@nycuddlerny - This isn't about somebody just having car troubles or the like. Being potentially assaulted is a serious matter. Hearing about peoples experiences will encourage others to be more careful.. so it should be ignored no matter how often you think it actually happens.
@nycuddlerny unfortunately the way you are speaking does sound incredibly dismissive of what women go through. Doesn’t look good. You can tell us your experiences and opinions but I find a difference between opinions that come with an understanding and opinions that come with disbelief or refusal to see the other side. By you saying over and over that you think it’s just 1% of men and that it’s not as often and you’ve never met men like that does diminish our experiences as women.
I think if you truly want to understand, change the way you’re entering this conversation. I’m willing to give a benefit of the doubt with your opinions if you’re able to open your eyes and ears to what women are saying here. Just because you haven’t experienced negativity from men does not mean it doesn’t exist. Just because you don’t hear about it often, doesn’t mean it isn’t an absolute constant in our lives. I can tell you right now that every single woman I know, including myself have been sexually assaulted, raped, cat called, groped or abused in some way at the hands of a man. That is honestly why women say “all men”. The men that actually care to understand and help truly know that the “all men” statement isn’t about them. We say “all” because until I can trust you, I won’t be able to know if you’re the millionth guy to do something inappropriate to me.
We just want men to understand. When men go straight to “I’m not a jerk”, “I’m not like that”, “it’s not all men!”, “You’re making this up” “Stop generalizing”
All I hear is “I would rather blame you women as opposed to standing up against all these men who have hurt you” trust me, something as simple as a compliment on looks is not as simple and innocent to a woman. Until you go through the same garbage and treatment we’ve been through, you will never fully understand. But when I come across men who truly want to try to understand, it means the world to me.
You know who you guys are! Thank you for caring and understanding that these issues women go through are real and require a unity in support and a desire to fight against the abuse. 🌸🌸
Everything happens but not in the amount people think.
The negative posts drown out the good post, if any, because like I have been trying to say several times on here, the people with average or good experiences do not write as often about them.
The guy who orders a computer with a bad hard drive, writes all the time online. So in a forum, it looks like that computer is garbage. But most of the people with the good hard drives don't write anything!
That is just the way the Internet is. It has been like that since I had it.
@nycuddlerny I’d like to counter that thought. I’ve been looking at reviews this past week for some things I needed. Something for my car, a special coffee mug, a comfort bigger butt seat for my bike, and a new halo light for my Skype calls. Out of all the reviews in all of those random products, only a very small percentage are bad reviews.
I think with the amount of women just in this thread alone telling you what we go through, that should be proof enough that it happens. A lot. Like, a whole lot. Too much… I feel at this point, you just don’t want to learn and understand. You have your standing and you refuse to open up to see what reality is and that saddens me.
My reality is real. I'm telling you the truth from when I was young. I never a met a guy like that or would do that.
But it was a fun converstation. I am done with it.
Good luck to everyone on cuddling
Okay. I need to stop arguing. My computer monitor is too expensive for me to be putting a fist through it.
@nycuddlerny
Having spoken to many pro cuddlers about this topic, I can assure you it's definitely not only something that comes up on the forum.
That said, I will at least throw you a bone and say that the pros I've talked to have had an incredibly varied experience. I've heard both "Every man I've ever met from the site has been decent, never had a serious problem" and "Men pushing boundaries, trying to grope me, etc, is a constant problem with the large majority of men I meet from the site" and everything in between.
I don't completely understand why cuddlers have different experiences, but I think two factors are
@Mike403 😅😅😅
@nycuddlerny ~ Well then you haven't been looking at the forums much because there are all sorts of 'good times had' threads with content to boot. I suppose if what you're looking for is an excuse to be contrary you'll find it. But it's not winning you any points and makes you look untrustworthy because you clearly don't get it.
But okay. Keep refering to women's complaints as if they are faulty merchandise reviews. (except it's not okay and is a huge piece of what perpetuates this shit. pull your head out man and look around you.)
@nycuddlerny I think you are not saying this doesn't happen, you're simply pointing out that you think the women who post about it here make it seem more frequent than it is, overall. I get where you're coming from and I don't think you're calling anyone a liar.
However, I can say that in my own family, all three generations from my grandma to my mom and her sister, and my cousins, have all been raped, molested, or sexually assaulted. I have not been, but I believe I am in the minority.
Those rapes and assaults happened by the following: Neighbor, friends of their brothers, ex-boyfriend, fiance, strangers, and step-father. Perpetrators do not look like perpetrators. They are not easily recognizable and will not admit what they've done to you, as they may not even see themselves as perpetrators.
~ Sunset Snuggles
While still emphasizing that your unwillingness to take these accounts at their word is ridiculous, I will also throw one more bone and say: I've been groped and that kind of thing by women from this site multiple times. IMO women are just as capable of ignoring others' bodily autonomy, ignoring issues of consent, reacting poorly to rejection, etc, as men are. So I find talk about "toxic masculinity" and so on mostly misses the mark. The real reason (IMO) men more often perpetrate these actions is more subtle than "there are more bad men than bad women."
People are people, there are bad and good ones. I’ve noticed I’ve been burned when I avoid my gut feeling, or overly give people benefit of doubt.
@nycuddlerny right , because if you personally dont have first hand experience with something then it cant possibly be happening and everyone is a liar , right ?
@CuddleWho sure it happens to men sometimes, however it is not nearly as widespread an issue as it is for women . That's like saying white people experience discrimination every time racism is brought up . Yes it happens, but to try to compare issues of inappropriate behavior towards men to the sexual assault and general inappropriateness of men towards women is like comparing cherries to oranges.
