@Morpheus Yes, relationship matters, and so does ongoing, explicit consent. They might appreciate you even more if you said something like, "Hey, I do that to you all the time, and have always assumed it's ok. Would you like me to do anything different?" The very act of inviting consent builds trust!
Even with some of my established male friends, I don't always speak up when something do/say lands a little sideways.
"Hey, I do that to you all the time, and have always assumed it's ok. Would you like me to do anything different?" The very act of inviting consent builds trust!
So much of this. 👏🙌
@xelda thank you for that. I do always try to be polite and thoughtful. I didn’t mean it quite like that, like I hear them say something annoys them and I keep doing it. Here’s an example, my closest female friend says she doesn’t like when married guys flirt with her and I say, I’m married and I flirt with you all the time. She says yea but you’re my friend and I love you and trust you. My point was more so that many things are generally more acceptable between friends than between strangers.
I’m sorry you’ve had this experience. I think a lot of it has to do with society but the majority of it falls on the individual. This is a cuddling site and I know a lot of men look at it as a dating site, but it’s not that. It’s a business and as it states in your profile you’re a professional, feeling attracted to someone is a part of the business but acting on it is not. I’ve heard of a few clients actually dating their cuddle buddies but that’s only with open communication. It’s tacky to just assume the mutual attraction is there. So boys! Grow up and use your big boy words!
To my understanding , it is best to avoid texting, phone calls, emails or even having too much of unnecessary conversations with your cuddling partners. If you wish to hire them - have polite, cordial and to-the-point dialogues to avoid strife. It's important to remember that they are also people who could potentially end up having to deal with far too much emotional weight from the interactions that take place when they are in your personal space. Just be respectful, kind and considerate towards them.
Maybe someone has already said this, but I personally love getting compliments as long as they are delivered in a way that actually seems complimentary.
In general, receiving compliments related to: Looks... is a No! Those kinds of comments all fly in the face of my perceptions of self and even on my best days would think you're full of it. Specific article(s) of clothing is... meh, I guess that's fine, more so if something l also really like. Something I've made... well, I am my own worse critic and nothing ever feels finished, but I do kind of like the positive feedback. Something I've done... is a Yes please! This is where my sweet spot of compliment acceptance is.
But I may be alone in all this...
I'm sorry so many women have that experience. As a professional cuddler, I'd like to be a man that people who have had those kinds of experiences can trust to just hold them platonically. Ultimately what I hope to see is a world in which everyone is treated with respect.
[Posting this reply belatedly to clear my forum drafts.]
My 2cents is this the bottom line your gonna get men that dont care what you look like skinny fat ugly pretty it doesnt matter to them.and you have guys that are here for platonic they dont want you other than cuddling regardless of how you look and the same can be said for the pros out there ..you have pros for cuddling and others not so .you have a lil bit of both sides so there you go
The only thing pros can do on there end is go by the karmas as well as the men or women looking to cuddle with a pro
I don't understand where anyone meets these guys.
All the overstepping, pushing boundaries on cuddling... Who are these guys?
I don't think I ever knew any guy that does these things. I don't understand these posts when I saw them online over the years either.
I'm not saying they are not real posts, but something is wrong here.
I know the OP has deactivated. I don't blame her for being disappointed. When guys compliment your looks here using similar phrasing as they would for dates you feel uncertain of their intentions and what they really want. I believe it's worse for women who are very pretty and very conventionally attractive. That's unfortunate. It's possible the guy was so carried away by the success of the their meeting that it prompted the text regarding how amazing she looked. If it were me and I really didn't want to stop looking for cuddles, I would try dressing down. I don't know if it would make any difference. I know lots of people feel the woman should not have to do that. I don't disagree. For myself, I would be curious to see if it made a difference. But part of what I get out of this site is learning or seeing how what I do or don't do can affect the experience, so I like trying different approaches.
Most of the time complementing looks is just being kind. Of course they probably mean it also.
It's just normal converstation and being friendly, like someone would say the sky looks nice today.
Maybe men do it more than women do, but usually it's just that and nothing more.
@LorraineMorgan Sorry about your experience with that guy. I wasn't going to post here based on the first few comment-pages I've read, but decided to comment in a hopeful and constructive way. I apologize for not having the time to read 100% of the comments. I've tried to group my comments by topic as a form of context. Hope it helps.
On the challenges of communication: Both sexes have always had difficulty, as a whole, communicating clearly with each other. It's a constant challenge in any relationship, at any level, whether personal or work-related, friends or more-than-friends, and yes, even relatives and in-laws! (ha) It's not always easy and there are those which we just can't end up being friends. You can't please everyone, but we can try to make the world a better place anyway.
Past Experiences: We've all had different life experiences and some of us have handled them differently. Some people open-up to communication early, even when they first meet someone. Some are more closed, reserved, bashful, or for other reasons aren't ready to open-up. Some have had bad experiences that are tough to climb out of. That's a lot of emotion to mix into a blender between strangers getting together.
Communication styles and history: Some of us are sensitive to certain situations, while others are freely and openly communicating without any concerns or wrongful intentions. Some of these people aren't aware of how openly they are communicating - some can easily put their foot in their mouth. We've all seen this at parties, work events, social affairs, family reunions, etc. And, yes, there are others who are open but have other, unwanted intentions.
