What is it like to be a female cuddle enthusiast/pro on here?

CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod
edited May 2022 in General

Hello everyone, I am new here and I was wondering what it is like to be female on here (I am asking as a man.) Is it pretty chill, or are you flooded with messages? Are people for the most part kind and understand message responses are not required, or have you had to deal with some unpleasant people expecting your attention? I want to approach this as kind and caring and respectful as I possibly can (which I assume is how most of us operate on here,) but I would also like to know any potential pitfalls I may not realize I am falling in to. Thank you for taking the time to read this ☺️

Edit: Also I apologize if my question excluded anyone that doesn’t identify strictly as female. I very much would love to hear your thoughts as well.

Comments

  • CrissyKatCrissyKat

    Fine.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    Hey! It’s so nice of you to ask feedback and want to learn how to better your responses to women 🌸 it’s a mixed bag honestly lol.

    As a pro cuddler, I get a lot of amazing and respectful messages which can range from

    hi, my name is (so and so) and I’m wondering if you’re free for a cuddle on (this date).

    To

    hello, my name is so and so and am looking for a cuddle on one of these dates. I love your profile and this part on your bio intrigued me. I chose cuddling because of (this and that). Here is my picture. Let me know how we can proceed!

    So those types of messages are awesome. It includes a lot of the main info I need and when they take time to tell me what they’re looking for while showing respect, it’s a nice feeling 🌸

    On the other hand, I get messages like “you’re sexy” “can we have sex?” “What dat mouf do” (word for word 🙄) and others who just immediately make a booking without even saying hi or checking if that date works.

    Just take a few messages back and forth describing what works best for both of you. For me, even though I’m a pro, I’m not a pizza shop you just waltz into and start ordering lol it’s an intimate time spent together so getting to know you at least a tiny bit and making sure my safety is taken into consideration goes a long way!

    Good luck !!

  • RezzRezz

    Everything @Sheena123 said.

    A little introduction can go a long way. Cold booking proposals without any context usually lead to me declining.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    Oh thank you so much. Messaging is definitely my biggest concern for myself since I want to give the best vibes I can. As for the gross messages, that’s horrible omg.

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    Hi @Charlie_Bear and welcome! It can be overwhelming at times, which is one of the reasons I don't have a picture on my profile. It seems to slow traffic down a bit, but I always give my photo to anyone I may be thinking of meeting or anyone I chat with for any length of time.

    I agree that a simple intro is a good start. Read your prospective cuddler's profile first, and you could mention something she has written on there, something you both have in common or what led you to message her in particular. Check the last log on date, as there are a lot of inactive profiles on here.

    Although this isn't a dating site, enthusiasts will want to spend some time getting to know you before committing to an in-person meet. Safety is a huge concern, and we'll need to chat with you a while in order to decide whether we feel safe with someone. For some, it may take days, some weeks, some even months. So if you're writing to enthusiasts, know that it could be a long term process.

    Good luck!

  • pmvinespmvines

    Just make sure to message back everyone who messages you lest you will be the subject of many a complaintive thread

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    It's fun. I have received some expected bad messages and a few that were astonishingly strange. Being a woman on this site is like being a woman that moved to Alaska, only better. :) Haven't had anybody be harsh with me just because they didn't get the response they wanted. I don't always respond. It's too many and if they are in Wisconsin or something I don't know why they are writing in the first place, especially if they don't want to just chat.

    It's better than dating. You're not out just because you are older. I've had the impression some younger people like to hear about the older viewpoint in general.

  • [Deleted User]KYtransplant (deleted user)

    @pmvines no. 🙂 They can complain all they like.

    Besides, I found that wonderful mute setting that limits that without having to deactivate and lose access to the forums.

    @Charlie_Bear speaking as an enthusiast some of us have very demanding and time consuming lives. We tend to keep our cuddle circles very small so it does not overwhelm us.

    But being active on the forums is a good start. I may only get a glimpse of who someone is by thier profile. But to read thier words, thoughts and how they interact with others is huge and I can learn a whole lot.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @pmvines - But reading complaints is so much fun. There's only so many happy threads I can take.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    I'm a new female enthusiast. I haven't opted to cuddle anyone yet, but have been engaging a lot on the message board and in PM with people from all over.

    It's been a 95% positive experience (people wanting to be friends even from afar, guys respecting me, etc.). The other 5% are trolls on the board, guys asking for sex, or guys from out of state whose first message is to set up a time to meet, which makes no sense.

    Overall, I've had a lovely two months here, and met some incredibly sweet souls.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • Mike403Mike403

    @SunsetSnuggles - Maybe they intend to commute to you on their Learjet.

  • SCityCuddlerSCityCuddler
    edited May 2022

    I'm a fairly new enthusiast and my experience has been pretty interesting so far.

  • Drea728Drea728

    As a pro cuddler, I get flooded with all types of normal and psychotic men. An introduction goes a long way, I ignore vague profiles and messages. At this point, I’ve heard it all ….from nice messages to inappropriate ones. Luckily, I’ve never had a bad experience with my choices. Always be respectful! Good luck 🍀

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    Thanks for your thoughts ladies. And glad you can sift through messages that make you feel safe. Also, have you ever messaged a guy first to cuddle and what qualities or signs do you look for? Thanks!

