Has anyone else noticed a pattern that the people who complain the most about women and are dismissive of their needs tend to also have the least amount of luck finding cuddle pals? Possible link ?
@pmvines Yes, it's what I call "writing one's own karma."
I wish we could all hear each other's opinions and perspectives without the claws coming out. It would be a lot more productive and well f*** we all may actually learn a thing or 2. I think that's the whole point of the forum, to connect with and to understand others better. I feel like all I learn when I read over the forum is people suck!
@SCityCuddler I agree. We all have something to learn.
@SCityCuddler point taken . Claws retracted. At the end of the day I mean no harm to anybody and could stand to be a little nicer in my approach with certain people. It's only the internet , not worth impacting blood pressure levels over after all
@JoyfulHeart We really do!
@pmvines I don't think your claws were out at all dude. You're one the more level headed posters on here. I appreciate you and so does Ziggy.
@SCityCuddler I look forward to cuddling Ziggy again soon . Wirh or without you 🤣
@pmvines 🤣
@pmvines Not sure if it was a rhetorical question but I definitely think there is a strong correlation as you suggest of men that seem most dismissive of their needs having issue cuddling with any women. I do however think that a guy on this site can earnestly and respectfully reach out to female cuddlers with no luck, depending on his area and may understandably give up after maybe a few months to a year.
@JoyfulHeart that is one way to see it . I wish people realized how much their experiences would change by simply not throwing poo at the walls
It is not throwing poo at the wall that molds their experiences, it is false expectations & the realization of actual facts …. Peoples experiences here will be way much better if they didn’t come here with expectations that enthusiastic cuddles will happen, & just truly be their genuine self … this community is soo niche that 9 times out of 10 they will connect with someone that is so out of reach to them, be it by distance or circumstance.
@cuddles_ndream I do actually agree with you about that. Managing expectations and not being angry when those expectations arent met would lead to more of a positive experience.
I do know that people get fatigued over so many complaints about non pros being too much work, and pros just want their money.
I do have a great deal of empathy for anybody who has genuine problems, however there is empathy fatigue when the same characters keep digging their heals and spinning their wheels with the same old complaints . And furthermore , women not messaging you back and sharing your eagerness about jumping into a cuddle, and being mad about the existence of pros is hardly a crisis in my book . These are not the kind of things that I can get behind supporting a pity party for.
Very well written and thoughtfulresponse, @PeopleLikeUs
I do have a great deal of empathy for anybody who has genuine problems, however there is empathy fatigue when the same characters keep digging their heals and spinning their wheels with the same old complaints . @pmvines 💯
@pmvines
On this site , if you are a guy who sticks up for women and criticizes men for being unhealthy creeps you are accused of white knighting ,
I mean... this seems to be the opposite of the truth? Seriously. Can you really look at this forum and come away thinking that the dominant narrative is against sticking up for women and against criticizing men? Really?
Has anyone else noticed a pattern that the people who complain the most about women and are dismissive of their needs tend to also have the least amount of luck finding cuddle pals?
You've said things like this repeatedly, sometimes directed straight at me, other times I just get the sense you're including me implicitly.
Personally I think women are wonderful amazing people, I have great relationships with a lot of women in my life, and I care deeply about their needs and have gone to great lengths to make them feel safe and cared for. And yet somehow you seem to think the exact opposite of me. Apparently because I think that lonely men also deserve sympathy, that men's problems are not all the fault of other men, and that women are not always perfect angels.
Thanks, @MarkBPhx - I have been sitting here reading every word but feel unable to jump in. I hate playing gatekeeper. My sense of what has helped me succeed on CC may seem like a foreign language to others. In my case, I don't see it as feasible that I could get my needs for cuddling met by paying someone. Cuddling is always in exchange for something, but for me, that something involves voluntary, free-flowing cooperation on the part of both parties. But apparently, that's not other people's sense of reality. There is a benefit to paying someone I’m sure because I do pay for massages. But with massages, somebody would have to go last, so I just pay someone. Free cuddles are just hard-wired in and as I wait and watch, I enjoy the discourse in this forum for the most part.