Some reality: On a public site of this nature, we are certainly likely to have all of the above types of people, experiences and intentions. Some may be easily understood and communicated, some may not. It's good to be prepared, if you like, so you can more easily have smoother conversations.
Suggestion: To @LorraineMorgan (the OP), I don't remember reading the specifics of your follow-up with 'first coffee guy' you mentioned, so I apologize for that. In response to his 'you look amazing' message, you may consider providing something similar to this response (with the assumption that you are interested in cuddling with the person): "Thank you for the compliment, but I must emphasize that I am only looking for platonic cuddles. Your message could be interpreted as more than platonic. If you are still open to a strictly platonic cuddle, let me know and maybe we could meet publicly in a nearby park." The above is only an example, but it provides some safety for both party's emotions, and leaves the door open should the commitment to platonic time be respected, and provides a public venue to test it.
Please stay positive. There are many good people out there. Hope this helps. Sorry for the length, but I wanted to provide a broad perspective and a few suggestions.
@nycuddlerny
Pretty weird comment. You’re a man who cuddles women, and you’re commenting that you don’t encounter men who push boundaries when cuddling. I mean… of course you don’t? You can see what a bizarre comment that is, right?
@nycuddlerny - If you're not a woman, how do you know what women are experiencing?
I was thinking the same thing. Like, do they expect these dudes are bragging to their bros about them being jerks?
Everything in this last handful of messages makes sense and are good points. I get what @nycuddlerny is saying. It's mind boggling how many bad, ill-intentioned guys must be here. I have not had an encounter with a guy like this here or in real life. I'm realistic about how being an older woman will make my experience different and perhaps easier. But I've seen traces of these guys in several introductory PMs here that I did not answer.
It's true that sometimes people don't know their friends like they think they do. Even most unintelligent jerks are not gonna tell even their friends their bad treatment of women or anything they said or did to a woman that did not go over well. I feel like the guys I know would not treat women badly. I realize this could sound naive and may be so.
Many guys come here thinking that more than cuddling will be offered. They are met swiftly with the ban hammer, but getting rid of all of them will be like trying to stomp out an army of ants. More will keep coming.
@Mike403 Yes the insect analogy is apt.
And yes I don't know if an ant is technically an insect and I don't care.
getting rid of all of them will be like trying to stomp out an army of ants. More will keep coming.
This is like the ending of Dances With Wolves except more white people were coming.
My opinion is just that I never knew any guys that would ever do this. So I must be living in another Universe, ha. You are talking about like 1% of men probably.
It's the same thing with ordering things online and writing a review. Most of the time people only write a review if they didn't like what they ordered. But if was average or higher, you don't hear from them that often in reviews.
So mostly in a forum you would only hear about the bad things that happen. The good never gets mentioned as often. I have been online since the mid 1990s.
@nature700 ~ *"Thank you for the compliment, but I must emphasize that I am only looking for platonic cuddles. Your message could be interpreted as more than platonic. If you are still open to a strictly platonic cuddle, let me know and maybe we could meet publicly in a nearby park." The above is only an example, but it provides some safety for both party's emotions, and leaves the door open should the commitment to platonic time be respected, and provides a public venue to test it.
@nature700 ~ *"Thank you for the compliment, but I must emphasize that I am only looking for platonic cuddles. Your message could be interpreted as more than platonic. If you are still open to a strictly platonic cuddle, let me know and maybe we could meet publicly in a nearby park."
The above is only an example, but it provides some safety for both party's emotions, and leaves the door open should the commitment to platonic time be respected, and provides a public venue to test it.
I LOVE this suggestion!! 💞
@nycuddlerny - It happens enough that almost every woman has experienced it at one point. It seems like you're dismissing the concerns here by stating, "I don't know of any guy that would do that."
The bottom line, we are not robots. We are a human race who both have unique and similar feelings in our lives. We, as individuals, and as a group, equally matter in the depth of experience that is living.
El Fin.
If you cuddle enough different men, it may happen to everyone.
I'm saying I don't believe the majority of men are like that and I never met anyone that is like that in my life yet.
@nycuddlerny - Explain how you know this if you're not a woman. For all you know, somebody you know is like that and just hasn't told you.
I also think that most topics on Twitter do the same. The negative people are more vocal.
I was on a forum once where you can post anything. A general forum. Most posted about problems they had. Like with cars, computers, how to do something.
Hardly any posted about it is a great sunny day or I met this really good friend online. Those post were far fewer.
@nycuddlerny All you're going to do is p!ss off all of us women who EXPERIENCE exactly what you can't imagine happens. Stay in your lane. If you didn't know any guys push boundaries, that is not an opinion. That's ignorance.
@nycuddlerny ~ I've had the same sort doubt around females being bombarded with messages. Mainly because I can't relate to their experience. But I don't actually buy into my doubts because although it's not true for me doesn't mean it isn't true for them.
So with that, had I followed my intuition and not cuddled with this one guy, I could also be doubtful of claims. However, I'm a woman and I not only have firsthand experience with the base depravety of men in the real world, but have through a CC meet up as well.
It's curious to me how you're surprised these types of things happen, having been online as long as you have. How have you avoided such things as "rape culture", "the me too movement", "toxic masculinity", etc.?
And do you really not beleive us? All of us? Any of us?
If you really don't, then I beleive you have a lot of work to do around befriending and truly listening to the women in your life, because I have yet to meet even one who doesn't have multiple stories to tell.