@pmvines
The relevance is when people start talking about causes and bring up things like "toxic masculinity," "rape culture," or, as someone put it in this thread, "the depravity of men."
I truly think some men really don’t understand how widespread of an issue this is for women. Yes, men can be sexually assaulted. No one is saying that. And yes, I’ll recognize the issue that men have in the sense that they don’t have a safe space to let out their feelings and be heard, however, that’s an issue because of toxic masculinity. Toxic masculinity does exist. The fact that some men are scared of how they eat a banana or wear pink or even cry (which is a basic feeling that everyone has when the feeling comes), is absolutely heart wrenching and is because of toxic masculinity. But I really think men don’t see how much scarier it is for women. We literally are treated like a piece of meat alllllllll the time. Not just here and there. It’s all the time. Just walking to a store in broad daylight. Anytime, anywhere.
@nycuddlerny I recommend Empathy Training. You dress in a really nice skirt and blouse, a nice red lipstick, and panty hose. You look in the mirror and say “God you look fantastic” then you rip the blouse. Realizing the violence you just did, slap your face silly and walk out.
And that’s step one. Hopefully you won’t need step two because that involves you, a female weightlifter, hand lotion of your choice, two dogs and a copy of “Silence of the Lambs”. Don’t ask.
Men and their bones... 🙄
It's really disheartening that this is even a debate and that inevitability men consistantly deflect to protect. Yes, some women may be Gropey McGropersens, but it's gonna be a rare miss who will walk up to a stanger and grab their package, or in a one on one setting won't stop when asked to. And to think there are more than a small handful of men who rationally fear the inappropriateness of women is laughable.
I could be mistaken, but I really don't think so.
I never a met a guy like that or would do that.
I am best friends with someone whose cousin was a famous serial killer. Last person you'd ever expect. Kind, well educated, great upbringing. He also enjoyed heinous crimes on the side.
Your reality is very skewed.
Yes, some women may be Gropey McGropersens, but it's gonna be a rare miss who will walk up to a stanger and grab their package
@quixotic_life You forgot the magnifying glass. “Walking up to a stranger with a magnifying glass and grabbing their package”.
I’m a stickler for details.
@CuddleWho I'm appreciating your posts. What do you think are the reasons men perpetuate these actions more often than women. I'm humbly and respectfully asking. I'm just interested in your thoughtful opinion because I feel that you could enlighten me. Sincerely, achetocuddle. P.S. I like how you word things.
The guy who orders a computer with a bad hard drive, writes all the time online. So in a forum, it looks like that computer is garbage. But most of the people with the good hard drives don't write anything! @nycuddlerny
Good point! A person is quicker to tell everyone about that bad experience they had in a restaurant Vs that great experience in the other restaurant.
@Sheena123
Toxic masculinity does exist.
Well, sure. I just think it's not as strongly related to the topic at hand as you might.
The fact that some men are scared of how they eat a banana or wear pink or even cry
I mean I have no experience with being scared of how I'm eating a banana (don't think I've ever even heard of that), or wearing pink (I mean I wouldn't feel comfortable dressing in an extremely feminine way, but it's not going to kill me to wear a bit of pink), and the only time I've felt compelled to avoid crying is because I was concerned a woman might judge me for it (but even then it's not a problem I have often, for the most part on the rare occasions I feel like crying I just do it).
@Sheena123 and @achetocuddle
Consider an average man and an average woman cuddling together. I would claim that, in general,
I think these account for the bulk of the reason men are more often responsible for these kinds of incidents. For this reason I think the big emphasis on "toxic masculinity" and focusing on mens' collective moral failing is mostly misplaced.
@achetocuddle
Thanks for your kind words, that's nice to hear. Feel free to tell me if you think I'm completely wrong about this.
@CuddleWho I agree and I thought I would. I just wanted to see if we agreed. Also you can articulate it better.
@sunnysideup - I would suggest, that in addition to there being good people and bad people, there also ignorant, or at least uninformed people.
About 40 years ago, I was an executive, and there was a cute secretary in the building. I used to give her a shoulder massage, and we exchanged some fairly mild flirting. She never told me not to, and It never occurred to me that she might not not like it. Twenty five years later, I wouldn't have dreamed of doing anything like that. Times were different.
Was I a bad person who became a good person? No. I was an uninformed person who became informed.
@achetocuddle I'll answer. Their little heads think more than their big heads.
@GreatHornedOwl Great point.
I am not formally educated, grew up very sheltered and have lived an atypical life. I don't claim to know another's experience or statistics or anything else. I appreciate my positive experience here and hope CuddleComfort will continue at least the rest of my life.
@Moxytocin True!
Anyone that knows me well knows I prefer to be primarily neutral. In spite of that, I believe testosterone is another factor. And testosterone doesn't have to be acted upon. I know this has been addressed in other threads.
@FunCartel ~ lol
🧍♀️[Ms. Gropersen's out walking] ... "doot-dee-doot-dee-doo"
🧍♂️👀 [she sees a man and approaches rapidly]
🤗🍆 [she's ready to grab]
🧐 "But... where is it?? Hrm..." 👁🔎 [she leeeans in for a closer look]
🙆♀️ "Huzzah!! There it is!!" 🤏🤏👉👉 [pinch-pinch, poke-poke]
Better??
@GreatHornedOwl excellent point. There is a lot I’m still learning about boundaries and the like, though I do try err on the side of caution.