most of the women on this post have disagreed with, as well as most of the ones on the Why I Said No post [ https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/13867/why-i-said-no/p1 ] have disagreed with. I, too wrote to Mark about that, but it's clear that it's not going to be changed.

    I have yet to see on a profile or forum post made by a woman enthusiast that she doesn't want to get to know someone first before cuddling. Pros can be approached a little differently that the average enthusiast, but even they usually vet people first and ask questions before proceeding.

    @GreatHornedOwl "Going 'directly to when are you available where your located what times are you free' might (and I emphasize might) be appropriate if you are addressing a pro. It is very rarely appropriate if you are addressing an enthusiast." - I agree with this, too, which was the main subject of my Why I Said No post.

    @quietman775 is also correct that no one can know in advance how a person wishes to be approached, but if one reads the person's profile, the chances are there'll be big hints in there. And quietman775 has managed to tailor an extremely polite, respectful and intelligent approach that I cannot imagine is offensive to anyone. His first message certainly won me over! He remains a friend and one of my favorite cuddlers.

    Finally, I agree with all who have cautioned against the use of compliments, pet names or terms of endearment in a first message. While some might not mind, others will mind very much. Wait until you know that person a little better.

  • CSnMUS87CSnMUS87

    I usually start with a general friendly "Hello. How are you doing?" If it's a pro I will politely ask about availability or any other questions, but if not then of course I don't ask that. If there is a response, I will try to continue the conversation, perhaps discuss something on their profile (unless there isn't much). Sometimes these can be short conversations or sometimes they can end up being as long as a novel and take a while to write and think about.
    I just generally don't like to overwhelm someone with that on a first message, especially if I get no response.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited May 2022

    “Yo, whattup!”

    When I use that opening introduction I am supremely confident, and dispute it you may, that I have overcome any objections they may have possessed about not cuddling me. Use my line and you are well on your way to ridding yourself of unwanted females contacting you on the site. You can thank me later.

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    @FunCartel Well, you'll never get rid of me. You used that line on me before, and it was just as effective then as it is now.

  • [Deleted User]GoodRightHook (deleted user)

    Not to be too mean here, but most people here are here because they aren't very good at meeting people "out there".

    Or, for professionals, they are here to make money by providing a service for those who aren't very good at meeting people "out there".

    And, that is fine. Most people aren't very good at meeting people, or connecting with them, "out there".

    But those issues don't magically change because we change the format from face to face into text to text. Often they magnify.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @BlueIris you let the magic out of the bag! 🤣

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @GoodRightHook I don’t think that is entirely true at all. Even extroverts can be lonely and touch starved. People are people in that sense.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @GoodRightHook I think you make a really good point. True, it won't apply to everyone, but I bet it often does.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

Sign In or Register to comment.