I haven't read all of the comments but the initial post that started this thread made me feel super sad. We're finally back to hosting group cuddles here in the Denver area and that is a really cost effective way of getting your touch needs met. You can look into Cuddle Parties in your local area, too. To attend, most are under $50 for several hours of cuddling. We charge $25 for a full consent and boundaries workshop + cuddling with others and no one is EVER turned away because they can't pay. The event is facilitated by two pros and we almost always lose money on these events, but feel deeply that touch, safe and consensual touch, should be able to be accessed by all!
It feels kind of weird jumping into this conversation four pages in, but I am a male enthusiast who has yet to cuddle with another enthusiast. I've cuddled with pros, but I too understand not always having money for cuddling every time I'm in need of connection, human touch, or feeling down about the world around me. I wouldn't, however, expect a response from every enthusiast I message nor expect anyone to ever meet.
For me, cuddling is about personal connection. If I were to be contacted by someone for the possibility of cuddling, the first thing I would ask myself, is: "Would I enjoy spending time with this person?" I don't know of a single time where I would've answered 'Yes' after a single message. 'No'? Definitely. I'd like to know a bit about someone first. Pointed out earlier (forgot who, sorry), cuddling doesn't just cost money, it also costs time. Regardless of who you are, it's an investment. (even for Pros, whom I thank for spending time with me) This is where the messaging is important. Because everyone's time is valuable, it often comes down to learning as you as you can about someone in as few messages as possible, to decide whether or not to invest any further time into whether or not you are willing to put yourself in a vulnerable position with someone you don't know --and some cuddlers get overwhelmed with messages. I don't, but I do occasionally get messages from people who see enough about me through posts or my profile, and feel inclined or curious enough to start a conversation in messages. I haven't met any local enthusiasts that way, but I've been blessed with a sense of connection through messenging, and would LOVE to cuddle with them if we were ever in the same location.
...and honestly, I feel a lot of it comes down to the energy someone puts out. I'd like to think I don't come across as someone desperate for human connection, but as someone excited to possibly make a new friend.
The weird thing for me is I have about 5-6 enthusiasts sprinkled in my karma. All but one reached out to me first for whatever reason or reasons. Maybe they wanted to cuddle the world’s largest asshole, I don’t know. But I stopped pursuing enthusiasts because it was too time consuming because of the number you have to contact to get one or two to respond, then they were invariably new and weren’t sure, or they wanted something different from me. But the ones that contacted and I clicked with we chatted for a few weeks and we cuddled and it was great. So what am I getting to in this ramble? I don’t think there is a formula to “get” anyone to cuddle other than being the best version of you and being kind to the other person. Stop trying to hunt for an enthusiast. Even then there are no guarantees. People are so similar yet vastly dissimilar all at once and that is what makes the cuddle special when you finally embrace.
@FunCartel - When I first joined, I contacted almost every enthusiast in my area. Not one responded. New people have joined since then, but I quit trying. I use up less energy making $200 doing my side hustle and contacting a pro.
@jaswbrown - I'm also late to the party. I feel this site could use a Reddit-style of handling posts and threads. It allows for better organization and more interaction.
I'm not mad at the OP. He voiced a feeling every man has felt during a low point in their life. What he needs is emotional support from some strong male friends to lean on right now.
@FunCartel I’ve followed the same route you have because the same thing happens with me too. And I’m sure it happens with a lot of people as well and we hear the frustration on the forums regarding that situation. I send ocasional messages every once in a while to enthusiasts but the amount of effort it requires and the follow up is too much in my opinion. I’ve been in some conversations in the past with enthusiasts and after a couple of months I would ask if we are gonna meet up and they would be like “I’m not sure yet” which is perfectly fine and I respect that 100% but now I pretty much only see Pro cuddlers and I’m grateful that I have the means to do that and cuddle on the regular basis.
Every once in a while you will get a surprise though. A couple of months ago an enthusiast was visiting my town, contacted me and a day later we cuddled for a few hours at her hotel room. It was a nice change of pace but something that doesn’t happen very often, if at all.