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @cylee1180 I message guys first all the time, but I'm told that's uncommon. I look to become friends, that might one day cuddle...so I see if we click, have stuff to talk about, find interest in each others' passions, etc. I also always keep an eye out for how people act here on the board...how they treat others says a lot.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    Wow lots of really helpful information, thank you so much for the kind replies so far.

    @SunsetSnuggles I believe in your previous response you described one of those pitfalls I am looking out for. I need to take much better care about how I first introduce myself. Thank you.

  • [Deleted User]KYtransplant (deleted user)

    @cylee1180 I messaged @waynewv first. Just was about seven months before he finally wandered up my way to cuddle.

    Stay on the forums. It is really how some of us get a bigger picture of who people are.

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    It's good to not act like you are going thru a drive-thru on your lunch hour :)

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    @achetocuddle haha oh gosh I will def remember that and take it to heart 😂

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    @Charlie_Bear I'm so glad to meet another member with a sense of humor. Or you didn't like what I said and you are just playing along. LOL. Just messing with ya :)

  • xeldaxelda

    I personally don't get flooded with messages, perhaps because there aren't a lot of cuddlers in my area.

    The kinds of messages I like and always respond to will include one or all of the following: a little bit of an introduction of themselves, a comment on something they related to in my profile, a comment on something they related to on something I said in the forums. This helps to start a connection and engage me.

    The kinds of first messages I find frustrating include anything that gives off an overly familiar vibe (using endearments or anything romantically suggestive), or complete non-starter messages (eg: Hi!), especially when they have nothing in their profile. Those feel like it's up to me to figure out what they are looking for or why they messaged me. I don't have the emotional bandwidth to do that for people I don't know.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    @achetocuddle hahaha definitely my sense of humor. I am pretty sure some of my messages probably came off like that so I am humbled and find that analogy hilarious 😅

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @SunsetSnuggles @KYtransplant Thanks for the feedback! :) Happy snuggles.

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    @cylee1180 I've messaged people first before. I realize there are important reasons why people sometimes don't post their pic, but I'm more likely to message someone with a pic that is decent and not sexy. The profile needs to be completely filled out, including enough words in the about me section that actually tell me something about the person. I have to feel they are genuine and know that trying something formulaic won't work.

  • [Deleted User]tranh002799 (deleted user)

    When I encounter with a “r u available” I reply anyway just so whoever that asks that question don’t [always] have to be the last one to stay in the void of a conversation.

    Then I go back to play my Pikachu game.

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    @tranh002799 Kind and amusing. Lol.

  • TheMidnightOwlTheMidnightOwl
    edited June 2022

    @Charlie_Bear

    I’ve had a lot of disappointing/meh meetups, one that was awkward AF (thank God we met in public first so we parted ways without cuddling), one that literally became criminal, and a few really good ones. The bombardment of messages happens when you’re new and for me it has died down over time. Perhaps my updated bio and stricter boundaries had something to do with it, too.

    Many (most?) of us are constantly fielding sexual advances, boundary violations, demands for our time and phone number, and little to no consideration for our needs, including the vetting process to weed out predators and creeps. It’s been frustrating, to say the least. But worth sticking around for the good peeps. It’s too bad some are too far away to meet in person.

    To be in the latter category, be kind, respectful, considerate, understanding of our safety needs/vetting process, highly boundary conscious, and a solid communicator and you’re well on your way to lots of pleasant experiences. Your profile is on point and you’re curious/teachable, so you should have no trouble!

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @achetocuddle Thanks for the well thought answer! :)

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    @TheMidnightOwl I am so sorry that you have had bad experiences. That is so heartbreaking 😰 I do love that you do not get those vibes from me based on my profile. Thank you so much for saying so.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    I'm in much the same place as other commenters, but one difference is that I respond to everyone (though I'm not flooded with messages so it's fairly easy to deal with).

    But there are a few things that influence how I might respond.

    For example, someone who takes the time to send an introduction that is friendly, thoughtful, funny, etc. will get the same in return, whereas those who send rediculousness are in for it. I mean if they can't be bothered to be real/decent, then neither will I. Instead I'll take their poor excuse for a greeting and use it as an invitation to play the, 'Who can be the most obsurd?' game (one I'll typically continue with until they give up/stop responding).

    The sad truth is though, that a lot of them aren't very good at it, so it's an easy win for me. But there is a bright side too! I get to crack myself up throughout the exchange because I think I'm frickin hilarious! And really, I only do it for my own amusement anyway, so yay! Even the worst of messages I get are still a win for me!!

    On the topic of reaching out... I've been first to contact a number of men through here [most times] after something they've said in the forums. My intention is to just be friendly, have a conversation, maybe even make a friend. To approach for any other reason would be silly since they're typically hundreds to thousands of miles away. But, lucky us, there have been a few times where the distance was bridged and a friend from far away and I did indeed get to cuddle. Another win!!

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