I’ve met with a few enthusiasts but no special effort was required. It just doesn’t happen often. So it does mirror what @FunCartel is saying. But I can empathize with guys that have tried for a year and hardly get any messages back. Effort on messaging a bunch of people, sending the perfect opener message, or working on my profile seemed to get me nowhere. There have been a couple compliments on my photos, but I met an enthusiast without ever exchanging photos.
If someone is a new member that I’m messaging, they’ll often seem enthusiastic, then agree to meet up (in a public place for safety), but then actually end up ghosting me after agreeing to meet up. Or they’ll say that they are overwhelmed with messages, then delete their profile.
Thanks to additional expenses it’s harder for me to book a pro among other things, so I’ve wondered as well the OP’s question.
At the end of the day, being the best version of ourselves is what we should focus on. Maybe some will notice, maybe they won’t.
@Mike403 that sounds like a much better use of time. I didn’t think of it like that, where that time could be better spent making more money.
@justjennn thanks for your efforts.
@sunnysideup I notice you, and you rock. 🤗
~ Sunset Snuggles
@cuddleversed I am with you. I had a surprise like that a couple of years ago before the pandemic—contacted by an enthusiast in town and we did an overnight. It is rare though.
I have also noticed I have become more discriminating in my choice of enthusiasts because I do not cuddle all that reach out or even hint that I might with some. Some that are on the forums I have eliminated over the years because they projected a high level of neediness, or they make sweeping negative generalizations about men, or they post so much that the radar goes off about attention seeking behavior. When I first came on board I would never have done that because wow, I am one of a vast multitude of men looking for touch. Then I realized with how picky or needy a lot of women are why should I settle? If I am being truthful with myself, I am picky and have needs too. I think this speaks to self-love. I am only going to cuddle those I like. And I realize I am not for everyone and that’s ok.
As far as those who DM and do not post in the forums or seldom if they do post, I have found them to be more interesting and I will more likely cuddle them. Why? Because they tend to communicate their interest, reveal their insecurities and needs more freely and aren’t as concerned about having their opinions or views validated or deemed correct by me. We are all imperfect beings living in a temporary shell, and I find those who just want to communicate and cuddle are the most fabulous people because they cherish time and usually have little free time. In addition, I do not understand anyone who looks to me for validation of what they think because you are asking an opinion about an opinion. I just don’t do the needy, the mentally ill or the takers unless they leave that at the door which they rarely do. And that’s because I am not a social worker or therapist—just a human like them making my way through this short life in a frothy concoction of chaos called Earth.
JMO and my experience and not intended to offend.
@SunsetSnuggles You are too kind.
@FunCartel
I had a similar experience, except I didn't actually pursue the cuddles once I received messages.
When I first joined, I contacted about as many enthusiasts as I could. Very rarely got a reply, and even when I did it went nowhere. Then I gave up on enthusiasts and focused only on pros.
And then, eventually, I started getting messages from enthusiasts. Not often, but every once in a while. And I think some of those messages probably could have led to cuddles. But by that point I had completely soured on enthusiasts. Not saying I'll absolutely never cuddle an enthusiast, but in general I'm just not interested. So I politely respond but don't pursue cuddles with them.
@cuddleversed
the amount of effort it requires and the follow up is too much in my opinion after a couple of months I would ask if we are gonna meet up and they would be like “I’m not sure yet”
the amount of effort it requires and the follow up is too much in my opinion
after a couple of months I would ask if we are gonna meet up and they would be like “I’m not sure yet”
100%. I'm not here looking for a texting buddy. One can experience something similar on dating apps. I will never understand what is the point of texting for all this time? And then there's another woman who just met me after 3 messages exchanged and we had a great time, but with the first woman we message forever and it goes in circles for weeks until eventually she disappears. What in the world is the point of that? What were you hoping to learn about me after 7 weeks of texting that you hadn't learned after 6?
A couple of months ago an enthusiast was visiting my town, contacted me and a day later we cuddled
I had a "similar but different" experience.
Much useful discussion here. Just want to second or third the thought that reality sometimes gets in the way of intimacy.